I love him still . with all my heart.he gave me no other choice. my heart broke into pieces asking him for a divorce. 18 years. i would of followed him to hell and back. he drank.he cheated on me emotionally with women he met on the Internet and skype. he passed out drunk at our daughters 8th birthday party(4yrs ago). we were always in debt. always lying abt money or borrowing it from family or friends. i dont think he ever payed tithing.Now that i am on my own i pay it regulary like clockwork. he took his best friends side when he defiled our home and our childs room. and i just found out his friend was looking at porn on our family computer in the middle of the day in the middle of our kitchen,my oldest son walked in on him.he wasnt always like this. something has changed him. he would come home,(his job has him moved away for now.)and just make me miserable, he was good sometimes tho, he never hit me or the kids, went to all the boys football games. we always had a roof over our heads. counseling was out of the question. we talked to our bishop a couple of times 3 yrs ago and he said he was all for counseling. but we never went. I know i did the right thing. but looking on these boards now i wonder if i didnt try hard enough. did i try everything? this is the man who i started my life with this is the man who gave me four beautiful children who cut their cords.who climbed into bed with me after my emergency csection and cried together because we didnt know if our baby was gona live. he was my best friend. he was my hero. and now that i have asked and we r in the process, 2 months ago. He has girlfriends, he visits and skypes and facebooks. as soon as i asked he was gone out the door.,.And i miss him. i miss my friend. i miss holding his hand.And he is angry and hates me. we cant be in the same house together. now i wonder reading this what the heck is wrong with me?but on the other hand he is my husband and i took vows infront of god to be with him for eternity. and i take my vows very seriously.He is not the same man. but i know that he is in there somewhere i know that he can be that man again. soo i just want some advice.Do i just let him go. do i fight for my family and marriage. I cannot make him change. and maybe he doesnt want to change. maybe he likes this new self. i was a good wife,I didnt cook all the time or put laundry away,i yelled at the kids. but i never once looked or thought of another person besides my husband . I am as loyal and faithful as they come. there are days when i just cry and then there are the days when i just cant beleive how blessed me and the kids are. its like we are living in this beautiful paradise and the only thing we are missing is him. I think how could anyone walk away from this, look at this home we have made. look at this family. who walks away from this without a fight?.. enough ranting. some advice please. thanks .
