Okay, well first off I'm Lindsey. I was baptized at 17 in november 2008. I was a active member up until a few months before my 1 year as a member came up when I moved. I came back 3 months later and got a job and it's been an additional 5 months since then. I haven't been able to attend any church due to work at home depot and I'm going through a difficult time.
I feel like I've lost my virtue I guess. I swear, have a tattoo[in memory of a deceased friend], I smoke occasionally, I do lots an lots of things I shouldn't. I've become more and more saddened by my actions and have been begging work for Sundays off and 3denied requests later here I am. Still fighting what is right and wrong internally. I miss church and I want to go on a mission when I'm 21 but I'm also in love with a man in AZ that is a whole different set of problems...
With him everything is total perfection we want kids together and have planned our loves together bit he's too afraid to be a man and live away from his family. He's a devout Jehovahs witness and is treated like a baby literally at the age of 23. I've expressed to him that I don't see his church as true and his faith actually depresses me a little...well it does a lot...but he still is set that if we marry I MUST be JW. I can't do it. I'm sure he is the one for me. I feel it with every bone in my body and like heavenly father has sent him to me. He refuses to see any of the lds missionaries or even look at the docterine. But we have managed to have a middle ground and have the occasional scripture reading and discussion of the two printings of scripture.
Any ways, in a nutshell work is destroying my ability to stay close to heavenly father through sacrament meetings and this guy is perfect only he wants me to join his church which I can't join because I know the LDS church is true and the gospel is true.
Thank you for reading.
Any tips or advice will be welcomed.
- Lindsey H
