girlygirl

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  1. girlygirl

    Totally stumped.

    I hope I'm not coming off as bashing my dh family as someone said I need to learn to love them but I do of course I love the sinner hate the sin. In this case I just feel like these comments literally poison my relationship with them and everytime we are enjoying having a good time visiting and they say something i just get an awful feeling in my stomach. We were talking last night and dh said that what someone mentioned he grew up in this environment and he turned out respecting girls, if anything him and his male cousins just get weirded out when the adults say stuff like that and embarrassed. So does that mean I am just making a mountain out of a mole hill and I'm over reacting? Again I really do love my inlaws and am SO happy our baby is bringing us closer. i don't want to cut them out of my life. If its not my place to ask them to change their behavior for my son and I don't want to limit being with them then I guess I don't have much options. I was just hoping someone would have a unique way of dealing with this. I really want my son to be virtuous and I just feel it will be confusing growing up with people he loves talking about this stuff all the time, I mean if he is a baby and great grandma is talking about how he should be watching porn instead of cartoons how will it escalate when he is older?
  2. girlygirl

    Totally stumped.

    I'd like to add the next day at breakfast with dh and brother in law I mentioned that that was really rude of his dad to say that stuff, and he literally spat back at me that that is just my perspective. I said no I think any girl would be extremely offended by a father in law saying to smear food on her breasts and dh chimed in and said ya that was really offensive to hear that about your wife and brother in law just stormed off so I hope you can see what I'm up against?!
  3. Im just stumped with a problem that just doesn't have an easy solution. I'm hoping to gather some opinions to decide what's right for me to do... I am married to a convert and have a baby boy. My relationship with my inlaws is not the greatest, but I think since having my baby, their first grandson, we are connecting a lot better. Now looking back I think it in all honesty was because they are atheists and were very skeptical of their son dating a Mormon girl, and I believe feel like I have 'brainwashed' him to accept my world view and get baptized, my brother in law has hinted at this a lot but that's a long story and not what I would like advice about... I really enjoying getting together with dh family and extended family functions, although do belief their humor is really out of line. Grandma was saying after a road trip joking we should buy baby a mini tv so he can watch cartoons while we drive. Great grandma was holding my baby and said to him, no he doesn't want to watch cartoons he wants to watch naked women! Everyone but me and dh thought this was hilarious including baby who laughed and my heart just sank. Later that day at our family gathering baby kept staring at the food we were eating and I said baby just can't wait to eat solids and father-in law went on to say that I should just smear the food on my boobs I'm sure he'd love that and then uncle was like ya and made sucking noises. Dh was like like hey guys that's too far but they proceeded to make cracks about my boobs and baby and again everyone was just laughing it up. I couldn't sleep all night I was just so offended and worried baby is going to grow up in this environment. Sure its their choice to talk about what they want amoung themselves, but these guys seem to be the only people i know that dont respect you should change up the language when kids are present and have limits. Dh always says to cut it out but they don't listen because everyones just laughing it up and he says there's only so much he can say- his family isn't the heart to heart type and dont ever really talk about problems at all and funny thing is THEY would be offended that Im just a prude and don't like their humor. I can take the jokes about me. I unfortunately have had to before already but it breaks my heart to see an innocent baby involved in these remarks. It feels so frusterating because I'm just starting to kind of go beyond the small talk to a better relationship with them. They are a really big part of my life I just don't know what to do?!?! Dh is also stumped and feels stuck because h loves his family but know this has to stop. What do we do? His dad is a pretty big man of the house patriarchal guy and we don't think would appreciate us telling him what is and is not appropriate and again just think 'oh that Mormon girl is warping my son'. So... What do I do?
  4. girlygirl

    Beyond Pants

    Wow lots of comments here coming from all angles. Don't want to fan the flame anymore on this , but i have looked alot into what these guys have to say and their points make perfect sense to me. Are we not a church founded on continuing revelation? Did Joseph Smith not go to pray to God the father instead of accepting churches that people already thought were true? After which it was the right time for the gospel to be restored on earth? Much like the blacks being allowed the priesthood back in the 70's after recieved revelation, after previously being denied, these ladies are asking their leaders to prayfully ask if perhaps women can have the priesthood restored to them again as was in Josephs time. I dont see why the need for all the judgement when continuing revelations as we are ready for it is what sets our church apart from others. Edit: I see I have already recieved some quick responses in a span of five minutes. I don't comment on this board often and don't wish to argue over petty statements. All I can say is I try to love and understand everyone. This is something important to these ladies, and they are asking of their leaders to prayfully consider having them recieve the priesthood much like people probably did before the blacks were not allowed priesthood. Isn't our motto line upon line, precept upon precept? From knowing how Joseph Smith restored the gospel he didn't receive everything all at once, and we are still receiving Revelation from the Lord even to this day. I don't see why there is so much mud slinging to followers of Christ asking for something that is important to them. But perhaps I just try to give people the benefit of a doubt. I just don't feel threatened by this and I am sure the leaders do not either.
  5. As this is speaking from my experience are you implying then that I am not an honorable girl? In my case, my husband breaking his addiction was because I loved him unconditionally and we both concurred the addition together. Of course there are all sorts of different situations. But I prayed about this and that was my answer that I should continue the relationship and i would have to have patience and love. Are you saying addicts are to overcome addictions without others support? I think it is that kind of thinking that pushes addicts to feel isolated and alone that they have to just 'deal with it' thus continuing the cycle. Again, my experience is my own. However I would hope someone would have compassion on me if I had a problem I had to deal with that I was trying my best to get out of- sometimes all we need is a helping hand. Yes we need to rely on the Lord but does Heavenly Father not extend his help through the people around us?
  6. Just wanted to reply to George. I have never been addicted to something before, and it isn't fair to enter in a relationship with an addiction, however this isn't a perfect world. As I have read from addictions it is the beating yourself up and denying yourself that makes you relapse. I think if you enter in a relationship you have to be open and honest, when I say don't deny yourself I don't mean porn, I mean happyness. Don't beat yourself up. It's like trying to lose weight. If you get mad at yourself everytime you screw up you'll just binge. If you just coax yourself to do better next time you are not getting into the guilt cycle. Yes guilt is necessary, but not to the extent that it is guiding you down into misery that makes you want a 'quick fix' to feel better. You CAN be in a relationship, you CAN be happy. When I first dated my bf thats when he was worst with porn. It hurt me alot. But I was able to know it wasn't because of ME. Having the feelings of honorable love and devotion will support you in your recovery, you just need to find the right strong young woman who is able to bear your burden
  7. Haha yea I went through a Duran Duran stage too!
  8. Getting back to your original post... I think its totally normal and healthy for a single person to daydream about a possible or future girlfriend/boyfriend. Heck, when i was a teenager I hung up posters and pictures of celebrity guys I thought were hunky. In fact, my mom said when she was a teenager she would draw pictures of elvis from the records she bought. Stuff like this is so normal and healthy. However, hate to say it, but theres some pretty perverted things with japanese anime/manga. I would hate to say it is okay to look up those pictures when I know inevitably you are going to come across some gross stuff. So my advice is, is looking at headshot pictures of a girl you think is cute okay? Heck ya! Just make sure the you have a filter on your computer and dont go to any questionable sites. I hung pictures of Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, ect. on my wall, did I think I was going to marry them? Obviously not! When I got boyfriends did I trash them because that was disrespectful to them? Of course! Use your own judgement, and I think you will be fine :) ps- I used to love the whole Japanese thing too when I was younger, however I can't stand anime now! Its weird how things change hey?
  9. girlygirl

    Giving too much value to "man"

    I hate to say this again to you if you have your heart set on it but if this is the case the military is NOT for you! They will tear you down and make you feel like the scum of the universe! As a side note- sounds like you go into your 'mancave' alot- I think life would be alot nicer for your wife if you realize she is not the problem, it is you, if you had a bad day, and want alone time, that is fine, but do not hurt her in the process. Saying, I had a crap day I dont want to talk about it and need some alone time goes a long long way.. Sounds like you need something in your life to stabilize that your self worth comes from inside of you not just outside forces. There is nothing wrong with lapping up a complement, but this shouldn't be your crowning glory for an accomplishment.
  10. girlygirl

    Giving too much value to "man"

    To the Warrior- although I do not know you have you considered a trade? Trades are great if you are handson, want some good $$, can still go home to your family, and usually you have to work in a team and people respect you for your craft. Just throwing it out there, you might want to consider it.
  11. girlygirl

    Giving too much value to "man"

    One of my best buddies is in the military. Trust me, it does not inflate your ego, it does not make you feel 'more of a man' (or female in her case), without going into details overseas she has seen some horrific things and humans at their worse, including, witnessing some close friends commiting suicide abroad and having to search for their remains! We have some guy friends who like to dress in military outfits and always talk about joining the reserves. She always rolls her eyes and wishes they only knew that the military shouldn't be put up on such a pedestal. Her desire is to secure a position at a job that will give her an equal salary to what she is getting now. She wants out. On the social side, if you are not confident or socially equipt you will get BULLIED A TON. She is loud and bubbly, I can only imagine being quite or not communicating well will make you be seen as 'weak' and taken advantage of. Long story short, there are many better occupations and groups that can give you a sense of community and accomplishment. I only think this would do you more harm then good.
  12. girlygirl

    So happy together

    I remember the first two years we made others sick to their stomaches because we were so nice and fair to each other and NEVER had harsh word to say to each other. ... Three years the boat definitely got rocked but it just added a new dimension to our marriage. Fourth year in we are still learning through it but I am sure it will never be 'picture perfect'. Haha- whoever said 'wait till you have kids'- love that comment! Ha!
  13. Sorry to be so cut and dry but this situation sounds nuts! If you had sex once, your wedding night, and had the morning after pill within 24 hours, (taking into account what time it was in your cycle)- it is next to impossible that you will get pregnant. Second off- take his wanting to leave as a blessing. This guy sound mentally unsound. How can you feel 'pressured' or 'forced' to go through such a big deal of a marriage ceremony and reception when you don't want to? I know it has happened but to say a few days later you didn't want it sounds crazy. You DESERVE BETTER. Please please find someone who can honor their marriage vows and will want you in sickness and in health. If you persue this relationship there is no way I can see it as everlasting. I am so sorry to hear you are caught up in this. There is someone out there who will love and respect you!!!! When I was in a terrible relationship but thought 'he was the one' my friend gave me the sage advice that 'no matter how great you think a guy is there is always a better one out there.' This is so true! Do not destroy your life with this guy who you have to twist his arm to convince him to not leave you!!!
  14. girlygirl

    Forgive and forget?

    Beefche, I want to talk to her for two reasons: 1. I want a chance to air out why I am ignoring her, get it off my chest, she has no clue why I am ignoring her. She is the kind of person who never sees when she makes a mistake. Her family and her upset me and two other staff ladies almost beyond repair, I want to talk to her, more to have closure for myself and let her know also why I am upset. (She keeps messaging me, 'if I have offended you or upset you I wish we could talk about it.' I would love this opportunity, however part of me says it will do more harm then good and I shouldn't. 2. Depending on the situation of how our conversation goes at least perhaps I could just gloss our friendship over. I could just without getting into the nitty gritty gloss over the reason I have been ignoring her and at least get us on some common ground, nicely and politely, then say I am married and busy, at least get us on good terms, but not have her as a close friend again. I just feel unresolved. I dont want to have her as a close friend and have her involved in my life. However I would just like somesort of conversation to air that we are not 'mortal enemys' and be on some common ground so if I ever see her again we can each smile at each other and say 'hi' instead of ignoring each other (this actually did happen once when I was out with some friends, we made eye contact and I just looked the other way). Ultimately I dont think I should talk to her. I'v tried it and I just have a nagging feeling inside of me and feel like talking will get some resultion?? Im pretty torn.
  15. girlygirl

    Forgive and forget?

    I think this is the best bet. I have ignored her, then with her last attempt I told her if she wanted to talk to me to call me (gave her my number) and sent her a friend request to bridge the gap. She ignored it and then rubbed mud back in my face by saying she didn't have my number (hello? I just gave it to you? Call me already!) And of course she hasn't, and I don't think she would because its easier to be sneaky and play games on the internet then face someone (even if it is just over the phone.) I think I just need to leave it at that. I mean, even if we do talk what can I say? Your parents treated me like the scum of the universe, I can't believe you recommended me to work for them? Even worse you are just like them? I dont think thats going to make us have a happy friendship again at all Well now she has my number and a friend request, its been one week now and no response. So I guess her ultimate motive is not to bridge the gap as she initially said but mainly to stir up some more drama and hopefully get a reaction over facebook that she can show her friends and family (her dad is a lawyer- so I know I dont want to have any incriminating evidence against me on paper thats why I want to TALK about it in person.) It sucks but I guess my best bet is just to ignore her and if she does roll around and send off another message I will have to use one of loudmouth mormons lines.