labellavita

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  1. So, I decided to start a blog about my ridiculous, sometimes awesome, and sometimes entertaining love life. It's totally anonymous, all names have been changed, but i'm hoping to share some insight into what really goes on inside the mind of a single LDS female while dating, and hopefully shed some light on a few things. Is there anyone on here interested in following my blog, or knows of a blogging circle that I can join? It's always more fun to share. ladysinglemomo.blogspot.com Thanks people!
  2. labellavita

    Need some direction. Help?

    I have to commend you for at least having the desire to do the right thing. I think that's pretty awesome. I'll admit, I broke up with my boyfriend last week, not only because we were struggling with wanting to keep the law of chastity and were getting too close to messing up, but for other reasons as well. He is an amazing person, but the guilt just got to me too much, and it really hurt our relationship. He's a convert and doesn't struggle with pornography, but struggles with not being sexually active anymore. He blamed himself for all of our problems, but it really does go both ways. Did you listen to that talk by Elder Oaks last conference about desires? They shape who we are. Satan can never tempt you beyond your power to resist. That's something that i've learned throughout all of this. When my desire was to be weak willed and not listen to the spirit that was warning me, I gave in. You sound like you truly want to be with this girl. Then why not make the decision today to change? Go to an addiction group, overcome this thing. And then, don't look back. Alchohol and drug addicts do it all the time, so why can't you? I promise you, that as you take any and all media out of your life, and replace it with good and uplifting things, your thoughts will change. I've noticed it in my life since I got back from my mission. The more movies I watched with sexual content, the more my thoughts gravitated towards that. You may be thinking that's pretty prudish, but maybe you can make a little goal. Like for a month. No Television, movies, or websites with sexual content. Listen to a talk or read the scriptures or a good book during that time. Get out! It's summer. Go hiking or start a hobby with this amazing ex girlfriend. As you take the initiative with your own life, I promise you you'll start to see the changes.
  3. labellavita

    Post mission rut

    I feel like i've been stuck in a rut since i've returned home from my mission 10 months ago. I feel like I was happier before my mission than I am now. I'm not sure if it's dealing with all the problems that come along with being an adult (which have literally been nonstop the last 10 months), or if i'm just super uptight and I haven't been able to let go of it. I feel like a zombie with no personality anymore. I just live to make money and make other people happy, because I don't want them to dislike me. I don't feel like I know how to have fun either. I used to love to dance, make friends, be around people, etc. It could also be that I got a boyfriend less than two months after returning home, and then we broke up last week. I don't even know if this post makes sense. Has anyone ever felt like this? Like a lame person who doesn't know how to not be lame anymore? :) I don't think it's depression. I don't feel super sad all the time. I've been depressed when things got extremely hard, but it's nothing bad like that. I just don't feel like I know who I am anymore. I feel like everyone here in Utah is fake too (I just moved here for the first time a few months ago). They all pretend to be your friend, but they're all really just looking out for themselves. Okay, i'm done venting. Does anyone get what i'm talking about? Thanks!
  4. I'm having one of those "end of the world" moments. I literally don't think i've been so depressed in my entire life. It's like I can barely move from all this pressure on me. So here's my story: I graduation from college a month ago. I had parents begging me to go home, and a boyfriend begging me to move back to the college town I had been living in. But either of those options left me with no freedom, and I would have felt like I was moving backwards. So I made the hardest decision of my life...I decided to move to the city where I accepted a job. I flew in last week, and when the plane set down, I had a panicking moment. I realized that I hadn't thought this through as well as I thought I had. I'm working in a place where the buses pass infrequently, and I didn't have a place to live. I had asked my brother and his newlywed to stay with them. My brother and I have never been close though, so I feel like i've been only a burden to them ever since i've been here. I don't have a car either. I don't have anyone to help me get a car. My Dad won't co-sign on a loan, and I don't have enough credit to get one on my own. I'm hitching a ride with my brother to work everyday, but it's expensive and it's out of the way. I hate being a burden...that's why I came here. I feel like whatever situation I touch since I came home from my mission 5 months ago turns to well...dirt. I've never felt so far from God, even though I read and pray daily. My boyfriend has been understanding, and he's the only rock I have, even though I keep hurting him because i'm so emotionally unstable. I don't have a ward either...I can't get to church unless I go with my brother. I wish it was all over. My job is great, but i'm definitely on the bottom of the heap as an intern. Nothing is going right. I don't even know why i'm really on here. I just don't feel like there's anyone I can talk to anymore. I kinda want to shut myself off from everyone. None of this is like me either...i'm the straight-A student, returned missionary, social and happy-go-lucky girl that has her head on her shoulders. But right now I feel like anything but that. It's taking everything inside of me to hold myself together and not fall apart. I don't know what to do anymore.
  5. I'm a recently returned missionary...i'm 23, and about to head off to school for my last semester before I graduate with my bachelors degree. Life after that seemed to be a big, scary, question mark, until I talked to some family members, friends, and bishop who all just told me to not fear the future, but to go out into the big world and have an adventure and find out who I am. The only problem I've come across are my parents. I got into an argument with my mom last night...the first one i've had in years. She wants me to come home after I graduate and live here. She's completely alone all day, and all 4 of my siblings live far away in different states, and they don't call very often. My parents argue often, and I just don't feel happy at home. They've also moved from my hometown to a small town where I don't know anyone and i'm not familiar with the area. I have no desire whatsoever to come back here...I feel miserable. But when I try to express my feelings to my mother, it turns into an argument. She's frustrated because her children have all left her, and they don't come home to visit or call as often as she would like. She accused me of hating her and being a selfish person..."after all that she's done for me." It's true though. My mom HAS done so much for me! I feel like a horrible person, and I don't know what to do. I want to go and live on my own, but I feel guilty for trying to start my own life and not moving back into my parent's house...like i'm abandoning them for my own selfish motives of having a fresh start. I'm honestly not sure who's right, and i'm not searching for a pity party. I just need someone to talk some sense into me and help me figure out if what i'm deciding is completely selfish, and if it isn't...how can I help my mom understand when she doesn't want to?