Windseeker

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  1. Like
    Windseeker got a reaction from seashmore in The "ex" relationship   
    I absolutely count myself lucky. I just think there is hope. The irony is I literally did what Vort said, I specifically stopped dating a girl because she came from a broken home. Her mom was divorced and remarried 9 times. But I myself ended up divorced, I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up happily married. 
    My hope lies in the anecdote and not the statistic. There was a time when I warned my kids not to date people who had been abused because of my own experience, but I'm glad my Mother didn't take that advise.
    I'm sure there were those who avoided knowing the Savior because by all appearances he came from a broken home. 
  2. Like
    Windseeker got a reaction from classylady in The "ex" relationship   
    Divorced and remarried guy here. 
    When I got divorced I got primary custody over our four children. I tried to do what I thought was the Christ-like thing and keep my ex updated and used to encourage the kids on holidays to reach out and acknowledge her. I've since remarried and it took 5-6 years to realize it's not my responsibility to maintain a relationship with my ex or to encourage my kids to keep in touch. I moved across the country and she could have easily followed and been a part of her kids lives. But she chose not to. I don't speak ill of my ex wife and listen with a sympathetic ear when the kids feel frustrated about their mom or step mom. It's not my responsibility to make sure anyone gets along. I don't correct anyone's feelings whether or not I think those feelings are are wrong or right. With my ex-wife I feel commanded to be kind but that does not mean an obligation to maintain some kind of relationship. My job is to simply love those who are placed in my path whether by my own choice or by the will of Heavenly Father. 
    Regarding Children of divorce, I honestly think it really depends. They have an opportunity to see and experience, in a way, how a marriage can fail and take steps to ensure success in their own marriages. In my experience those who come from broken families are far from doomed. In my immediate family of 6 kids there are two divorces and in both divorces, myself and my brothers, the parties all came from intact homes. The four remaining marriages that are going strong all involve spouses that come from broken homes. This same trend extends to my cousins as well. The other two divorces were couples who came from intact homes. So I can't agree with yjacket. 
    BTW, my Father was molested for years by his uncle. Nothing even close to that ever occurred in my family. Same with my ex wife, she was never inappropriate with our kids in anyway.  
    Not so certain about the sins visiting on the heads of the children with that atonement thing getting in the way.
  3. Like
    Windseeker reacted to yjacket in The "ex" relationship   
    Absolutely, there are going to be successful anecdotes; it's even likely that they wouldn't be Stake Presidents today if they weren't raised like that-b/c there is a lot that one can learn that will help one become more like Christ in those situations.
    But go ask them if they had their druthers if they would be raised in a stable two parent household.  I think you know what their answer would be.
  4. Like
    Windseeker reacted to yjacket in The "ex" relationship   
    And I would amend this that there are circumstances where warning would not really be warranted.  Say for example when you were 3 dad left mom and at age 7 mom remarries and from 7 on mom and dad (or step-dad) have a great marriage.  I'm not sure that is a "broken home".  During the formative teenage years, a stable marriage is at the heart of the home.  Mom and dad love each other, demonstrate love, kindness etc and demonstrate what a good marriage looks like. That I'd say is probably not a big deal.
    Mom and dad get divorced at age 7, mom goes through 2 other husbands (or never remarries, works outside the home,etc.) that I would run from. 
    However the vast majority of broken homes do not proceed like the first paragraph, more likely the second.
  5. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Vort in The "ex" relationship   
    To clarify: I never said or even suggested that this is what people *should* do. I said that I agree with yjacket's take on the issue, and that I would caution my child about entering such a relationship. To pretend that children of (what used to be called) a "broken home" are just exactly as likely to form a solid marriage as those from parents married to each other is to stick one's head deep into the sand.
  6. Like
    Windseeker got a reaction from yjacket in The "ex" relationship   
    I absolutely count myself lucky. I just think there is hope. The irony is I literally did what Vort said, I specifically stopped dating a girl because she came from a broken home. Her mom was divorced and remarried 9 times. But I myself ended up divorced, I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up happily married. 
    My hope lies in the anecdote and not the statistic. There was a time when I warned my kids not to date people who had been abused because of my own experience, but I'm glad my Mother didn't take that advise.
    I'm sure there were those who avoided knowing the Savior because by all appearances he came from a broken home. 
  7. Like
    Windseeker reacted to yjacket in The "ex" relationship   
    Okay, that is great you are using an anecdotal case (I understand that for some reason with humans, anecdotal cases carry at least twice the weight of raw facts and statistics). Bravo for those who stayed together.  Statistics say that your anecdotal case is not normal-it is an exception.
    What part of statistics do people not understand?  If statistics say children from divorced home have a 15% higher likelihood of divorce, yet your anecdotal case shows the opposite . . .congratulations count yourself lucky to buck the trend. 
    Just know that your anecdotal case is not the norm. Just like the statistics show beyond a doubt that a child raised in an abusive home is more likely to be abusive.
    Count yourself lucky that the abuse did not pass down to the next generation. Just know that it is more an exception to the rule rather than the rule itself.
  8. Like
    Windseeker reacted to classylady in The "ex" relationship   
    I say, keep your distance, especially if remarried. If there are children involved, there needs to be some communication and civility, but imo, it should be kept to the basics of visitation dates and times, and other necessary information about the children - nothing more. IMO when there is too much fraternization going on between the parents after a divorce it sends the wrong signals to the children.  They won't understand why their parents got divorced if they are now such great friends.  And, if they are good friends, then perhaps they should have worked harder on their marriage.
    Women should not be calling their ex and asking for help with car repairs, leaky faucets, etc.  Neither of them should be calling each other and sharing their disappointments, confidences, etc.
  9. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Third Hour in Church Leaders on Mental Health   
    I have a confession to make; I’m still not over Carrie Fisher. In December of last year the legendary Star Wars actress passed away unexpectedly. Fisher was a personal hero of mine. Along with pioneering one of the first empowered female roles as Princess Leia, her lifelong battle with bipolar disorder helped bring attention to the stigma and misunderstanding that often accompanies mental illness. She helped start a movement addressing the realities of living with mental disorders and encouraging those who suffer to seek help. image via buzzfeed.com Far too often, those who are plagued with mental health issues face discrimination and shame, and church members are no exception. Fortunately, modern-day prophets and apostles have spoken about mental illness, giving messages of hope and comfort to those who suffer. Here are some of their teachings on the subject: Self-Care Jeffrey and Patricia Holland One of the most iconic addresses on the subject of mental illness came from Elder Jeffry R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve in his 2013 talk "Like a...
    View the full article
  10. Like
    Windseeker reacted to seashmore in My love life has been a failure!   
    From a never married sister who spent seven years in Singles Wards outside of UT....
    First, focus more on being the kind of person you want to marry instead of trying to find the person you want to marry. The insecurity and lack of confidence are more off putting than the introversion. Especially at 25. You've had plenty of time to get to know and like yourself. I suggest starting there. Find something about yourself that you like, and reflect on it daily. Maybe it's the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, maybe you're a talented singer, maybe you have a knack for cutting paper in a straight line. If you can't find something, go out and get one. Learn to play the ukulele, build a bicycle from parts, make an effort to dispense at least one compliment a day.
    Second, so what if you're a potato? They're actually pretty versatile as a food, not to mention economic and tasty. "There's a lid for every pot," they say. President Hinckley said, "Most kids turn out to be just people."
    Third, don't depend on the Church (or anyone else) to solve your dating problems. Singles Wards/activities are NOT meet markets. 
    Fourth, don't become discouraged or bitter. You'll end up being your own worst enemy. Trust me.
    Fifth, just call up a girl and ask her to dinner or for a walk in the park.There was a guy in my singles ward who literally went down the roll and took each active and unattached girl on a date. It was awkward as all get out the first time through (yes, he went through more than once, and I was one of the first) but I really admired him for his efforts. Unfortunately, it didn't work out for us, as (along with other things) I found out on our date his second time through that he doesn't listen to music. At all. Until he said that, I hadn't realized how important it was to me. I wish I had kept in better contact with him because I'm convinced he'd be perfect for a friend of mine.
    Sixth, don't let your goal of marriage get in the way of your dating. What I mean by that is, don't get ahead of yourself. Have you ever played Frogger? Trying to marry someone when you aren't actively trying to date anybody is like crossing the stream before the street.
     
    Sorry if I said too much or came off like a drill seargant. Best of luck. If you're ever in the Midwest, let me know, and I'll see if I can't set you up with at least a practice date to keep your skills fresh.
  11. Like
    Windseeker reacted to yjacket in HELP ME SAVE MY MARRIAGE   
    First off I would say to just chill.  The world isn't going to end in the next hour, day or week.  No matter how bad this seems-it too shall pass.  So take a big deep breath. If you need to release some energy, go to the gym and workout go for a run, go do your favorite hobby, etc. Do something to get your mind off of this for a bit.  
    Now, there is a lot here so just calm down before it being addressed. So I'm going to approach this trying to give you a different perspective.  A possible perspective of your wife, it doesn't mean you or I agree with it-but an essential part of life is understanding another's point of view even when we don't agree with what they do. You've been together for 6 years, so that means basically since the time she was mature enough to date (~17) -you are the only man she has ever really got to know.  IMO it would not be a shock that after getting married she questions if she made the right decision (I don't have to agree with it to say that it doesn't surprise me or even that in some cases it might be a given). Especially if things have been a little rough.
    Now you are both young and immature (why people use snapchat, I'll never know). Technology especially in a marriage can be a very dangerous thing.  It is way, way too easy in today's society for people to communicate with former Facebook flames, random strangers, etc. on the internet.  Even if one has a good moral standing-most of the rest of the world doesn't-so it is very easy to find someone to talk to during a rough period of time in a marriage.  That initial "innocent friend" or stranger can easily lead to something not innocent if one is not careful.
    Now first off you stated that you worry that she will cheat or lie. The interesting thing about people and our expectations is that much of the time people will end up conforming to them.  If you think she will cheat or lie, then any instance in your mind that could be cheating will instantly be converted into is cheating.  So the first thing you must do if you want to save your marriage is to banish this idea that she will cheat or lie (you are unfairly setting her up to fail by doing that).
    Now, unless you actually have a text or an e-mail from her to this man stating she would like a picture then all you have is a he said she said.  You wife says she didn't ask for it. He says she did.  If you have an initial approach that your wife lies about it-you will automatically assume she is lying about this. However, why would the dude lie?  Think about it.  If you just sent some random chick (or even some girl you barely met) a porno picture and this girls husband asks you about it, what would you say?  Obviously, you would say . . .well she wanted it and you would obviously say she said she wasn't married.  You are going to do everything you can to absolve yourself of any improper behavior . . .why??
    Well, b/c if some random dude sent my wife a porno picture, there is a high likelihood I'm gonna be opening a can of youknowwhat on him!!!! 
    So you can't trust what this random dude said, period, end of story.  You admit you're wife never opened the Snapchat, so it absolutely is plausible that your wife never solicited this from him and doesn't know him or barely knows him. It is possible your wife is telling the truth.  Unless there is further evidence you should give her the benefit of the doubt.
    So what should you do.  You're wife may be cheating, but she may not be cheating . . . but if she isn't cheating this type of behavior could certainly drive her to cheating.
    If you want to save your marriage, you really need to re-think your approach.
    Unless there is more to this story, I would apologize profusely to me wife, admit what I did was wrong, stupid, that I should trust her more.  I would then say that as part of this we should both be more open about our technology use to each other.  That she should have come to you about this picture 1st, that by not being fully open with you it breeds mistrust, that you and her need to be more fully open about your communications with other individuals.
    Now if you have other texts, or e-mails or snapchats of her seeking this type of stuff-that's a different ballgame.  But unless and until then, take this as a wake-up call that all is not right in your marriage and that if you don't drastically change the way both you and her approach it, bad things could happen.
  12. Like
    Windseeker got a reaction from Sunday21 in What is your favourite type of exercise?   
    I've got pretty decent routine going right now that I enjoy.
    Using my arms I lift a tiny amount of weight to my face, chew and digest and then repeat. The reps vary but I do this usually about 3 times a day everyday. I've worked on this daily for my entire life so you can imagine I've gotten really good at it.
    I'm also working on a six week program to do 100 push-ups and 20 pull-ups. I also do the ab-wheel and am getting back into Phil Campbells Sprint 8 program. I attept to sprint for 30 seconds, rest and repeat 8 times.
  13. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Just_A_Guy in Socialized Medicine   
    That's fair, and frankly I'll be interested to see how these guaranteed income programs go--I suspect they'll implode once people figure out that they can blow their money on drugs and women and whatnot, and then go back and still get traditional welfare services from a government that lacks the political will to let these folks die in the streets. But if they can make it work in the long term, and control costs, and let workers keep the bulk of what they produce and not start curtailing individual liberties for the sake of promoting "the program"--more power to them.
    But when people start suggesting that the way of culturally homogenous peoples whose security is guaranteed by American defense treaties, ought to be implemented in a diverse and mistrustful America with staggering defense spending obligations and no assurance of a Brother Jonathan who can bail us out of a sticky spot--I start to get kinda cranky.
    In a more topical vein, I agree with @Carborendum.  Power corrupts; and government bureaucrats who get used to playing God in one aspect of life quickly start believing they ought to play God in *every* aspect of life.  Moreover, they become willing to kill rather than to admit that someone else's way of doing things may be better than their own.  That's why the Brits have decreed that this child must die rather than risk becoming an argument for American market-based health care; and it's why Communist rulers have chosen to kill a hundred million of their own people over the last century rather than letting them live in exile elsewhere in liberty and peace. 
  14. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Maureen in So what is nice about your State/Province/County?   
    My daughter visited Austin, Texas in January. She stayed at an Airbnb (seems to be the popular thing for those in their 20s and 30s). She asked someone why people didn't walk as much and mostly drive in that neighbourhood and she was told it was because of all the homeless people. She wasn't concerned since for whatever reason she and her husband seem to prefer neighbourhoods with homeless people. They bought a house in one.
    M.
  15. Like
    Windseeker got a reaction from Sunday21 in So what is nice about your State/Province/County?   
    After my mission I was a flight attendant for 4 years. While I mostly did international flights (Japan) I wasn't senior enough to hold a regular schedule so got pulled into fill allot of domestic flights. My experience lead me to firmly believe that if you look at a map of the last election, Electoral Map 2016, the red states are where you will generally find the most polite and kind people. I came to that conclusion far before I had a single political thought. I remember the cities I would try to avoid flying was San Francisco, New York (I lived in Manhattan a year and loved New York but New Yorkers make great neighbors and disgusting strangers) and sadly Seattle where I was based for 3 of those years and ended raising my kids for the next 14 years. I liked people from Utah but consistently found that my excitement at running into another member of the Church was never ever reciprocated. Even though I can understand being raised in an environment where most people are LDS might lessen the joy of finding a member somewhere I can't help but feel a little jaded that I'm treated like some weird grinning stranger, even though I'm a weird grinning stranger. 
    Now I live in Florida with these other two (Anatess and Gaterboy). I kiteboard, surf and stand up paddle board so I love the access to the beaches. The more North you go in Florida, the more South you go, and people seem more friendly. I am moving soon to Stuart from Boca Raton and really glad to be moving away from the city of Ariana Grande. If you ever saw her "I hate America" doughnut licking epsiode this is typical how these privledged kids behave. My older kids survived (barely) and glad my youngest gets to go to a place where the kids are raised a little better. 
    So yeah, Florida. Beaches, Disneyland, Universal Studios Harry Potter World (I love it but hate crowds so go maybe once every couple of years), Sunny skies, Mango trees, Jerk Chicken,  beautiful diverse population, Republican Governor. 
    I just got back from Portland, Oregon to see my sons debut concert, he who moved there with his band-mates from Florida. They love it. All of them work in the service industry and have PTSD from SE Florida. Whenever they see a man in a business suit they expect the worst and are always pleasantly surprised at how kind and human they are. Much love to the motherland! I'd move back there in a heart beat. The Gorge, Ocean, Mount Hood..love it all.
  16. Like
    Windseeker got a reaction from zil in So what is nice about your State/Province/County?   
    After my mission I was a flight attendant for 4 years. While I mostly did international flights (Japan) I wasn't senior enough to hold a regular schedule so got pulled into fill allot of domestic flights. My experience lead me to firmly believe that if you look at a map of the last election, Electoral Map 2016, the red states are where you will generally find the most polite and kind people. I came to that conclusion far before I had a single political thought. I remember the cities I would try to avoid flying was San Francisco, New York (I lived in Manhattan a year and loved New York but New Yorkers make great neighbors and disgusting strangers) and sadly Seattle where I was based for 3 of those years and ended raising my kids for the next 14 years. I liked people from Utah but consistently found that my excitement at running into another member of the Church was never ever reciprocated. Even though I can understand being raised in an environment where most people are LDS might lessen the joy of finding a member somewhere I can't help but feel a little jaded that I'm treated like some weird grinning stranger, even though I'm a weird grinning stranger. 
    Now I live in Florida with these other two (Anatess and Gaterboy). I kiteboard, surf and stand up paddle board so I love the access to the beaches. The more North you go in Florida, the more South you go, and people seem more friendly. I am moving soon to Stuart from Boca Raton and really glad to be moving away from the city of Ariana Grande. If you ever saw her "I hate America" doughnut licking epsiode this is typical how these privledged kids behave. My older kids survived (barely) and glad my youngest gets to go to a place where the kids are raised a little better. 
    So yeah, Florida. Beaches, Disneyland, Universal Studios Harry Potter World (I love it but hate crowds so go maybe once every couple of years), Sunny skies, Mango trees, Jerk Chicken,  beautiful diverse population, Republican Governor. 
    I just got back from Portland, Oregon to see my sons debut concert, he who moved there with his band-mates from Florida. They love it. All of them work in the service industry and have PTSD from SE Florida. Whenever they see a man in a business suit they expect the worst and are always pleasantly surprised at how kind and human they are. Much love to the motherland! I'd move back there in a heart beat. The Gorge, Ocean, Mount Hood..love it all.
  17. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Sunday21 in So what is nice about your State/Province/County?   
    Ontario! We have lots of tiny lakes cut out of glaciers up north. We have granite outcropping. Very pretty. We have lots of clean fresh water! Many great places to canoe. We have beavers, moose, loons and garter snakes. 
  18. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Just_A_Guy in Creepy, Not Creepy: The Dark Underbelly Of Mormon Dating   
    I would supplement with:  dating isn't about finding a "good person".  Darn near everyone is a "good person" in some sense, and those few who aren't still think they are.  Dating is about finding a person who is "good enough to marry".  And frankly, for an active, temple-worthy college-aged single LDS female, in 95% of cases a non-RM, non-priesthood-holding, non-temple-recommend-holding young man is not "good enough to marry".  Sorry, guys--but our young women do deserve better.
  19. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Just_A_Guy in Creepy, Not Creepy: The Dark Underbelly Of Mormon Dating   
    Interestingly, the more "traditional gender roles" seem to evaporate, the more churlish males seem to become and the less happy many women seem to be.
    Why, it's almost as if traditional gender roles served as a buffer against men following their baser, exploitative instincts, or something . . .
  20. Like
    Windseeker got a reaction from NeuroTypical in Church dropping Scouting program   
    Evidently the BSA was made for man, and man not for the BSA. 
  21. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Just_A_Guy in Church dropping Scouting program   
    While we're raking the Church membership over the coals for failing to make proper obeisance to the True and Living BSA, let's also take a moment to recognize that once you're dealing with high-school aged boys high school sports becomes a palpable competitor to any program the Church chooses to offer.  Even when I was doing 11-year-old Scouts, that was probably my most immediate and persistent headache:  the two or three kids who were doing little league, or city league football, or what-have-you; and whose parents then couldn't understand why their little darling wasn't getting the recognition he deserved at awards ceremonies. 
    Perhaps the single most effective thing the Church leadership could have done to bolster participation in Varsity/Venturing, would have been to explicitly discourage its YM from participating in intramural/high school sports.
    Given that the Church seems to have been unwilling to ask its YM to give the BSA their complete allegiance at the expense of competing interests like sports (and academics, and volunteerism, and part-time jobs, and non-Church-related social activities . . .), I'm not inclined to condemn the membership too harshly for failing to fully implement a manpower-intensive program that apparently wasn't that much of a Church priority and that substantial numbers of the boys themselves didn't want.
    By the way--a cursory search of conference.lds.org indicates that Varsity Scouting hasn't been mentioned at a General Conference since 1990; and Venturing has never been mentioned in General Conference at all.  How easy would it have been for someone--anyone!--to have said, over the pulpit, "By the way, brethren--get your Varsity and Venturing programs in order!"?
  22. Like
    Windseeker reacted to mordorbund in What the Scouting decision shows about us   
    I have never heard basketball referred to as a heavenly sport. I figured if this is a true doctrine, it should be spelled out in the scriptures. I did a search for the word "sport". If that is basketball, I will double down on finding some other activities for the youth.
  23. Like
    Windseeker reacted to anatess2 in What the Scouting decision shows about us   
    When my husband was a deacon, their troop went on an all day hike up and down a mountain.  On the way down, they encountered the fast spread of the beginnings of a wild forest fire and applied their scouting skills to dig a trench around the fire and chopped branches and such that could cause the fire to jump.  They ended up in the newspaper.
    This same troop also took a 3-day canoe trip with nothing more than can fit in a backpack not to exceed 1/3 of their body-weight.  That includes food, water, and shelter.  My husband didn't pack a tent preferring to use the weight for more food so he dug a hole on the ground to sleep in but he didn't ration his food so he had to figure out how to collect potable water and how to hunt and pick fruits as his provisions ran out sometime on day 2.
    Guess who his scoutmaster was?  His dad...
    He is now the scoutmaster and he wishes he can run the troop like in the old days where you don't make a trip to the grocery store in the middle of a campout.
  24. Like
    Windseeker reacted to unixknight in Putting Faces to Eachother on MormonHub   
    I've been considering changing my avatar to show me in my Space Marine helmet from this picture:
    Under the helmet is far, far more terrifying.  (That's my son with me at last Halloween's Church party.)

  25. Like
    Windseeker reacted to Vort in I can finally claim my Adulting badge   
    Given that she's earned her Adulting badge. I think that's probably "No need to rest on your Relief Societies".