girlygirl

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Everything posted by girlygirl

  1. I hope I'm not coming off as bashing my dh family as someone said I need to learn to love them but I do of course I love the sinner hate the sin. In this case I just feel like these comments literally poison my relationship with them and everytime we are enjoying having a good time visiting and they say something i just get an awful feeling in my stomach. We were talking last night and dh said that what someone mentioned he grew up in this environment and he turned out respecting girls, if anything him and his male cousins just get weirded out when the adults say stuff like that and embarrassed. So does that mean I am just making a mountain out of a mole hill and I'm over reacting? Again I really do love my inlaws and am SO happy our baby is bringing us closer. i don't want to cut them out of my life. If its not my place to ask them to change their behavior for my son and I don't want to limit being with them then I guess I don't have much options. I was just hoping someone would have a unique way of dealing with this. I really want my son to be virtuous and I just feel it will be confusing growing up with people he loves talking about this stuff all the time, I mean if he is a baby and great grandma is talking about how he should be watching porn instead of cartoons how will it escalate when he is older?
  2. I'd like to add the next day at breakfast with dh and brother in law I mentioned that that was really rude of his dad to say that stuff, and he literally spat back at me that that is just my perspective. I said no I think any girl would be extremely offended by a father in law saying to smear food on her breasts and dh chimed in and said ya that was really offensive to hear that about your wife and brother in law just stormed off so I hope you can see what I'm up against?!
  3. Im just stumped with a problem that just doesn't have an easy solution. I'm hoping to gather some opinions to decide what's right for me to do... I am married to a convert and have a baby boy. My relationship with my inlaws is not the greatest, but I think since having my baby, their first grandson, we are connecting a lot better. Now looking back I think it in all honesty was because they are atheists and were very skeptical of their son dating a Mormon girl, and I believe feel like I have 'brainwashed' him to accept my world view and get baptized, my brother in law has hinted at this a lot but that's a long story and not what I would like advice about... I really enjoying getting together with dh family and extended family functions, although do belief their humor is really out of line. Grandma was saying after a road trip joking we should buy baby a mini tv so he can watch cartoons while we drive. Great grandma was holding my baby and said to him, no he doesn't want to watch cartoons he wants to watch naked women! Everyone but me and dh thought this was hilarious including baby who laughed and my heart just sank. Later that day at our family gathering baby kept staring at the food we were eating and I said baby just can't wait to eat solids and father-in law went on to say that I should just smear the food on my boobs I'm sure he'd love that and then uncle was like ya and made sucking noises. Dh was like like hey guys that's too far but they proceeded to make cracks about my boobs and baby and again everyone was just laughing it up. I couldn't sleep all night I was just so offended and worried baby is going to grow up in this environment. Sure its their choice to talk about what they want amoung themselves, but these guys seem to be the only people i know that dont respect you should change up the language when kids are present and have limits. Dh always says to cut it out but they don't listen because everyones just laughing it up and he says there's only so much he can say- his family isn't the heart to heart type and dont ever really talk about problems at all and funny thing is THEY would be offended that Im just a prude and don't like their humor. I can take the jokes about me. I unfortunately have had to before already but it breaks my heart to see an innocent baby involved in these remarks. It feels so frusterating because I'm just starting to kind of go beyond the small talk to a better relationship with them. They are a really big part of my life I just don't know what to do?!?! Dh is also stumped and feels stuck because h loves his family but know this has to stop. What do we do? His dad is a pretty big man of the house patriarchal guy and we don't think would appreciate us telling him what is and is not appropriate and again just think 'oh that Mormon girl is warping my son'. So... What do I do?
  4. Wow lots of comments here coming from all angles. Don't want to fan the flame anymore on this , but i have looked alot into what these guys have to say and their points make perfect sense to me. Are we not a church founded on continuing revelation? Did Joseph Smith not go to pray to God the father instead of accepting churches that people already thought were true? After which it was the right time for the gospel to be restored on earth? Much like the blacks being allowed the priesthood back in the 70's after recieved revelation, after previously being denied, these ladies are asking their leaders to prayfully ask if perhaps women can have the priesthood restored to them again as was in Josephs time. I dont see why the need for all the judgement when continuing revelations as we are ready for it is what sets our church apart from others. Edit: I see I have already recieved some quick responses in a span of five minutes. I don't comment on this board often and don't wish to argue over petty statements. All I can say is I try to love and understand everyone. This is something important to these ladies, and they are asking of their leaders to prayfully consider having them recieve the priesthood much like people probably did before the blacks were not allowed priesthood. Isn't our motto line upon line, precept upon precept? From knowing how Joseph Smith restored the gospel he didn't receive everything all at once, and we are still receiving Revelation from the Lord even to this day. I don't see why there is so much mud slinging to followers of Christ asking for something that is important to them. But perhaps I just try to give people the benefit of a doubt. I just don't feel threatened by this and I am sure the leaders do not either.
  5. Getting back to your original post... I think its totally normal and healthy for a single person to daydream about a possible or future girlfriend/boyfriend. Heck, when i was a teenager I hung up posters and pictures of celebrity guys I thought were hunky. In fact, my mom said when she was a teenager she would draw pictures of elvis from the records she bought. Stuff like this is so normal and healthy. However, hate to say it, but theres some pretty perverted things with japanese anime/manga. I would hate to say it is okay to look up those pictures when I know inevitably you are going to come across some gross stuff. So my advice is, is looking at headshot pictures of a girl you think is cute okay? Heck ya! Just make sure the you have a filter on your computer and dont go to any questionable sites. I hung pictures of Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, ect. on my wall, did I think I was going to marry them? Obviously not! When I got boyfriends did I trash them because that was disrespectful to them? Of course! Use your own judgement, and I think you will be fine :) ps- I used to love the whole Japanese thing too when I was younger, however I can't stand anime now! Its weird how things change hey?
  6. I hate to say this again to you if you have your heart set on it but if this is the case the military is NOT for you! They will tear you down and make you feel like the scum of the universe! As a side note- sounds like you go into your 'mancave' alot- I think life would be alot nicer for your wife if you realize she is not the problem, it is you, if you had a bad day, and want alone time, that is fine, but do not hurt her in the process. Saying, I had a crap day I dont want to talk about it and need some alone time goes a long long way.. Sounds like you need something in your life to stabilize that your self worth comes from inside of you not just outside forces. There is nothing wrong with lapping up a complement, but this shouldn't be your crowning glory for an accomplishment.
  7. To the Warrior- although I do not know you have you considered a trade? Trades are great if you are handson, want some good $$, can still go home to your family, and usually you have to work in a team and people respect you for your craft. Just throwing it out there, you might want to consider it.
  8. One of my best buddies is in the military. Trust me, it does not inflate your ego, it does not make you feel 'more of a man' (or female in her case), without going into details overseas she has seen some horrific things and humans at their worse, including, witnessing some close friends commiting suicide abroad and having to search for their remains! We have some guy friends who like to dress in military outfits and always talk about joining the reserves. She always rolls her eyes and wishes they only knew that the military shouldn't be put up on such a pedestal. Her desire is to secure a position at a job that will give her an equal salary to what she is getting now. She wants out. On the social side, if you are not confident or socially equipt you will get BULLIED A TON. She is loud and bubbly, I can only imagine being quite or not communicating well will make you be seen as 'weak' and taken advantage of. Long story short, there are many better occupations and groups that can give you a sense of community and accomplishment. I only think this would do you more harm then good.
  9. I remember the first two years we made others sick to their stomaches because we were so nice and fair to each other and NEVER had harsh word to say to each other. ... Three years the boat definitely got rocked but it just added a new dimension to our marriage. Fourth year in we are still learning through it but I am sure it will never be 'picture perfect'. Haha- whoever said 'wait till you have kids'- love that comment! Ha!
  10. Sorry to be so cut and dry but this situation sounds nuts! If you had sex once, your wedding night, and had the morning after pill within 24 hours, (taking into account what time it was in your cycle)- it is next to impossible that you will get pregnant. Second off- take his wanting to leave as a blessing. This guy sound mentally unsound. How can you feel 'pressured' or 'forced' to go through such a big deal of a marriage ceremony and reception when you don't want to? I know it has happened but to say a few days later you didn't want it sounds crazy. You DESERVE BETTER. Please please find someone who can honor their marriage vows and will want you in sickness and in health. If you persue this relationship there is no way I can see it as everlasting. I am so sorry to hear you are caught up in this. There is someone out there who will love and respect you!!!! When I was in a terrible relationship but thought 'he was the one' my friend gave me the sage advice that 'no matter how great you think a guy is there is always a better one out there.' This is so true! Do not destroy your life with this guy who you have to twist his arm to convince him to not leave you!!!
  11. Beefche, I want to talk to her for two reasons: 1. I want a chance to air out why I am ignoring her, get it off my chest, she has no clue why I am ignoring her. She is the kind of person who never sees when she makes a mistake. Her family and her upset me and two other staff ladies almost beyond repair, I want to talk to her, more to have closure for myself and let her know also why I am upset. (She keeps messaging me, 'if I have offended you or upset you I wish we could talk about it.' I would love this opportunity, however part of me says it will do more harm then good and I shouldn't. 2. Depending on the situation of how our conversation goes at least perhaps I could just gloss our friendship over. I could just without getting into the nitty gritty gloss over the reason I have been ignoring her and at least get us on some common ground, nicely and politely, then say I am married and busy, at least get us on good terms, but not have her as a close friend again. I just feel unresolved. I dont want to have her as a close friend and have her involved in my life. However I would just like somesort of conversation to air that we are not 'mortal enemys' and be on some common ground so if I ever see her again we can each smile at each other and say 'hi' instead of ignoring each other (this actually did happen once when I was out with some friends, we made eye contact and I just looked the other way). Ultimately I dont think I should talk to her. I'v tried it and I just have a nagging feeling inside of me and feel like talking will get some resultion?? Im pretty torn.
  12. I think this is the best bet. I have ignored her, then with her last attempt I told her if she wanted to talk to me to call me (gave her my number) and sent her a friend request to bridge the gap. She ignored it and then rubbed mud back in my face by saying she didn't have my number (hello? I just gave it to you? Call me already!) And of course she hasn't, and I don't think she would because its easier to be sneaky and play games on the internet then face someone (even if it is just over the phone.) I think I just need to leave it at that. I mean, even if we do talk what can I say? Your parents treated me like the scum of the universe, I can't believe you recommended me to work for them? Even worse you are just like them? I dont think thats going to make us have a happy friendship again at all Well now she has my number and a friend request, its been one week now and no response. So I guess her ultimate motive is not to bridge the gap as she initially said but mainly to stir up some more drama and hopefully get a reaction over facebook that she can show her friends and family (her dad is a lawyer- so I know I dont want to have any incriminating evidence against me on paper thats why I want to TALK about it in person.) It sucks but I guess my best bet is just to ignore her and if she does roll around and send off another message I will have to use one of loudmouth mormons lines.
  13. I really do try not to hold bad feelings or think of her poorly however I just can't let her back into my life as she is the kind of person that I give an inch she will take a mile. I hate ignoring her fb messages but if she was truly concerned or wanted to talk to me she has my number and would have the courage to call me. I just hate the unresolved and with anyone else I would talk it out. I wish I could do this with her but I think it would just make things messy. I just almost feel a weight on me that I CANT resolve this and have closure I hate this feeling and I wish we could simply be on good terms, but I know it just isn't possible.
  14. I really appreciate the unbiased advice on this board, and this is regarding a friend situation so I hope I can get some help. I am going to try and condense this as much as I can- For three years I worked at a friend's families office. At first it was great but over the progression of my time working there I found the environment was toxic, gossipy (our family vs the employees) and was literally making me anxious and stressed out all the time to the point I was losing sleep. As I saw the way her parents treated me I found she treated other people the same way and I started to distance myself as I saw her parents charicter coming out in her. To make a long story short, I quit, along with two other senior ladies there (yup we had to do it together because we were literally scared of doing it alone feeling emotionally abused). Everytime I saw her on facebook it erked me. I know this sounds bad but I went through a horrible experience which isn't her fault but I felt like I had to separate myself from the family so I deleted her as a fb friend. Since then I have been able to move along with my life, I got a great job and felt like a bad chapter of my life was closed. I did not invite her to my wedding, I just wanted to put it all behind me. She then created another account and started messaging me saying she was upset she wasn't invited to the wedding ect. so I then blocked her. Last weekend she has created another account (this is three years later) and has stated this is the last time she is 'reaching out to me' - I told her that messaging me over the internet is not reaching out to me and that she should just give me a call if she wants to talk about it. She then wrote back saying she did not have my number (which I know she does have.) This girl is honestly toxic, she is manipulative, decietful and not someone I want to have in my life. I feel like if she called me we could talk it out but on the internet I feel like we will be squabbling back and forth. My sister says she is a creep and I should just block her out of my life. I have been trying to, as I know talking it out with her will do more harm then good. I have a horrible nagging feeling, I have never had to do this with anyone before. I hate that I have just had to block her out but at the same time I feel like trying to resolve things will just bring up more conflict. Does anyone have suggestions how I can feel at peace in this situation? I know its hard because you do not know the whole story but I hope you can understand the gist of not wanting to feel harrassed or bullied anymore yet wanting closure. I live in a small town so sometimes I hear or see something about their family and it just digs up a bad feeling in my stomache. I dont want to feel like this anymore but to be honest I just feel like we will never be able to be at peace.
  15. How long did you guys date before you got married? Me and my husband got in bad fights after we were married HOWEVER I dated him for two years before marriage and knew him for seven years before that so I knew it was more a learning curve then that we were not compatable. If you only dated a few months before then perhaps you did marry someone different from who you knew before? If you are having problems my best advice of what not to do is have kids. Trust me, I have worked in family law and girls have a tendency to think having a baby will bring their spouse closer to them, it doesn't, and makes things worse because now you are bringing another little life into your problem. The lawyer I worked for always said to me girls should wait at least 2 years to see how things go before having kids. I really believe in this (even though it is deviant from church teachings). To be honest if that was me since it is fresh I would cut ties and find someone better. Im not big on divorce but if you are young and no kids its better to start an eternal partnership with someone that is right for you, yes there are going to be hiccups but if you guys are already in that situation I dont know if I would be willing to work through that. Im not you though, it depends on how much you care about him and are willing to take his burden on as your own. You guys should be excited about marriage right now and setting new goals for your life together. Sitting around watching TV and playing Xbox does not sound like he shares the same enthusiasm and zest for the new relationship as you do.
  16. Can I just put it out there that the kind of 'love' you seem to be infatuated with does not exist. I was fortunate enough to go through enough relationships to know that a hot butterfly in stomach completely consuming love fizzles after awhile and what counts at the end of the day is a love where you are best buds and care for each other. C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves states an all consuming intense love would be unpractical and needs to grow into a more comfortable stage of love, friendship. Sometimes I think about a past relationship and how 'intense' our feelings were for each other, but I then remind myself how he was a liar, or some shortcoming, and how I am so lucky to have someone now who is my bestfriend without the hangups. Could you think you are just bored with life in general and are seeing someone else as being some exciting deviant adventure and an escape almost? My advice to you is the grass is always greener on the otherside. I think a talk with your husband would really hurt him. But then again, it could bring him up to date that maybe you guys need to spice things up a bit and not be so complacent. Perhaps read the Four Loves- sounds like you are lucky to have the relationship you are in and might be chasing what C.S. Lewis would call 'a false God'...
  17. My heart goes out to you. I would say guilt only can make this seem more 'taboo' and forbidden and can become a BIGGER problem, so voice yourself, but don't lay on the guilt so thick, it can be counter productive. Something you might want to try is teach him to 'love' these women. I know it sounds weird, but put it in this perspective, we should care and respect these women. By objectifying them to gratify ourselves we are not doing this. We are supporting these ladies selling themselves short, losing their self respect, and furthering themselves as individuals. You should maybe show him a documentary the passionate eye on human trafficking in Russia. There are tons of sexy Russian lady ads then you see that these ladies thought they were going to someones home to be a nanny and get kidnapped into being a sex slave- crazy stuff! Again, monitor his internet usage. My husband is extremely respectful to woman and had this problem when he was younger. He often fought with himself about what he was doing was wrong to his fellow sex, but it is so tempting when so many sites link up to this stuff Its tough. I do not envy you. Also educate him about pavlovs dog, if he 'trains' himself to be turned on by only those types of women, he will not be able to preform with a real life woman. Pretty tough stuff for a 12 year old- poor little guy!
  18. Thanks guys. I believe everything is good now. We had a good night last night out with some friends right after work so we were both in good moods and on our drive home Britney Spears you drive me crazy came on- and he was like- this is your song! We both laughed and I still felt he didn't know why I was so upset so I said- can I tell you my story? And I began to proceed telling him 'my story' all in third person- he then told me 'his story' in their person- (no you, we, I felt...) and I think he actually understood my point WAY better and I didn't even have any idea where he was coming from so it cleared up alot of stuff. Now I know my argument doesn't hold any baring at all I just told him I was really immature and apologized and said I need to learn to argue better and not 'hit below the belt' so to speak. I usually never admit I was wrong so I think he was happy with my sincere apology. I said I will make sure this never happens again!
  19. I like this idea however I know I am 100x better with written word and he is horrible at it. I know it would work for me but not for him unfortunately.
  20. Every single one of you guys are right. I feel like in order to get my point across I need to make a big deal about it. Last night I made a huge deal about it and just let loose with all my emotions- and obviously I was NOT happy with the outcome. I feel really my actions were really immature. I feel like I have never acted like that before and I wish I could erase it and now I never can!! I wish I could have thought of a more constructive way to deal with my problem, and instead used what I think would be more 'self gratifying' by letting my feelings be known. Wow I'm stupid- I will NEVER do that again. He ended it with- I love you and I won't hold this against you, now lets go to bed. I know he has put it at the back of his mind but it is eating me up inside. I feel I need to talk this out. How do I explain I shoudn't have done what I did without poo pooing what I got upset about? Any tips on how to handle a fight without hurting each other feelings but making sure your point is heard and absorbed? I feel like the only time I get a reaction is when I do something stupid like this. If I am nice and say something calmly I feel like I don't get heard. I know this all sounds dumb and I know your probably judging me as a big cow but I honestly don't know what to do Uggh
  21. Need some advice or just to vent. My husband and I got in a HUGE argument last night, Im not going to go into details but I had a right to be very angry.. however I did not handle it well. I just decided to go with the cold shoulder as I was fuming. When he kept pushing at me and wouldn't leave me alone to find out what was wrong I just EXPLODED. He kept following me and I kept trying to push him away- I started to say some really bad things to him and made him cry. After my big whoha we had a rather acidic conversation about the issue and then after we said we loved each other and agreed to disagree and went to bed. We were fine in the morning but I have the worst nagging inside of me. I said some really mean things to him and it was the first time I was physical when we fought (pushed him away because he kept following me) and just the most crazy I have every been in an argument. I remember when I was younger and my dad used to be like this with my mom for no reason and now i am freaked out I am going to turn into my dad. I just have memories of my dad yelling and my mom crying. I am so freaked out right now- I doubt my husband even cares at this point but I feel so bad. I feel bad but at the same time I know I had a reason to be justified in being so mad. What do I do? Any suggestions? ?????? I am a newly wed so I am very inexperienced in these situations!
  22. I love this book! I remember one of the missionaries from our ward asking his dad if he could send him a copy and he told us he would never dream of sending a 'satanic book' to his son on his mission- I just had to roll my eyes. It teaches you a great lesson about how satan tempts us in a witty way :)
  23. You would be surprised how little multivitamins actually have of each vitamin. Example, my 'multivitamin' I was taking has only 70mg of vitamin B! My sister told me I should take a capsule of 1000mg and boy did it make a difference! Same goes with the other ones listed in there. Educate yourself on vitamins. Trust me, even the most expensive multivitamins do NOT have enough in their if you have a vitamin deficiency. So by the 100% does it mean 100% of 50mg? 500? 1000mg??? Plus, most vitamins are not exorbed 100% into the blood stream- you might be taking 50mg, but only 25% of that is getting absorbed- which means you have to up your does. Trust me, I think everyone always jumps on the anti depressant bandwagon because doctors want to subscribe drugs to make some $$$- but please, try natural remedys first which are most often overlooked. What we put into our bodies are really important on our mental as well as physical wellbeing. You might find your emotions can be out of control because your body isn't getting what it needs from what you are putting into it. Thats my two cents! :)