yjacket

The issue, as I see it, is that the government itself as set itself as the moral compass for the nation.  I know it looks like "leave me alone" right now, but I honestly believe people would eventually start making their own moral choices, and we'd see a lot of the morality that seems lost return.

The way this could be fixed (in America at least) is for our country to go back to following The Constitution:  Much more corralled Federal Government and States with the power to run things how they want to which are small enough for individuals to have an actual affect on how things are ran.  I am pessimistic about the federal government relinquishing that power though.

Unfortunately, the data that I have read suggests that homosexuals couples have higher rates of instability than normal relationships.
 
I actually think it is a very grave and serious danger.  Thankfully, the quantity of children involved in these situations is quite low.  Parents are vital in the formation of the way a child thinks, acts, behaves as they grow older.  
 
In a parenting book I read a quote that sometimes parents say "well I just want them to think for themselves" and the comment in the book about it was that it is a load of hogwash.  Parenting is raising the next generation, it is about taking what we have learned and transmitting it to the next generation and guiding them through the pitfalls of life. 
 
Children raised in those environments will have drastically different ideas about what the world means and how to interact with it than those raised in traditional environments; they will become voting members of society and one day raise families of their own.  It is a long slow slide into decay.

That is frightening; I'm not a friend to my child I'm a parent.  When they get to be an adult and on their own then I can start to be their friend but until then I'm their teacher, mentor, authoritative figure, exemplar but I am not their friend.
 
While it is important to understand their perspective, what they need and want are authoritative figures in their life to tell them right from wrong to let them know the boundaries in life.  I'm the parent and that's the way it is, what I say goes, my job is to train them on how to be responsible individuals so that they can emancipate themselves from me.  As they get older and are able to obey the simple rules we have they obtain more and more responsibility.
 
No the problem with the younger generation is a lack of responsibility and duty.  Just last week, I had a phone interview with a young fellow who has a job but is going back for a master's degree; phone interview went well and we called him in for an in-person interview.  Guy shows up in jeans and a polo over 20 min. late with no phone call ahead that he was going to be late.  The guy knows he screwed up and mentions it to me afterwards that he felt he messed, I'm a nice guy to him but I can't hire him for a temp position.  Those are the breaks, in the real world you screw up badly like that and people well say sorry for you but I can't help you.-this is not atypical.  At least 50% of the folks I interview in the younger generation are absolutely horribly prepared.  From dress, to speech, to skill sets to expectations the younger generation wants well they want unicorns.
 
http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html
And I see it first hand interviewing them. And this is a relatively recent trend, I've talked with plenty of older hiring managers who say they have never seen a generation so ill-prepared.
 
It's really weird, I am actually supposed to fall into the above, but I'm more a Gen-X than a millennial. 
 
To be blunt, I'd say the above article is relevant to this thread.  Yes, you have marital problems, but no marriage doesn't have problems; you've got little kids and yet you are seriously considering leaving your responsibilities and obligations for something you feel you deserve.
 
The old American ideals of hard work, thrift, duty, obligation are pretty much dead; now it's all about me, what does some-one owe me.  Sometimes life just sucks, but that is no excuse to give-up; in fact the times in life that we grow the most, the times where we feel the most satisfaction is when we have been through fire and survived.
 
So many conveniences in life now, cell phones, internet, tv, etc. that so many kids from the younger generation come into the real world with no idea that life can be real hard so the moment it gets real hard they want to bail, they moan and groan and complain, stomp their feet and say life is unfair, life is too hard.  Yeap life can be hard and it can be unfair, but that is just part of the struggles of earning our stripes here on this rock.

Nope, I just spent a weekend having a blast with my son.  We had a campfire, ate smores, laughed, camped in a tent, played games.  I can't tell you how many times he would come up to me spontaneously and say "Dad, I love you" or "You're the best Dad ever!!".  I must be doing something right if he is content, happy and expressing his love to me.
 
I'll tell you the number one reason why I'm not his friend.  Friendship denotes equality; he and I are not equals.  I've been on this rock a heck of a lot longer than he has and when there is that much distance in wisdom, age, maturity, experience, etc. it is impossible to be friends. In fact, for me to equate my relationship with my son as a friend is downright insulting.  The depth of my relationship with him is something that only a Father and Son can have.  The best word I can think of is Mentor.  The same with my father, my father would be downright insulted and I would insult our relationship if I called him my friend.  While we are more equals now than when I lived under his roof, there is no question he is still my ultimate Mentor.
 
I really don't care that someone might think of me as a stick in the mud.  My job isn't to raise a friend, my job is to train and teach an individual how to become a contributing member of society and then to be able to have their own job, their own family and how to navigate the uncertain waters of this life.  
 
I have a huge beef with modern culture that teaches this idea that parents have to be hip or with-it, they have to be friends, that dads are sticks in the mud.  Just look at the Croods; how many childrens' movies make parents out to be lame idiots.  50 years ago it was quite different, comics, movies and culture in general realized the wisdom of parents and the father was the wise teacher guiding to keep them out of trouble.  Today kids know better than parents.
 
Modern culture sucks, it is evidence by the number of broken marriages, broken homes, and broken children.  And now we have children who were raised in a modern culture of broken marriages, homes, etc. who can barely function on their own as adults raising the next generation.

Nope never said that. I'm going on a camping trip this weekend with my son and we will have lots of fun, shot bbs, carve pumpkins, etc; but my purpose with him isn't just to "hang out" and be "a friend". It is to spend quality time with my son and to teach him, sure I play with my kids a lot play monster chase them around the house, etc. But when I tell my kids to do something, there is no "friend" aspect.
 
Here's a pro-parent tip; a parent is always teaching, just because it's not in words or in a specific "teaching moment" doesn't mean it's not there.
 
I'd smack my kid (figuratively speaking) if he ever said "yo dude what's up! (with a big high five and weird handshake)" to me, prior to adulthood.  You know you are parenting successfully when you can give your kid the "look" and they obey or stop whatever they are doing.
 
I take it your kids aren't very old.  I was there once, I said to myself I'm going to be my kid's best friend. "Johnny, please don't whine about feeding the cats", "but daaad", "Johnny, it is not polite to whine, you really need to feed the cats", "but daaad I'm tired", "Oh johnny, I know you're really tired, that's so bad, you really should go to bed earlier, now please feed your cats", "but daad I can't get my shoees on", ad nauseum.  At bedtime, "Johnny please go to bed, you really should go to bed", "but daad I want to play" "Oh I know, here let's play a few minutes", " now please go to bed", "but daaad I want to play some more" ad nauseum. What a miserable way to be a parent.
 
Now it's "Johnny go feed the cats", "but daaad I'm tired", "Johnny I've told you no whining, you whined here is the discipline", short while later "Go feed the cats", "Okay dad".  Bedtime: "Johnny it's bedtime, go to bed", "but dad I want to play","I understand, but this is the rule, go to bed or you will be disciplined", johnny goes to bed.  Actually, now it's more just "go to bed", "okay". Or "Go to bed", kid is a little slow, dad gives look, kid sulks to bed.
 
Just because I'm strict, doesn't mean I don't care or that I don't play with my kids, or that I don't try to understand their point of view, or that I have a million different rules.  It simply means, what I say goes, you don't like it, tough deal with it.  And kids thrive on it.  Children love structure, rules, boundaries.  They are continually looking to adults to understand the rules of the game, how to be an adult.  My kids are extremely happy, in fact the more disciplined I am with the rules the happier they are.
 
A well-disciplined child is a well-behaved child and a happy child. 
 
Now when they get to be a teenager, things change a bit; hopefully I'll have trained them right that they will merit more and more responsibility and will have less and less rules.  For example, going out at night, in by 8pm, follow that rule, you get more responsibility in by 9pm, follow that get more responsibility in by 10pm, etc.

ActiveLDSDadandFather,
 
I echo what Just_A_Guy said and I have 6 words for you: grow up and be the man God wants you to be rather than wallowing in self-pity.
 
You have two children, whom God has entrusted you to raise in righteousness and love.  You have a wonderful wife and while there are problems no marriage is perfect; all marriages have issues to work through.
 
". I probably will not divorce her because we have children, but as soons as the children are grown I'm gone. And no amount of "I'm sorries" is going to recompense for 20 years of abuse. Because I deserve better than that."
 
What an absolutely short-sighted, selfish, way of looking at life.  You have absolutely no clue what will happen in 20 years. Not loving your children's mother will do so much harm to them.  Children are extremely perceptive and if you do not love your wife, I guarantee they will notice.  You will run the risk of creating massive self-esteem problems in your children.  When a child sees a father not love their mother, they instinctively begin to wonder if some part of them is not lovable.  A child understands they are from both mother and father.  When a Father does not love the mother, they can come to understand that a part of them is not lovable.   
 
You deserve better than that?  Nope we don't deserve squat in this life, we all sin tremendously, we all disobey our Father and cause problems ever single day of our life.  We don't "deserve" the air we breath, when compared to the greatness of God man is nothing.  Yet here we are, ever day God grants us another breath to live another chance to start fresh.  He grants us through His mercy His Son who Atoned for us and our sins suffering more than we can possible imagine.  Do we "deserve" it, not a chance.  But His grace is sufficient.
 
Look man, crap happens in life, sometimes it is an extremely difficult marriage, sometimes it is death, sometimes it is sickness, sometimes it is the loss of a job.  Sometimes it is all of them.  Looking at life as "I don't deserve this" is an extremely poor attitude and will only lead to misery.  The thing to do is to do one's best to be humble and ask "What can I learn from this that will make me a better person."
 
"Would you leave your wife if she were in an accident where she could not be intimate?
No. That is a hypothetical question and since that is not my situation I do not need to consider it. Besides is this one of those question that people just ask to catch you in a snare? I mean how many people have accident where they can't have sex anymore?"
 
Things happen all the time in life, you are young; you think it is easy to "upgrade" your wife.  Right . . . go ahead be my guest, find out the hard way.  Let's see mid-20s, divorced with 2 kids to support.  And the perfect Ms. Right is going to say, hey let's get married; knowing full well that she will have to contend with your ex and that you will be paying child-support.  Nope, it ain't that easy.  You trade one set of problems for another set of problems.  In many, many cases of re-marriages the difference in making the next marriage better is that the individual who divorced did not repeat the same mistakes that contributed to the divorce and had they made those changes in the 1st marriage it would still be going.
 
I completely understand that what you are going through is a very serious problem and I won't pretend to understand the depths of misery that you might be going through.  In fact, the only beings who understands completely is God and Jesus Christ.  Cry under Him with all the power that you have that He will show you the way to become a better man that He will help your wife see your needs.
 
As you turn to Him and turn your life completely over to Him, He will help guide you in how you can improve your marriage. Prayer and fasting are mighty tools that work miracles.
 
I will give a few things of counsel.  IMO part of the solution to it isn't to run away from your spouse but to run towards her. Eliminate the outs, eliminate the thoughts of divorce.  You said she responds with an I understand or later, then you need to talk to her about it and just saying "I need it" isn't talking to her about it, explain to her why. It will take real communication and it is something that can be worked out. 

People do change otherwise the Atonement is meaningless.  The whole of the Gospel is about change.
The question is will they change.  Some people will change on their own, some people change when life hits them upside with a 2x4, some people change as they mature, and some people don't change.
 
But to say that in general people don't change is so contrary to the gospel, well I don't know where to begin.  Will this individual change? . . . only God knows.

I think it is the opposite.  Satan tries to tell everyone that their is no differences, that men are equally adapt at doing x that women generally do and women are equally adapt at doing y that men generally do.
 
For example, I just had a young woman, very bright, well nurtured working at a doctor's office say she didn't ever want to have kids.  50-100 years ago, raising children was one of the greatest things a woman could ever do in life.  Now it's more desirable to have a good job, to be "equal to a man"-whatever that means; yet slowly but surely society in general is killing itself- the birth rate in the US is below re-population rate.
 
Trying to eliminate the in-born tendencies that have been in humans for thousands of years is only leading to disaster.  Nope, families are destroyed by saying men and women are the same.  Families become complete by recognizing the differences and then taking the best of each and incorporating it into our lives.

Nope never said that. I'm going on a camping trip this weekend with my son and we will have lots of fun, shot bbs, carve pumpkins, etc; but my purpose with him isn't just to "hang out" and be "a friend". It is to spend quality time with my son and to teach him, sure I play with my kids a lot play monster chase them around the house, etc. But when I tell my kids to do something, there is no "friend" aspect.
 
Here's a pro-parent tip; a parent is always teaching, just because it's not in words or in a specific "teaching moment" doesn't mean it's not there.
 
I'd smack my kid (figuratively speaking) if he ever said "yo dude what's up! (with a big high five and weird handshake)" to me, prior to adulthood.  You know you are parenting successfully when you can give your kid the "look" and they obey or stop whatever they are doing.
 
I take it your kids aren't very old.  I was there once, I said to myself I'm going to be my kid's best friend. "Johnny, please don't whine about feeding the cats", "but daaad", "Johnny, it is not polite to whine, you really need to feed the cats", "but daaad I'm tired", "Oh johnny, I know you're really tired, that's so bad, you really should go to bed earlier, now please feed your cats", "but daad I can't get my shoees on", ad nauseum.  At bedtime, "Johnny please go to bed, you really should go to bed", "but daad I want to play" "Oh I know, here let's play a few minutes", " now please go to bed", "but daaad I want to play some more" ad nauseum. What a miserable way to be a parent.
 
Now it's "Johnny go feed the cats", "but daaad I'm tired", "Johnny I've told you no whining, you whined here is the discipline", short while later "Go feed the cats", "Okay dad".  Bedtime: "Johnny it's bedtime, go to bed", "but dad I want to play","I understand, but this is the rule, go to bed or you will be disciplined", johnny goes to bed.  Actually, now it's more just "go to bed", "okay". Or "Go to bed", kid is a little slow, dad gives look, kid sulks to bed.
 
Just because I'm strict, doesn't mean I don't care or that I don't play with my kids, or that I don't try to understand their point of view, or that I have a million different rules.  It simply means, what I say goes, you don't like it, tough deal with it.  And kids thrive on it.  Children love structure, rules, boundaries.  They are continually looking to adults to understand the rules of the game, how to be an adult.  My kids are extremely happy, in fact the more disciplined I am with the rules the happier they are.
 
A well-disciplined child is a well-behaved child and a happy child. 
 
Now when they get to be a teenager, things change a bit; hopefully I'll have trained them right that they will merit more and more responsibility and will have less and less rules.  For example, going out at night, in by 8pm, follow that rule, you get more responsibility in by 9pm, follow that get more responsibility in by 10pm, etc.

And I highlight the rest; serving a mission is a priesthood responsibility, it is part of the obligation/duty that a young man has who holds the priesthood.  I can't quite recall a GA saying it was a commandment, but they certainly call it a duty and obligation 

Nope never said that. I'm going on a camping trip this weekend with my son and we will have lots of fun, shot bbs, carve pumpkins, etc; but my purpose with him isn't just to "hang out" and be "a friend". It is to spend quality time with my son and to teach him, sure I play with my kids a lot play monster chase them around the house, etc. But when I tell my kids to do something, there is no "friend" aspect.
 
Here's a pro-parent tip; a parent is always teaching, just because it's not in words or in a specific "teaching moment" doesn't mean it's not there.
 
I'd smack my kid (figuratively speaking) if he ever said "yo dude what's up! (with a big high five and weird handshake)" to me, prior to adulthood.  You know you are parenting successfully when you can give your kid the "look" and they obey or stop whatever they are doing.
 
I take it your kids aren't very old.  I was there once, I said to myself I'm going to be my kid's best friend. "Johnny, please don't whine about feeding the cats", "but daaad", "Johnny, it is not polite to whine, you really need to feed the cats", "but daaad I'm tired", "Oh johnny, I know you're really tired, that's so bad, you really should go to bed earlier, now please feed your cats", "but daad I can't get my shoees on", ad nauseum.  At bedtime, "Johnny please go to bed, you really should go to bed", "but daad I want to play" "Oh I know, here let's play a few minutes", " now please go to bed", "but daaad I want to play some more" ad nauseum. What a miserable way to be a parent.
 
Now it's "Johnny go feed the cats", "but daaad I'm tired", "Johnny I've told you no whining, you whined here is the discipline", short while later "Go feed the cats", "Okay dad".  Bedtime: "Johnny it's bedtime, go to bed", "but dad I want to play","I understand, but this is the rule, go to bed or you will be disciplined", johnny goes to bed.  Actually, now it's more just "go to bed", "okay". Or "Go to bed", kid is a little slow, dad gives look, kid sulks to bed.
 
Just because I'm strict, doesn't mean I don't care or that I don't play with my kids, or that I don't try to understand their point of view, or that I have a million different rules.  It simply means, what I say goes, you don't like it, tough deal with it.  And kids thrive on it.  Children love structure, rules, boundaries.  They are continually looking to adults to understand the rules of the game, how to be an adult.  My kids are extremely happy, in fact the more disciplined I am with the rules the happier they are.
 
A well-disciplined child is a well-behaved child and a happy child. 
 
Now when they get to be a teenager, things change a bit; hopefully I'll have trained them right that they will merit more and more responsibility and will have less and less rules.  For example, going out at night, in by 8pm, follow that rule, you get more responsibility in by 9pm, follow that get more responsibility in by 10pm, etc.

Nope never said that. I'm going on a camping trip this weekend with my son and we will have lots of fun, shot bbs, carve pumpkins, etc; but my purpose with him isn't just to "hang out" and be "a friend". It is to spend quality time with my son and to teach him, sure I play with my kids a lot play monster chase them around the house, etc. But when I tell my kids to do something, there is no "friend" aspect.
 
Here's a pro-parent tip; a parent is always teaching, just because it's not in words or in a specific "teaching moment" doesn't mean it's not there.
 
I'd smack my kid (figuratively speaking) if he ever said "yo dude what's up! (with a big high five and weird handshake)" to me, prior to adulthood.  You know you are parenting successfully when you can give your kid the "look" and they obey or stop whatever they are doing.
 
I take it your kids aren't very old.  I was there once, I said to myself I'm going to be my kid's best friend. "Johnny, please don't whine about feeding the cats", "but daaad", "Johnny, it is not polite to whine, you really need to feed the cats", "but daaad I'm tired", "Oh johnny, I know you're really tired, that's so bad, you really should go to bed earlier, now please feed your cats", "but daad I can't get my shoees on", ad nauseum.  At bedtime, "Johnny please go to bed, you really should go to bed", "but daad I want to play" "Oh I know, here let's play a few minutes", " now please go to bed", "but daaad I want to play some more" ad nauseum. What a miserable way to be a parent.
 
Now it's "Johnny go feed the cats", "but daaad I'm tired", "Johnny I've told you no whining, you whined here is the discipline", short while later "Go feed the cats", "Okay dad".  Bedtime: "Johnny it's bedtime, go to bed", "but dad I want to play","I understand, but this is the rule, go to bed or you will be disciplined", johnny goes to bed.  Actually, now it's more just "go to bed", "okay". Or "Go to bed", kid is a little slow, dad gives look, kid sulks to bed.
 
Just because I'm strict, doesn't mean I don't care or that I don't play with my kids, or that I don't try to understand their point of view, or that I have a million different rules.  It simply means, what I say goes, you don't like it, tough deal with it.  And kids thrive on it.  Children love structure, rules, boundaries.  They are continually looking to adults to understand the rules of the game, how to be an adult.  My kids are extremely happy, in fact the more disciplined I am with the rules the happier they are.
 
A well-disciplined child is a well-behaved child and a happy child. 
 
Now when they get to be a teenager, things change a bit; hopefully I'll have trained them right that they will merit more and more responsibility and will have less and less rules.  For example, going out at night, in by 8pm, follow that rule, you get more responsibility in by 9pm, follow that get more responsibility in by 10pm, etc.

And I highlight the rest; serving a mission is a priesthood responsibility, it is part of the obligation/duty that a young man has who holds the priesthood.  I can't quite recall a GA saying it was a commandment, but they certainly call it a duty and obligation 

To answer the question of the OP, my opinion is to no not ask him to wait.  If he wants to wait, great, but asking him to wait is putting a huge obligation on him and yourself.  It sets up the expectation that a) you have someone when you get home and b) he has an obligation to put blinders on for 18 months.  It's like being engaged without being engaged, to put that much pressure on yourself and on him is asking too much.
 
My wife and I dated, then she went on a mission and we got married after she came back; but I did not wait on her.  I hung out with plenty of girls; I didn't go on any single dates simply because I wasn't interested in any of them, I went on plenty group dates, but we had no code that I would wait.  I was free to do as I pleased; she understood and knew that if it worked out it would and if it didn't it would be okay. I wrote her, but I kept the letters more as writing to a friend rather than a girlfriend.
 
More likely than not you will change quite a bit during your mission and in a very good positive way, the more that you are able to focus on the work without outside distractions the more likely it will be to change even more.
 
As far as being an RM; while being an RM is no guarantee of spirituality there is a much higher likelihood that an RM will be more spiritual than a non-RM.  I would give the same advice I will give my daughters; "it is your decision however, I highly recommend finding a worthy RM.  Unless one has a really good excuse (military service, older convert, etc), I cannot say that I approve of the decision to marry a non-RM. Being married is more than just living together it involves hard work, sacrifice and maturity.  In today's society, responsibility is a word of a bygone era.  Besides the spiritual growth that occurs during a mission it will teach responsibility, maturity, sacrifice and hard work.  Marry a non-member or a non-RM at your own risk."

Ashtonbailey, sometimes what we aren't interested in hearing is what we need to hear:
Missionary service is a priesthood obligation. A male who is physically and mentally capable of serving, and demurs at this obligation, is not honoring his priesthood and, unless he repents, cannot be relied upon to fulfill other priesthood obligations--including priesthood obligations to family that are undertaken via temple ordinances.
Now, I'm not going to beat that dead horse anymore, so moving on:
Go ahead and ask him to wait if you want; but my money is on him either flat-out telling you "no", or you returning home and learning he has been dating behind your back. My money is further on the prediction that if you serve diligently, your attitudes and standards will change to the point that by the end of your mission--you'll have outgrown him.

Yeap.  I subscribe to the John Rosemond philosophy of parenting.  His books have saved me a lot of pain and suffering.  He claims that one of the best things a father can do for his family is to love his wife and show his children that he loves her.

ActiveLDSDadandFather,
 
I echo what Just_A_Guy said and I have 6 words for you: grow up and be the man God wants you to be rather than wallowing in self-pity.
 
You have two children, whom God has entrusted you to raise in righteousness and love.  You have a wonderful wife and while there are problems no marriage is perfect; all marriages have issues to work through.
 
". I probably will not divorce her because we have children, but as soons as the children are grown I'm gone. And no amount of "I'm sorries" is going to recompense for 20 years of abuse. Because I deserve better than that."
 
What an absolutely short-sighted, selfish, way of looking at life.  You have absolutely no clue what will happen in 20 years. Not loving your children's mother will do so much harm to them.  Children are extremely perceptive and if you do not love your wife, I guarantee they will notice.  You will run the risk of creating massive self-esteem problems in your children.  When a child sees a father not love their mother, they instinctively begin to wonder if some part of them is not lovable.  A child understands they are from both mother and father.  When a Father does not love the mother, they can come to understand that a part of them is not lovable.   
 
You deserve better than that?  Nope we don't deserve squat in this life, we all sin tremendously, we all disobey our Father and cause problems ever single day of our life.  We don't "deserve" the air we breath, when compared to the greatness of God man is nothing.  Yet here we are, ever day God grants us another breath to live another chance to start fresh.  He grants us through His mercy His Son who Atoned for us and our sins suffering more than we can possible imagine.  Do we "deserve" it, not a chance.  But His grace is sufficient.
 
Look man, crap happens in life, sometimes it is an extremely difficult marriage, sometimes it is death, sometimes it is sickness, sometimes it is the loss of a job.  Sometimes it is all of them.  Looking at life as "I don't deserve this" is an extremely poor attitude and will only lead to misery.  The thing to do is to do one's best to be humble and ask "What can I learn from this that will make me a better person."
 
"Would you leave your wife if she were in an accident where she could not be intimate?
No. That is a hypothetical question and since that is not my situation I do not need to consider it. Besides is this one of those question that people just ask to catch you in a snare? I mean how many people have accident where they can't have sex anymore?"
 
Things happen all the time in life, you are young; you think it is easy to "upgrade" your wife.  Right . . . go ahead be my guest, find out the hard way.  Let's see mid-20s, divorced with 2 kids to support.  And the perfect Ms. Right is going to say, hey let's get married; knowing full well that she will have to contend with your ex and that you will be paying child-support.  Nope, it ain't that easy.  You trade one set of problems for another set of problems.  In many, many cases of re-marriages the difference in making the next marriage better is that the individual who divorced did not repeat the same mistakes that contributed to the divorce and had they made those changes in the 1st marriage it would still be going.
 
I completely understand that what you are going through is a very serious problem and I won't pretend to understand the depths of misery that you might be going through.  In fact, the only beings who understands completely is God and Jesus Christ.  Cry under Him with all the power that you have that He will show you the way to become a better man that He will help your wife see your needs.
 
As you turn to Him and turn your life completely over to Him, He will help guide you in how you can improve your marriage. Prayer and fasting are mighty tools that work miracles.
 
I will give a few things of counsel.  IMO part of the solution to it isn't to run away from your spouse but to run towards her. Eliminate the outs, eliminate the thoughts of divorce.  You said she responds with an I understand or later, then you need to talk to her about it and just saying "I need it" isn't talking to her about it, explain to her why. It will take real communication and it is something that can be worked out. 

The scriptures disagree with you: 1 Corinthians 7:12-14
 
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
 13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

priesthoodpower,
 
I agree that in many instances your responses in this forum have been humble.  But I cannot say the same thing with how you would treat your wife nor with how you treat the Gospel. If you did that you would begin to see a world of difference.  One may come onto a public forum and act very humble but if in real life they are not putting it into action it means nothing.
 
Based upon what you have said here (and I'm drawing conclusions I probably shouldn't) your attitude towards your wife when you interact with her is a holier than thou.
 
For example
"I asked her about our temple sealing and she said "I dont recognize that ordinance, even when i did believe in that ordinance after the first few years of our marriage I would not have wanted to be with you for eternity because living with you is miserable"! I asked her what does eternity mean to her she said "We will all have eternal life (without all that levels of glory stuff) and who ever has the most love in their hearts here on earth will be the happiest in heaven, our relationships will continue with whom we love and want a relationship with"."
 
Instead of the wake up call of "hey why does my wife think it is miserable" you avoid it and go to what does eternity mean, talk about not listening to your wife!!
 
And "I told her "I dont know what to think right now, I dont know if Im supposed to divorce you and find another wife that wants to have a temple marriage with me...?????...I really dont know what to say, I guess I'll continue to ponder/research and pray!""
 
what the??? Dude, seriously, really, I mean really you said this to your wife??? If your wife said the reverse to you, would you be okay with it?  Talk about a way to sabotage your marriage.  How completely egotistical to say to your wife.  I got news for you, there isn't a perfect marriage out there and as just about all divorced individuals can attest to finding "another wife" isn't as easy as you make it sound.  You trade one set of problems for a different set.  Besides the fact that you are not possibly recognizing that since you have kids your wife will always be in your life and she will always have influence over your children.  You can't just cut her off.
 
 
"I am totally capable of doing a 180 and being the "romantic" man, the captain moroni that she always wanted, but allowing that change to happen at this point in time of her rebellion will be further proof to her that she doesnt need to be living a mormon lifestyle for the softening of hearts to occur and the spirit working in our lives."
 
Again, what the. . .. ? So you are going to not become the man God wants you to become simply because it will be further proof to your wife that she is right?
 
"A few months later one of the businesses took off and she was surprised that instead of being cursed we were blessed, eventually when she went anti she used that example of why we dont need to be mormon in order for the lord to watch over us. "
 
The Lord works in mysterious ways, material wealth isn't the only way the Lord blesses or curses us for paying tithing.
 
David O. McKay said "The home is the first and most effective place for children to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self-control; the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home"
 
Your business may succeed but you are failing in your home; and in the grand scheme success at home is more important, so I'd say you are getting exactly what you planned on.  You decided tithing wasn't important and material wealth was more important the spiritual and the Lord said: Okay-you got it.  Now you've got it material wealth and a failing marriage.
 
Brother- continuing down the road you are on will lead to a lot of pain and suffering; it is still possible to save your marriage, but you will need to change.

Yeap.  I subscribe to the John Rosemond philosophy of parenting.  His books have saved me a lot of pain and suffering.  He claims that one of the best things a father can do for his family is to love his wife and show his children that he loves her.

Romans 3:23
"For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;"
 
If two people are living as Christ would live then they would not possibly divorce each other.  Not living as God would have us live is sin (i.e. disobeying God).
 
Some truths about maintaining a marriage are truths regardless of what religion one believes in.  Calling something a sin is vastly different than saying because one did x they are banished to hell forever.  This idea that one cannot call something a sin because well we might be judging someone is ridiculous.  
Please see https://www.lds.org/ensign/1999/08/judge-not-and-judging?lang=eng
 
The Light of Christ (i.e. our conscience) guides us in the big things. Do I sin in ways that I know not, absolutely.  I rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ to make up for me in those instances when I sin and I know it not at the time.  It doesn't make it any less of a sin, b/c sin is disobedience to God.
 
So without the Atonement calling something a sin when someone may not know it might appear to be judgmental, holier than thou, etc.  But it isn't, it is a statement of fact.  Does God want divorce?  The simple answer is no.  Does He allow divorce in certain situations? Yes, however those situations are where serious sin has been committed.  Even where divorce occurs and there hasn't been serious sin, it is involved.  Saying that sin is the root of divorce, is simply recognizing that when it occurs a couple as not lived as God would have them live.
 
Regardless, though the Atonement of Jesus Christ those sins can be wiped away; the physical effects of the sin will linger but one can become clean.

priesthoodpower,
 
I agree that in many instances your responses in this forum have been humble.  But I cannot say the same thing with how you would treat your wife nor with how you treat the Gospel. If you did that you would begin to see a world of difference.  One may come onto a public forum and act very humble but if in real life they are not putting it into action it means nothing.
 
Based upon what you have said here (and I'm drawing conclusions I probably shouldn't) your attitude towards your wife when you interact with her is a holier than thou.
 
For example
"I asked her about our temple sealing and she said "I dont recognize that ordinance, even when i did believe in that ordinance after the first few years of our marriage I would not have wanted to be with you for eternity because living with you is miserable"! I asked her what does eternity mean to her she said "We will all have eternal life (without all that levels of glory stuff) and who ever has the most love in their hearts here on earth will be the happiest in heaven, our relationships will continue with whom we love and want a relationship with"."
 
Instead of the wake up call of "hey why does my wife think it is miserable" you avoid it and go to what does eternity mean, talk about not listening to your wife!!
 
And "I told her "I dont know what to think right now, I dont know if Im supposed to divorce you and find another wife that wants to have a temple marriage with me...?????...I really dont know what to say, I guess I'll continue to ponder/research and pray!""
 
what the??? Dude, seriously, really, I mean really you said this to your wife??? If your wife said the reverse to you, would you be okay with it?  Talk about a way to sabotage your marriage.  How completely egotistical to say to your wife.  I got news for you, there isn't a perfect marriage out there and as just about all divorced individuals can attest to finding "another wife" isn't as easy as you make it sound.  You trade one set of problems for a different set.  Besides the fact that you are not possibly recognizing that since you have kids your wife will always be in your life and she will always have influence over your children.  You can't just cut her off.
 
 
"I am totally capable of doing a 180 and being the "romantic" man, the captain moroni that she always wanted, but allowing that change to happen at this point in time of her rebellion will be further proof to her that she doesnt need to be living a mormon lifestyle for the softening of hearts to occur and the spirit working in our lives."
 
Again, what the. . .. ? So you are going to not become the man God wants you to become simply because it will be further proof to your wife that she is right?
 
"A few months later one of the businesses took off and she was surprised that instead of being cursed we were blessed, eventually when she went anti she used that example of why we dont need to be mormon in order for the lord to watch over us. "
 
The Lord works in mysterious ways, material wealth isn't the only way the Lord blesses or curses us for paying tithing.
 
David O. McKay said "The home is the first and most effective place for children to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self-control; the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home"
 
Your business may succeed but you are failing in your home; and in the grand scheme success at home is more important, so I'd say you are getting exactly what you planned on.  You decided tithing wasn't important and material wealth was more important the spiritual and the Lord said: Okay-you got it.  Now you've got it material wealth and a failing marriage.
 
Brother- continuing down the road you are on will lead to a lot of pain and suffering; it is still possible to save your marriage, but you will need to change.

priesthoodpower,
 
I agree that in many instances your responses in this forum have been humble.  But I cannot say the same thing with how you would treat your wife nor with how you treat the Gospel. If you did that you would begin to see a world of difference.  One may come onto a public forum and act very humble but if in real life they are not putting it into action it means nothing.
 
Based upon what you have said here (and I'm drawing conclusions I probably shouldn't) your attitude towards your wife when you interact with her is a holier than thou.
 
For example
"I asked her about our temple sealing and she said "I dont recognize that ordinance, even when i did believe in that ordinance after the first few years of our marriage I would not have wanted to be with you for eternity because living with you is miserable"! I asked her what does eternity mean to her she said "We will all have eternal life (without all that levels of glory stuff) and who ever has the most love in their hearts here on earth will be the happiest in heaven, our relationships will continue with whom we love and want a relationship with"."
 
Instead of the wake up call of "hey why does my wife think it is miserable" you avoid it and go to what does eternity mean, talk about not listening to your wife!!
 
And "I told her "I dont know what to think right now, I dont know if Im supposed to divorce you and find another wife that wants to have a temple marriage with me...?????...I really dont know what to say, I guess I'll continue to ponder/research and pray!""
 
what the??? Dude, seriously, really, I mean really you said this to your wife??? If your wife said the reverse to you, would you be okay with it?  Talk about a way to sabotage your marriage.  How completely egotistical to say to your wife.  I got news for you, there isn't a perfect marriage out there and as just about all divorced individuals can attest to finding "another wife" isn't as easy as you make it sound.  You trade one set of problems for a different set.  Besides the fact that you are not possibly recognizing that since you have kids your wife will always be in your life and she will always have influence over your children.  You can't just cut her off.
 
 
"I am totally capable of doing a 180 and being the "romantic" man, the captain moroni that she always wanted, but allowing that change to happen at this point in time of her rebellion will be further proof to her that she doesnt need to be living a mormon lifestyle for the softening of hearts to occur and the spirit working in our lives."
 
Again, what the. . .. ? So you are going to not become the man God wants you to become simply because it will be further proof to your wife that she is right?
 
"A few months later one of the businesses took off and she was surprised that instead of being cursed we were blessed, eventually when she went anti she used that example of why we dont need to be mormon in order for the lord to watch over us. "
 
The Lord works in mysterious ways, material wealth isn't the only way the Lord blesses or curses us for paying tithing.
 
David O. McKay said "The home is the first and most effective place for children to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self-control; the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home"
 
Your business may succeed but you are failing in your home; and in the grand scheme success at home is more important, so I'd say you are getting exactly what you planned on.  You decided tithing wasn't important and material wealth was more important the spiritual and the Lord said: Okay-you got it.  Now you've got it material wealth and a failing marriage.
 
Brother- continuing down the road you are on will lead to a lot of pain and suffering; it is still possible to save your marriage, but you will need to change.

The Light of Christ is given to all of us and while many times we may not know all the degrees that we can sin in, we can all know when we have sinned.  Knowledge of the gospel can give us apriori knowledge of sin, while the Light of Christ can tell us aposteriori or in the moment of sin. 
 
If a member has married someone outside of the faith and the differences of religion cause a divorce somewhere sin has been committed.  The scriptures plainly teach that marriage outside of the faith is not a good idea and that the Lord cursed many individuals who married outside.  It may not be PC to say it, but in my life I have seen too much heartache caused by marrying outside the faith.
 
In LDS beliefs, the highest degree of glory is the Celestial glory and the highest in the Celestial kingdom comes about by being sealed to one's spouse in temples.  Without being sealed, one will never reach the highest of the high.  We are also taught that "For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven."
 
So in order to get to the highest degree, we must be sealed prior to the resurrection.  Being sealed means having the promise that if we live worthy that we will live with our Father in the Celestial Kingdom being able to have an increase throughout eternity.  This is one reason why we do work for the dead; to baptize and then to provide them the opportunity to be sealed.
 
If one is divorced here in this life (without a sealing), then in order to be sealed one would need to be re-married.  If those individuals who are divorced die, then at the present time there is no mechanism to actually seal them together.  The Church only seals those who are (or those who died as) legally and lawfully wedded.  
 
So what about single people who have never been married? We don't know, all we know is that the Lord is merciful and that somehow it will work out.  This might mean that during the millennium angles will come down and guide those on earth as to who should be sealed to who . . . but we don't know and we can't really speculate.  Does this mean that those who die divorced will have an opportunity to re-marry?  Who knows, it hasn't been revealed.  But we do know that the Lord is merciful and that when His great work is done, no one will be able to honestly say "that wasn't right".  
 
Me personally, I'd rather not have to just rely on faith that it will work out; I like having the knowledge that I am sealed and that as long as we strive to work together we will be sealed regardless of what may come.