jennvan

You need to check out your tenant laws for your state. Usually you can find them on a state website or do a google search for your state tenant laws. It should spell out there exactly what type of notice they have to give you for things as well as if they must have a new lease or can use an addendum for changes to the lease. It should also stipulate what can and can't be considered "rent" which can be different in various states. I am not a lawyer but I did take my management company to small claims court when they tried to take a ton of money out of my deposit for ridiculous things that were totally against the law. Oh and I won against them too. :)

I definitely understand your experiences eternallytrue. I have had some experiences like that as well. Part of what is difficult about singles in particular is that people are touchy about the types of people they want to spent time with and date. Therefore, a lot of the people who stay active in the singles activities are people who may not be as "selective" or have some delay in progression/development. Just a few outspoken people like that will make a large section of singles run for the hills and never go back to a singles event. What might be helpful is for you to get involved and start bringing people back to the events or helping to mentor others who are struggling with high school ideas about relationships. My experience is that we have not been taught very well how to date and have relationships that lead to good marriages, especially in our society at large. So those who have managed to do better in it need to be able to show others how to do it well. We get to model for others how to have adult conversations and relationships. But it takes a certain amount of humility and courage to do so because you will need to be strong in boundaries and also not just walk away from people. You will need to tell people to their face that things they say or do are not ok, but in a loving and kind way. I know it feels yucky to have to do it at first but in the long run things will change and you'll be able to have the kinds of relationships you want to have. I'd be happy to give you any thoughts or suggestions from my experiences.

I was told by a friend of a friend who lives there that there were people in the building for a fireside at the time the building was hit by the tornado. I can't even imagine what that was like seeing how awful the destruction is there.

If we are honestly doing what we believe we should be doing, I don't think the Lord will hold it against us. What we are accountable for though is asking the Lord what other things we need to be looking at or doing differently in our own lives to be who He needs us to be. In so doing, that might get us closer to where He needs us for marriage. It is easy to stop in our progression when we are single because we don't have as much change happening in our lives to help us to move forward. What might have been ok for us 5 years ago (or even a few months ago) may not be ok for us now. It might be time to step things up in one area or another. You say that you won't budge on the church's standards but are you being so rigid in things that don't require rigidity that you are scaring women off? Also, you state on your profile you are 41, depending on where you live, there might be a mid-singles group going in your area. I always encourage people of that age group to try to contact others who are in their same stage of life. It helps to not feel alone.

Thank you for this comment, I think we forget about that sometimes. Even Christ performed miracles on Sunday when it was against the Mosaic law to do such.

Luke 11:9 9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Matthew 7:7 7 ¶Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: Doctrine and Covenants 14:5 5 Therefore, if you will ask of me you shall receive; if you will knock it shall be opened unto you. 3 Nephi 14:7 7 Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. I think it is important for us to ask or question God. I think where people get messed up is that they ask others their opinions instead of seeking answers from Heavenly Father. I believe that Heavenly Father wants us to ask Him, Hey I don't understand this, help me to understand this. So many times instead it is easier to just ask others what they think or what they should know or even criticize someone else instead of seeing for further light and knowledge for themselves. I can't believe how many people just want someone else's answer instead of God's answer for them.

This is exactly why I got out of the computer industry. IT SUCKS SO BAD. Money isn't enough for me to do that job anymore. I can make money doing anything else. :)

What about Skousen? He is widely read both in and out of the church. Anyone like him coming around?

You also need to have 2 worthy priesthood holders to witness the baptism and make sure it was done correctly. All baptisms are also recorded with whatever priesthood authority is over the region and the mission president over the area. So its not really about having the authority or not, is a recording issue as well as a witness issue.

I agree. Dr Amen's books are really good. Especially his ADHD and Anxiety books. It really teaches about how they work and how to use natural ways to heal and work with your brain.

Its unfortunate that things didn't turn out how you hoped with your marriage. Its only between you and the Lord as to the decision that you need to make. He only can tell you the right decision that you need to make. Infidelity doesn't need to end a marriage. There is a difference between a one time fling (if that is what happened) and on-going damaging affairs. I've seen couples come through an affair and be stronger than ever on the other side (I'm a marriage and family therapist). I wonder if this might be a time that you get to show her your faith in God and that it might work a miracle in her life. I don't know and can't say for sure one way or another, but I do know that God asks us to go through hard things sometimes not only to try us but to build our testimony and the testimony of others. This is why its important for us to be in close communication with the Lord about the path He would have us take in these situations. You can find a good marriage and family therapist who can go through all the things that would need to be looked at when choosing to divorce or not. Divorce sometimes feels like it will fix things and many times it doesn't help but can actually makes it worse. Hopefully your bishop can help support you in this difficult decision as well. And yet in the end, its your decision.

First, why did you marry someone you knew would never have a testimony or be active in the gospel if you wanted a temple marriage and to raise your children in the gospel? Second, I dislike it when people assume that someone will NEVER do something. I've seen plenty of people who seemed pretty unlikely to change, have amazing things happen in their life. Don't assume she will never be active in church or have any of the accompanying experiences you said she would never have. Third, there are lots of mid-singles in many areas of the world that are organizing themselves together, so you definitely won't be alone unless you choose to be. There is a range of people from never married with no kids to divorced with 5+ kids who participate in these groups. Your experience of divorce with no kids after being married a short time is enough of a phenomenon in the church that I'm actually doing primary research on it. Fourth, from this latest post it seems like you want people to say its ok for you to divorce your wife. I believe that no one has the right to judge you or your marriage and decide if you should or should not get divorced. Only God knows what has happened and His plan for you. This is something you must take to the Lord in private supplication to understand what you should do. This isn't about what someone else would do or what their reaction would be, its about you and your experience. Fifth, does your whole ward really know about what is going on with your wife and feel sad for you? If so, that's pretty harmful to any marriage. There are way too many people in your marriage. You gotta get people out of your marriage and fix your marriage between the two of you. It is possible to do it. A good marriage therapist would be a good start. Beyond Affairs Network website is another place you can start. Sixth, just because you have a list of things you think women are looking for, doesn't necessarily mean you will get married again. I know lots of good LDS men who are similar to you who are not married for whatever reason. In the end, its all up to the Lord about when and with who.

It really doesn't matter if they were or weren't immunized, its not going to help. Why do you think there is such an outbreak? I read about places in CA where people were recently getting the mumps even though they had been immunized (MMR). Immunizations aren't as good as they are reported to be. Do a little research on immunizations and the natural decline of those diseases. Most of the diseases were fading away before immunizations became widespread. Similar to how H1N1 faded away before there were mass immunizations.

Sorry, Enigma...it sounds like you have had lots of hurt in your life and that things like relationships cause you stress. But that doesn't mean that we don't have the command to marry. Conference this last weekend really reinforced that. If relationships and women stress you out, do something about it. Find a good marriage and family therapist, they are trained in relationships (even for single people) and can help you overcome some of the hurts you have encountered in your life and work on having healthy relationships. Have you asked God if it is His will for you to remain unmarried in this life? I would probably guess that He would say no. It is part of the plan for all of us to marry, in this life if possible and we should be striving to be open to that as much as we can in this life. One of my favorite marriage authors David Schnarch did an interview on the Today Show and said this, ‎"When you begin to think of marriage as a people growing machine, then you expect it to be tougher and you hold on and you come out the other side." I believe this is why Heavenly Father wants us to be married. We get to grow in ways that we wouldn't otherwise. We might even grow in the process of learning how to be in relationship to get married. :)

My view on the age thing is that just because you wouldn't hit on a much younger person at a mid-single activity and/or you see it as just fun activities to do to be social, not everyone feels that way. I know of much older men who aggressively pursue much younger women at single adult activities. I have seen it with my own eyes and it is not ok. My belief is that those who are running the activities are looking to set good boundaries to protect women from men who have nefarious intentions. I do that with the mid-singles group I run. Secondly, many of the mid-singles who attend the activities do so with the intention to want to date to marry. It sounds like the mid-singles group where you are isn't lenient in the age range but I would wonder if there are other groups of people doing activities that you could be part of. Since you stated that you are seeking social groups outside of the mid-singles how is that fitting for you? Are you getting your social needs met from that? Are you connecting to others that can then become good friends? I find it hard to believe that if you really are putting yourself out there that NO ONE has responded in a similar fashion about wanting to be connected and being good friends. There are more people than you think who are single who are in a very similar situation you are in without families. I happen to be one of those. As far as your personal experiences with other singles, I wonder if you haven't shared with them the things that are important for you and how you might be different from them. What had you do all those things for the other singles and not share with them that you might want to be included in holiday events? I know that if I knew someone who didn't have a place to go for the holidays I would totally invite them to come with me. I wonder if your friends knew? It also makes me curious about how much you are personally sharing with others about your life in general if you are giving so much and not getting anything in return. It can be hard to be vulnerable and let people know that we might need someone else and I can guarantee you that others are feeling the exact same way you are feeling. How much do you risk with others and let them see some vulnerability? We all go through ups and downs in life even if we are married, its just that as singles we go through ups and downs more focused on being single which we sometimes feel we have little control over. It seems like its more awful than what others experience but its not. Yes, it can be harder when we don't have "that one" to get through things with but being married doesn't ensure that either. As you stated, there are many who are in marriages that aren't doing well too. The only thing we can rely on 1000% is the love of God and His ability to be there for us no matter what. I believe that it is when we really BELIEVE that God has a plan for us and that being single is part of OUR plan, it becomes a little easier to bear the burdens of being single. Take it to the Lord and ask Him what you might need to do in order to be the person you want to be, or maybe even more importantly who He wants you to be. That doesn't mean that we will marry, but I believe that we will gain an additional measure of peace about our life when we know that what we are doing is the will of God. How might Heavenly Father refine you more in this time you get to spend alone with Him?

Oh yeah! The food for KS is burnt ends and they are a must have when you come visit BBQ country. :)

Being one of those 30's never married women, I would encourage you to make sure that whatever you do, its what the Lord would have you do. Don't just move to UT, CA or AZ just because there are more people your age there. I know a number of people who did that and they are still just as unmarried as they were in an area that had very few singles. I don't know how to feel about taking a leading role, but maybe you could be a leader with the singles your age in your area. There is a growing group of people who are doing mid-single activities and even mid-single conferences. Generally mid-singles are age 27-40 who are single. Some areas have different age ranges but its generally to 40-ish. There is a unique need for singles of that age that aren't met in a YSA ward/activities or with single adult (everyone 31+) activities. What happens a lot of times is that singles in that age end up becoming less active because they aren't sure what to do with themselves and sometimes even the ward doesn't know what to do with mid-singles. In my experience, I've been able to connect to tons of people in my area and reconnect them back to the church in a more meaningful way. We have quite a thriving mid-singles scene where there was nothing 3 years ago. We have more people staying in the area because there is a place for them to be which in turn builds up the church in this area. I don't want to tell you what you should do but I just wanted to let you know that there are options and it isn't just about moving to a "Mormon Mecca". I really enjoy not living in an area that is overrun with LDS singles because its isn't about playing the numbers game in dating, its about creating real relationships with people. If you are interested in more info on how to get mid-singles started in your area or any other questions, Private Message me and I can send you some links to a few facebook pages and websites for info. There is a lot of great stuff out there. :)

Oh my gosh I laughed so hard at that last post!

Sorry, see since I don't know you that well I didn't know you were joking. I haven't spent enough time on here seeing your posts and personality to know you were being funny. Or at least trying to be.

Sorry, we've all been trained whether we wanted to be or not. Its called social conditioning or socialization. We do what others show us or tell us, what is socially acceptable. We do this especially around relationships.

Oh and just for the record, I think the way we have been trained (yes, we have been trained) to date really sucks too. :) I just dislike online dating with more passion. :)

In essence, yes it is the way people pursue online relationships. And I think a lot of the way that people pursue those relationships is because of the way the relationships are set up by the websites. One online dating website that I have slightly more respect for is eHarmony because they actually ask you your opinion on hundreds of different aspects of your life and match you with others have similar thoughts on. Not that I think people need to marry someone who is a clone of them, but research shows that marriages where people are more similar to each other tend to be happier. Still not as happy with eHarmony though because it takes out the "getting to know you and decide how I feel about going out with you" stage. I really think the "seeing how you interact with others" stage is important in the beginning of a relationship, not just after you have been dating.

Dravin, yes I would agree too that you did date online but the purpose of you meeting wasn't to date. You had a friendship first based around a third thing, this forum. Through that third thing you got to know each other, the reactions you each had, the things you said, the interactions with others. Its much more of a community than "Dating websites." Then you two decided to try something of a relationship. For me, that is a big part of what is missing with online dating. You probably would have both weeded each other out if it hadn't been for a third thing that helped you to see more about each other. Also, I don't think that "traditional" dating (as it is carried out today) is healthy in many ways, its very hurtful and harmful for both sides at times.

True, as a society we tend to filter people out pretty awfully. Our natural man part is pretty strong in this many times. But its difficult to do anything except use that filter/natural man part in online dating because you don't really have much else to go on. You don't get to have group activities with others to see what kind of a person they are or how they interact with others before you decide whether you might be interested or not. Also, I think there is a difference between "average" dating and dating well. Average dating is pretty gross and is part of the reason no one wants to be "single and dating." Dating well honors both ourselves and the other person/people and it helps us have relationships that will make excellent marriages.

Part of what I see that is not helpful about online dating is that we dismiss good people (or people who are good for us) because of some arbitrary filter that we or they put on people. Here is a quote I got from an online article. A wise Young Women leader once told me about a time she was forced to choose between two boys. The first boy shared her love for the outdoors. The second boy was her best friend, and what he lacked in love for the outdoors, he made up for in his love for her. She eventually married boy No. 2. She and her husband now go camping far more than she ever did before they were married because her husband enjoys spending time with her doing things she enjoys. (found here: Dating deal breakers | Mormon Times) So many times in online dating we would filter out people who weren't outdoor, animal, athletic, etc, people without looking to the things that really matter. Heck if Dravin and beefche had done the online dating thing, they probably never would have even looked at each other. They got to be friends on here first. And got to know each other slowly over time. Then things developed into a deeper friendship and eventually a relationship. That is the problem/issue I have with online dating. And like one of the other posters said, there are a ton of people on there that you might have stuff in common with or think you might hit it off with that aren't a paying member of the site so they don't answer. Its a tough place to be sometimes and at times feels very rejection oriented.