yjacket

Some things we have to wait for the judgment day of the Lord in order to know what is going to happen. I believe that the sealing powers cannot overcome unrighteousness. Divorce comes about from sin. Members of the family that are in sin cannot be brought along with other perfected members of the family. It is contrary to the laws of God.
I know this is a delicate topic, but I must be frank. A couple that says they love each other but not enough to stay together better have one of the three A's in their relationship (abuse, adultery, and/or addiction).
I feel that rising divorce rates have a lot to do with selfish, individualist desires by one or both parties involved. The devil rejoices and God grieves when this happens.

Where else would divorce come from? Give me any reason for divorce and I bet I could find a sin somewhere in the line.

A very difficult situation that you find yourself in and I will start off by saying that  the things you should be doing will be found through prayer, meditation, scripture reading and attending church.
 
My 2 cents.  I like windseeker cannot see this as a justification for divorce and I think phrasing the question as my wife or beliefs is a false dichotomy.  You can have both your wife and your beliefs.  
 
I think to be honest the hardest thing (at least for me) would be can I learn to live with someone who doesn't share my religious beliefs, especially when it is something that we had in common to start.  Our religious beliefs are some of the most personal thoughts we have and no one has the right to force us to try and believe in something that we don't.  Persuade, yes, force, no.
 
I personally think this ""So as long as we are raising our kids together you will continue to support them in attendance of sunday meetings and weekly church activities".
is a really bad idea.  If her heart isn't into attending church, forcing her to take the kids will invite all manner of ill-will and pushback.  
 
Your kids are a little older, but still 3 young kids in sacrament meeting isn't a cakewalk and if she is only doing it b/c you told her to . . . it doesn't surprise me in the least that she is taking them to McDonalds or Walmart on Sunday.
 
I think this is a really great opportunity for you to change things in your life for the better.  I have no idea what job you have or what it may require (it could be a nurse or police), but the message that you are sending your kids is very conflicted.
 
From a child's perspective, on the one hand, Mom doesn't like church but is forced to go and on the other hand Dad loves church but doesn't go.  If I'm a kid I'd end up siding with mom b/c actions speak louder than words.
 
So my advice is 
1) Let your wife do whatever she wants with regards to the church; if she wants to attend meetings great, if not great.
2) Pull whatever strings you have to so you can attend church (even for 1 hour)
3) Let either home teachers, Elder's quorum president, bishopric (someone you trust, doesn't have to be all of them) know of the situation and tell them you need help getting your kids to/from church and activities.
4) Take the lead in religious matters, do not expect or ask your wife to do anything religious wise.  We always read scriptures after dinner, so read at the dinner table-if she doesn't want to be there she can clean up.  Take the lead in FHE, if she doesn't want to be there, that's okay.

Congratulations on being a member and finding someone you believe you should marry.  I'll add a few words of caution. . . 
 
1) One is never really ready for marriage; one can think one is ready, but until you've done it and passed through what it really means to be married you only think you are ready.  And that is Okay and it shouldn't stop you from getting married; but it is important to recognize that Marriage isn't a "and they all lived happily ever after" fairy tale story.  Marriage requires a lot of self-sacrifice, hard work, dedication and a certain amount of grit.  It is well worth it and one can recognize it prior to marriage, but there is nothing like going through it personally.
 
2) Do not elope.  IMO it can be one of the worst, most selfish decisions ever.  It is one thing if you told your parents we are getting married in the temple and we'd like you to be at the reception, etc. they don't approve and you do it regardless.  But if you elope (i.e. go get married secretly) expect the backlash to last decades.  Do not be young and foolish in this regard.  I have two daughters and one of a father's most cherished desires is to see his daughters get married to someone worthy of her and worthy to be his son, to be able to formally with the marriage ceremony join him into my family.  Eloping is taking all those hopes, dreams and potentially cherished moments and trashing them.
 
While the most important family is your spouse, the older one gets the more important extended family becomes you do not want to ruin the potential for a wonderful relationship with your in-laws or your parents.  
 
Being married in the temple is extremely important, one never knows what might occur in life . . . .and Satan does his best to prevent us from doing those things that God would have us do.  Personally, I would vote for going ahead to do a temple wedding and have everyone involved in the ring ceremony (no rings are exchanged inside the temple); but I'm not you, I don't know your family and I don't know all the particulars involved.
 
I do know someone who does though :-).  Heavenly Father knows, and He will help guide you to the appropriate decision and as long as you and your spouse are in line with Heavenly Father's Will then it will all work out just fine.
 
As a sidenote, this is one of those policy things the Church has that I really wish they would change.  In many other countries, a temple ceremony is not legally binding, so the policy is for individuals to get civilly married and to then go to the temple-there is no year waiting period.  I really wish the Church would eliminate the year waiting period for individuals in the US/UK who are worthy to enter the temple prior to a civil ceremony, i.e. as long as they have temple recommend interviews prior to a civil ceremony and both are worthy as soon as the civil ceremony is over they can go to the temple.  Other then a trial of faith, I just don't see the point . . . but that is me. 

I'm curious why you are asking this on an LDS forum.  Plenty of websites exists to help people who have decided to divorce; you sound like you've made the decision already . . . .
 
If you know (not feel, but know and that is a very important distinction) that God has given you permission to divorce then there really isn't anything to say.
 
However, the Church will always default to saving marriages and except in cases of abuse and adultery simply being unhappy is not a valid scriptural reason for divorce.  Except for the fact that Bishops & SP cannot be divorced the Church has no penalties for divorce.
 
Food for thought, many studies exists and show that in general individuals who divorce because they are "unhappy" end up being less happy after they divorce than when they were married.  And those who were "unhappy" in their marriage are generally happy 5 years later if they stick together.
 
The grass is almost never greener on the other side, you just trade one set of problems for another set of problems.  In cases of abuse and adultery, the other party in marriage has committed an act so egregious that divorce is justified, but not necessarily mandatory.

So you want advice on how to tell your wife that you 've made a unilateral decision to bail on the marriage and go off in search of "happiness"? Like there's a good way to do that?

This is very interesting to me; I can see how a sense of belonging and fitting in can be very unnerving.  I can see on physicality but personality . . . . each person born has their own unique personality and it's not necessarily biological.  Each one of my kids is completely different than the other personality wise and they are completely different than my wife and I.
 
I also wonder if you might be focusing on the wrong aspect.  This family brought you into their home, they wanted another child so badly that they took you in and gave you everything they could.  They gave you the gospel, they gave you a secure home, they gave you love, when your biological parents could not.
 
Unfortunately, my wife and I will never have more biological children . . . it just isn't in the cards.  If the time comes, we would be open to adopting.  If that happened; I would be so incredibly heartbroken to know that one of my children later in life does not feel like they are apart of my family.  That is the whole point of adopting to bring another child in . . .so what if the blood is different; if I adopted to me it would feel the same as my own flesh and blood rejecting me.
 
If you have children, the above will make sense, if you don't have children then it won't.  I would say, to not project feelings of being unloved and unwanted from your biological parents onto your adopted parents and not to reflect those feelings onto your siblings.  Because I can tell you from a parental perspective, they brought you in, gave you home, sacrificed of themselves and will love you like only a biological parent can . . . .to throw that away, or to want to throw that away is I believe to focus on the wrong aspects.
 
Maybe it would be good to seek out your biological parents, to find them and talk to them to help give you closure.

We have entered the era of 1984 and doublespeak.
"ISIL is not Islamic.  No religion condones the killing of innocents."  Isn't this the "no true Scotsman" fallacy.
 
And Kerry "we are not at war with ISIS".  Ooookaaaay, bombings don't mean war.  Well I guess Russia could bomb and fire artillery at another country (Ukraine) and it's not war.  China could bomb the US and they wouldn't be at war with the US . . . . good to know!  

Wow, a different culture for sure.  My grandparents would prob. rather die than ask their grandkids to poney up money for a business.  IMO, each generation has the responsibility to first provide for themselves (i.e. anyone who they have charge and care over).  Each generation has the responsibility to save up for their own retirement and their own plans in life.
 
Providing for my family means: food, clothing, shelter.  Once that is taken care of then I would consider helping out.  You are the one who saved up through your own hard work enough for a downpayment.  Congratulations!  No one else has claim on those funds except you, since you earned them.
 
Once those things are taken care of then I might have additional duties in helping parents or grandparents depending on their circumstance.  Just remember this, if you ever give money to family, give the money as a gift; do not expect it back- expecting it back will only lead to bad blood.

What a rough situation . . . . I have no idea what you are going through.  It is horrible when families for one reason or another are broken up.  I wish that we could learn the lessons of life without having to go through such trials.
 
Unfortunately, many times we can only learn the lessons of life by going through such horrible circumstances.  Life is very hard and every individual must go through their own Gethsemane so to speak.  The power of the Atonement helps us endure those circumstances better.  
 
For some individuals it is a divorce with multiple kids, for others it is Stage 4 cancer with multiple kids, for others it is the death of a child, the loss of a job, for some it is disability.  Sometimes it is multiple situations at once or at different times in our life.  Sometimes we might feel like Job.
 
This much I do know, if we are humble and willing to listen to God, He will hear us, He will give us relief, He will answer our prayers.  Sometimes the answer may not be what we want, but the answer will be for our best interest.  We must learn to trust in Him completely with our whole soul saying that we will be willing to do whatever He asks of us, if He will only show us the way.  He will then send to us ministering angels to lead and guide us when He knows we need it the most.
 
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/04/for-thy-good?lang=eng&query=pains+and+sufferings
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-atonement-covers-all-pain?lang=eng&query=pains+and+sufferings#5-PD50028768_000_1050

I'm sorry you are going through this.
 
It sounds like it is possible that he is suffering from a little bit of depression or possibly an addiction.  Losing faith, wants to be alone, says he's not good enough etc.
 
Some good advice from Backroads; probably give him some space and to be honest love him.  Love him the best way you can and let him know that you do love him very much.
 
A very sad situation . . . your kids must be very young and for their well-being and happiness they need their father to provide the love that only he as your husband can provide.  As a father, I can truly say the happiest memories are spent with my kids and wife.  Earlier this year I was chasing my son around the house, popping out of closets and scaring him half-to death.  If I died today, I'd want my last thoughts to be of chasing him around the house and him giggling and laughing.
 
Having very young children is very difficult.  My son was a challenge, but a significant portion of it was learning how to be a decent parent.  I'm glad I didn't bail in the really hard moments in life, it makes the good moments even so much sweeter. 
 
It's nice to have those personal moments, but as a parent it's all about sacrifice.  But really it's not a sacrifice b/c by giving up what I think its a sacrifice, I gain so much more in life than I possibly give up.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
 
It sounds like it is possible that he is suffering from a little bit of depression or possibly an addiction.  Losing faith, wants to be alone, says he's not good enough etc.
 
Some good advice from Backroads; probably give him some space and to be honest love him.  Love him the best way you can and let him know that you do love him very much.
 
A very sad situation . . . your kids must be very young and for their well-being and happiness they need their father to provide the love that only he as your husband can provide.  As a father, I can truly say the happiest memories are spent with my kids and wife.  Earlier this year I was chasing my son around the house, popping out of closets and scaring him half-to death.  If I died today, I'd want my last thoughts to be of chasing him around the house and him giggling and laughing.
 
Having very young children is very difficult.  My son was a challenge, but a significant portion of it was learning how to be a decent parent.  I'm glad I didn't bail in the really hard moments in life, it makes the good moments even so much sweeter. 
 
It's nice to have those personal moments, but as a parent it's all about sacrifice.  But really it's not a sacrifice b/c by giving up what I think its a sacrifice, I gain so much more in life than I possibly give up.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
 
It sounds like it is possible that he is suffering from a little bit of depression or possibly an addiction.  Losing faith, wants to be alone, says he's not good enough etc.
 
Some good advice from Backroads; probably give him some space and to be honest love him.  Love him the best way you can and let him know that you do love him very much.
 
A very sad situation . . . your kids must be very young and for their well-being and happiness they need their father to provide the love that only he as your husband can provide.  As a father, I can truly say the happiest memories are spent with my kids and wife.  Earlier this year I was chasing my son around the house, popping out of closets and scaring him half-to death.  If I died today, I'd want my last thoughts to be of chasing him around the house and him giggling and laughing.
 
Having very young children is very difficult.  My son was a challenge, but a significant portion of it was learning how to be a decent parent.  I'm glad I didn't bail in the really hard moments in life, it makes the good moments even so much sweeter. 
 
It's nice to have those personal moments, but as a parent it's all about sacrifice.  But really it's not a sacrifice b/c by giving up what I think its a sacrifice, I gain so much more in life than I possibly give up.

Failed to close the deal?  Umm . . . we were in Iraq for almost 10 years.  If you can't close the deal in 10 years, it ain't gonna happen.  The last war we closed would have been WWII, but even then that isn't the case.  There is still a border war in Korea, we still have military troops in bases in Europe from WWII.  Vietnam for all the wailing and gnashing of teeth that pulling out would be hugely detrimental is actually doing quite well.
 
They will only attack us again if we keep meddling around in their country.  Please read Bin Laden's letter to the US, he quite plainly states the reasons why he attacked.  Meddling around in the middle east was reason #1.
 
It is amazing the cognitive dissonance that goes on.  If Russia were meddling in Mexico, we'd be ticked, if Russia tried to install it's puppet dictator in country close to the US we'd have a war (wait that actually almost did happen!).  But I guess because we are America, we have the God-given right to muck around into any country we please and if they want to attack us because of it they are just plain crazy, they are religious fanatics, uncivilized beasts. Because, didn't you know we have to teach them how to be civilized!!  If it weren't for US, the world would descend into chaos!!!!!

I'm the most libertarian person on here (or at least I think I am). I don't believe in government sanctioned marriage (I know I'm in the minority on here), though if I found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will make sure everything is taken care of for the eternities and if that means obtaining legal recognition on earth in order to be sealed, so be it. That is more important than my not recognizing the government's authority on declaring marriage.

My counter argument to yours is that our country is tired of war!  We just finished fighting two wars, one that started out in response to 9/11 and the other based upon a bold-face lie!  Why should we waste our sons and daughters and our national treasury on a part of the world where most of the populace can care less who is in charge!  Iraq was Vietnam all over again and when we left, we left an artificial situation that had no-where to go but down!  The Islamic factions have shown repeatedly over history that they can not co-exist peacefully unless forced to by a dictator!  One has to look at the history of these countries to understand the real situation. Iraq should have been divided into three states, each one with their own form of Islam.  The unified Iraq was a British idea that really never worked!  
 
Yes ISIS is a threat, but let those countries directly threatened handle the situation!  Why are not the Saudi's and others in the region forming a response to ISIS?  We have too many problems in our own country, we need to concentrate on bettering the lives of our own people and let the rest of the world deal with their own problems!

The gauntlet has been thrown down! To convince skeptics, biologist simply need to evolve a dragon.
 
MAKE THIS HAPPEN SCIENCE!!!

I actually think that it does change gospel understanding quite a bit.  I personally find it very interesting that many LDS individuals on a LDS forum are so apt to believe that man coming from fish can fit into the Gospel perspective.
 
If man came from fish then when the Bible says "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:", it is false.  For if man evolved and continues to evolve then man came from a living organism that was not man and will continue to evolve into some other living organism that is not man in the future-therefore this verse is false.
 
Furthermore, Gospel Doctrine clearly states that in the Garden of Eden man could not die nor could they have seed.  If man came from evolution that is also false.  If man came from something else, at what point did man become man?  Previous versions of man, were obviously not man.  So it evolved until God made it look like Him and then stopped it -now man- from evolving, put him in the Garden and made him so he couldn't have children.  Did He also stop all other versions of man from evolving?
 
Christ came to redeem man from the Fall, if the Garden of Eden is allegorical, then what else is allegorical?  Is Christ allegorical?  We really don't need a Savior, we just need to follow the steps, redemption is more a process?
 
I make allowances that it is possible that God used evolution, the scriptures do say "let the earth bring forth" or STTE in reference to all other creatures.  When it comes to man, however it states "let us make man".
 
We don't really know have the earth was formed or how man was made, evolution is a theory that cannot be proven or dis-proven, just like faith cannot be proven or dis-proven.  We still can't produce the spark of life.  Without something already living, we are powerless to do so.
 
I just find it interesting that in today's technological world with iPad's, cell phones, instant this and instant that, etc that man creates in extremely short time, we lack faith necessary to say God could create man without using evolution; that man, His greatest creation was created by a process that supposedly takes eons to play out.
 
IMO, evolution is used by the godless to explain how we came to be.  Did God use it? Maybe . . . .I guess we'll just have to ask Him on the otherside.

I would be very cautious about such a blanket statement.  If anyone or group that takes human life labeled evil, then we live in a very evil country.
 
http://drones.pitchinteractive.com/
 
In the Iraq war over 100k civilians lost their lives and the growth of ISIS is one of the many outcomes of that war.
 
We can pick out the mote in others, but can't pick out the beam in our own eyes.
From the perspective of many middle-eastern countries the US is one of the most evil countries that has ever existed.
 
Personally, I'd rather fight to change the evil in my own country than fight to change the evil in other countries.
 
I see acts and methods as evil.  I see the evil in beheading individuals who have not committed crimes worthy of beheading, just as I see evil in drone strikes ordered from a military officer sitting in a comfortable command post in the US that kill innocent civilians.  One is a very graphic, getting your hands dirty method of killing and the other is "civilized".
 
These groups use religion as a wrapper for their aims, which is political power.  They use religion to entice the foot soldiers to sign up, just as much as other countries use Patriotic duty, benefits, education, etc. to entice foot soldiers to sign up.
 
The tangled web of Middle-Eastern politics is something that we will never be able to figure out or solve.  The US has wars in Syrian and Libya to oust the current political leaders.  In doing so they fund the "rebels", whoever those rebels are depends on if they will do the US's bidding.  The US provides them money, weaponry and training.  Eventually those rebels splinter or have disagreements and take some of the weapons, money and training and end up using them in ways the US does not approve.
 
Does anyone believe that random "terrorists" could organize such a coordinated attack on Benghazi?  I bet bottom-dollar the spooks were involved in either gun-running, cash-running, or drug-running and deals went bad and then bad things happened.
 
The best thing is to just let it sort itself out and not get involved.
 
One of the things that will contribute to men and society becoming evil is war.  War debilitates and drains the soul.  In a war-like culture or in a war setting it is almost impossible for large groups of people to not commit evil acts; it is the nature of war.

Anger is surely a valid emotion when it is righteous. But, we should not allow it to blind us, or lead us contrary to the directions Jesus has pointed out for us. The war between good and evil is a complex and subtle one, though at times it might appear simple and obvious. What is certain, though, is that we cannot defeat evil with evil.
 
Best wishes, 2RM.

It seems to me that the real battle here is not about territory, or borders, but ideas. We should not forget that Muslims, even radical, extreme Muslims, love their conception of God quite as much as we love ours. And they hate their conception of evil quite as much as we hate ours. The difference is not in evil natures, so much as mistaken ideologies. While we clearly cannot tolerate the gratuitous destruction of life meanwhile, the only long-term solution is to win this battle of ideas, and, it seems to me, the only way to do that for the long term and indefinitely thereafter is through a careful, humble, respectful, dialog with Islam.
 
Best wishes, 2RM

What Kimball said is very true; however I would be extremely cautious.  I would get to know his culture extremely well and I would be prepared to make some sacrifices.  For example, what if he wanted to move back to his home country?  Would you be okay with this.  Other cultures have very different views of male/female relationships.  Without knowing your background it is impossible to guess, but latinos for example have a very macho culture.
 
In general get to know his family extremely well, get to know how he was raised.  If there are things that make you uncomfortable now, be prepared b/c in general if it makes you a little uncomfortable prior to marriage when the love bugs are flying it will be very difficult after the infatuation wears off and the real work of marriage begins.
 
If he is of a different religion then you've got several strikes that will make marriage very hard.  Is it doable? Sure, but in general the closer your husband's culture matches yours the better.

What Kimball said is very true; however I would be extremely cautious.  I would get to know his culture extremely well and I would be prepared to make some sacrifices.  For example, what if he wanted to move back to his home country?  Would you be okay with this.  Other cultures have very different views of male/female relationships.  Without knowing your background it is impossible to guess, but latinos for example have a very macho culture.
 
In general get to know his family extremely well, get to know how he was raised.  If there are things that make you uncomfortable now, be prepared b/c in general if it makes you a little uncomfortable prior to marriage when the love bugs are flying it will be very difficult after the infatuation wears off and the real work of marriage begins.
 
If he is of a different religion then you've got several strikes that will make marriage very hard.  Is it doable? Sure, but in general the closer your husband's culture matches yours the better.

I'm with omega and garry.  My job as a parent is to emancipate my children from me, i.e. teach them the skills that they need in order to live on their own and have their own life with their own family.  Unless it is a short transitory period (i.e. between HS graduation and college/mission), once you are 18 you are on your own.  
 
IMO, if one of my children is 18, not in that transitory period and living at home, then I have failed as a parent.  I am actually hindering their growth rather than helping it.  I refuse to pay for college or mission for my children, make your own way in life.  I did it before them, their grandparents did it before me and their great-grandparents did it before them.  They will never appreciate a mission or college as much if someone else pays for it.  That isn't to say they won't appreciate it, but that they won't appreciate it as much as if they had paid for it themselves.
 
As for being shunned, my personal philosophy is that my parents provided for me growing up, therefore it is my responsibility to help them as they get older and are unable to do some of the same things.  I hope I teach my kids those same principles so that hopefully when I get older I'll have children that do the same.  I have this philosophy specifically because my parents did a wonderful job of ensuring that when I turned 18 I was as ready as I ever would be to make it on my own.  I have gratitude that they did that because I am much stronger in life and able to handle the vicissitudes of life much better than if they had allowed me to stay under their roof once I was old enough to become emancipated.
 
However, I will say that for the first few years on my own I didn't visit home as much . . . . simply because I was working it out on my own.  As I became more established, I was able to give back more.

In my personal opinion, if a couple wants to be sealed but has developed a pattern of sexual activity, I recommend that they be married civilly and pursue the temple afterward so long as
A) they are committed to each other
B) have an established, exclusive relationship having lasted a significant time period
C) and have illustrated the maturity to handle difficult challenges in their relationship.
But I'm also with JAG in my observation that the two of you do not appear to be mature enough yet. Two mature and committed adults would be able to avoid binging on sex any time the prospect of civil marriage came up. Your pattern of behavior sets off warning bells to me about how well you two would manage the obstacles marriage presents.
It's possible that a ten month engagement with a concerted effort to face this issue might foster the maturity the two of you need. But that is extremely rare. I'm inclined to believe that you would fare better to spend the next year outside of any relationships while you develop your own personal spirituality and maturity.