needingadvice

I am a female....

This may be a stupid question but Im gonna ask anyway. What exaclty counts as masturbation? If you touch your private parts and you are not thinking about sexual things or trying to stimulate sexual feelings or anything, but maybe you are just trying to get comfortable... you are itchy or your garments are bothering you and you have to adjust for no better way to describe... am I masturbating? As an endowed member is this something I need to confess even though it is not sexual touching?

I HAVE been telling him to change since my daugther was born 3 years ago. He's gotten better in some ways but is still nowhere near where he needs to be for me to trust him and have another baby with him.. I told him that and he said its my own fault and problem if I have issues trusting him. And that I just need to get over it. I am in counseling. My counselor is pushing for me to leave. The bishop/SP know everything though they haven't been helpful to me.

I've been married for 7 years, we have a 3 year old. My husband has been abusive... emotionally/verbally/economically/spiritually and he did hit me once too (it was over a year ago). He is VERY immature and selfish. He does little to help with our child who has special needs. He plays with her, only when he feels like it.. that is IT. He spends 99% of his time at work or on the computer playing games. He tells me we don't need counseling. He still goes back and forth blaming me for the abuse. He has gone to the bishop and SP but that has not helped him to take responsibility. I can't see having another child with him. I'm 29 and I feel like if I am going to hope to remarry and have more children this is a good time to do it, 5 years from now and I will just be 5 years older. I left my daughter with him a month ago to go to the temple and came home to find her asleep on the family room carpet with only a diaper on (it was in the 30s outside.. probably 68 inside but still too cold to wear nothing... he siad it was too hard to change her clothes (she threw a fit)) and he had "forgotten" to give her dinner. He also frequently "forgets" to change her diaper if I leave him with her. I don't really feel love for him, I don't respect or trust him. The only reason I have stayed is the stake president asking me if I have done everything possible to save the marriage. Well, I did try and try, but now I just don't want to keep trying. I feel guilty that I just want to be out. I don't want to keep going on this cycle. That and at the moment I am a stay at home mom, which is what I've always wanted to be, more than ANYTHING. Plus my kid has a disability so I feel like she does need extra attention that I'm not sure I will be able to give her as a single mom. Meanwhile I am really not happy. I want so badly to have a more normal marriage and more children. WDYT?

There are couple of occasion stated in the CHoI that prevents any person from re-entering the baptismal water after being member of the church [temple endowed]. Can you tell us what these reasons are? Anyone? Just curious.

You don't need a CURRENT temple reccomend to buy garments. You can show your driver's license and they do confirm you are an endowed member, but... say you are inactive. You are still supposed to wear garments, so you can still buy them.

I'm a convert to the church of 10 years. The last 10 years have not been easy. My husband is also a convert and he's been abusive and used "the priesthood" as his excuse. I've made some pretty big mistakes since my baptism. Broke the law of chastity, I was pressured by my husband, but ultimately it was my choice. Repented, got sealed in the temple after we got married. My husbands been mostly inactive since then and for a long time I just followed whatever he was doing...... he's not interested in prayer, priesthood blessings, the temple, scriptures... in the few times he goes to church he wants to leave ASAP. Tithing with him involved didn't work out, he always wanted material things and eating out and got angry when he couldn't spend how he wanted. I had to ask him to stop (bishop knows) because he wouldn't allow me to buy necessities. I've been told by even the stake president that this wasn't my fault, yet I still feel guilty. He is making good money (over 70k in utah) and our mortgage is low and I've tried. We also have a child with special needs. For the past year I have been totally active myself, even got my recommend back. But, I just feel depressed. I feel like I will never feel like I "belong." I want to live the gospel, but its hard doing it by myself, especially as a convert. I have a testimony, I just feel alone, and I don't always know HOW to liove the gospel. And I feel like I've already messed up too much since my baptism. All the talks/lessons in church....... eternal families, priesthood, self reliance, family responsibilities, temple.... they all just get to me, The last few weeks I have barely been able to not cry. I am also living in Utah now which I think makes it harder........ fewer converts here, more 100% active families, and I just feel even more isolated. My ward has sooo many active families that there are no callings left. No one would notice if I didn't come. Only the bishop knows anything about my family really, everyone else just assumes my husband works sundays (well, he does but that is just the tip of the iceberg of the problems with him), so no one really knows that I need extra support. I don't know what the point of this post is really, I'm just having a down day and want to know, how do I get over feeling like I don't belong?

As much as I love going to the temple, and as much as I am TRYING to live the gospel.......... I feel sooooo anxious about living the law of tithing. Right now, not an issue because my husband is inactive and I'm a SAHM. As I've stated on here before he was extremely abusive for awhile. He was paying his tithing, then spending money on what he wanted, then telling me I don't need food, clothes, medical care, etc etc. It was a nightmare. I am scared to death of what will happen when/if he decides to pay tithing again. So if I WANT to pay but it just scares me, but I would TRY despite the fact that I would probably have daily panic attacks, .... should I really use my recommend? I am doing everything else I should be.

I met with the bishop about two months ago. I had just moved into the ward and had my old bishop and the counselor I was seeing prior to moving speak with him as well. I also had typed up a 2 page summary giving some specific information and examples. My husband met with him two weeks ago and I haven't met with the bishop since then. I do appreciate that my husband seems to be trying to have fun dates and all, its just that that seems like such a small solution to a big problem. Does that make sense? The fact that my husband will not discuss with me what has happened and just wants to forget all about it and have fun together, it kinda bugs me, like the pain and turmoil I have gone thru means nothing and I just have to put on a happy face and move on. I do want to forgive him, but I also want him to understand what has happened so it won't happen again.

Oh and my husband is inactive if that makes any difference. He hasn't been doing the prayer or scripture study and if I try to talk to him about whats happened he "doesnt want to remember it" or "doesnt feel like talkiing" which is just not too helpful (.

So I have been on here before, asking questions because my husband has been emotionally/verbally/financially and at time physically abusive towards me for around the past 3 years. Well, he finally did go in to talk to the bishop about it. He says he told the bishop everything that has gone on, yet the bishop told him only to take me on dates and read his scriptures and pray. He is doing the dates thing, but I just wonder what the bishop is thinking? I thought there might be some kind of disciplinary action or at least recommend counseling. I mean dates are nice but they don't even begin to repair the damage that has been done. I guess it makes me unforgiving but it would take more than dates to rebuild the trust that has been lost. I'm just not sure what to think. I almost feel liek the bishop is just sweeping this under the rug and hoping it goes away?

Is it wrong to ask for a calling? I was inactive for almost 1.5 years, then went back last August. Got my TR back in January and moved in February. My husband is totally inactive, and I want to get to know people in the ward. I WANT TO SERVE! I have the time for a calling too. My bishop may think I can't handle a calling since I have a daughter with autism and DH is inactive and abusive, BUT, I really need one. So can I ask for one or is that totally impolite? Should I just keep praying for one?

Guess I will be more specific so I can get better answers. MP holder, endowed, inactive for 3 years, wife comes forward that he has been abusive (mostly verbal, emotional, economic but once instance of physical abuse). How do bishops handle this? Confront the guy? Or help the victim until the guy possibly confesses at some point?

If someone is presently inactive with no desire to return to the church, and the bishop or stake president finds out through other sources that they are committing or have committed "serious sin" (such as serious violations of civil law, spouse abuse, child abuse, adultery, fornication, rape, and incest)... do they call the person in, try to get a confession, or confront them? Or, do they wait until the person is trying to go back to church? Or does it vary?

Do you live near a college? Maybe you could find a male college student that needs room and board in exchange for them doing laundry and cleaning. It would be a great deal for the right person.

When do you ask for help? I am a convert so this is a real, honest question.

What if my husband comes back to church and acts like nothing has happened? He tends to either tell me he "doesn't remember" anything happening, or tell me to "get over it" or tell me "the church taught me to be like this". Will he be able to baptise our children? Pass the sacrament? Get a temple recommend? How could the bishop deny him those things without confronting him... thats what I'm worried about. And yes, I have been talking with the bishop. He has me reading some scriptures with him. And I have gone to a counselor, but he mostly focused on getting me back to where I needed to be with my faith/spirituality, rather than dealing with issues around the abuse. I have thought about asking the bishop to see a counselor again, but hate to use fast offerings so much.

My husband has been emotionally, spiritually, economically and sometimes physically abusive towards me. The more severe forms of abuse have stopped at this time and I am attempting to give my marriage one more shot (no judgement please, thats the conclusion I cam to when I prayed about leaving). I have taken this to my bishop and he has been working with me and helping me and I have been getting counseling from LDSFS. My question is this... when my husband goes back to church (he's been inactive for about 3 years now and at present time doesn't want to go back and pretty much brushes his past behavior off and tells me I need to "get over it".. so to me, he clearly isn't fully repentant at the moment)... I know he won't be able to get a temple recommend based on what I have discussed with the bishop. Is the bishop likely to confront him with the abuse at some point? Or if he confesses, will a disciplinary council be held (he is a melchizedek priesthood holder who has been through the temple)? I am just afraid that the church's involvement could make things worse, but it got to the point where the abuse was seriously effecting my faith and I really needed to get myself help. Thanks for any info, advice, comfort you can give.

So DH is inactive. It all started when we had our daughter two years ago, and I became a SAHM. It became clear pretty quickly that he was not prepared to shoulder the reponsibility of providing for the family, even though it was something we had talked about and planned on form the very beginning of our relationship, and we also had waited 4.5 years to have our first child, during which time DH's career grew and I worked. But, when we had our daughter he took the stance that since he was working, it was HIS money. He got very controlling about buying basic needs. He did not want to cut back on any of his spending. He makes adequate money but not GREAT, so there just isn't a lot of "extra" money. His job includes the possibility of OT to supplement the income, and OT pays quite well. He went inactive and quit paying tithing. Now he is much better about "allowing" me to buy the things we need. So my question is...... is it my responsibility to do everything possible to get DH to come back? Should I get a job just so that DH will be happier with the money situation and maybe come back? My only experience is working in daycare (I do have an AA in early childhood ed), so I wouldn't really make much. Once we have another child I probably would not even break even with paying for child care. I also have a 2 year old with autism who is sometimes difficult to handle. She has therapy every day that I drive her to. Also, DH tells me not to work during his days/hours off because then he can't work OT and he can make way more working OT than I can. I guess I am just feeling guilty, like it is my responsibility to "fix" DH. I also think about temple covenants and just wonder to myself whether I am doing everything I can to live up to them. I try to be frugal and not be a burden on DH for providing for us. I dunno... advice?

I am sooooo happy, I got my temple recommend back and was able to attend the temple for the first time in 5 years on Friday. It was pretty amazing and I am feeling pretty solid. :) I have definitely missed it and now I just desire so much to be able to go, which is probably a good thing :)

Ok, so I was inactive for around 1.5 years. During this time my DH was using the church to be abusive, and then I had a little argument with the RS president over some hurtful comments she made to me (not understanding the situation I was in). I did struggle a lot with my testimony and I am still working on it to an extent, but its coming back. I even stopped wearing my garments for about a year because they just started to be associated in my mind with other things, like the way DH was treating me. DH told me the church taught him to be the way he was being, so it just got all jumbled up in my mind. I was feeling pretty distrustful of the church, to say the least. I didn't do anything that I would need to confess to my bishop while I was inactive... I was mostly just confused. So I have been 100% back at church for the last 5 months, getting some counseling to deal with past abuse issues via the church (so the bishop knows all about the situation), and I am really trying to get myself back on the right track. I am wondering how long I need to wait before beginning to approach my bishop about talking about renewing my temple recommend. And if anyone could give me some idea about what I should be feeling/doing before I approach that?

I would totally copy and paste the link but my computer is behaving funny. In the September 1990 Ensign there is an article about disciplinary councils. It is called "A Chance to Start Over."

Well this is kind of a complicated situation. I have been talking to my bishop about it and the church is also paying to have me see a counselor, but I just need some advice on how to navigate this. My husband is right now inactive. He has also been emotionally abusive and finanically abusive in the recent past. He blamed it all on the church... that the church taught him what my role as the wife was, and he had to talk to me like that to get respect, and the financial problems were because he had to tithe (not because he was mismanaging money and putting his mother's needs and his own wants ahead of our needs). He acts like it is a huge burden to him to have to support us and he will either provide for his family OR tithe........ He has been doing better with being kinder and more helpful with me and the financial issues have subsided since he stopped tithing. The counselor I am seeing thinks he is a narcissist, btw. Anyway, my husband has now decided maybe he will play the part of an active church member now that we are moving to Utah for his job. Yes, that is exactly how he phrased it. He wants to use the church for social and career gain (YUCK!). In my personal opinion he isn't worthy to take the sacrament right now, he hasn't repented, has a real bad attitude and its all about appearances to him. But I will stay out of that and just figure it is between him and God. The part I am worried about is the tithing. Before he would leave so little amounts of money for things like groceries because he said if he pays tithing I should be able to "make do" on whats left..... like magic. He thinks tithing somehow means he doesn't have to budget or work hard to provide for us. Anyway I am concerned that with him going back to church, and for all the wrong reasons, it is going to create an unsafe environment for me. I am staying in the marriage for now because we were sealed in the temple, and he has been making some improvements, I am just scared of him using the church to hurt me again. Not sure what to do.........?

Perhaps I should not say this but I will anyway. If you have only been a member for 2 years, have not been through the temple, I highly doubt you will be disfellowshipped. Its up to your bishop but my husband and I had intercourse prior to marriage, he had even been through the temple, and we were not disfellowshipped. We confessed voluntarily and he could tell we were repentant. We didn't have a disciplinary council either, it was just between the bishop and us.

First of all, I have to commend you on taking the steps you have to go to the bishop. I know that is really hard to do and takes a lot of humility. You should be pleased with yourself for making the right decision. I broke the LOC with my husband before we got married and we were put on informal probation for close to a year. Basically we could not take the sacrament, speak in church, give public prayers. We had to read the miracle of forgiveness and meet with the bishop individually to discuss what we were learning. I never felt anything from the bishop other than love and support. At the end of the process I was able to take the sacrament again and feel good about it because I knew I had repented, been forgiven and I was ready to make those covenants again. Read your scriptures and PRAY, pour your heart out to Heavenly Father, those are the things that will get you through this. Heavenly Father loves you, even when you transgress, and I'm sure he is happy that you are repenting. He sent His son to die for you knowing that you would need to use the atonement to return to Him. So use it.