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  1. shdwlkr

    Forgiveness: Ex and the other woman

    As one who has and "ex" that did so many things wrong here is what I discovered 1. if I felt negative about what she did it affected me in a negative way 2. She didn't and doesn't care what I think, feel or care about 3. she thinks it was all my fault the marriage failed, forget she was married several times before me. 4. when I started caring about me and not her or what happened I started to feel better about me 5. I can only change my feelings 6 I can not change how she feels about me never could 7 I can only work to make me a better person 8 No one feeling negative about a relationship failure really understands it is not how the relationship failed that matters, It is what you do after that matters in your life as that is the one you have control over 9 Never look back at what was lost as it most likely was not going to last anyways. If you did nothing major to cause the relationship to fail that is. No I don't mean normal marriage issues. I mean if you didn't cheat, lie, steal, etc. then the fault will be taken care of one day by the one who will settle the books for us all. 10 Just be careful not to jump back into a relationship to soon, look long and hard before you move and always pray that those who did negative to you are taken care of. I know that might seem stupid but there is a reason, we are not to judge only Christ can judge so we are left with praying for those that are in our lives, have been in our lives and yet may come into our lives. Hope this helps
  2. Well 3 years ago I was in that position and I can tell you divorce sucks but sometimes it is the best thing. My counselor also told me that there was very little chance things would settle down and they didn't. I have done all I can to be the best father to the kids that want me in their life and those that don't well they are free to feel any way they wish about me I can do nothing to change their minds if they will not at least let me try. I am single now and wondering if I can ever be in a relationship that will last. I know I am where God wants me in this mortal life and even the ward and temple district. I have no idea of why he wants me here but know it is him I listen to and if there is to be someone in my life that he will bring her into my life when I am ready and not until. Some will think this is silly or maybe foolish but you know if you faith is not founded, is not strong enough to face the challenges as they come into our life how will we ever handle the challenges for our callings in Heaven when we get there?
  3. As so many have said Personal Revaluation will never be negative if it comes from the Lord This sister seems to feel that destroying a relationship to get what she wants is a good thing. Well if Satan is who you are listening to then if might be. Christ will never condone, accept or tolerate destroying of a marriage. This does not mean that mortal desires can't cloud the issue, that mortal feelings won't get in the way, it says that a bond between and a woman no one should interfere with. This lady and your husband seem to feel that God is not a just and merciful God. In that vein he is also a just God that condones nothing that is not clean, pure and positive in nature. This PR seems to be anything but and therefore must come from the Great Deceiver of all.
  4. shdwlkr

    Husband might be in trouble

    Some thoughts Yes your husband was right to defend/protect you from another He did do it in a poor thought out manner He realizes this and is willing to apologize to the innocents and already has to some Bishop can counsel him that he used poor judgement, but also if he has been the bishop and knows this member has this issue and is not working with said individual he is also party at fault. His counselors should have smoothed things over as best they could but it is the Bishop who needs to seek out what happened and act accordingly Your husband seems to be a real companion and you should be very grateful for that He seems to also be for the most part a humble man that just reached his limits of what he could accept/tolerate without reacting lastly you should feel good he loves you enough to step in and defend you even if he used poor judgment in doing it the way he did. Cheer up there will be more bumps in the road of life we all get to enjoy at times, this is just yours at the moment
  5. shdwlkr

    Toilet age?

    Interesting question I know my daughter who is 5 prefers to use the lady restroom and yes dad stands outside so no one gets to take her for a walk and no I don't think it is wrong for her to do so. My son who is 6 also goes to the men restroom on his own sometimes It is all about what they are comfortable with and if it is a safe place for them to do so if not they get to go with dad and at 6 foot 2 inches and a few hundred pounds we don't get much in the way of negative comments. I am a single non custodial parent and yes it is important to not instill fear in your kids that is not justified and going to the bathroom in the right gender bathroom is something we each at to decide what is and is not the right time to allow this.
  6. You know I have read all through this post and find it interesting that it strayed so far off the OP. First if you have been asked not to carry at someone's house then you don't simple as that. Second the police can't be everywhere to protect everyone all the time just simple math will answer that question. Look how many police there are where you live compared to the number of residents. New York state has some of most restrictive pistol laws in the nation. NO you can not carry openly, No you can not carry concealed with out a permit and they are getting harder to get a general concealed carry permit, they have several firearms that are banned period. Like the AR platform better be sure it is allowed where you are and even the magazine is the right size or you could be in hot water. Now where I live I can carry open or concealed as I have a cc, but that is sort of moot because what I carry can still be sort of seen as it is just plain big in size. No firearm ever made has ever been convicted of killing a person or another firearm. It requires a human element to become a bad tool or a good tool. Yes firearms are tools, they are not killing machines until they are used for that reason by a human being. Now if you don't want a firearm in your home that is fine, but if you choose to have one get as many classes as you can on how to use them, realize that if you pull a gun out it is to protect you and yours and that you just might have to take another's life to do so. If you can not accept that then don't bring a gun to the issue that you are dealing with as it will maybe get you dead by the perpt that doesn't care about your life and sees it as a chance to get a gun to use else where and if you live it is your fault because you let him/her get away with your gun. I was in a ward once where our bishop was a state trooper and did he come to church in uniform yes many times did he carry his weapon into church yes he did it was part of his uniform and would have cost his job to not be carrying. Do members carry at church and not talk about it you better believe in the more rural wards they sure do. My current bishop knows if I come to church dressed differently than I usually do that I am carrying and he is fine with it. It is his responsibility to say it is ok or no you can't in his ward building. Just as a side note do you think when the General Authorities travel with their body guards that the guards leave their firearms in the vehicles? I would be willing to bet that they don't and yet members are told to leave theirs at home. The reason is quite simple in theory and that is if members get into a headed discussion and firearms are easy to access things could go bad, where if falls down in this day and age of terrorists is what would be said if some went into a ward building and shot the members killing a lot of them, remember when we go to church we take our families with us. Many have small children how do you rationalize the General Authorities need protection but normal members do not question? I am not trying to start a debate but it would pose and interesting discussion I would think if it ever happened and I pray it never does but other churches it has and that is why I brought it up. I am not in disagreement with the general church policy as I can see both sides of the issue. I can even see where something bad might happen and I might be carrying and never bring my pistol out of its holster. What would that be? If more would get hurt by my bringing my pistol out to try and defend others and myself then I would not bring it out simple as that. I spent years in the military and several cc classes and it always was when to bring out a firearm must be thought out very carefully as you could make the situation worse by doing so and that is not what you want to happen. I have gone out with several who wanted nothing to do with a firearm and when we got done they were excited to know when they could go again. We mainly used 22 long rifle arms and shot at yes I know this is hard to accept paper, empty pop cans, empty milk gallon jugs and horrors of horrors sometimes we even put water in them. Now if you wanted to hone your skills for self defense and had gone through a CC class we brought out targets that had real faces on them and taught where to aim and hit the target and just how to shoot the target. Why real faces because the jerk that is trying to harm you has a real face and you need to be ok with this when you pull the trigger. Also you have to realize that the police are going to be very very interested in why you shot the jerk in the first place. Nope the fact he/she is in your home and got in by breaking in is not always a good reason, the fact they were beating on a family member is a good beginning, but again that is not always a good idea. Years ago when I working in a hospital we had a young man that came in with a gun shot wound and the shooter was in jail. The shooter was a home owner who claimed he was defending his home, problem was the young man was shot in the back and from above so how was he a threat to the home owner? The court saw it as abuse of deadly force so the home owner got to visit jail for a few years. In another one the person was shot in the chest twice and claimed the home owner stepped out and just shot him. Well for starters there was a big blood stain on the bedroom floor and broken door on the house the home owner had been beaten bad enough he was in the hospital also. The person who was shot in the chest got a burglary charge, attempted murder charge (should tell how bad the home owner was beaten and yes he got some jail time for all of this and lying to the police and medical staff when he went into the hospital for medial help. I have had at least one firearm with me since I was 12 years old and you know I have never seen a unloaded firearm ever do anything stupid on it own. I have never seen a loaded firearm go off all by itself just because it felt like it. I have seen stupid people do stupid things with firearms and strange things happen. I have always tried to be safe with my firearms and so far it has worked for me. I have a cc because it is just one more thing I can do to protect myself and family and friends if needed and yes I keep a look out for places, situations that just might not be a good place to be. I have walked down dark alleys, dark streets and wondered if that was a smart idea or not and nope didn't always have a firearm either. Would it have made me feel safer if I had I really don't know as nothing happened anyways so how much different it would have made me feel I don't know. Today I would most likely not even bother walking in those two situations if I can prevent it. Some of the fear of firearms comes from the movies we see and TV programs we watch and see all that the firearm can do, strange thing is that in real life it doesn't happen that way. There is no firearm outside of maybe the 50 caliber sniper rifle that is going to lift the individual shot up off their feet just doesn't happen. Another thing that just because you shoot someone doesn't mean the threat is over depending on where they have been hit, how many times they have been hit and how powerful (i hate that word but can think of a better one) just how much damage has been done to the functioning of the person shot. Heck I remember a pistol with only six rounds firing something like 20-30 times in one movie and the guy never had to reload!! Doesn't happen in real life it you only have six rounds in the pistol that is all you get to shoot before you have to reload. Most shootings only last 6 shots or so any way if you put your bullets in the right place in the first place but that means you have to have fired a lot of times and know your firearm like it is part of you. Oh well I have ranted long enough and hope you get the idea I am not against firearms, not against someone saying please don't come to my house with one and most of all the LEO's in this world get a lot of bad press because of the small number of LEO's that just plain loose it in uniform. I have friends that are LEO's and I would never want their job. We talk sometimes about situations they come up on and have to deal with and for the most part I think they show great even fantastic restraint compared to what I would like to have done in that situation.
  7. shdwlkr

    The New Normal

    NEW Normal Want a real wake up call go get a degree in mental health counseling like I am pursuing and you will find much worse things than that being labeled as normal for a specific individual. As to KSL putting any program up on their network or not it is after all their network and they are free to show or not show any program in any time slot they chose. Remember this thing called Free Agency they are just using theirs to not show a program they don't like. Normal today would not have been considered normal just 30 years ago, 50 years ago. We as a people have allowed nudity, sexual acts, bad language, drugs into our viewing by watching TV, movies with these things in them. If as a whole we stopped watching violent movies do you think Hollywood would still make them? Same with anything that we find offensive if we stopped watching, buying products that support these things they would disappear in a few short months. You see we are the guilty ones in what we see, hear and accept and the TV and Movies just exploit to the max and make millions of the vises we are willing to allow into our lives. Man when you begin to look at all things from a mental health prospective things get really boring quick. ha ha I wonder sometimes what Brigham Young and Joseph and even some of the other prophets would think of us and what we accept as normal today.
  8. shdwlkr

    Caffeine is okay!

    Someone mentioned that habit forming drinks are not good for us so does that mean we should not drink fruit juice, milk and the worst of the worst water each day? Of course that would be totally silly to not drink these, what the word of wisdom was getting at is we need to know what we are putting into our bodies and how it affects the whole system. This debate over is coffee or tea good for you boils down to one thing and one thing only do you believe the word of wisdom or not? The hot drinks causing cancer I think is the real point here, so any really hot drink or even food for that matter may not be good for your throat and in the end you the total person. As to using coffee as a medicine I think that is a personal choice and none of our collective business. If a Bishop or Stake President chooses to deny a temple recommend because of the use of coffee as a medicine then most members that cook with wine should not have temple recommends either. What about members that are fighting to quit smoking, should they be denied a temple recommend? Sometimes it comes down to what is in the heart of the individual not what they are or are not doing that is the issue. Now for a really interesting question? Why do you think we were given the word of wisdom??
  9. shdwlkr

    Children and anatomically correct dolls

    First the doll is a good way for children to understand boys and girls are different period. Second if you let your child help change another sibling and they are different there are going to be questions that need answers anyway Third use the correct names for different parts of the body no matter where they are!! Fourth I think more adults are offended by anatomically correct dolls then the kids are. Fifth just how many of you with small children of different sexes have not seen each other naked at some point?
  10. shdwlkr

    Toilet age?

    Well I have a 5 year old daughter and a 6 year old son that still have accidents and in my house yes I am divorced, they are learning to wake dad and we take a bath, get clean cloths take stuff off the bed and wash it. That is all now when they are with the ex and her new man shall we say it doesn't go so easy for them so they are confused a lot. Punishment is way different in my house also way different when they are with the ex and her man, at dad's house they sometime mess up just to get it in dad's house you see because it is tickle time. Yep is easier on me and the kids and you know they seem to like dad a whole lot because of it. When you talk about boys and aim you do realize there is and age when it is fun to see what can be done with that thing don't you? and just how far can it go? I am not sure there is a real age that is right for every kid on this earth but most are at the tail end of diapers by age 4-5 just because school seems to be the place where diapers are not a good thing to need.
  11. From a different view my ex divorced me and yes she is sort of active with her new man and pregnant at 54 and they expect me to be the kind one and bend over every time and issue comes up in their lives and it is many times when it is my time to have time with the two kids that still care about dad. The ex and her new man are working hard to turn these two against me but it has not worked so far. When our companion turn on us it is either a challenge or a blessing in time. There are going to be issues no matter if you stay married or divorce. My kids tell me they are at church more with me than the ex. Parenting is totally different in my house as compared to the ex's and punishment in my house is fun for the kids and they sometimes act up just to get some. I tickle them a lot is easier on me and they like it. When with me the kids can make choices and sometimes it comes back to bite them but they know dad will just laugh and on we go. Somethings to really think about: Do you and your husband really still love each other? If you get divorced will it really change anything ? How will the kids take it if you do get a divorce, will you become the bad guy? Look at maybe seeing if your husband will go to the social activities of the church and enjoy those times where there is no real pressure on him or you Go find a good counselor to work with you on the issues you are facing. No don't go to a social worker they don't have the real training to deal with the mental stress you are dealing with and will deal with in the future. What will you do if your kids as they get older do refuse to attend church? will you throw a fit and make them go? will you allow them to make their own choices and live with the results? Lastly have you got down on your knees and prayed for answers to why these challenges have come into your life? Find a real friend that will not judge or question you as to why this or that happened but will just be a real friend and be there for you. It might be a church member or not it is just someone you can confide in and feel safe that it stops there. As for me in my life I am getting closer and closer to never again becoming involved in a relationship again ever. Yes it is my choice but I have to worry about my kids I see every so often and they are very important to me and that they are safe. See I have found that relationships are nothing like they were a few decades ago there is no real long lasting commitment to each other, no real love, no real feelings for the other person and most of all marriage has gotten a bum rap over the decades and way to many are accepting that nothing lasts forever. So if your husband still loves you and is willing to stay, don't be foolish and throw him out the door with the bath water you just might never find someone that cares that much again even with all his short comings. NO one in this life is perfect or without flaws and it is up to you to look at all the pluses and minuses and see which road is better for you. None of us here can make that decision for you. We can tell you what life has handed us and how we dealt with it or are dealing with it but each one of us is different, has different needs, wants, and desires Best of luck and I hope it works out for the best for you and your kids and even your husband
  12. You know as I read the posts here I wonder how many understand this principle of the church? Yes every young man should prepare to serve a mission, but not every young man will be able to because of shall we say life issues. My adult son could never serve a mission as such because of life issues but you know he serves one every day with everyone he meets. His ward is very protective of him and respect him a lot. His bishop is simply amazed at what he understands and how hard he tries to get it out so others know also. Life itself maybe the mission we serve and for some it will be long, hard and challenging for others it will be an easy journey. The question is who has the greater rewards and you know I don't have a clue as I can not remember beyond a very few I have met in this life that we knew each other in the pre-existence. For me my mission was the military where I saw the worst and best of humanity and now so many years later I am studying to be a mental health counselor to our veterans who have mental issues from being in the military and yes I have seen some terrible things and yet I have got past them and can help others in getting past theirs. When we talk about serving a mission most think of the traditional two years when we are young but you know in reality we all serve a mission of some kind in this life by just being alive and active in the church. I have seen some return missionaries that drink, smoke, do drugs, are abusive, and plain a wreck and yet you I will not put them down for these actions more I feel sorry for them because some where along the journey we call life they lost something and may never again posses it. The mission President may have walked a little on the hard line side of his talk but the message was a good one if we realize that all should prepare but some will not be able to go in the traditional sense. I am much older now have two small kids that will not need dad in their lives until I am in my 70's but you know I still expect to serve at least one mission and maybe more. Heavenly father has laid out my path in this life and yes I fight it sometimes because it is not an easy path but you know I try to do as he instructs me each step of the way because I know he knows me better than I know myself. The upsetting thing for me was the missionary couple feeling abandoning their son and daughter-in-law when life had handed them the most challenging of all life issues. I can not accept that this was a good thing to have done. I know in my own life that I have dropped what I was doing to go to my kids aide no matter what the reason for calling dad as I want them to always know a s long as I draw breath in this life they are important to me. We can tear apart the Mission Presidents talk all we want but the bottom line is he spoke on what was in his heart, what he thought those in attendance needed to hear and what would inspire some to want to go on a mission. None of us can criticize him for that nor should we. I have a talk to prepare to give in the next few months and you know it is going to be very hard to not point a finger at the members for not doing something I will talk about, but in my heart of hearts I know they are struggling with life issues just like I am and it is so hard to find time to do the Lord's work sometimes and get everything else done also. I hope my talk will help them see the need to participate in what I will talk about and most of all to not feel guilty if life gets in the way and they need to be elsewhere.
  13. Just a thought here if you are in the Boise area and want to go to the open house for the temple pm me and lets see if we can get you in. I am sure I can get tickets so you can go. I am planning on taking my challenged son with me and have got things in going for him to get his own endowments later this year so we can attend the temple together. Yea it is a really bid deal to be able to attend the temple
  14. I have not read all the posts here but let me tell you a little about me. When in college I was asked to go on a mission the church would have paid all the expenses because I was the only member in my family still am. My parents didn't want me to go so I honored my parents and didn't go. Two years later I was in the military that was back in 1969 when Vietnam was the game in the world. No I didn't go to Vietnam I did spend 7 years with the Army and saw some pretty challenging things. I did get to see what war does to the human body, mind and spirit though. See my mission if you want to call it that lasted 7 years and was much more of a challenge for me than a mission for the church ever could have been. As to not attending your son when he was in such a state of emotional uncertainty I have to wonder if they in fact did do the right thing. Heavenly father puts challenges and forces us to make decisions in this life that we will have to explain in the next. I know if it where my son and he had called to let me know what was going on I would have gotten to his side as fast as I could as at that point in time he needed to know that his dad and mother cared enough about his well being to drop everything and be with him and his wife. The family is supposed to be the most important relationship we have in this life and to not see this, not understand this makes me wonder just how effective can you be as a missionary when you can not have enough compassion for your son and daughter-in-law to be by their side at one of the most trying times in our mortal lives. You see my first wife of many many years ago was murdered. My family was there for me as much as they could be both my parents and the church. That example will stay with me for all my life and to not do this just seems wrong to me.
  15. what most here have missed is that I blame no one, well except me for some of the issues that have come into my life. Remember I chose some of them. Do I think the Lord had some part in all this yes but not in the way some would think. I feel he is trying to teach me something about life and I have just missed it so things happen. Look at me I am in my 60's and have a 5 year old and 6 year old in my life, when they are grown I will be in my 70's. I still have a mission to get through too and no wife to go with me yet but in time who knows what will be put in my path, maybe she has already crossed it and I don't even know it yet. See life is full of unknowns and if we knew just 15 minutes of our lives on the Lord's clock I am not sure most of us could handle it but when it comes to us in small doses sometimes it is so much easier to accept sometimes and then it does leave its scars many many times but it is all part of life and what we are to learn here and take back with us when we leave this life. What we all need to know and accept is we chose to come here at this time in the history of the earth. We chose to come when Satan is really active in so many ways so it is much harder to hang on to the iron rod but it is still there just a arm's reach away. The 80 hours a week is seasonal as most of the farm work is from may until october, end of june to end of july is my total time with my kids so not much on the farm will be done then. As to making time to make friends I sort of do that now but you know sad truth is most LDS ladies I would be interested don't want little kids around so they get checked off as missing God's plan for us. Yes it bothers me but as time goes on less and less as I can see how shallow their lives are, how not committed to the gospel they are and most of how they would never be there for me. Thanks but I have had enough of those kinds of women in my life. As to my son he has cerebral palsy really bad but you know what when dad gets a farm and has a garden he wants to come and help care for the garden which he will have all the chances he wants. Maybe some day he may even choose to come live with dad who knows my crystal ball is broken because I dropped it last time I saw into the future and it came true. zion Don't think being an author means low pay, I know of an author who makes pretty good money and has only been doing it for just a few years. If the Lord wants you to be an author the income will come just have faith and ask if that is the right direction for you to go. I had/have 12 kids, 6 have life issues and at one time 6 of them lived in my house it was hectic but you know also fun at times. My 13 year old daughter at the time died at home and I found her and I had just asked her a few hours before how many more times would dad be carrying her into the house. She had the most infectious laugh and the strangest sense of humor but she was fun, a lot of work and yet she still took something from dad when she died. As to your finding what I have run into there is no guarantee of that you maybe one of the lucky ones and find someone when you least expect it. Me I am just getting to the point what is the point beyond keeping score of those who turn me down. It is up around 79 and counting, why just for something to do really. Will I totally stop looking most likely not but I have accepted that I am going to be alone for some time. Zion even in my position I believe there is someone for me but I just might have to wait. look harder, be in the right place or who knows what it take. When we totally close the door to possibilities then we have sealed our fate in this life. Granted in my case I am down to around a 5% chance of finding someone but that is still better than 0%. Eleven You would not want my life you know about my wives but read above about my one daughter I buried my best friend in this life on my 42 birthday that was my birthday present that year, he was the same age as me and we were cousins no less, which we didn't' even know for years we just liked hanging out together we were both working on a farm his was his parents mine was a neighbors. We even helped a neighbor sometimes just for fun to put his hay in. Yea farm kids find the darn-est things fun. In the military there were many who never came home, some came home with issues and I got to meet and help some. It took a toll on me that took almost 40 years to get over and find the counselor that could help me put it all in the correct places. Much of it I fixed myself, the VA was of little help most of the time. I have lost my parents but I knew them for a very long time so that worked out well for me. But you know I still miss being able to talk to them. As I kid growing up I met most of my relatives at their funerals yea I was late in getting here. Must not have wanted to come here to soon and enjoy all of this life's fun. Yes I could have negative feelings for the person that murdered my wife but that only has hurt me so now I hope he has a good life, as to the two divorces(they got rid of me) they made their choices and I have to live with those choices, do I hate them no but there is some issues with understanding why beyond the money, house and kids they took from me. But you know I am still here still putting one foot in front of the other oddly at times but I still move myself around and that is a good thing I think and my kids are my life now along with my two cats and one dog that keep me from going totally nuts except when they make a mess for me to clean up and then I wonder what I missed in their lives. ha ha most likely didn't pet someone long enough or get the treat soon enough or didn't show enough attention. The farm will help more people than you can understand right now as many of the crops raised will feed so many that don't even know me may never know me. See the bishop will love me when I get things going as I have already made the commitment that all the farm produces beyond my needs is for the bishop's use. Yea you can still do that even today in our time. It deals with the law of consecration and few even understand it today but it is a cool way to live and enjoy some talents I have not used for a very long time. My dad would be real pleased with the way the farm will be used. Apple when I walk into the temple I have to have a good friend of mine well he is almost like a brother to me and me to him there to make sure I don't loose my vertical position you see I get talked too most of the time, from the time I pass the entrance until I walk out. I have left with a headache before because so much has been crammed at me. Do I want to go to the temple often yep that way maybe I can get smaller bites of what I am supposed to be doing. ha ha So my caution to all who read this don't let your temple recommend go unused or just not get one for a few decades there is a lot of catching up to do if you do. The road in this life for us all leads to death of the mortal body and hopefully not of the spiritual body that is what I am working on now and since I have a type A personality I ask questions in prayer and yes I expect answers. Nope not quick ones just answers and they have always shown up, I just have missed them sometimes for years.