RalphTheMouth

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About RalphTheMouth

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    Junior Member
  1. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    I don't believe I'll fall in love, but I want to feel free to BEGIN to fall in love. I've never been in a situation where I didn't feel free to take a relationship to wherever it was headed. That's mostly because I've only dating one girl at a time. Now I feel stuck; like I can't just let things happen. I really hate being stuck, so I guess want I was hoping was to figure out how to "jump the gun", skip the months of getting to know them before I end up with one of them. I guess that's just part of the game of love, eh? Of course, I want to be completely honest with them and make sure the expectations are clear. Thank you for your thoughts on this subject. :)
  2. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    Thanks for the wise words, I think I was jumping the gun and expecting because we talk a lot that there were certain expectations like when face to face dating. Turns out I was wrong and we're not as serious as I thought. However, we are as Gwen said, "Friends with Potential". Again, thanks for the advice.
  3. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    Yes, of course, I won't allow them to spend money to come see me until they understand we're still getting to know each other and I'm dating other gals. Before either of them comes to see me I'll make sure it's clear where we stand. I haven't said yes to either of them coming yet because I want to be sure we're serious enough to invest the amount of time and money it'll take to get to the next level in our relationship. Speaking on that, that's how I feel. I never expected to find 2 amazing women. I assumed there'd be one clear great woman that knocks me off my feet and the choice would be clear. The real problem is there are too many amazing girls out there. Who knew? I just don't know how to choose between the two. Honestly I don't want to get more serious with 2 women. I've always said I'm a one woman guy and yet here I am: Frustrated. It feels like I can't quite give all of me because I'll loose myself in that relationship and end the other one. Which would be fine if I could just decide.
  4. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    That's fine with me, I looked at your profile and find you have a SON!! You never told me that! Thank you for the minor heart attack.
  5. RalphTheMouth

    have i done enough?

    It sounds as if the Holy Spirit is prompting you to get it cleaned up. It could be blocking you from moving on spiritually to the next level. Sounds like you're going through the refiners fire and being made more pure? My Bishop from many years ago would tell those who came to him with old sins that they already paid the price by not receiving all the blessings they could have received. They were forgiven and there was no repentance process except confession to the Bishop. Not saying this is what YOUR Bishop will say or do, but it might go something like that. My personal feeling is old sin or not, it still needs to be confessed. Just my thoughts and experience. Good luck!
  6. RalphTheMouth

    confessing to my bishop??

    Great to hear you're going on a mission. It is the best spiritual college you can ever attend as a young man. I can't begin to tell you the benefits of it, your personal growth will skyrocket. It's like bootcamp for life. That's really great news, just awesome! As for the "incident", by church standards, yes, you need to talk to the Bishop. It is much much better to talk about it with the Bishop now, resolve it for sure and move on. You really don't want to be 2 months into your mission and have it bother you everyday. Then confess it to your Mission President and be forced to go home. The Bishop is a Judge in Israel, he has the right and authority to decide if it's ok or not. If he says your good, then your good. If he feels you need to repent a bit more, then do it. It's not hard, it'll take a little bit of time and then you're good. It is much better to talk about it and know for sure then have it nag at you daily until you slip up again. Remember that as you prepare for your mission Satan and his followers will do everything in their power to make these little slipups prevent you from going on a mission. Be vigilant and have an awesome mission! Good Luck on your Mission!!
  7. RalphTheMouth

    Adoption in a Not So Perfect Marriage?

    I'm only going on logic here because I don't have kids and I'm not married. Just going on my experiences of friends and family... So people wouldn't judge you if you birthed your own kids and weren't as "fit" as other parents? People will always judge and think they know better. If you don't feel prepared then get prepared. People judge and always have their opinions. Do what is right for you. Unless they are going to be there at 2am feeding the kid, then their option is about as useful as the wind they just passed to utter it. Pray about it separately and together. You'll know if it's right. Maybe some counseling to help figure out if you're ready? It sounds as if you really want to have a child, does your spouse feel the same way? If not, then it might not be a good time. Good luck!
  8. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    You're right. That didn't quite come out the way I meant it. Right now we're in the dating "put our best foot forward" phase. As we get to know each other better, we open up and start to show the wrinkles and scars more. Once we get engaged, all the barriers are down and we're as open as can be. One last good look before jumping in with both feet for eternity. Once we pass that threshold we gain the right and privilege to know everything about each other. OK, I think I still sound naive. Guess I'll have to get married to really get it. Good friend of mine said something similar. "If you think she'll be more active when you're married, think again. Marriage doesn't make you better or fix you or the other person. You're better off marrying someone who is a strong member now because that's what they'll continue to be when you get married." Your reply was a good reminder. I'm so lucky I found good gospel centered, temple worthy girls. Now I just have to make sure I'm worthy of them.
  9. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    Good point there, if they can't trust me to "go out to pasture" now, it'll be much worse later on. I think it's better I let them know before it get's much more serious. That'll be a good test to see how they'll be later on. Very good advice. Thank you. I've never intentionally made it seem like they were the only one. But since I know it could potentially be an issue, that's where I feel it's a kind of "sin of omission" type of thing. If it's bothering me enough that I think I know I need to bring it up to clear the air. Thanks for the good feedback.
  10. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    To be honest, at this time, I don't feel I owe it to them to tell them. I do owe it to them before we start talking about when exactly to come over. I'm sure there's a good reason, but I can't quite put my finder on the logic. Either way, it just feels right to tell them before they come or I go see them. Thanks for the advice! :)
  11. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    We've had that talk already. From what I understand, both of them just haven't found anyone else. So it's not like they picked me, I was just the only one they've found interesting enough to pursue. Lucky me. However, it also sounds like since they only found one guy, they are both putting all their eggs in one basket as it were. Both are not desperate or anything. They've made it clear that they're not going to commit until we meet either, so I think I'm in good company there. I like that: "friends with potential". That definitely describes were we stand. I agree, I should at least make that clear. And of course I don't expect them to be exclusive when I'm not will or able to be. One sided relationships like that are bad, bad, bad. Been there, done that. Bad, bad, bad. I've been thinking about that, but I don't really have any "rules" per se. I don't think it's fair to ask a girl to move without some kind of promise of marriage. So I was thinking after I propose, then we'd figure out the moving over here part. Then we could really get to know each other before getting married and moving in together. One last long hard look while dealing with the ups and downs of daily life. I've had the difficult conversations before, so that's no trouble for me at this point. I just need to see how they react and what they want. Bottom line for me is I'm looking for the girl who's looking for me. It either works or it doesn't, no more fantasies or illusions. Any more suggestions for rules to think/talk about? Thanks for the feedback. Very helpful.
  12. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    I've been thinking about that too. Until I propose or we're married, I'm on my own, just as she's on her own. I expect us to respect each other enough to know we have lives beyond each other. So if I need to take a call in private I expect her to give me space. Just as I'll respect her need for space. If she can't and has to know everything I'm doing, that's a bad sign, time to move on. When we're married, my life becomes an open book for her. She then has the right to know anything and everything. Though not in a controlling way. At least from my unmarried perspective. I probably sound naive. Thanks for the advice and question. It got me to figure out an answer.
  13. RalphTheMouth

    I love this religion, but not this individual place of worship.

    Me too, I didn't get my eagle scout because the ward was messed up. Still makes me mad. If a particular activity is important to you, offer to help or help plan it out. Nothing you can do about them. You can only control you, so do all that you can to make it work. If nothing else it'll make you a better person. I griped for years, guess what? I got called to positions that required I be organized. It's not easy. Stuff falls through the cracks and it takes a lot of dedication and effort to make an activity happen. Even the basics like keeping Home Teachers assigned is crazy cause people keep moving in and out. I don't know what else to say except plan for it and be prepared. You can have fun where ever you are. Bring a book to read, surf the web on your phone, bring playing cards, etc. Hang in there and good luck!
  14. RalphTheMouth

    Two girls, one choice

    Got myself in a pickle. Though the wonders of online dating I've found 2 wonderful LDS girls. They are both strong in the gospel, temple worthy and overall good caring normal girls. They each have distinct personality features I like. I got to know them at the same time and both have grown into great relationships. They are both planning to visit soon. If romantic relationships have 4 phases: dating, serious, exclusive and engagement. Then we're at the dating phase. However, I talk to them daily, so we're quickly moving into the serious phase. I'm not ready to get into the exclusive phase until I've gotten to know them better and we've met in person to see if we're got the spark. Now if they lived here I'd know what to do and the dynamics would be different. I'd have gone out with them by now and would know which one I had more of a spark with. I'd also be in the exclusive phase by now with one of them and it'd be clear where I stand. However, the distance is tossing me a curve ball and I'm not sure what to do. The scary thing is that if I find the spark with the first girl to come here, I'll get closer to her and my love for her will ignite. The 2nd girl will be at a disadvantage and I'll feel like a jerk or maybe like I'm cheating by getting physical with the 2nd girl while I'm in love with the 1st. On the up side, the girl that I'm leaning toward will be coming to see me first. So if I fall in love with her, it would be wonderful. Now for the downside... I care for both of them and don't want to hurt or mislead them. I would hate to get serious with both of them, then cut one off. So I feel like if I tell them up front they'll know what to expect and it won't be a shock. Right now it feels like a sin of omission. I've been on both sides of knowing about another guy and not knowing. Knowing was better, I was prepared. Not knowing and then breaking up was like a kick in the stomach. However, I usually didn't get to know about the other guy until I asked to get exclusive. Which was fine with me because we were just dating before. When should I tell them I'm talking to other girls? I think they are under the impression they are the only one I'm talking to. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one they are talking to. I could be wrong, but I'm afraid to ask directly since I'm sure they'll want me to answer the same question. So I haven't asked. I just don't want to spoil the current relationship by adding in a detractor. I don't want them to get jealous and start bugging me about the other girl. I don't want the drama. I just want to get to know them and see if there is enough there to pursue. Now on the other side of things, I've known girls who had two guys on the hook for months. Both were good guys, she choose one, married him and lived happily ever after. I'm just not familiar with the guys side of it. Most of the guys I know would either: 1) play the field, date lots of girls, maybe have a few regulars, but aren't looking to get married just yet. So it's all fun and games. 2) Look for "the one" seriously, date exclusively, marry "the one", live happily ever after. So I'm in a gray area and none of my mates are giving me any good advice. Mostly cause they have no experience with this particular situation. So I figure I should get internet advice for internet dating. Maybe I should just marry them both?! Just Kidding! Thanks for reading this far and thank you for your advice.
  15. RalphTheMouth

    Cartilidge piercing?

    In my own opinion, from a gospel perspective, no. The gospel's stance is conservative. Lobe piecing is conservative; cartilage piercing is not. I'm not saying not too. You're hesitant for a reason, trust yourself. Pray about it and decide. Good luck at BYU!! :)