Windseeker

McCain:  "President Duterte is a dictator."
McCain, you have become nothing more than an old guy who has cashed in your POW chip decades beyond its value.  Do the world a favor.  Retire and go home.  You don't even know what dictator means anymore.

My older brother was a real bully to me growing up. Being a year younger and the second oldest I was always protecting my younger siblings from him. His Mission changed him completely but some of the things he did had a way of returning to haunt him. During a reunion we held,  after we were grown up and married with young kids, my sister broke down and really layed into him about what a nightmare he had been growing up and it got to the point where her husband packed them up and gently escorted her to thier car departing early. They have since made up. My brother just didn't remember anything about the way he was or used to be. It's hard for me because we are just a year apart, but among bad memories or very precious memories that I want to share with him and he seems to have even forgotten those. He becomes noticably uncomfortable when we bring up anything from our childhood. 
Recently when I was visiting his family his kids, now college age, asked me about a story their Dad (my brother) told me about when I just attacked him out of the blue. I had jumped off our deck and slammed him to the ground and punched him in the face. Somehow my brother remembered this and completely disregarded my side of the story. It made me think that the distance between me and my nephews and neices was because he didn't share my side of things. The truth was that my brother kept trying to wake me up to go help my Dad who was calling for me. After the third time he had punched me in the face several times and left. I remember looking in the mirror and crying because I could see my face swelling and I had never ever been hit in the face or hit anyone in the face in my life (I was 16). It was that and years of intimidation and abuse that made me finally decide to stand up to him. When I attacked him in front of my Dad, my Dad literally cheered me on and didn't interfere because he was happy to see me standing up for myself. So for some reason my nephews and neices think I was psycho and I don't know how the jibs with their grandparents always refering to me as their peacemaker.
So here I am with this situation and all I can do is love my brother. Whether or not it strained my relationship with his kids is not my problem and the fact that he remembers it wrong is not my problem either. All I can do is forgive him and I do. He has become a someone I greatly admire and he deserves admiration. Whether by choice or circumstance he just doesn't remember things like I do and that's ok. I try to do little things to support those nephews and neices, like liking the facebook posts...lame I know...but we live so far apart I don't have the chance to spend more time with them. 
Anyway, I really love this quote. 

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. -Lily Tomlin

Happiness is not found in the past it's found in the present and Forgiveness involves the choice to live in the present. We know what we are commanded to do, our experience and our own mistakes and flaws remind us what a wonderful thing Forgiveness is. If we are to become like Heavenly Father we need to view others as he does. Thankfully he views us as we are, not as we were and that is how we need to approach each other. 

My $0.02: your wife does have a say in who gets told, especially if the reason for excommunication was related to chastity/fidelity.  Your sins are not hers, but having her husband go through this is a trial in her life.  She can also consult the Spirit too.  Also: you two get to set the boundaries of anyone's participation in this process.  You could have someone know, but not directly participate in your process (obviously they can pray).  

Have you seen "Paint Your Wagon"?

Hi @Orator61... I think your wife has an addiction.  She's addicted to motherhood.  She can't let go of it.  She feels useless, purposeless, etc., when she's not fussing over the kids.  Unfortunately, her addiction is costing you a lot of money and is in danger of putting you in the poor house for retirement.  If you were Filipino, it would be different because Filipino kids are their parents' retirement plans...
So, you've got lots of good advice above.  I'm going to add to this by giving you a perspective adjustment.
The way you've been handling this has been a My Wife Versus Me problem.  This is not a healthy way to look at this.  This is why you're contemplating divorce which is an unhealthy escapism solution to your problem which doesn't really solve the problem at all, it just makes it worse.  I suggest you look at this as a My Marriage versus Addiction problem.  What you want to accomplish is for both you and your wife to be on the same side of the fence fighting the "motherhood addiction".  So, your first step is to stop thinking of your wife as the enemy.  Rather, start thinking of your wife as a prisoner of war that has been captured by the enemy.  You get to save her from the enemy.  You should not get mad at your wife - you can't bring a POW back to your side if you're mad at the POW for getting herself captured, you see?  Rather, you should LOVE YOUR WIFE EVEN MORE - because this love will give you strength to free her from the bonds of the enemy.
So, how to free your wife from bondage... go get help from the Marines - the marriage counselors, financial counselors, etc who know their stuff and can help your wife overcome her weakness.  You might also try to get your adult children to help you.  Tell them to stop asking Mom for stuff!  For shame!  And, of course, get down on your knees and ask God to help you.
That's really all I can say about that.  Hope you get through this. 

While I don't believe finances is a reason for divorce; the fact of the matter is that financial decisions and arguments over finances is the #1 reason for divorce.
Unfortunately, this is a problem that should have been solved long, long ago with your wife and because it wasn't solved many moons ago it has caused a much, much bigger problem.
This is precisely why your children have problems-she has never let them be responsible for their own lives.  
This probably started when they were young and she wanted them to live a good life; not realizing that as a parent you can teach but you can't live their life for them-which is what she is trying to do.
This is also why (as much as people complain about rich inheritances) wealth does not pass three generations. The 1st generation worked hard, by the sweat of their brow and built something, the second generation has it a little bit easier but saw the hardwork of the parents and tries to do the same, by the time the 3rd generation roles around the kids are spoiled brats who can't do jack for themselves.  
The very wealthy families (who's wealth has passed down through generations) teach their kids very, very differently; kids who are slackers are cut off-everyone is expected to work hard, etc. 
I completely agree you need to get control of the situation-without causing a divorce.  The only way you are going to completely solve the problem is for you and her to get on the same page-for that, she needs to understand at a very deep emotional level the massive problems she is causing with your children's lives by providing them with financial funds (they will never be financially stable on their own, their own self-worth will be less, etc.).  I don't know how that is going to happen at this stage . . . 
Baring a complete mindset change on her part, probably the best you can do is find some compromise you both can live with.  Giving your wife 200k/year for the needs of the family is a lot of money; that isn't needs that is 200k/year for wants.   If you are providing 200k/year to her but then complaining about the 100k/year she gives to the kids-you are doing it wrong man.
Think of it this way . . . if as an employer you give your employees 50k/year and then they take 20k and blow it on shopping do you get upset at them?  No, b/c it is their money to do with as they see fit. If you give her 200k/year then you can't complain with what she does with the money as long as the actual needs not wants of your family is paid for. A huge part of this life is learning how to give people responsibility over things and then letting them fail or do with it how they see fit.  You have given your wife responsibility over 200k/year and obviously she is being irresponsible with that money (in your opinion and in mine-but not in her opinion).  
So what do you do? I don't know-this should have been solved a long time ago, if you don't nip things in the bud they can get real, real bad.
I would start of with obviously she doesn't need 200k/year so dial that back-what is appropriate, I have no idea, but obviously 100k/year isn't since she blows that on the kids.  No if you go from 200k to 100k/year that is probably going to cause some major problems.  Do you scale it back gradually or rip the bandaid off (which might be a  turniquet that is keeping blood from going everywhere).
And finally, is a divorce really going to solve this problem?  My guess is that a lot of things are tied together in your names and since you are fairly well off she will most likely get a significant portion of your income-which may amount to 200k/year??? In that case, she continues to do the same-except you've now lost your wife.
My condolences and good luck!

Well you gonna pull those pistols or whistle dixie!

The Outlaw Josey Wales by Clint Eastwood. I put that one in my top westerns of all time category.

We just finished watching Galaxy Quest. I love that movie.
"Let's go, before those things kill Guy!"

Deacons Quorum Adviser and Assistant Scout Master.

Well, actually, you were kind of assigning feelings to them...
"That can't make women in the church feel good."
I don't know much about wimmin (despite being married to a wimming for 20 years), but I know it's rare to have them enjoy being told how they should be feeling. 

It is not you who is constantly comparing the two grandchildren (your niece and your daughter).  Such comparisons are not healthy, and it is wrong for your parents to do that.  I would not let their wrong actions stop you from talking about your child.  
Have you discussed this with your folks?

I once laughed at a student who slid face first into vomit after I warned the class about said vomit. 

Filipino immigrant designer of the dress is not a xenophobic white male from flyover country.

Filipino immigrant designer of the dress is not a xenophobic white male from flyover country.

Ohmygoodness...  I LOVE THAT DRESS - with or without the MAGA.  Yes, it's not garment friendly but I had a similar dress on my sister's wedding.  Which was when I was not LDS yet.  My sister's entire wedding party had their dress designed and created by one of Philippines' great designers.  I had already moved to the US, so I had to just go to the dry cleaners by my house that did alterations and they took all my measurements.  I sent it to my sister and she had my dress made.  It was form fitting just like that MAGA dress but it didn't have the train out back.  My sister's dress had the train but it was a lot longer than that MAGA dress.  I arrived in the Philippines the day before the wedding and I went to the dress shop straight from the airport, put on the dress and IT FIT PERFECTLY without a millimeter to spare!  From shoulder to thigh it fit perfectly!  The only thing they had to change was to adjust the hem for my high heeled shoes and then to design the wrap that goes around the shoulders (can't wear sleeveless in Church, but is fine for the reception) for my preference.  This classic goldfish design is very popular in the Philippines and can come in a very simple unadorned gown to the most elaborate hand-embroidered-from-shoulder-to-tail number.  Andre Soriano's version of it is typically Hollywood risque with the simplicity of the gown making the MAGA and Trump train scream.
Anyway, this is what the left - including the people in Hollywood - keep on missing.  Joy Villa is an Italian African American Scientologist woman.  Andre Soriano is a Filipino American Catholic gay man.  They represent the diversity that is the Trump mandate.  Note:  Trump won only 1% more than Romney on the white vote.  Trump got 7% more than Romney on the black vote and 6% more on both the Hispanic and Asian votes.  So, if you really think about it, Trump carved a winning slice of the minority groups.
So, if your news source is the mainstream media and Hollywood, you would gain the impression that the "Trump Resistance" is a large powerful force.  But then you get Joy Villa jump to the Amazon's best selling album over the weekend and you realize... maybe the anti-Hollywood-politics crowd are even larger and more powerful.  They just went back to their role of being the silent majority...
Anyway, I saw this youtube video created by one of those University of California students that surprised me.  The video was presented by a group of Asians and African Americans and they presented a study about... I think he called it Generation Z, can't remember... but it's today's group of babies.  And the way it is trending, Generation Y - the teen-agers - are more conservative than Generation X.  But Generation Z is projected to be the most conservative group ever seen in the USA.  And they gave some theories on why this is and that it is mainly because of the Information Age.  Generation X grew up with the Internet.  Generation Y grew up using the Internet.  Generation Z is going to grow up IN the Internet.  So that, X are using the Internet for confirmation bias.  Y is using the Internet to sift through competing information.  Z is going to demand unvarnished information.  And it has always been that societies start off liberal and lean towards conservative with more unvarnished information.  I can't link the video as it has bad language.  I have to say, college campuses are like the military in their language these days.
 

I have mixed feeling about serving a mission.  I strongly believe that everyone should serve a full time mission, including young ladies.  I did not always believe ladies should also serve.  My experience with sisters when I was a missionary were difficult and as a result for years I thought ladies should prepare for other things.   Currently I believe all youth should prepare for missions.  I also believe that before a person becomes an adult citizen (right to vote) in the USA that they should be required to serve 2 years in the military.   I believe military service should be considered optional but without such service someone should not be a full citizen or have full citizen status. 
I do not believe anyone should be compelled to serve in either the military or a mission.  Perhaps one of my biggest lessons of life was concerning the lack of dedication of individuals I served with both in the military and on my mission.   Often when a missionary I was asked how many missionaries were serving in the mission – my answer was – “About half of them”.   The military was another matter which was so bad that I object to calling those in the military “service men or women”.   It is not that there are no good people in the military – just that they are a minority.  The language and expected behavior when on leave for the majority of the military may not be completely deplorable – but completely deplorable is not far.
I realize that there are missionaries that are called and arrived in the mission without intent to serve that become converted to and desirous to serve a mission and that many are blessed for their partial service.   I believe that D&C section 4 sums it all up for me – in particular verse 2:
“Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of G-d, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before G-d at the last day.”
I know it is not politically correct but I have more respect for someone that does not accept a call to serve than someone that does and in so accepting goes about it halfheartedly.
 
The Traveler

And knives.  Can't forget the knives.
Especially when you wake up at 3AM with one of them at your throat for a lecture about the toilet seat.
Yeah, that relationship didn't last much longer.

There were multiple quadzillions - until the Fire Nation attacked. 

 

Gorsuch was unanimously approved by the Senate 10 years ago to rule in the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals.  Let's see how tough this Senate hearing is gonna be.  Remember, the Democrats are still on a boycott for Price and Mnuchin.
Anyway, Gorsuch is going to be confirmed.  I'm fairly certain of it.  That should make the Never Trumpers happy so hopefully they'll be a bit more forgiving of Trump's unconventional ways.
Go Gorsuch!  May you get through the Senate without a hitch!

I'm an eternal life scout with a project to go and really tried to make it up with my youngest son. I was shocked when I attended Scout Camp and there were girls everywhere. While it was surprising I didn't have a problem with it until my son's swimming class.
There were about 30 boys and one girl in the class and the instructor (18-20 year old) literally had his back on the entire class while focused on the girl. The boys were all in various states of not doing as he was instructing (could have been drowning for all he cared) while he ignored all of them the entire class time while working with this girl who seemed to enjoy the attention. It was then I saw the writing on the wall. The inmates are running the asylum. (Don't get me wrong..I probably would have loved it when I was a Scout and can imagine all the trouble I would have gotten in). Now top it off with this..how are they going to deny girls that say they identify as boys?

One of the major objections I have to government bureaucracies and policies is the notion that one program fits all possibilities.  To me a “wall” is based in the one solution mentality.  Let’s take Mexico as an example – in part because the Mexican border is such a big problem that old thinking has not done much to resolve.  Because of the large amounts of individuals from Mexico desiring to come to the USA I think we should consider putting pressure on the Mexican government to provide a state primarily or exclusively in Mexico that would become a “territory” of the USA.  This territory in Mexico would be under a special dispensation of USA law.  The size of the territory would be based on the number of individuals wishing and allowed by Mexico to live there.  The territory could be located at the border and have area provided by both countries with perhaps the greater land area coming from Mexico.  The point is that citizens of that territory state would be awarded special visas that grant certain privileges in both countries.
This territory concept would allow Mexico primary control over who of their citizens are allowed to become citizens of that territory and a way for the USA to obtain cheap labor in certain markets under USA government control as well as incremental benefits and tax status in the USA economy.  I have not provided a complete description of this option and leave a great deal to everyone’s imagination.   My point in this suggestion it to start thinking outside the box of ancient tradition that does not work very well in our current circumstance.
 
The Traveler

My older brother was a real bully to me growing up. Being a year younger and the second oldest I was always protecting my younger siblings from him. His Mission changed him completely but some of the things he did had a way of returning to haunt him. During a reunion we held,  after we were grown up and married with young kids, my sister broke down and really layed into him about what a nightmare he had been growing up and it got to the point where her husband packed them up and gently escorted her to thier car departing early. They have since made up. My brother just didn't remember anything about the way he was or used to be. It's hard for me because we are just a year apart, but among bad memories or very precious memories that I want to share with him and he seems to have even forgotten those. He becomes noticably uncomfortable when we bring up anything from our childhood. 
Recently when I was visiting his family his kids, now college age, asked me about a story their Dad (my brother) told me about when I just attacked him out of the blue. I had jumped off our deck and slammed him to the ground and punched him in the face. Somehow my brother remembered this and completely disregarded my side of the story. It made me think that the distance between me and my nephews and neices was because he didn't share my side of things. The truth was that my brother kept trying to wake me up to go help my Dad who was calling for me. After the third time he had punched me in the face several times and left. I remember looking in the mirror and crying because I could see my face swelling and I had never ever been hit in the face or hit anyone in the face in my life (I was 16). It was that and years of intimidation and abuse that made me finally decide to stand up to him. When I attacked him in front of my Dad, my Dad literally cheered me on and didn't interfere because he was happy to see me standing up for myself. So for some reason my nephews and neices think I was psycho and I don't know how the jibs with their grandparents always refering to me as their peacemaker.
So here I am with this situation and all I can do is love my brother. Whether or not it strained my relationship with his kids is not my problem and the fact that he remembers it wrong is not my problem either. All I can do is forgive him and I do. He has become a someone I greatly admire and he deserves admiration. Whether by choice or circumstance he just doesn't remember things like I do and that's ok. I try to do little things to support those nephews and neices, like liking the facebook posts...lame I know...but we live so far apart I don't have the chance to spend more time with them. 
Anyway, I really love this quote. 

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. -Lily Tomlin

Happiness is not found in the past it's found in the present and Forgiveness involves the choice to live in the present. We know what we are commanded to do, our experience and our own mistakes and flaws remind us what a wonderful thing Forgiveness is. If we are to become like Heavenly Father we need to view others as he does. Thankfully he views us as we are, not as we were and that is how we need to approach each other. 

I love Peggy Noonan and as she is a former speech writer really appreciated her take on the speech. 
I was more moved than I expected. Then more startled.