billybob00

Thanks for the replies. I have to say, the over-indulgence might work for some people, but I don't think its a route I want to go down. Like I said before, I actually have been really good at consistent scripture reading for the past few months, more so than probably my mission -- and yet, there was one night were I just felt like I had gone as far as I could go. I felt like I could no longer resist and push the feelings beneath the surface. And, unfortunately, I succumbed that night. What's weird about "sin" is that sometimes it can propel you to do good. For instance, after my last relapse, I realized how pathetic it was, and started out socializing a bit more than I normally do. Of course, it can be a dangerous line of thinking all the same, as you can rationalize doing it again telling yourself it will help you. Anyone have experiences at the 12 step ? I think it would just feel weird walking in there and possibly seeing familiar faces...

I'm in sort of a bind here. I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. I'm 30 years old, single, and am struggling to overcome an addiction of pornography/masturbation. As the years have passed and social success hasn't come, I find it harder and harder to put up a "fight" when the temptations arise. It doesn't help that I'm a huge introvert (I get along well enough with people on the surface, but I don't have too many people I would call "friends"), and get exhausted just being around people in general. I feel that the only way I'll get over my social problems is by regular temple attendance, but it is frustrating because I can't stay "clean" long enough to regularly attend -- thus, the vicious cycle. Anyway, I'm posting this to see if I can get some ideas on how to overcome this. Basically, for about the past year, it has been a 2-3 week cycle -- I'll be good enough to go to the temple, then bam, I relapse. Masturbation has become increasingly more frequent, and pornography viewing down a bit, but often go together. One thing I tried recently, which worked for about a month and a half without a relapse (relatively good for me), was a sort of twisted, ingenious idea that was crazy enough to work, but kinda backfired on me. I used my bishop as my accountability person, and if I did either of those things, I would pay a sum of money towards a church charity program. I was going good and everything seemed to be working, then all of a sudden one night I gave in, even with full knowledge of the penalty. After that, my thoughts went along the lines of "well, now I'm in the hole, I'll just keep doing it". The relapse continued all week. It was almost like I was "making up" for the time I was clean. Its especially frustating because I felt like I was doing everything right (I've read the scriptures almost every day for the past two months -- something I haven't done since my mission). Some other ideas I've had but have yet to try out: -Make the sum of money lower for each infraction (it was way to high), but add an additional burden that isn't money -- say, I have to give service at the storehouse. My worry is that in the 'moment' I don't think straight, and I could see myself saying "ah, fair trade" -I've considered that for any pornography viewing, afterwards I have to write down each site I went to and the content. I have to give this to my bishop. Basically, I want to make it so I'm too embarrassed to sin. I also thought of having him forward it in an email to my dad (my dad knows about my struggles) -Get married (sort of 'haha'. I realize getting married won't solve all my problems, but I obviously need to work on it. I have pretty much a zero social life) -The 12 step church program. I'm kinda weary about attending a public thing like that.. I dunno, maybe its time? For people who have struggled with this -- what has worked for you? What didn't? Any thoughts on my ideas? Thanks