coruscate

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  1. I just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who supported me and provided me with links I needed. I'm happy to report the temptation is permanently gone. I burned all remaining bridges, confessed my struggles to my husband and bishop, and things are going well.
  2. Thank you so much, Judo. Your kind words are greatly appreciated. It's especially heartening to hear that your father and mother saw an improvement through counseling. Perhaps I should. I've been so focused on agency, remembering how hard it was for me to seek help, that I think I may not being as proactive as I should. We no longer communicate. I wish I had a friend or family member in whom I could confide, but I don't. I tried speaking with my husband about it even, but he saw my "serious face" and wouldn't talk to me. Instead, he gave me a hug, told me he would love me no matter what, and changed the subject. Why not? I'm willing to try almost anything. I'll look one up and check it out.
  3. Well...they haven't actually been casual suggestions. Several times, we've had quite the yelling matches over it. It comes down to me being physically unable to force him to go to counseling. And I'm afraid I don't know any therapists willing to make house calls. Yep. Go that
  4. Thers is a counselor near us I have been considering. I called to make an appointment once, but my husband asked that we try to work things out with just us first (he got a book) so I cancelled. We do have a nearby option though. Good advice. I tend to own my issues and assume he should too, but it might be easier for him if I phrased it as "us" instead of "you." Always do! Agreed. That wouldn't work for us anyway, for personal reasons.
  5. It's been a while since I've posted, but I have good memories of my time here. What I remember best is how knowledgeable and supportive the regulars are. That's why I'm here today. I could use some of both. Bit of background: I was sexually abused as a child, which led to a sexual addiction when I got older. About four years ago, I got therapy. It helped a lot, as did my time on these forums. I learned to separate healthy relationships and desires from unhealthy ones. My husband was also sexually abused. He went the other direction. He completely closed off (we've since learned it's called sexual anorexia). It's gotten progressively worse over the years, until he can barely stomach any sexual contact. He is afraid to get help; his way of dealing with stress is to ignore the problem. I've really been struggling lately with severe longings for sexual intimacy. We've talked about it several times, and he's very apologetic, but he just...can't do it. He knows he should get help, but he can't make himself and I can't (and shouldn't) force him to. Enter the problem: I shared my issues with a close friend who has a similar problem, and he asked me to sleep with him. I told him no. He wouldn't let it go though. I cut off communication with him, but before I did, he told me I could go to him anytime. I know he's there and willing, and the temptation has been nearly overwhelming the past month. I'm not looking to justify giving in. I won't. I refuse to give into Satan. I'm not looking for advice like "divorce your husband." It's not his fault. I love him and covenanted to be his wife for eternity, no matter how hard it got. I've spoken to the bishop, but he didn't know what to tell me. He said he'd pray about it. That was three weeks ago. In answer to my prayers for help and strength, I was prompted to seek outside myself. So here I am :) What I need is loving support and advice on how to stay strong. Thank you!!!
  6. Hey all! As some of you know, I struggle with sexual addiction. Some days are better than others, but it is always a challenge. The hardest part is finding a balance...as a married woman, I obviously can't quit cold turkey. A while ago, while I was reading the Doctrine and Covenants, this verse jumped out at me: D&C 89:10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man I did some research and found out there is a whole class of herbs known as anaphrodisiacs. I thought I would share what I discovered here, in case anyone else might find it useful. Vitex Agnus Castus (chaste berry, monk's berry) - As the names imply, this herb has been used for centuries to help control sexual impulses in men and women. It is also beneficial for many women's complaints because it helps regulate hormones. It has no known side effects when taken in low doses, but it can interact with certain drugs like birth control and antidepressants. I have experienced great results so far. I'm taking 225 mg per day, and I no longer have the insatiable cravings. I plan to take this dosage for a couple months, then drop to 40 mg per day and see how I do. The site I read said high dosages can actually have the opposite effect (increasing desire), so in this case more is not better. Saw Palmetto - This herb is usually used to help treat enlarged prostate. I haven't tried it, but a lot of people on another forum I visit (mostly men) have had great success using this herb to reduce impulses. They recommend 300 mg per day. It can cause upset stomach and reduce blood clotting. Check with a doctor and research the side effects of both of these before trying them. Take them with food. Don't take them if you are pregnant or nursing. If anything funny happens, stop taking them. Etc, etc. (In other words, use them wisely ) No guarantees these will work for everyone, but so far it is a huge relief for me. I don't have to struggle every day! Also, if you try these and they don't work for you, message me. I have a whole list of herbs that are considered anaphrodisiacs. I didn't list them here because most can have severe side effects or only work for a few people. But hey, if it comes to saving your marriage or your membership in the church, they might be worth trying.
  7. I do apologize for the name-calling. You're right, that was immature and unnecessary, not to mention against the rules. I just happen to find the word dingleberry very funny, and I was trying to lighten my own mood :) I've redacted my over-emotional posts. This has not been a good week for me to debate this subject with any degree of objectivity.
  8. I'm more than a little disturbed to see the direction this thread has gone o_O Are people who claim to be LDS actually defending masturbation, or am I misreading? If so, not cool. Regardless, I see a lot of mistaken assumptions in some of these posts. 1. Voluntary masturbation is not as serious of a sin as addiction to it. This is plain wrong. If this were the case, social drinking would be less of a sin than alcoholism. The difference isn't the sin (it's the same sin, after all), but the impact on the individual's recovery. As far as the church is concerned, a social drinker and an alcoholic have committed the same sin and have the same level of repentance. It's just harder for the alcoholic to repent. Besides, how do you know you won't become addicted? You don't, not until you try it. And then it's too late. It's the same reason we don't have a little wine or one cigarette. 2. As long as you aren't addicted, masturbation has no negative impact on your life. Yes, it does. Physical - From sad personal experience, I know that masturbation increases desire. But wait, isn't sexual desire good? Not necessarily. A natural sexual desire is good. Masturbation takes those natural desires and magnifies them. When you're unmarried, this leads to chastity problems with other people. When you're married (again from experience), it leads to marital issues. You are likely to place unfair demands on your spouse. When the spouse doesn't reciprocate (because their urges are not unnaturally high), you feel frustrated and they feel hurt. Regardless of marital status, it can lead to porn. Emotional - I've seen some people claim that, if it weren't for the "mistaken" way we are raised, we wouldn't feel guilty about masturbating. I have news for you. Thanks to an abusive father, I started masturbating for sexual gratification when I was very young, before my mother ever thought of discussing it (or anything sexual) with me. And the guilt was there. Why do you think sexual abuse victims feel guilty? If guilt came from teaching alone, many wouldn't feel bad at all, because their abuser tells them it is "love" and "special time." Guilt can come from teachings, but it also comes from the Holy Ghost to let us know that what we're doing is wrong. It's easy to say you were "brainwashed" when you feel guilty about doing something you've been taught not to do. It's not so easy when you feel guilty about doing something no one has ever addressed negatively with you before. Spiritual - This aspect was overlooked in prior arguments, and it shouldn't have been. If you are tied to the flesh, you can't advance spiritually. And that's the strongest argument against it there is. 3. Masturbation isn't a very serious sin. I've already expressed my opinion on "serious" versus "more serious" sins (in this thread, I think), but I'll reiterate: it's foolish to play Russian roulette with your salvation. It's a sign of the times that mediocrity is considered acceptable. The Lord asks us for perfection, and although He knows we'll never get there in this life, he does expect us to try. All throughout Seminary and Sunday School, Satan's strategy of starting small to ensnare us, then building on the sin, was drilled into my head. Who hasn't heard the gross story about frogs and boiling water? The serious/more serious discussion is a trap he's laid. 4. Sex is a need. The world tells us this, but think about it. Have you ever heard of someone dying because they didn't get sex? Me either. If you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you don't see sexual gratification anywhere on it. At the bottom is "sex," that is, procreation. Yep, we need kids to survive as a species. On the third level is sexual intimacy, grouped with other needs for love and belonging. Masturbation doesn't play into that either. Intimacy is about feelings and emotions, not base physical desires. Masturbation is nothing but a selfish indulgence. And for all the people who claim masturbation isn't addressed in the scriptures, take a closer look. Selfish and base desires definitely are.
  9. Something that helped me was getting a priesthood blessing. I had a terrible time choosing which college to attend. My cousin gave me a blessing that my mind would clear and I would be led to the right decision through events in my life. Also (and this is personal advice), don't discount those thoughts in your head. Everyone receives answers through the Spirit differently. If those thoughts are in line with what you know to be true, and you feel the burning in your bosom as the words come to you, don't be afraid to trust them. Clarity of thought and mind can be indications of the presence of the Spirit. That's how I communicate with the Lord. He has power to influence our thoughts, and He knows some of us have trouble going on feelings alone.
  10. Right on! I got myself in SO much trouble with this when my husband and I lived apart for 3 years (he was going to school, I was working). You arouse those feelings...and then what? Ugh. It makes you miss them more, and it can lead to some very bad choices as you struggle to find an outlet. I suggest texting love notes instead of lust notes. Marriage is based on emotion, and the physical relationship is there to support those emotions, not vice versa. My husband and I text each other every day with little notes like, "Missing you!" or "Thinking about you, babe." or even simply "Love you!" Sometimes we get into extended discussions about why we suddenly started thinking about the other person. It makes me feel a lot less alone when we're apart.
  11. That makes sense. From my perspective, I approach things from the bottom up. I like grass-roots movements, leading by example, and watching small projects grow into something big. I prefer to look at things from the perspective of an individual rather than a group as a whole, which is probably why we were locking horns so much :) You don't need validation from an Internet junkie like me. It doesn't matter if I personally accept it as a problem or not. If you see it as a problem, then as far as I'm concerned it IS an accepted problem, at least from one person's point of view. And it only takes one person to start a change. If you start the ball rolling, it can't possibly get lost in the shuffle because you are championing a solution. Other people who share your views will jump in and help.
  12. I know, I know...I was going to be done with this topic :) But I hate to see someone so obviously upset about something. Most of us are not comfortable criticizing church leaders or church policies, but even if we were, what would it accomplish? Say all of us agreed with you...would you call for a petition? Have us email your Stake President? We know how you feel. And I don't disagree that some young men are being treated badly for their decision, just who is responsible. Let's make this a positive exercise and suggest things we can do in our own spheres of authority to make things better. For example, You could create a website with information for parents on how you think they should approach a son who doesn't want to go on a mission. You could create a pamphlet for young men who are having trouble expressing why they don't want to go.You could create a list of resources for young men who have to deal with extremes like being kicked out of the house.You could suggest that the Priesthood Quorum in your ward create a task group aimed at young men who haven't gone on missions, who could visit them, include them, and reassure them that Heavenly Father still loves them.What do you think?