Windseeker

@emilydc You know what you need to do.  You are simply too afraid/selfish to do so.  You need to get over it.
Here are some possibilities you might face.
First Option... You do a complete and total confession and begin to repent.  Downsides it might cost you your marriage, and it might cost you your membership for awhile.  But you save your eternal soul and take advantage of the Atonement to be clean again.
Second Option... You continue to lie and get outted (as you fear might happen)  Instead of going before your husband and bishop with a broken heart you get dragged before them.  The odds of it costing you your marriage and your membership climb greatly and it take longer to dig out from under it (assuming you ever do)
Third Option... You don't confess and you don't get caught until facing Christ on judgement day.  He judges you fairly and justly.  Since you did not repent and take advantage of his atonement. The following happens: your sealing to your husband is broken because of your sins (your marriage ends permanently), you are cast into Hell where your membership in Christ kingdom ends...  In time Christ empties out Hell where you gain the Telestial Kingdom.
 
If you are going to be afraid/selfish... then at least do it with an eternal perspective rather then a very short-sighted mortal one.
 

The Rock is what made Moana. 
 

Without a doubt the most entertaining Press conference of my lifetime. 

I read this today and thought it had allot to do with this topic. 
I'd highly recommend it. 
http://happiness-seekers.com/2017/01/02/the-alarming-truth-behind-anti-mormonism/
Specifically: 
 

1 Nephi 8:26
http://money.cnn.com/2016/12/29/technology/amazon-aerial-warehouse/

I read this today and thought it had allot to do with this topic. 
I'd highly recommend it. 
http://happiness-seekers.com/2017/01/02/the-alarming-truth-behind-anti-mormonism/
Specifically: 
 

Without a doubt the most entertaining Press conference of my lifetime. 

I apologize if this topic has been brought up by someone else, but I've had a thought that did wonders for my marriage, when 15 of our 20 years of marriage has been loveless. 
This is what turned it around. The last general conference was more meaningful and spiritual than any others for me. A couple days later, I felt a need to express my appreciation and love for my husband. It started out as a text, but as it grew in length it turned into an email. My words normally get all jumbled up when I speak of anything emotional and my true feelings aren't conveyed so I decided to trust my writing. I read and fixed and re-read and then changed some more of it many times before I sent it to him. I even left it and came back to it a couple hours later to make sure it was saying what I wanted it to. This was no ordinary letter, it was from deep down, the part of myself that NO ONE ever sees. This could only have been done when I was already in an incredibly spiritual moment in time.
What I told him was incredibly personal, but I feel the need to share it with you. I told him what I love about him and why. I told him that the perspective of physical bodies and earthly sins and annoyances had nothing to do with why I do or don't love him because I had caught a glimpse of the other side and I realized that when looking at the eternal perspective, suddenly this anger and frustration seemed quite silly because they didn't matter. We are here to help each other through this life, not hinder them and I feel extremely blessed to have him by my side. At the end of the email I asked him if we could talk about it when he had time to think it through. We talked the next night where he shared his thoughts about it. It was incredible for us, but after a few weeks, when the high wore off, the real work began. Which is a whole other topic.
My point is that we all communicate differently, we all perceive love differently, and maybe giving your wife some time to hear what you have to say privately, without having to respond immediately may be an idea. Make sure if you do this you include the desire to discuss it after she has had time to think it over. It was the talk afterwords that had such a huge effect on us. It had been so long since we really communicated without walls and barriers. We can never truly know someone when there are walls in the way. There's a song by Francesca Batistelli called "If We're Honest". It's worth listening to and maybe playing it for your wife.
If you decide to do this, I would give a little advise (even though I'm not big on giving advise, I think we "should" all over each other enough) but here it is. In this letter/email I would not include your transgressions, I would focus all of it on her and your love for her, why you fell in love with her. Keep everything positive and really speak from the heart. 
Your wife has been wounded, and apparently she has made negativity her band-aid. Something has to change for her to be able to decide to rip the band-aid off, hopefully she'll see that she's picking the wound open over and over again. If she stops, it'll heal.
 
 
 

Last year when the Idaho incident went down, I blamed entitled kids and clueless parents who didn't raise their kids to know better. In this incident, I've decided I also blame a bad family situation. Not that these kids, any of them, necessarily have all-out horrible families, but that they are victims in this war on the family. Which does affect society. I'm a bit of the rebel in my belief that Satan's war on the family is also a war on the community, but I stand by it. The basic family unit is falling to pieces and this in turn destroys the communities they are in.. and eventually, there goes society. I do not wish to make a concrete judgment, but two of the girls' grandmother raised them from babyhood and I can't help but wonder what went wrong with her own child that led to her raising these kids that led to these kids being monsters.
So, yes, I blame the war-on-the-family.
But, on the article of the OP, wow, I was a more than bit disgusted when everyone on the news sites was "Blame BLM!" "Blame Trump!" "Blame <insert disliked side of political spectrum>". If you disagree with whatever, what are you doing to positively remedy the problems you see?

Hey Mcmkk, 
I really like what LP told you. 
As for my advice, I can't recommend this book enough The Peacegiver: How Christ Offers to Heal Our Hearts and Homes by James L. Ferrell
This is the book I feel you need right now. What this book did for me is helped me view those around me as our Father in Heaven views them. This is a huge step towards developing that pure love which attributes include long-suffering. I also learned what true forgiveness is.
The information in this book put things into perspective for me and gave me the strength to truly Love my wife even during times she was completely wrong about me. No book has changed me as much as this book did (I wish it was the Book of Mormon, but I've always been LDS so I can't say I really know what I would be like without it).
On top of that when I read your post I also thought about the need for boundaries as well, so even though I've never read the book LP recommends I think it's also a good idea. 
Some other advice I would add is a little unconventional perhaps. But I don't know what your routine or hobbies are. But one thing that might help is to switch things up. Part of doing this is to create space but you can also switch up the routine with your wife and I think it might be a catalyst for change. 
So if you don't work out, start working out. Go to a Gym, If you already work out try something different like go to a rock climbing gym, start doing Yoga get into hiking or mountain biking. You need to show yourself and her that you are dynamic. You may notice that people who go thru divorce all seem to get into shape and start taking on new healthy hobbies. It's because they realize they are independent and are trying to heal and get out of a rut. They also want to feel attractive and good about themselves. There is no reason why you need to go thru a divorce to switch things up. You are getting allot of negative input from your wife, so you need to show yourself and her that there's much more to you then this problem. If she get's jealous then invite her along but this is your way of taking control of YOUR life and may help your spouse face the fact that you are a separate person with your own feelings, hopes, and desires. The more you like yourself, and see yourself improving in other ways (outside of work)  and the more confidence you show the more attractive you are going to be. One last thing I'd recommend is to also improve spiritually. If your not having family home evenings and prayer with your spouse you need to start doing that. Go to the temple with or without her. 
Just some ideas. Become the sort of man that you would admire. I wish you the best.
 

I had no idea about that Idaho crime, it's just unacceptable. I don't agree with the shared responsibility garbage. 
Take that teen from Idaho and these 4 teens from Chicago and hang them publicly.

Blair Witch 3.5/5 stars.  It was fun to experience that storyline again.

Some fine sentiments, and not altogether wrong; but the column overall smacks of a cop-out.  When everybody's guilty, no one is; and I think we all know what would happen if National Review or Fox News had produced similarly mealy-mouthed "we are ALL to blame" column in the wake of--say--the Charleston church shooting, or that Norwegian neo-Nazi's massacre from a couple of years ago.
This just comes back to an all-too-familiar paradigm:  violent right-winger = the fault of a sick conservative ideology; violent left-winger = the fault of a sick society (that will only be cured when enlightened progressives have fully subdued the conservative neanderthals who are responsible for the status quo).  Pile enough of these Catch 22s on top of each other, and viola!--you get a Trump in the White House.

Correct.  That is the Plan of SALVATION.  In that Salvation, you are correct.  It is a dichotomy.  Either you are SAVED or you are NOT SAVED.  In this, we are saved by Christ's grace and not by our works.  And such grace is predicated by our acceptance of Christ's atoning sacrifice.  I posit that the FACT that we are on earth already indicates that we have accepted Christ's atoning sacrifice at least with our pre-mortal knowledge.  Those that did not accept Christ went with Lucifer in pre-mortality and did not progress to gaining mortal bodies.  Of course, one can work his way through mortality to end up rejecting Christ in the final judgment after gaining full knowledge.  They would join Lucifer as well and join the NOT SAVED camp.
Where you veer off is where it goes from being Saved to being Exalted.  This is also where the Catholics veer off.  The Catholics believe in heaven and hell as end-states.  Further, they believe that there are no degrees to heaven.  It's just heaven.  You go to heaven out of Christ's grace alone.  Your works do nothing to merit salvation.  Rather, you do righteous works because you love God.  Baptism, therefore, is only a requirement to those to whom the gospel has been proclaimed and that people who have not been baptized may still attain salvation.  The Catholic position of the 2 end-states of heaven and hell is the only position that they can possibly hold from the scholarly study of the scriptures because they are missing the doctrine of Exaltation and post-mortal Ordinances restored in these latter days.
The 3 degrees of glory is not a progression (that's a Catholic teaching - progress from earth to purgatory before making it to heaven).  Rather, they are inheritances as taught by the latter day prophets for all those who are SAVED.  You are saved by grace alone.  You inherit a degree of glory that your mortal and spirit world works indicate is where your heart is.  Therefore, the Saved = Heaven, Not Saved = Hell becomes insufficient in the depiction of the Plan of Salvation.  It becomes further detailed with Heaven separated out into 3 Degrees - Telestial, Terrestrial, Celestial - with Hell qualified as Outer Darkness (spiritual death - that being completely separated from God).  Of course, to those who have full knowledge of our Potential for Celstial glory and because of the state of their hearts did not attain that potential, we could surmise that it would be hell for them to inherit terrestrial or telestial glory.  King David, for example, would be in such a hell I would imagine even as he is Saved.
Do you see how I have that picture all clear in my head without having to point out details in minutae on the ancient meaning of a word or a detailed unpacking of possible alternate interpretation of some prophet's teaching?  I have studied the gospel in minute details as a Catholic and then as a Latter-day Saint but all this minutae contribute to that overall picture in my head.  So that, when I go teach in Primary or listen to the teachings in Sunday School or RS or listen to conference talks or study different books in the scriptures or attend the temple... all of them don't clang around in my head conflicting with each other... rather they all fit in with the general picture. 
There's these 3 guys who described an elephant.  One guy was observing its leg and said an elephant is a giant tree.  The other guy was observing its tail and said an elephant is a rope.  They other guy was observing its ear and said the elephant is a cloth.  They all offered conflicting descriptions and if they don't step back and look at the elephant as a whole, they'll argue all day long.
 
 

You have been there, but that was before it was carved up. So your mistake is understandable.
(Am I doing this right @MormonGator?)

My father use to say that few people know how to be happy and his example was always finances and weight.  But I will reference weight and health because this is what is going on with this thread.  He would say most people what to be miserable and unhappy.  That either they eat what they want thinking it will make them happy and find out that whey they look on the mirror they are unhappy with how they look.  Or they diet and exercise (things they dislike and makes them unhappy to do) to be able to look in the mirror and be happy.
So most people demand and make themselves unhappy – either because they are unhappy with how they have to eat and exercise or they are unhappy because they are unhealthy and overweight.
According to my father the secret to happiness is learning to love and enjoy the things and discipline that achieve the long term results someone believes to be good.  This is quite different than learning to love and enjoy the very things that bring about the long term that depresses and makes a person miserable.  I personally believe Satan wants us to be miserable and depressed and temps us to believe we can achieve happiness without discipline and doing whatever we want at the moment.
 
The Traveler

We can now officially move this story to the Special Snowflakes thread.

I understand. Sometimes its hard for me to have the necessary humble approach. I am working on it, just not quite there yet. I want to he able to be a great communicator, still learning how. Thats one reason I like these forums.

A faithful Latter-day Saint should know that the Church is a Kingdom run by God.  The power of the Church comes from God, and that any correction and course changes comes from the Top down... not the bottom up.
Any one that understands Government knows that the power of the Government comes from the people and therefore changes and corrections come from the bottom up.
Thus two wildly different organizations with two wildly different set of acceptable behaviors
The problem here is that this lady as a choir member was acting and using her position in the Kingdom of God to promote her own political agenda, and not the agenda of for which she was empowered by the church to represent.
 

Funny thing--I'm not even a liberal. I hate Trump because of his character. 

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe some of the sentiment against the term "Mormon" comes from the idea that is clearly displayed in 3 Nephi 27:8:
 8 And how be it my church save it be called in my name? For if a church be called in Moses’ name then it be Moses’ church; or if it be called in the name of a man then it be the church of a man; but if it be called in my name then it is my church, if it so be that they are built upon my gospel.
 

Mormonism is "henotheistic" in the same way that larger traditional Christianity is "henotheistic". You worship the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. That's three. But you say they are all one God, so therefore monotheism. Observant Jews and Muslims laugh at your explanation.
I don't really care whether people want to call us "henotheists". The truth is one, and it's true no matter what we believe or what words we invent to explain it. Truth is true. Period. God and his Son and the Holy Ghost are one -- not in the way traditional and sectarian Christianity has said, but still, they are one. We do not worship a pantheon of deities such as the ancient Greeks or Romans or Egyptians did. We worship the Father in the power and name of the Son and through the ministrations of the Holy Ghost. Whether that counts as one God or three is of almost no consequence to me. The scriptures say we worship one God, so I go with that. But if other people want to count three, that's okay by me. Count it however you like. The important thing is that I worship the true and living God in the manner he has prescribed. I don't care very much about the rest.

You can put your head in the sand all you like, but Trump is neither honest, nor good, nor wise; and we have been explicitly warned about the dangers of putting his ilk in positions of political leadership. You can blame Romney, or David French, or Bill Kristol; but none of them (nor even the media) made Trump a serial womanizer and philanderer, a predatory casino-owner, a deadbeat who stiffed myriads of vendors, a flip-flopper who put Romney to shame, a false accuser, a liar par excellence --excuse me, master persuader--and a mammon-worshiping blasphemer who openly disavowed any need to seek forgiveness from on High for any aspect of his miserable life until it became politically expedient for him to do so.  Trump did all that himself, and made a calculated effort to incorporate those traits as thoroughly into his public image as he had into his private one. 
If some Latter-day Saints chose to take their own scripture seriously even as others were selling out, the holdouts can only represent the highest form of collusion: that between a creature and its Creator.  The Romney-as-puppetmaster paradigm doesn't square with Romney's demanding fair-market-value for Team McMullin to purchase his donor list; it doesn't square with the lack of contact between Romney and McMullin prior to McMullin's candidacy; it doesn't square with Romney's lack of an endorsement; it doesn't square with Romney's lack of financial or logistical support to the McMullin campaign. 
Slanders against McMullin/Romney and prolonged "otherization" of those few (yes, the "NeverTrumpers") whose souls are still their own, may be an effective short-term opioid against the pain of a pricked conscience.  But the value of such balm, like that all other Trumpian patent medicines, will prove ephemeral; as Trumpers slowly come to understand the spiritual and social bankruptcy of what they have done.  They don't yet understand--they never understood--that progressivism was the symptom, not the cause, of America's problems.  The cause was moral decay, and the Trumpers have just enticed the Republican Party into standing up to be counted as being in favor of more of it.  What of cabinet picks, federal judges, and a short-lived regulatory rollback?  None of that will be any match for the mischief effectuated by a materialistic, profligate, loveless electorate that has given up trying to determine "truth" and instead votes wholly with its gut. 
I think it's wonderful that Trumpers have finally decided that party loyalty is a virtue. 

Wow.  It has been over 4 years.  I had nearly forgotten about this post, but I'm sure some random internet lurkers are bound to happen upon this thread and want advice about their own situation or just want to know how things turned out.  First of all, thank you all for the advice.  To all the lurkers, there is some awesome advice here.
I married her!  Never regretted it!  We're loving life.  Now, a few things that I've learned:
1. She was never the problem.  It was always me (basically, I was an idiot).
2. The idea of virginity is just that, an idea.
3. What matters most is that you're best friends.  Best friends are loyal to each other no matter what happened in the past.
4. The past isn't real.  The present is everything.  The future is a dream.
 
My advice, is that if you're in this type of situation, get over yourself.  Assuming your significant other is completely loyal to you, if you still find yourself "haunted" by their past then the most important thing you need to ask yourself is, "Can I be the spouse my SO needs?"  If the answer is no, then stop jeopardizing your SO's happiness by constantly dragging your thoughts through the nonexistant past.  Get out of the relationship for their sake.  If you can honestly answer yes, then go for it.  You've got an entire lifetime to make amazing memories together.
I was taught growing up that it was better to die than to lose your virtue.  I disagree with that.  I was also taught that those who had lost their virtue were like "licked ice cream" or "chewed gum".  That way of thinking is wrong, and it's very harmful.  Let go of that type of thinking.  It benefits no one.
Elizabeth Smart talked about what it feels like to be a "chewed piece of gum" and it sounds terrible: http://fox13now.com/2013/05/06/elizabeth-smart-i-felt-like-a-chewed-up-piece-of-gum/   Don't put your SO through that.  If you're best friends, nothing else matters.
 
Best of luck to your SO (and you) if you're in the situation I was in.  In conclusion, this image sums it all up:

Free advice, worth the sum you paid for it:
You cannot "forget" her past. It is a part of her.
What if your fiancee had made a foolish decision in the past that cost her her arm? She could repent of her foolishness, grow up, and get past such things...but she would still lack the arm. Repentence from sin does not remove all the life effects of the transgression, only the moral stain.
When/if your finacee fully repents of her fornication -- and that is not something you will ever be in a position to judge; for example, she may have already done so -- then God will no longer hold her responsible for that fornication. She is/will be perfectly clean in the blood of Christ, as if she had never sinned. But her virginity per se will not magically be restored. Her experiences in sex with her boyfriend or boyfriends won't suddenly vanish from the chemical structure and neuronal interactions of her brain. In her body, her mind, and her personality, she will bear the imprints of the actions she took and the decisions she made.
Just as we all do for everything we have ever done, good or bad. In this, she is no different from you or me or the rest of the world. Surely you do not want to be rejected because of that scar on your forehead that you got when you were twelve and fell off your bike onto the iron grate, EVEN THOUGH your mother had explicitly told you not to ride your bike there.
If you really can't get past that she has had sex with another man -- and remember, that will never, ever, ever change, and will always and forever be the case -- then do yourself and her a favor and break off your engagement. She deserves a man who won't continually condemn her for past foolish decisions, and honestly, you deserve a woman with whom you feel comfortable. If she's not that woman, and if you lack the spiritual strength and emotional maturity to let this issue go and take joy in being married to her, don't let pride push you into a relationship that may be doomed from the start. Get out now, before any lasting damage is done to either of you.
On the other hand, if you can find the strength and maturity to have a Christlike outlook on this, then she just may be the person who can help you to find eternal life and with whom you can share untold blessings, in this life and the next.
But as long as you feel the way you presently do, by all means, do both of you a favor and GET OUT of the engagement.