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Backroads

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Posts posted by Backroads

  6. The stay-at-home girlfriend

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    On 4/4/2024 at 7:11 PM, Just_A_Guy said:

    Fundamentally, any marriage (regardless of the anticipated economic arrangement) is a tremendous leap of faith.  And I realize I’m judgmental, but part of me thinks “if you’re going to farm the kids out to daycare and insist on working/insist she works because you think there’s a good chance your marriage, specifically, will end in divorce; then why are you getting married at all?”

    Oh, I very much agree with this. It's getting pretty common to pretty much ignore the homemaking/child-rearing side of things because what if the marriage implodes? Got to be ready!

    And sure, it's good to be prepared, but the paranoia is unreal.

  7. The stay-at-home girlfriend

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    1 hour ago, LDSGator said:

    There’s nothing wrong with that lifestyle-until the man leaves his wife and she’s left with no “outside the house” skills and has to raise three kids by herself. 

    I have a friend who does work part-time outside of the home, but I don't think she has a full set of outside the house skills. 

    What they do have, and it isn't the worst option (particularly in their case where she is very much also the homemaker and homeschooling the kids as well) is a rather complex financial plan with a lot of stuff just in her name so that if he dies or runs off she has enough to pay for everything including a training/school plan for a number of years to get herself into the workforce. Hopefully it won't happen as her husband is in good health, knock on wood, and is the quintissential devoted husband and family man, but it's there.

    I really don't get not having a plan. 

  8. The stay-at-home girlfriend

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    4 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

    To be fair, most of the single women I know (uh, three of them. I don’t have many single women friends) wouldn’t put up with being friends with benefits, and certainly would not be a mistress to a married man. So I don’t think it’s common, especially out of your college years.  

    I'm at the point of my life where I don't like much of the social scene. I like the comfort of a purchased home with my name on the paperwork and a legal marriage and kids and the friends I have. I think I look pretty darn good (though I'm currently pregnant enough to have the construction workers on the street outside of my house bending to my every whim: they will literally move entire trucks for me in fear I will pass out on the sidewalk from walking) but the friends with benefits is something that can potentially only work so long before I believe most people want a lot more.

  9. The stay-at-home girlfriend

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    6 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

    Sometimes I feel like the last guy out there in a family where I was always the worker and my wife was the SAHM.  I have to be careful telling stories because of the awkward silences that ensue.

    However, I'm hearing a new phrase in social media: "Trad wife".  It's used both favorably and critically, but there are an awful lot of GenY folks out there wanting to live the lifestyle.  I'm ok with younger generations finding it appealing to have the dude be the main provider and the chick be the main kiddo nurturer.  Next year is the 30th anniversary of the Proclamation on the Family - it has weathered startlingly well, and new humans in the US are coming up with some of the principles here on their own without ever being LDS.

    But yeah, the "I'll find a man and will never have to work" notion should be dispelled.  The SAHGirlfriend thing is troubling.  ~15 years ago, my bishop asked me to give a talk about the importance of women gaining an education and job experience.  Basically, how the women in our church need to prepare for a future where they'll get married and never have to work.  Statistics, even 15 years ago, stated that most of them would have to work for at least part of their lives.  

    I can count on one hand the number of wives I know what are honestly doing nothing but the traditional stay-at-home stuff. I get to be the WFH mom (with the best/worst of both worlds?) and that's no longer uncommon. I recently became privy to just why a relative with a humongous fancy house had an online job (apparently they can't afford the humongous fancy house). I know a lot of women doing part-time work, or selling their wares, and a couple of ladies working the small urban farm for actual profit. My YouTuber brother keeps threatening to quit his church office job and his wife (one of those few people I know just being a wife/mom/homemaker) isn't quite ready for what that will do to their reasonably comfortable lifestyle.

    I've heard lore than in the early 20th century, a surprising amount of Relief Society stuff was focused on helping to generate a household income.

    I think there's a big difference between nurturing the home while the man works for the majority/all of the support and being absolutely financially useless, if that's not too harsh to say.  

  10. The stay-at-home girlfriend

    in General Discussion

    Posted · Edited by Backroads

    5 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

    What I don’t understand are those people who “fear commitment” but have matching tattoos and three kids together, yet are not married  

    The other day I saw this hilarious comic strip of two people very pessimistic about their relationship,  bemoaning the frailty of relationships and how commitments never work out. Each panel moved from meeting to dating to marriage to some illness, all the while bemoaning how people never stay together and their relationship will fail, with the last panel showing them still together as gloomy old people.

    Just... commit. Try it out. You might be surprised.

    On a philosophical level, I suppose I can get behind the idea of a lifelong commitment without the legal paperwork of marriage, but it's still that, a commitment. 

    And I strongly believe you should not be bringing kids into this world if you don't think of yourself as committed for the long haul.

  11. The stay-at-home girlfriend

    in General Discussion

    Posted · Edited by Backroads

    I don't know if this is new, per say, but my internet algorithm keeps throwing stuff at me for some reason about the rise of the stay-at-home girlfriend lifestyle.

    Now, while I realize that the housewife/homemaker stereotype was actually a flash in the pan historically, at least the way we want to picture it and usually the female adult of the house was doing SOMETHING besides watching soaps and eating bon-bons, I do support the general notion of a caretaker of home and children. I think there are many benefits to this: house care, direct and full-tie involvement with children's needs, food prep, errands, even the wild card in the back pocket of having someone a household could theoretically always send to work for money, if needed.

    But the notions of the stay-at-home girlfriend vs the stay-at-home wife (or, hey, husband, whatever) seem worlds apart and I'd even say a mockery of that traditional type of marriage. On the surface, it seems the same: you have someone caring for the home. Yet is there any commitment or is it just two people playing house? In the current economy, it really is a sacrifice for many to get by on a single income. So what happens when the stay-at-home girlfriend, without the significantly greater commitment (and, let's be honest, legal protection) of marriage, gets dumped? Why would you be in this situation without a real commitment despite the sacrifices?

    And I realize the ones making it on social media rather do have a job and are getting an income out of this, but what message does it send?

  14. Movie/show thread! What are you watching?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    On 3/27/2024 at 8:25 AM, NeuroTypical said:

    The fam went and saw One Life last night.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Life_(2023_film)

    I can highly, highly recommend it.  Everyone should know the story.  Inspiring and important reminder of how average folks can rise to the occasion.  Anthony Hopkins and all the other actors did an amazing job.  Easier to watch and less traumatizing/extreme/violent/shocking than Schindler's List or Saving Private Ryan.   Excellent movie for older teens on up. 

    In my life, as the son of a WWII vet, I've felt the pressing need to preserve and pass along the lessons my dad's generation learned.  This movie really really helped me forward that goal with my older daughter.

    I think I might try this one. As much as I think Schindler is the man for all he did, I can't watch stuff like his titular movie.

  15. Movie/show thread! What are you watching?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    This is a rewatch for me, but it cycled back around into another viewing: tv series The Booth at the End. Consists entirely, and I mean entirely, of watching people chat in a diner booth. Guy hangs out there, and people that want something come to him, and he tells them to do things, and they report back. Kind of twisted at times, but really a fun watch if you like character-driven stuff.

  16. Willy's Chocolate Experience

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    On 3/23/2024 at 7:23 PM, NeuroTypical said:

    Apparently, she's a character actor (i.e. starving theater kid hungry for gigs), and seems to be having a wonderful time riding the publicity.  I just saw her starring in an ad on tiktok.   That picture and all the news might be the best thing that ever happened to her career.  If she's got a bit of talent, she could ride the wave into greater and greater things.  

    I already hear this has been a good career boost for her, and I'm happy for her.

  17. Social Security Going Bankrupt?

    in Current Events

    Posted

    On 3/16/2024 at 7:49 PM, Traveler said:

       I did not think much about it at the time but since I have learned that if a person is disabled, they can receive Social Security funds even if they are not a senior citizen.

    One concerning incident I was involved with as a teacher was a family trying to get their kid declared disabled in order to get SSI. No one in the family worked (Mom, Dad, and Grandma) and relied on an assortment of programs to survive.

    Kid had ADHD, which, if extreme enough, can qualify for a disability, sure.

    The parents' strategy was to enroll him in online school to manipulate his school work and use that to try for an IEP (which apparently can help with SSI cases).

    Kid didn't qualify for IEP because our only evidence of any learning issue was the parents not sending him to class and then obviously manipulating his school work.

    Mom threw a tantrum, then complained in a mutual Facebook group how concerned she now was about finances since they couldn't rely on a 6-year-old's SSI.

  20. Grocery store prices.

    in Current Events

    Posted

    I haven't the foggiest idea what we're doing, and I'm sure my two-income household is a fraction of your income. No shade, just know a few doctors. Um, we still have a bunch of meat from the last cow we bought. Bulk eggs are cheap. Taking the time to drive half-way across town to the cheap grocery store is totally worth it.  My daughter's medication order the first week of January took out the deductible for the entire family with the medication company footing the entire bill, so most health care for the rest of the year ought to be free/cheap.