John11111

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Everything posted by John11111

  1. I watched this recently and when you posted I remembered it and thought id share it with you and everyone else. You say you feel there is no way back there is always a way back the price has already been paid.
  2. I have 2 daughters and after watching it it hit me hard wanted to share it I think it has a great message for all girls.
  3. Sexual fulfillment is an emotional need, for some people its more important than other emotional needs such as conversation, affection, domestic support, companionship, etc. Withholding sexual fulfillment or using it as a punishment is awful. Withholding any emotional need is awful and it is usually an ingredient to the beginnings of an affair (as seen by the op story) When our emotional needs are not met sometimes we find someone who meets those needs and there you go, an emotional/physical affair begins. Im not saying that makes it right or that its anyone fault however anything that contributes to or that leads to the degradation of a relationship should be dealt away with or fixed. Often times we find ourselves in a viscous cycle with the person we are supposed to love. Well he didnt do the dishes so I wont do this, well she didnt do that so I wont do this eventually neither spouse is willing to put in effort into the relationship because the other doesnt. Someone has to break that cycle and start to meet ALL of the emotional needs of the other. Its not instant and one spouse will have to show unconditional love for the other for a time without expecting anything in return in this way the cycle can be broken. Nobody can do this forever though there needs to be work on both sides. Now in cases of abuse, drugs, alcohol things change a bit safety is a concern. You say you have struggled with alcohol but that doesnt say a lot. However this is a major issue that you need to address if you want things to get better. You cant change your wife but you can change yourself what you did will hurt her greatly I know I been through it. You will have a lot of making up to do to her if she decides to forgive you and you will have to show unconditional love to her without expecting anything in return to regain her trust and love for you. It wont be easy and it will take time maybe even years but if you are committed and she is willing to forgive you then it can be done.
  4. Sorry your going through this its rough I went through it but worked on my marriage and am still married albeit happily now. Your husband needs to want to change and get better if your willing to work on it even though it looks grim it is possible. If you want the cheating to stop you need to get proof and you need to expose him to EVERYONE this is the only way it will stop. Surviving an Affair - Start Here First - Marriage Builders® Forums has a lot of info if you want to go this route. Whatever you decide to do it will be difficult remember Heavenly father is with you and will help you get through it.
  5. I disagree, maybe we have different definitions of love, love is patience, empathy and understanding its a giving of yourself, serving them and not expecting anything in return. Unless you chose to spend the time with someone how do you "fall in love"? To me you are describing attraction, infatuation, or lust its short lived, it isnt sustainable. Unless you CHOSE to get to know someone and chose to spend time with them you cannot truly get a big enough picture of someones nature to really love them, love who they are in there entirety. I guess you could say you love certain things about a person someones look/ smell/ way they move/ act/ or speak/ etc But then that isnt really love for a person is it? Thats just an attraction to certain attributes you find appealing. This is a big part of being able to love someone though, it makes it easier. Many of these things are emotional needs we have as human beings. When our needs are being met by someone we want to meet there needs as well we want to make them happy we want to love/show our love to them.
  6. Love is a choice! Love isnt something you just fall into or just happens magically. It is something we chose to do period. Things can be amazing but it will take both of you working together for things to work. YOU need to be the one to start making the marriage better. Its a vicious cycle she wont try because your not trying and you wont try because she isnt. Be the one to break the cycle start by going here and start educating yourself learn to understand your wife and her needs/ what you can do to start growing your love for each other. Marriagebuilders - Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts Dont pass this off just do it read it all even the parts you think you wont need or dont pertain to you. For more reading I would recommend "His Needs Her Needs" by Willard Harley Jr. it goes into more depth on the needs of a relationship his and hers and how important they are to a relationship. If your having trouble getting her to join you in the above reading try the "Love Dare" (part of the fireproof movie that someone else suggested earlier) I promise that if your both willing to work on it you will grow to love each other greatly. I know I went through it even after my wife had 2 affairs and our marriage is so wonderful now and we are both so happy. I wish I had someone tell me what im telling you now when I was 1st married. I even recommend to any friends/ relatives who are newlyweds to do the above as well. Its not easy it is work and sometimes you will feel like giving up keep at it, in the end the results are more then worth the effort.
  7. Id spend more time, also you are very yound and you will change a lot in the next few years. Not saying it wont work I got married at 18 and am still married happily but we have had few very rough spots in our marriage. I personally dont feel a month is long enough to get to know someone well enough to be married. Your young take your time date more find out what you like about each person you date and what you dont like. Eventually you will meet the guy that has all the qualities you like in a guy and few to none of the qualities you dont like. Until you have dated a while you may not even be aware of qualities in a man that you like or dont like, not only that but the qualities that are important to you may change as you gain more life experience.
  8. If your wanting to stay in your marriage and make it work you will need to find out what it is you were not doing or doing wrong and fix it. Spouses dont just go off and cheat for no reason they do it because they are missing something they need in there marriage and found someone else to meet that need. Im not trying to sound mean but right now you can only fix yourself you cannot fix or change your husband. Counseling would be a good thing to start with sometimes it helps to have another perspective to open your eyes to whats wrong in your marriage. Marriagebuilders.com is also a great place to start it will help you to understand why it happened and what you guys can do to fix and better your marriage. His needs her needs book also is a great resource. I have been where you have been and if you want to make your marriage work and even be amazing you can do it with work. It will not be easy but it can be done.
  9. Love is taking my wife shopping when I dont want to, its giving her a backrub after a hardday even tho all I want is to go to sleep, its getting up early and getting the kids off to school so she can sleep in, its taking the time to plan out and go out on dates, its coming home from work and cleaning up or doing the dishes, its something you chose to do, its serving the physical/emotional needs of another without any expectation of repayment.
  10. Just typed out a bunch of fun stuff used to do as a kid/teen but deleted it all didnt wanna give people any ideas or get myself into trouble lol. Lets just say me and my friends are lucky to still have all our body parts and never had to take a trip to the hospital.
  11. I dont think many girls right out of highschool are ready for marriage they still have a lot of growing up to do. Not saying it wouldnt work out but I dont think it would be ideal you change a lot after highschool and when you go into the realworld. Just have fun date a lot meet different people eventually you will find the right one for you.
  12. Reminds me of a video I saw just the other day .I only have a tracphone and only use it for emergencies or when we go out of town/vacation. I grew up fine without a cellphone my wife also we just feel it intrudes and disrupts life more then it helps out. If we out shopping then we are out shopping or out on a date its nice not to be interrupted every 30 minutes with someone calling, texting, etc. My daughters are fine with that as well they have never complained about not having a cellphone they play outside and play with toys and do artwork or other activities like I did when I was a kid. Im thankful that they are not sucked into this world of electronics like we see most kids today. Know not exactly about electronics in sacrament so sorry about going somewhat offtopic =p.
  13. I think a lot of it comes from the church not wanting to break families apart. Ive heard it said that if there came a decision for someone to chose between keeping family together or staying in church family should come 1st. Im sure someone could clarify better and even give sources, or even correct me if im wrong.
  14. Hate to be the bad guy but looks to some peoplen looks can be as important if not more important than many other qualities. If one of his needs in a relationship is for her to look good take care of herself dress well etc who are we to judge? Looks dont last forever so a relationship should NOT be built on looks alone, but dont degrade its importance to some people. Here is a link from marriagebuilders, for more on that if your interested, Physical Attractiveness
  15. Married at 18 still married with 2 kids over 10 years now, we have had ups and downs but we are happy and still in love. We dated for a little over a year and a 1/2. I would recommend reading Marriagebuilders.com, and the book "His needs Her needs." They are more for married couples but I would have given so much to have read those early on in my marriage or even before hand. They litterally saved our marriage and made it so much better. Marriage is work dont let anyone fool you. A lot of people think marriage is easy and shouldnt have any problems. Marriage requires compromise and requires both partners to invest 100% effort, not 50/50 but 100/100. The above resources go into great detail and give great explanations on how you can go about it.
  16. I second marriagebuilders.com, I also recommend marriage counseling as well its important or at least it was for me. Also "his needs her needs" book is also highly recommended.
  17. He needs a hard lesson on consequences im agreed with everyone else he obviously doesnt respect the rules of YOUR HOME so he need to go find his own place. Cut off all his money and take/ sell the car he can get his own or ride the bus.
  18. https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation As other people put it God made us this way to have those urges for a reason he also gave us Agency to chose right and wrong. Marriage is part of Gods plan and as other have said having that attraction is essential in fulfilling his plan. There is a lot of things that feel good or right but doing them isnt always good for us. I trust that God knows better then me whats the best thing for us. Just as parents teach and set rules down for children, to keep them safe ad so they become positive members of society God sets down commandments and teaches us.
  19. Great ill definately look more into that option I know not having to worry about all that would be worth the money spent.
  20. Ok we were thinking that woudl help a ton but the part about them calling contractors and plumbers and electricians to repair anything that was wrong is what worries me. It seems people charge crazy amounts for stuff that would take me an hour or two and 15-20$ to do myself. We had a plumber come out once to fix a pipe after all was said and done it cost me nearly 2 grand next time I just did it myself took me 6 hours and 40$ to do the exact same thing he did. Ill have to look into it though maybe there is a way for them to contact me 1st to approve repairs or to take care of them myself? Thats the biggest thing.
  21. We were thinking of moving this summer to be closer to work about 25 min away. Anyways we were wanting to rent out our current home however no idea where to begin. We did research on the basics but still a lost and unsure of where to begin. I know you can hire an agency to do it all for you but they charge like 15% of the monthly rent. We were hoping to do it ourselves. Does anyone have any experience with renting out a home with regards to paperwork and rules/ regs required? I know it can differ in each state etc but looking for a good place to start. Any advice or things you wish you had known or could have done differently would be greatly appreciated.
  22. Some good questions! Me and my wife have been married over 10 years also and we finally getting ready to go be sealed in the temple hopefully this year. We have had a lot of ups and downs that prevented us form going before so we are excited to finally be sealed. We had a lot of the same questions as to what is appropriate as far as receptions or what not. I think we were ven planning on having a honeymoon as we didnt really get a honeymoon when we 1st got married civilly. Looking forward to read everyone answers as well!
  23. Wait get to know her I agree with others give it at least 6months to a year before you decide not saying that if you dont give it time it wont work out just you will know her much better. Reason people say to get married quick imo is to keep couples from messing up with the law of chastity feelings and emotions and sex drives can go crazy just keep your desires in check and save them for marriage.
  24. Marriagebuilders.com Go to it now and start learning many many many people who have been thorugh your situation and can give advice or already have advice posted on how to proceed. Investigation - Operation Investigate - Marriage Builders® Forums Surviving the affair - Surviving an Affair - Marriage Builders® Forums Recovery - In Recovery - Marriage Builders® Forums Divorcing/Divorce - Divorcing/Divorced - Marriage Builders® Forums Those are the 4 id recommend reading and informing yourself about this will better help you to navigate the difficult path you have ahead of you. If you want it to work and both of you are willing you can come back from this the information to help you through it is located at marriagebuilders. If it doesnt work out then information to help you with other courses of action are also available.