rochphoto

My heart goes out to you and who ever is in this situation. I am sad for all the kids mixed up with these types of situations. My kids seem to do well so far. Tomorrow is the day when it becomes Final. I am some how very sad by it. Part of me doesn't want it to end sounds dumb I know; I keep telling myself not to feel that way. Look at all the things why this needs to end. I just don't want to be single I guess. Not sure. So confused.

So we had a really rocky marriage. I played my part but my ex was worse since he cheated on my three times with a woman and now wants a divorce so he can be with his current fling. I am so sad I kept trying to make the marriage work and didn't end it even though I had personal revelation to do so. We have kids I was trying because of that and because it is a temple marriage. So the whole things is repulsive to me. I want it all to be over with. I want to end my temple sealing with him but was told it is better to wait until you are going to get sealed to someone else. I want to know why? Isn't the sealing over with anyway cause we are divorced and he slept with another person? I feel like he wins if I am still sealed to him. I know know if that make sense it is how I feel.

I was in this same boat 9 yrs ago. We were told 7 months but we couldn't wait and just got married then sealed a year later. For me I wished I just waited the 7 months then the way I did it. It bothered me and I was bitter towards how the marriage started. I would suggest talking with your bishop together. Go to church and finish the process so you both can be worthy of getting married in the temple. I think it will be more meaningful for you both.

Thanks, We had no good memories, That is why is just doesn't seem hopeful at all. The only good times were the births of our children. That is the only joy I have had in our marriage. He said he cheated on me so I will file for divorce. That night he cheated on me he came home he was very late I just thought he was working. He through a sock at my face and said "I just slept with a strip club girl. I want a divorce!". I'll never forget. Before that I was begging him to go to marriage counceling. I begged him to give us one more try. Lets talk with the bishop. Then he goes and does that plus maxes out all our credit cards on strip clubs. I don't know why I kept tring after that. I wish I did leave. I guess knowing I fueled the fire I felt responsible. But I still think that there is no reason to do that to someone. I know I will never trust him again. How can you build a good marriage with out trust? I don't see it. I have prayed about it. My answer was I can stay or leave and the lord is fine with that. I then prayed and fasted twice about divorce I feel good about it. I even feel comforted that I will find happyness with that choice. I just worry about the kids. I know divorce isn't a fun thing to go through. Then the bishop and stake pres have told me to stay for the kids. I want to listen to their councel but I did get an answer to my prayer. That is why I felt confused.

Thank you for your response Dove. It is helpful to hear both sides. I am scared what Divorce will do on the kids. I am scared what our marriage will do to our kids. I feel stuck. I just know given another chance I wouldn't jump to the next man that wants to marry me. I will take my ever loving time. If I never remarry that is fine. I am just so unhappy. I have been crying so hard at just the thought of trying to make things work again.

QUOTE=rameumptom;565094]Rochphoto, You seem to be making a series of bad choices, all based upon one specific thing: your own selfish desires. You married your first husband because he made you happy. Then you divorced him because he wasn't a Mormon. You slept with someone who is LDS, so you married him so you could be sealed in the temple. Then that wasn't enough, because you also wanted the happiness of the first marriage. Then you added kids to the issue. Yes, your husband is a sleaze bag for sleeping around. But you are not without guilt in this, as your history shows you influenced it. He entered the marriage believing he would also have a happy and loving experience, but you've denied him that. For some reason, you consider yourself the victim in all of this, when you are one of the guilty parties. You display unsettling patterns. Can you leave him for infidelity? Of course. But will that truly make you happy? Or will you just jump into another poor decision? A good LDS man should think twice before marrying a woman who has been divorced twice, with kids. Especially when neither marriage displayed any serious abuse, etc. Besides, why should the Lord allow you a "happily ever after" when you deny it to those you marry? You will have to make your own decision on whether you will stay or go. But know this, the Lord cannot be pleased with how you are mistreating the men in your life, nor how you are not taking your covenants seriously. If you do choose divorce, I hope you will take time to truly fix yourself mentally and emotionally, prior to dating any more guys. I'd hate to think you went into another relationship unprepared, and brought sorrow and sadness to another. You seem to get the whole situation exactly. I don't agree I made my decision's selfishly. I prayed about leaving my first husband and felt good about it. I didn't want to divorce my first husband. I just wanted to be in good standing with the lord. Doesn't the church say not to marry outside the church. I felt bad that I chose that;it was the first time someone loved me and I loved him. I know I was doing what the lord wanted me to do. I agree I go from one poor decision to another. I know no one is going to tell me what I should do. I just made a huge mistake. He still is getting over a porn addiction and still have money problems. I don't trust him. He calls me cruel names and treats me like trash alot of the times. He is a jerk a lot of the time due to the relationship is one sided. I have been forceing feelings all along. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to kiss him, hug, and everything else. All I can think of is when I really wanted and begged for him to give us a try he cheated on me.

I never fell in love with him. I care for him as a brother and that's it. Yes he has a huge problem, He got help and says he is fine but I have caught him with a fredricks of hollywood mag. no they are not nude and it isn't porn but I know he looks at it and finishes himself cause there proof of that. I just don't love him. I don't dislike him; I don't understand how he could use his kids names as passwords to porn sites, how he went to strip clubs, and how he could sleep with a chick on his baby girls first birthday and at the time I was begging him to try to make our marriage work. All this because I was unahappy after we were married due to I didn't want to marry him. Something is wrong with me for wanting to break our covedent. I never loved him, now I can never trust him, and I am supose to try to see the possitive in him. He has only stop being verbally abusive with me for 1 month. Just because of the kids sake. I have prayed about it for a while now I feel good about divorce but the bishop has been so kind to me and didn't mean to but has made me feel I am not doing what I should be doing. so feeling confused I just posted this question. You guys have helped me. I want to pray about it some more.

He slept with a chick while married with me. He is not Temple worthy. I am; have been going by my self ever since he did that to me. Why is it fair for me to stay with a guy who did this to me just because I don't care about him and I was able to forgive him in 24 hours? How can I trust him? He still has a porn probblem I think it will only lead to cheating on me again.

The story doesn't change. I left stuff out then let you in on some major events. I was just trying to let you see where I am coming from. So in my first marriage; I was happy and married I should have just accepted he would never join the church. I made a mistake in not waiting to see if he would join before we got married. I thought getting married to him would show commitment and then he would be interested in my church. Yes, I have looked all my past relationships. I do notice it is me with the problem in all of them. I have a hard time forgiving me for all my mistakes. I know that is wrong. I just hate that I knew not to do something and I did it anyway. This one is a hard one to let go. I don't know if I can. I have tried for the past 9 years.

This is my second marriage. My first marriage was to a non member it lasted for a year. I ended it due to he was a non member. We had no kids. I am sorry I just fixed it. I am really greatful for everyones insight. It is hard to hear but I see the trueth in it. I can't thank you enough for your time and comments. Thank you, Rochelle

I don't agree. This is my second marraige. I was married before, in love, very happy. I just married a non member and was too worried that he would never join the church. A part of me wishes I never ended that marriage. I was happy and in love for a year. I know what it is like. I don't have it at all. I can't develope it. I don't understand how anyone can be happy in a arranged marriage. Plus how can I trust him he slept with a chick and spent 30,000.00 on pornography and strip clubs. That should be enough for a divorce. I want to do what is right. I will do what rameumptom said to do. It will not be easy. I don't want to be at odds with the Lord.

Why is it far to the kids to stay in a relationship where you can't stand the sight of your spouse. Just looking at him reminds you of all your feelings you have for him. Which are "I never ever loved you", "I settled cause I was scard I no one would love me", "I hate kissing you and everything else". " Why didn't I have the courage to stop you from being with me when I can't stand it anymore". "why did I feel like I had to be with you cause you loved me and I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I played along." " I'm living a lie" I see couples who were in love when they married I evey them. They can rattle on and on about why they got married and how when he looked at them one time they knew they couldn't live with out them. I can't say anything of why I love this guy, cause I don't. I can't say why I married him, cause I wished I did what I wanted to do which was to not marry him. I can't say when it was when he touched me I felt more alive then I have ever in my whole life. I can't fall out of love in a marriage and then remind myself why and when it was when we fell in love and that is what is worth fighting for. I rather marry for love and then things went sour then to have this life. I have tried to love him, I can only keep it up for a few months then I can't keep going. Three years ago he slept with a woman so I would end the marriage. I forgave him with in a 24 hour period. It didn't bother me at all that he slept with another women. I still don't care. I wish he would do it again and I'd leave him now for it. I'd think that is proof I never loved him. If I did love him it would have hurt and it would have been a very painful time in my life. I don't know if I can keep going. I just know one day I will end up cheating on him. I don't want to do that. I really don't think having kids grow up where they know mom is always unhappy and now lately crying all the time is good for them. I have missed every mile stone in their life so far. I let my mind wonder to get out of reality. They have to yell mom three times before I hear them. I don't know ;that is what my spouse tells me. I only hear them once. I hate being married for the sake of my kids. I wish I didn't have kids with him. I just thought having them with him would draw us closer and create feelings that were not there. I feel like I have gave up my happyness for other people. I am now paying the price. I am sick of it. Why can't I find love and be happy even if it just last one year. I felt like a zombie ever since I gave up my will. I don't see how you can love someone as a lover all the sudden. There is a spark or there isn't. Then there is a moment where you knew you can't live with out them or you don't care if they cheat on you cause you didn't love them anyway.

Thanks again for your comments. It helps to hear a different perspective. Most of the time with the counsler has been as a couple. Only 4 weeks ago it has been just me. It seems it has helped my husband out but not me. I just feel even more confused. After all your comments I am even more confused. I don't understand how you can get those feelings when you never had them. I agree the word"forced" is a cop-out. I just allowed it to happen. The trouble is I have been in love before. Knowing what it feels like it what is missing in my marriage and it is eating at me. I will try to pray for love, I have not tryed that. Thanks!

I am not saying serving my kids needs is a wast of my time. I wasted my life and time with someone I never had a emotional connection. I let my low self worth decide to just let a guy do what ever, that it didn't matter. The effects of being married to someone you never had any feelings for have left me mean and grumpy. I know it would be better for my kids if I wasn't mean and grumpy. I don't see any other way. I can not see how you can force emotional connection between any two people. I am not asking for a crazy head over heals love. I am just wanting a feeling that I really enjoy this persons company. I am sick of taking out my frustration out on my kids and husband. I know no one is perfect. If I knew one moment with this guy I was inlove with him then I could make it work. I know I never loved this guy. I feel I was forced into marriage. I didn't have a say in this relationship.