prettyrose

The annulment is done. When him and I walked out of the courthouse was when he told me that everything was lie from day one. I just about died from shock. I sat there in disbelief. I couldn't comprehend fast enough what he told me. He had played me from the beginning. I don't think I've ever going back to the church. I did everything right and I got screwed over! I didn't have sex before marriage. I followed the rules. I can't believe this happened to me that he lied about everything. He lied about loving me. He lied about likeing me. He lied about everything. He words implied it was all lust. How can a man of the mormon church do this? He took everything away from me that meant something that I wanted from the bottom of my heart. What the h did I do to cause this? I think he had it planned from day one to play me. I really liked the guy too. I guess I was the fool in this one. The annulment papers said he didn't love me since day after we had sex on honeymoon. I can't believe his bishop actually approves of this behavior from him. I'm surprised he didn't lose his recommend for a year for doing this. He says his bishop knows everything but I doubt it one broken heart

Right now my income is $700.00 I paid $40.00 in tithing on first Sunday in January 2012. Do I need to pay another $30.00? Is ten percent required? I was just curious. I don't want to keep feeling guilty for paying so little. Was it difficult for you to pay a full tithing amount? Thank you for your help.

He turned freaky again after he filed papers. Whoever said this guy is sadastic I think you were right. I've never seen anyone turn so cold hearted careless as him and basically forced you to give up a baby if you were pregnant.

Either I'm really stupid or I read too fast. I read your post several times and it still came across a tad confusing. Keep going to therapy sessions. Does your husband think you have mental issues as well or just the family? Unless I misunderstood something the money issue is either being responsible adults by spending your money wisely to meet ends each month or he is being controlling. Have you tried to invite maybe his best friend/family over to do prayer or home evening with everyone? He might join in then which might help him get back into the swing of things. You can solve the visiting teacher issue by simply talking to someone about it. I see that your husband is using the "my way" or the "highway" approach to dealing with you. He needs to treat you like an adult. Adults learn to communicate with each other. Right now he is simply dismissing your feelings or opinions over every little thing but honey it doesn't really justify a divorce. You guys are just going through a rocky road right now but divorce is a extreme decision to a small issue.

John, She needs to have the desire to change from the bottom of her heart. How did you find out about it? Did she want to come clean and told you about the affair? Someone that confesses to affairs are A) sorry to the point that the guilt eats them alive in their inner soul that they can no longer keep locked inside or B) they only admit it cause they have no other option like you'd find out. The more details and honest and open that she was with you is part of feeling guilty and it was eating at her inner soul. Most people don't cheat just for the heck of it. There is usually a underlying reason. Women need to feel loved and valued. Women sometimes stray by look to other men when they don't feel wanted romantically and valued by their man anymore. The first signs of this is when they GET ATTENTION from another man even little compliments here and there start to add up. I know that we are suppose to forgive. She should be thankful and grateful that you are sticking it through thick and thin regarding this major error she made using poor judgment. Sex creates a bond. She needs to break that bond that obviously happened between your brother and her. Time breaks the bond to eventually one day she feels NOTHING and can look at him with NOTHING. Whether she admits it to you or not she is pissed at the new girlfriend because she feels REPLACED and that she MEANT NOTHING to him. Another degrade in her mind. I would look at the big picture. Has been more faithful to you over the years of marriage than not? Keep us updated.

I apologize if I offended you it wasn't my intentiion. I realize that we are going to agree to disagree on some things. Every individual has a right to express their own opinion. I apologize.

I can't believe you. What the heck? You KNOW that the lord would NEVER want someone to be abused by a step parent nor a spouse to allow abuse to happen to a child. Abuse should NEVER be tolerated. She is NOT making the wrong decision to DIVORCE her husband on the grounds of abuse. You have NO RIGHT to tell her that devil is playing into it. The only person on the face of the earth that is responsible for a person is the person themselves actions that is over age 18. Why are you playing mind games here? Her husband is the one that is ABUSING HER SON! An adult male DECIDED to PUT HIS HANDS on him. AduLT MALE decided to make an violent move on the poor kid. The adult male has done this over and over again because he decides to lose it WITHOUT any THOUGHT to the consquences of extremely hurting the poor kid. How in the heck can you encourage her to stay with a lose cannon? If I didn't know better I'd say that this man is on some sort of illegal drugs. How in the world do you EVEN SLEEP AT NIGHT? Honestly how would you feel if she came on here one day saying that her husband made her son die at the hands of her husband? Nobody is standing up for the child except for the dad at this point in time. Somebody has to be voice that protects this little kid at all costs. I rest my case. This hits home to me. I think I need to check out out of this subject. To the OP I hope that you make the right decision.

You say that you love him more than anything. I don't know about you but I would want a man that loves GOD more than me. I would really wonder about someone that DOESN'T want the best for me. Do you really want to be sitting at church or the temple and have someone ask where your man is at? and your response is "at home. then you realize one day that it isn't the life that you want anymore sick and tired of "feel so alone and totally alone at church and temple". You are giving up THE TEMPLE for a MAN that is not worth it. Why are you giving up the greatest thing in the world for a man that doesn't appreciate it the same way as you do? Please realize what I am saying. You two are NOT on the same page and it shall forever cause conflict down the road. How are you going to feel about your children being raised in the church when your husband just sits on the side lines? You may not regret marrying him RIGHT NOW in life but YEARS LATER you just might. Never sell yourself short in life. I would NEVER give up my LIFE DREAMS of going to the temple for any man. I don't care if he was tom cruise or richard gere. Someone who does not want the best for you DOES NOT truly have your best interest at heart.

Windseeker, I've seen bishops recommend divorce in child abuse or spouse abuse cases before. Just a FYI

I just wanted to say thank you everyone for your advice and kind words. Encouragement. You've all helped me through this ordeal.

This. Exactly. I couldn't of said it better. This is why your future wife wants to tell you EVERYTHING. Its hard to explain. Could you please listen and let her? She might feel that you are shutting her out.

Its better for the children to have no contact with a dad than to end up dead by him one day. I've received some excellent advice from the people on this message board. I'm not going to sugar coat things. Some things I don't know how to say right so I will just say it. Please don't be offended. First of all, I've been divorced and am going through a second one so please know that I understand what you are going through between choosing your husband or son. One thing that I wanted to point out is that you owe it to your son to show him what a NORMAL marriage is suppose to be like and not one full of abuse. You don't want to teach your children that abuse is okay whatsoever. Abuse is a deal breaker to most people. If I were in your shoes I would file for divorce on the basis of abuse and leave with the child. You want your child to know that you would do anything to protect him at all costs. Failure to protect your child from abuse by staying with an abuser is failing to protect him as a parent. Stand up for your child because honey the only person that can look out for his safety is you and child protective services. This situation will ONLY get worse not better if you stay with your husband. Don't believe his empty promises because you'll regret it. No amount of anger management will work at this point because you'll always wonder in the back of your mind when is the next time your husband is going to abuse your son. How would you feel if your husband lost it so bad that he commited homicide toward your son? You wouldn't be able to live with yourself. And Your Ex Husband (sons dad) could possibly have you bought up on neglect charges. I am NOT being too extreme here. Get a divorce. Take the children and get out. Thank the lucky stars that your ex filed a protective order against your husband because at least one person is standing up for your son at the moment. It is about PROTECTING YOUR CHILDREN. YOU ARE THE MOTHER PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING. Keep us updated please.

I wrote the goodbye letter. I took allot of your advice. I'm crying again this hurts too bad. A part of me doesn't want to see him cry. A part of me doesn't want to hand this goodbye letter to him. Why does this hurt so much? My soul is just so messed up right now. I don't know if this is the right move by telling him to either marry me and/or that I deserve someone that will honor their marriage vows and be there through thick and thin. I'm just so torn sitting here in tears crying again. My break up letter is two pages long. I really love him and I don't know if Im making the right move. What do I do if he starts to cry and begs me to stay? Wht do I do if he calls me the B word and says "see ya" ? I'm so lost right now. This isn't easy.

We are back together as a couple. He still wants the anulment. He said to me, "Just so you know in order for me staying with you you can't pressure me to do anything not mention marriage the temple or anything like that the moment you do its over" He wants to date me again for a year, and eventually go the temple. Would you ladies accept something like this? I'm having a hard time with the "anulment" thing because It my breaks my heart that he is taking away me being his wife. I still want to spend the rest of my life with this man but I feel like he is indirectly telling me that I am not good enough to be his wife with this "anulment" thing. What do you think? Am I taking this too personally or do you sense controlling behavior? I don't know what to do.

I don't quite understand that i mean he was all over me. you know what i mean. he really wanted sex. Are you joking with me? I just about laughed at that last part. I don't know if I have the guts to ask him if he is really gay. I dont know if a guy that married me asked me if I really lesbian or something I think I would be so stunned that I wouldn't know what to say. like WHAT?

I asked him if he was willing to go to counseling at lds family services but i havent heard back from him.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He told me that he felt that he made a mistake but honestly I think he just wanted the sex. It was a civil marriage. I don't understand it. He told me that he loved me unconditionally. I thought that we were gonna make it throuh thick and thin. Do I have a right to talk to his bishop about this? technically im still his wife. I asked him if he wanted to go to lds family services to work thing outs but i havent heard back.

I tried to do everything right. No sexual intercourse before marriage. Do I deserve the way that he is treating me? I feel like just an object to him. I'm scared to death that he is gonna leave me pregnant. Do I have a right to talk to his bishop about what happened?

Hi, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because my new husband after just getting married to me this weekend told me that he felt pressured to marry me and its over. I'm also worried because on our wedding night we had sex and I had to take a emergency mornig after pill. I really love him and I'm worried that he will leave me pregnant if the pill doesnt work somehow. I really love him and want our marriage to work. He basicaly wants nothing to with me. My girlfriends say to fight for my marriage. What should I do? have any one else gone through this? Do I give him time? What can I say or do? or is it really over? I asked him to at least wait til I get my period to make sure iim not pregnant before getting the divorce papers and i havent heard from him again. I don't know what to do. He means the world to me. I don't see how he can tell me that he loved me. wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. then this happens. He will never know what much he really meant to me. What should I do? Has anyone else had this happen to them before? I'm just sitting here crying trying to make sense of it all.

i was so scared to swallow pills that i swear it was it cuz i was i thought it made me feel being choked. this might sound kinda abusive what my parents did to me but when i was young and afraid to take pills they would just shove it in my mouth give me water in my mouth and hold my mouth shut and they told me that they wouldnt let go of me until I swallowed that freaking pill! kinda like what you see some people do to a dog when they hold their mouth closed til they see them swallow after they had some water in there. Since then I have had no problems swallowing big pills or little pills because I remember that scary event from childhood.

Thank you everyone for you replies. I appreciate you taking a few minutes of your day to write back. You have allot of helpful tips and advice :)

that looks really nice!

No oh not Trazodone! I found out that out the difficult way man woke up in the middle night all messed up from the meds all confused and disoriented my heart pounding through my chest. i was gonna call a freaking ambulance but i was too messed up to use the phone! It was the worst night of my life

thanks for the reply

My sleep specialist told me to have no caffeine after noon. He told me to wake up around the same time each day. Dont sleep longer than 30 minutes at the most for a nap in the afternoon. He told me to shut off the tv at least an hour or two before sleep to relax the mind. Turn off the lights because it keeps the mind active an hour or two before sleep. It really does work! Of course it might help that I take a few sleepy meds too.