GeoRioux

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  1. Had another talk with my wife tonight and after reading your responces, I began to ponder a bit about my wife. My wife is a serious over acheiver...in everything that she does. Not that there is anything wrong with it, but it can be stressfull in your life, at least I think so and here is my reasoning. Let me know your thoughts. I will not go much into schooling because to me it is different as it may pertain to leading a gospel life and since my original question pertains on knowing the church is true I will continue with that...... I have told my wife and again told her tonight that she always seems to strives bit more than anyone else that I see to be that "perfect saint"...and I always wondered what her thought process was on it so I asked her and this is how she explained it to me. She does want to be perfect and the only way that she can see her being perfect is being so far to the right of things that you will never be in the grey area or even close to it. So when you do fail/fall you are still in the "light". Now please dont get me wrong I understand that if you always work towards that it is easier to continue forward from where you left off and repentance is probably easier. My thoughts on how she does that it is takes a humongous toll on her life that she pushes herself so hard and then when things don't go as planned or the blessing dont come, she thinks that she has done something wrong or did not try hard enought to be perfect. I also told her that there is only one person that has ever been perfect and will probably be the only person that will have ever been perfect and that is the Jesus Christ. We just need to do the very best that we can and leave the rest up to Him. As I heard her tell me her process a thought entered my mind that may or may not be directed for her, but I felt impressed to tell her anyway. I told her that she is doing all this scripture studying, praying and going to church and doing her calling...but is she doing it for HER....or is she doing it for the Lord. I tried to impress on her that may she has been doing all this for the wrong reasons, not that she was being shelfess, but that she was doing it out of obligation or acceptance that this is what she has been told to do to receive answers. I also asked her to pray to Heavenly Father and ask Him is what I am doing right, have I done enough, are you pleased with what I have done. Ask Him if I have done well in your eyes, please allow me to feel that warm feeling or feel the spirit again that I know I have done well. I know that I am the last person that should being talking like that because I am far from where she is on church going or scripture or prayers...but it was something that just impressed me greatly and it was a quick and almost fleeting momement that entered my head. These have been my feelings today on her situation with the church being true. Another thing that I am hoping is that these past few weeks have been very stressful on her with school. This semester is her biggest semester that she will probably have to take with school ....18 units. And the classes are all higher level math classes. Today she took a final that she is pretty sure that she did not pass and this is not like her...she has been wonderful at all her tests. She came home dissappointed in herself and now she is selfdoubting herself on her other tests that are coming up. She is finding it difficult to even understand some of the things that she is very good at in her other classes. I am praying that at the end of next week when all her finals are done a mantle will be lifted off of her and she will be able to concentrate more on her spiritual side and maybe have her heart filled with the love of the Savior again. There more that I would love to say that may help us..but at this point I will leave it at this and await your thoughts. Maybe tomorrow I will add more! Thanks again for all your wonderful thoughts and support..it has helped me think and ponder..and that is where I do best. It is where I feel that I can communicate with my Heavenly Father in my heart. HOLD TO THE ROD!
  2. I know you are probably reading this right now and thinking wow that was almost 2 years ago that I posted that...this is how bad my ADD is...after a few days I fogot about this site and never came back.I get so hyperfocused and this is something that I learned that ADD people do. As for you post now: We just started late last year to make sure that we go on at least 2 dates a month. I know that we should do this reguarly, but we take what we can. As for the temple, right now we both have issues with the temple. We just do not understand it at all. It is very confusing for us and for me at least it is boring. I have heard that we need to go prepared to the temple, meaning we should have a more spiritual resoning why we need to go..not just to go because we have been told to. Right now until we can resolve some more simpilar issues, the temple is going to have to be a bit down the line. A 2-3 day get away.....well since our romance and our relationship took a major bump last year, right now I dont know if that would be a good idea. If you read my latest post dated today (4-23) you will see why. Not only that with me working a job that pay min wage there is no way we could do that. For her getting away I have at times when she is studying for school which lately is a lot, and I have been off, I have taking the kids out of the house for a few hours and just let her study. I do like your idea of her just getting away for the night or weekend, but that is going to take planing and it is something I would like to talk to her about and see what she thinks. I am game for it :). She does go and talk to her mother and sister almost once a week, but I think it is more of souding board of the issues we are going through rather than just having "fun". She does not really have I guess you would call it friends that she can go hang out with and that is because she is a closed off person. She likes her privacy and does not convey many things to I think any of her friends. I wish that she could find a friend that she could go out and spend the day with. Will have to see where we can work on that. I think I too need something like that. I work very hard now for little pay, then I come home and try to do my best to help around that house (not perfect yet but working on it), I also have to take time to study for school which is all on line. So there is not "me" time either, unless you call late night sitting up watching TV, but I have no energy for that also. You make some wonderful points and I am sorry that it took me this long to respond, I have to find a way to get on here more often. I think I will ignore FB and use this as my sounding board.
  3. Earlier today I had a talk with my wife and she was in tears for she is struggling with something and I can understand why because I am struggling with it also. She is starting to wonder if the church is true or not. She says that she is just not sure..she is accepting of many of the things that the church teaches us. She says her prayers both day and night. She reads her scriptures, she atteds all her church meetings and fullfills her calling to the best of her ability. She does not attend the temple as much as she should and I am sure that may help her..but she does not understand the temple. She says at times she is really confused on what is going on...why it is being done..and at times she has gone she has had a feeling of just running out. I really want to help her...and myself to have a true testimony that the church is true. We both are accepting of the teachings..but don't have a testimony of the truthfullness. As for me I am certain that the reason why I don't have a testimony of the truthfullness of the church is because the only thing that I really do (when I can get away from work) is go to church. I do not read the scriptures, attend the temple, say my prayers (both personal and spousal), I don't do my HT. I do fulfill my calling the best I can, well at least my stake calling, my ward calling I am not doing much there. I have ADD (not under medication but that is another story) and I just find it hard to not get distracted and keeping commitments on doing those above things. Just like here i am hyperfocused on seeing help, where I need to be at least reading or praying...maybe I will remember when I log of : ). So I know that there is A LOT that I need to work on to even become aware of the truthfullness of the church...but I am more worried about my wife. She does almost everything she is supposed to and she is having doubts. We have struggled over the past many years with our relationship and I know that does not help the situation. We are also financially struggling and have been throughout almost our entire marriage. We both don't have a degree so getting that job that pays better is virtually difficult to do...but we both are attending school right now to change that. She is almost done with her education and will have a degree to be a math teacher in about 2 years. I am attending college part time right now and will attend FT once she is done. I am seeking a degree in Human Resources/Business Management. I know it hurts her and sometimes makes her angry that I can not provide her the life that she may need (house, clothing, food and paying bills without worrying), but for the past 9 years she has been able to stay at home and care for the family and the home. Yes we have asked and received help many times during those 10 years, but she has been home. I work hard at my job and do the best that I can. I have made mistakes in past jobs where last year I was unemployed for 7 months, nothing major just a dumb mistake that I learned from. That really took a tole on our marriage and that is where we started to seek counsling. We did that for a couple of months. We came really close to seperating and the thought of divorce has crossed her mind a couple of times. But she has told me it is not what she wants. Do I fully believe her.....I can not say I do or don't..but she is my wife and I have to trust her until she disearns my trust. During our counsling I learned some things that I never knew effected her so much that it got to the point of counsling. One of the main things is that she felt like an object when it came to intimacy. I had no inention of having her feel that way and changed my ways. She told me once that she heard her friends talk about the blessing fo eternal families and that they could share all aspects of marriage (including intimacy) in the eternities. She told me that it scared her and it is something that she does not want. She still has intimacy issues and I respect her on that and do not ask for anything or seek that type of attention. I am hoping that one day we can be more intimate again..but it is no longer a priority for me. We have a difficult time just spending time together and it just seems blah. We do attempt to go on dates at least twice a month but at times it seems odd and like we are on a blind date. I know that I may seem that I am rambling and that this may seem like 2 subjects to be answered in one, but I think it fair that you know all the underlying things that are in play. I am looking for testimonies/experiences/talks/books (not just the bible or BOM) that I can help my wife with along with myself or anyone else out there that may have these same feelings. Now please take note that I am not looking for the sugar coated answers...."I just know" or "I have prayed about it", I have heard that way to many times and it just does not click with me. I am also not looking for those who may wish to show me that the church is not true. I know that this forum allows other faiths to come and talk about religous beliefs, but I am not in the mood for debates. I have heard everything why the church is not true, eveything from the we contradict the bible, that we are not christians, to we have been brain washed. So please do not attempt those types of conversations for I will not respond to them. I am again looking for why the church is true, so I can take BOTH of them to the Lord and get my own answer. So this is why I am looking for the positive..because I already know the negative. So any help would be much appreciated. {breath}
  4. I want to thank you all for the great advise. Sometimes we just forget that you need to let them be who they are and not punish or yell at them for something that they may not actually be able to control themselves. My son does suffer from ADHD and is on medications but the medications have been recent and he has been wetting the bed for as long as we can remember. There are times that he does not have a wet bed and we are excited and show our appreciation. Now we just have to sit back and bite our lips when he does have an accident. Maybe seeing that he gets way more attention (positive) when he stays dry may have an effect on him. I do like the idea of having him clean his own sheets and wet clothes when it happens. Normally he just takes off wet clothes and puts them in hamper, so now the room and other clothes smell like urine. So will see if we can start him on this to give him the responsibility of it. Again thanks for the great ideas and comments, will keep you all informed on the progress.
  5. I have a son that is turning 8 this year and he still wets the bed. He does not have accidents while awake and he knows when he needs to go during those times. We have tried waking him up at various times, at set times and to no avail we can not get him to go when we wake him up. It is like waking up a dead person, at times we have to yell his name and shake him to have him open his eyes and fight us tooth and nail. A majority of the time he has already gone in the bed and it is extremely frustrating. We have tried rewarding him and everything else we can think of, so now we need some other advise. He so wants to have/go to sleep overs with his buddies but he knows that he can not have that until he is night time potty trained. Is there any advise out there that has worked for someone?? Thanks!
  6. My wife was going to college when we met over 16 years ago. She was working hard to study in here Computer Science Major. Then she put it on hold to marry me (sorry honey). We have been married for almost 15 years and we BOTH have started back in our pursuit in our education. She is alot closer to her education goals than I am but that's ok. I have 4 children and at one time we were both working and it just became to difficult to have her hardly see her kids, so we decided that we would put the trust in the Lord and have her quit and stay at home. No don't get me wrong we have struggled and been stressed for many years on how are we are going to pay for the things that we need. Having 2 incomes is a wonderful thing and I can understand why people do it, BUT.... I would never go back in time and change our decision. Watching my children grow and learn as their mother stays at home and cares for them and for myself for that matter, is a blessing that I adore. We have been told that we need to continue learning and never cease . Getting an education does not always mean getting a degree or going to college. You can continue to learn by learning how to fix things, or make something that you have never made before. This is the power of education and how endless it is. Now I understand that the economy is terrible and that decisions have to be made, but I ask that you take these things to the Lord and He will direct you on what you need to do. If it is a financial situation that your family needs, make sure that you are doing everything that you can to lift the burdens off. If you desire to get a formal education to be able to go out into the work field, please make sure that you are doing at a time to where ONE of you (mom or dad) can be with the children when the other is not there. Make sure that a parent is available to their children at all times. My wife has her 3 plan in motion and by the time she is done, she will have her teaching credential and maybe have job in 4 years. By that time all our kids will be in school full time and with her teaching she will have the same schedule as the kids. So take you concerns to the Lord, again He WILL direct you in the path that you need to go. Just make sure you are listening and accepting on HIS plans not what you desire. I know that is hard, trust me I am going through some struggles myself and humbling myself to His plans is difficult. Well I will get off the podium and let others post what they want. Good luck in your endeavors.
  7. I have seen these movies and I think that they have done a pretty good job compared to the books. What are your thoughts?
  8. I do not drink any caffeine and have not since I joined the Church. I do love my root beer though :)
  9. You have provided a lot of great things for me to think about. As for the check up with a doctor, we have no health insurance for myself (costs way to much at my work) so at this time that is very difficult. I love the 5 things I am grateful for, helps me to see that things around me are good. Thanks for you input.
  10. I was up late last night and searching for answers and ran across this web site looking for someone to talk to. The house was dark and quite, it took me almost an hour to write my posting, but I also had other things that I was doing also, such as searching other sites and listening/watching Jeff Becks conversion story. So are you saying that I just don't want to do things like reading my scriptures and saying my prayers? Now don't get me wrong there are times that I don't but that is natural. But most times I feel that I need to do these things then I find myself doing something else that comes to my mind. My wife believes that I have some sort of A.D.D. for she has a brother and sister that both suffer from it so she has a good understanding of the 'signs'. I agree with the paying of tithing and do so each week. It is a huge struggle for us but we push through and pay it. I appreciate your input but looking for why you think the way you think.
  11. Hello, I am convert to the Church (almost 15 years ago) and have a wonderful wife and 4 lovely kids. But for the past several years I have felt alone and scared. I have failed at doing what the Lord has asked me to do (i.e. prayers, scripture study) and I know that this is a major reason why I feel the way I do, but as I will explain more I hope that you will have an understanding of what I am going through. I believe that I suffer from some sort of A.D.D. and my mind wanders often even at my work. It almost takes a lot for me to concentrate on what I am doing so that I can finish a certain task. At times my job has been at risk for the decisions that I have made or the lack of performance because of my concentration, but that is for another forum. I just feel so alone in my life and my lovely wife has told me that I need to ask my Father in Heaven for His help and answers to my questions. She bore her testimony to me last night and tears ran down her face as she described her struggle when she was younger about her relationship with Heavenly Father. She went on to say that after Conference this past weekend she felt that for many years that I have been riding on her testimony to get me through things. This brought me to tears in somewhat of a realization that it is probably true. I want to be able to feel that I am loved and cared for not only by my family, but also by my Father in Heaven. But I need some input on where do I begin when my concentration is easily distracted. I have attempted to get on my knees and pray but again my train of thought wanders off and I end my prayers short. My wife has said that it may take for me to be on my knees for hours in prayer for an answer or feelings to be felt that I am loved. That short prayers are good but if I am not having a conversation with my Heavenly Father on the questions I have them I just saying words. With my scripture study (or lack of) again the concentration is not there, I lose interest I guess. I am not really sure and it is something that I have just really started to notice and weighs heavy on my shoulders. As a family we struggle with "life's temporal things" as I am sure many others also do and I wish that things can be better, but we have made decisions that we have to live with now and we try to move on. But as a Father,Husband and Priesthood leader I feel ashamed and embarrassed when I almost can't take care of the bare necessities of life. I just feel so alone and unwanted at times and I really do not know where to begin to either regain that testimony that I may have had when I first learned about the gospel, or actually gain my OWN testimony and stop living off my wife's. Can anyone out there shed some light on someone who has an attention disorder in the simple things that we are asked to do: Prayer, Scripture Study gezzz even Home Teaching. I am sorry that I have taking a lot of space on this and I hope that I have not just made people fall asleep with what I have asked, but I am looking for some help and this is one way that I enjoy communicating with people. And yes I know that I can go to my bishop, in fact we got a call from him last week and he wants to meet with us. Now this can be either 2 things: 1. My wife is being released from her RS calling and called again. 2. Our RS President (not my wife) talked to him about the state of our lives (particularly mine) and he wants to talk to us. Again sorry for the long post but there is tons of questions in my head. Thanks!