TANNY

I understand that. And it makes sense, but what if I want to be the person that's able to help him? I don't feel that it's fair to leave because of a problem.. Even if I feel it isn't something I can handle. Maybe I could try. So maybe I'm asking the wrong questions.HOW do I make this not affect me in a negative way?

Sadly it is. We fixed that problem, and now there's this problem. So maybe I already know the answer to what I'm asking I just want a different one.. But it just doesn't seem right to leave someone because of a problem that they are trying so hard to overcome.

I guess I should include that I'm not the kind of person to pry about matters and i never felt comfortable asking him about how he was doing with any of that so i guess he felt since it was never mentioned he never had to bring it up. But lately i have been very open with how i feel and i ask him how he's doing frequently and from what i know he's been very honest with me despite the fact that it has been extremely embarrassing for him..

The title made this pretty self explanatory. I'm 21 years old and my boyfriend is 23. We have been dating for over a year and we would like to get married in the temple someday. Earlier in our relationship he had let me know about his porn addiction. He didnt tell me much but that he was actively trying to get it out of his life and he has been taking the necessary action to do so. I felt like that was all i needed to know and i would be fine with that. Well i was until i saw what he had been looking at on his computer about a month ago. It was porn and since then i have been so mad at him for what he's been doing. I've talked to him about it and all he ever says is that's he's sorry and he's really trying and he has been making good progress. I believe that he's trying to get rid of it and that he hates it. But I HATE the way it makes me feel, I have never not felt good enough for him until now and it's tearing us apart. He tells me to have some faith in him and try to understand it but i don't know how too. I really don't want to leave him because of this but I am SO unhappy all the time. What should I do?

I've been dating my boyfriend now for about 10 months. Our relationship had a rocky start to begin with. He had been dating another girl that he had the intention of marrying. Things had gotten hard for them so they took a 'break'. During this break he had starting seeing me. We are both in college and we have both been raised in the church. Shortly after we started dating he had told me a little bit about his past and about his issues with the Law of Chastity but didn't go into depth about it. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal seeing as everyone has a past and he was actively trying to fix it and I had never had any issues with the LofC. But unfortunately we had messed up even before we had ever become official. So he stopped seeing the previous girl and me in order for him to get himself in a better place. We had tried to stay friends during this time but we both still had feelings for each other so we decided that we would just be extremely careful around each other not wanting to mess up again. We were doing so well and then we'd slip up. Then we go for a long time without anything happening and it would happen again. This has been the cycle for far too long now and I don't know how to get out of it. I love him and I would love to marry this man IN THE TEMPLE. We have both discussed this and that has been our goal. But I don't see it happening any time soon with this behavior. And I'm not even sure if that is the right thing to do. He has been more open with me about his past recently and it has made me second guess this relationship. I know the past is the past but isn't the past a good indicator of how things MAY end up in the future? He has had this same problem with other girlfriends in his past. So am I just another one? What have I gotten myself into?

So I stumbled upon Deseretbook.com today and I think that it would be a good idea to purchase some books! Any suggestions on what I should look into buying? I've been going thru some trials lately and I think that reading something spiritual along with my scriptures would help a great deal.

So I have never seen porn and have never come in contact with it either. I will stay that way. I didn't realize how easily accessible it was until recently. I have been dating my boyfriend for awhile now. We are both in college and I was unaware that he had an addiction with porn until a few months ago. I did know about his past problems with the LofC and how that's become an issue with us as well. So we have been working on becoming temple worthy. He's told me how his issue with pornography makes this a lot harder on him than it does for me. I want to try and help him with this but I don't how to help him. I don't think it has had an effect on me until recently. I feel like in order to help him I must know exactly how frequent his contact is with it and whatnot. On the other hand I don't want to know. I'm already very self conscious and I have a horrible body image. I feel like trying to help him would just make me feel miserable about myself. So any ideas? I don't know what to do. I hate the fact that it is SO easily accessible and that it even exists!!!

DRAVIN - I will definitely include the Lord in my doings everyday and report to him every night. Thank you for your advice. I believe it will definitely help. I'm going to pray about what to do with all this.

Pam - As dumb as this may sound that made me cry.. Haha. Thank you for that. I felt like I haven't been capable of making any right decisions in awhile.. So thank you. JudoMinja - Thank you for your reply also. It's helped a lot. I agree with what you've said. I really do need to focus on getting myself spiritually healthy I think I will do a lot more help then than now.. Beefche - Thank you thank you. I think I'm just scared he's not going to find his way.. and he deserves to be happy. and I know the only way you can achieve true happiness is by being able to enter the temple and being worthy of blessings. I'm also scared that I'm going to lose him and he's means a lot to me... and no one ever wants to lose something that means everything to them. But I want to get to the temple and that means everything to me too. I'll definitely pray and read my scriptures and take into account all the advice everyone has given me here. It has helped tremendously. (:

Dravin - Yes I've considered that and I've thought many times about cutting all ties with him because it would be best... I guess I'm just stubborn in that sense.. and I have talked to the bishop many times and it has been more than "I need to stop this." He has counseled me about what to do and has given me advice on the matter and it has never been to break all ties with him.. We have the same bishop because we were in the same student ward and so he knows both of us and has talked with us individually. I guess I feel that if he felt that it would be best to break it off he'd tell me, but then again our bishop is an amazing man and would trust me with making my own decision.

Beefche - I didn't see that you replied when I wrote this but I guess that is my mindset.. And I agree with everything you've said. It's easier said then done though. What I haven't mentioned is that besides our mess ups and things we are really good together. We make each other happy but the decisions we make together aren't good ones. I guess I'm confused as to why something so good can be the basis of such bad decision making..? I don't know.

Thank you for the all the replies. I don't think I explained myself very well when I replied.. I'm in love with this boy and I want to help him. I'm not trying to give him what he wants so he doesn't try and find it somewhere else. I know I'm pushing him farther away from where he needs to go and I really really hate that. I feel guilty and mad at myself all the time for it. I have been doing the opposite of what I've wanted to do from the beginning. He's been in this hole for a really long time and I didn't know that when I had gotten myself into this. But I would really like to help him.. I understand that he needs to do this alone with the bishops help but I'm not sure if he can... and I know that a big portion of this mess is because of me and I would really like to correct it.

Thanks for your input... I know that we're both interfering with each others spiritual growth and that the best option for ME and my spiritual growth is to break up with him and not see him anymore. That isn't going to do anything for him though. He's going to keep going down this path where he does really good for awhile and then he gives into temptation the only difference is it won't be with me. Not only do I want to stop this from happening and get to the temple I want to help him do the same and I know that's all he wants to do. He really wants to be temple worthy and I want to help him. So how do I do that??

This is going to be a little lengthy I apologize but I really need some advice on how to fix this.. My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile now. Our relationship at first was a little shaky, before even becoming official we had broken the law of chastity. Before we became official or even started dating he had told me a little about his past and how he had been intimate with his last girlfriend and how he had messed up. He wasn't able to take the sacrament because of this and he was talking regularly with our bishop. I didn't really think that it would be an issue if we started dating because I had never had any problems with Chastity before. So we started dating and before we became official it happened. After it had happened the first time we both decided that it would be better if we were just friends. I talked to my bishop and had begun my repenting process. Months later it happened again. The just friends thing wasn't working either. We both still wanted to be together and so we started officially dating and had set up rules so it couldn't happen. We were doing so well at first for a really long time but it ended up happening again. It's becoming a lot more frequent then I want it too and it's becoming a lot harder to overcome. We're both college students and want to make it to the temple. His past with past girlfriends and some issues with pornography make this a lot harder to avoid then I thought. I don't want to break up with him because I love him and I know that it wouldn't really help the problem only help me not be tempted.. I need some help please?