Surprised

Very good point. I find that love only grows from getting through those hard times that looked impossible while you were in the middle of them. Another excellent point. I did not mean to come across pitying them. My wife and I have had hard times but love did not cease to exist. Even if the worst case ever happened between my wife and I where heaven forbid we could not reconcile no matter what we tried, I do not see how love would cease in that case either. Betrayal may change your feelings for them but I do not think it is possible to stop loving them. I do not see how love can die, to me it is an eternal concept. You may be heartbroken and never able to trust them again but can you honestly say that love can die once it has begun? People that I love that have hurt me in my life, I have never stopped loving.

Very good point. "Love" is truly hard to define. I would have to say, without going on forever, here is a brief crack at. It is wanting nothing more than to do right by the other person. To put their feeling before your own. To see them as part everything you do and plan on doing in life. For them to be your true best friend above all others in your life. When they feel sad, you feel sad. When they are happy you feel happy. You find them the most beautiful person in the world, which comes from much more than just looks. For you to imagine a life without them and it makes you choke. That is a starting point. You say we "chose" to love each other. I do not remember making that choice. I remember many choices in life but that is not one I remember making. I did chose to date her and get to know here better. To listen to her story and find out all about here life and what she loved and hated. I did chose to let my guard come down and trust her. To let her become part of my life and future plans. I did not choose for her to become my best friend, it happened as a result of our time together. And this is what I feel about falling in love. You do not choose it but it happens as a result of experiences and time together. But, what I am saying is why marry before that happens and hope for it then? Why not find that first then let it continue to grow?

I am new to this forum but I find it very surprising and almost sad to hear that people say they were not "in love" when they married. Can it truly be that even today people are still marrying others and hope and expect to fall in love over time? I just do not understand this mode of thought. Sure, I believe it is entirely possible to experience love this way but why would it be so common? So I guess my real question is why? Why would people agree to marry someone they are not "in love" with? Why not find that relationship where love truly exists prior to marriage? I have also read some posts where people commented they had to choose for years even, to continue to love their spouse during the marriage. What does that mean? If you are unhappy that does not make you fall out of love? Are we as a people just deciding to marry out of the convenience of finding a worthy person that is acceptable? If that is the case then I hope it is the extreme exception and not the norm. I have been married for over 13 years and while I cannot say our marriage has ever been perfect I have never lost that sweet pure love for my wife and have only seen it grow over time. I just cannot imagine if something ever happened to my wife or myself that either of us would marry someone we did not fall in love with prior to marriage. To me it sounds as if people are settling and that makes me very sad. Can we not find that someone that stops the world for us? The person that makes your heart race when you are with them. Maybe I am wrong and it is not as common as I thought. I really hope I am wrong here and I in no way wish to offend others. This is just my filtered view of life and in reality I am a true hopeless romantic.