honestabe

Just wondering where you got this opinion from?

I was just wondering if anyone else that comes to this forum has the same problem that I am. When reading some of the threads and how people are talking to each other and encouraging things that are not in line with what our church leaders & doctrine teach us. I have a very hard time feeling the spirit when I am on this site. I have prayed about it after but I am not getting any response. I would like to see if anyone else is experiencing the same thing. Thanks for your time & god bless.

Saintish, I do believe that you are correct, however it does not change the firm position of our beliefs. It IS a sin that many men and women struggle with in our church. The spirit cannot be felt when engaging in these very dangerous and addictive behaviours. Satan is taunting the men and women of our church with this destructive behaviour and he needs to be "cast" out and fought against in order for us to receive the eternal blessings of our heavenly father. There is no room for masturbation in gods kingdom PERIOD!!!!

Garry, The only way around that issue is to never get married!!!! You would be better off to tell your boy that if he can milk the cow for free.....why buy it!!!!! lol (There was no disrespect towards cows in the following comment). No but being serious, and i`m speaking from experience in this issue. One of the best things that you can do to protect yourself is..Make sure that your future wife ALWAYS has a job. 2. Try to keep your incomes close to the same. 3. Don`t have a bazzilion children. The laws tend to be vary biased towards women when it comes to the children. As a father you find out pretty quick that you are a WALLET FIRST and then a father. It isn`t fair but it is what it is.

I really hope someone replies to this question. All I can say is "you better be sitting down for this one".

You are absolutely correct with your statement, one does not have anything to do with the other!!! I did not mean to "suggest" that one has to do with the other. I obviously have a hard time articulating what I was trying to say....god bless you VORT. I'll try this again....I believe people should be able to do whatever it is they want as long as it is not affecting other peoples rights. To be able to exercise their "free agency" without having to worry about legal consequences for something that is a personal choice. To throw people in jail for posession/use/paraphernalia is a waste of tax payers money and law enforcements time. My point is that by decriminalyzing/legalilizing drugs and putting the same structures in place as the liqour industry, prices of all drugs would decrease substantially. Therefore, crime rates would drop. An example...If all of a sudden it cost $500 for a pack of cigarettes, chances are normal good citizens would start breaking the laws to support their addiction. Not long after that organized crime would obviously get involved because of the profit margins ($$$$$$$$). These people (drug users not cartels) are not bad people they would be doing the same thing you or I would do if the price of food got to the point where we could not afford it. The major organized crime cartels would not traffic in the stuff for very long if there is not a lot of money to be made. Of course you are always going to have crime associated with just about every aspect of life. It isn't a solution to the problem but I think it would take us in the right direction. Just like any other legal drug(s) people still use or develop problems with, the burden is placed on the individual(s) to educate themselves and others about use & abuse, and the associated consequences. And yes I realize that the users personal choice effects society as a whole, but the way things are right now I believe is worse than what I am suggesting. As soon as I become President of the USA I will change all of this!!!!lol Until then thank god for democracy!!! Hopefully this clarifies the point I was attempting to make.

Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I didn't realize this site was linked with English class. If you read the post, you should get my drift. You can give me a "D" for my efforts. There is also improper grammar, run on sentences etc. I'm sure you understand the points I was trying to make. Just because you close your eyes the world doesn't disappear. It is what it is, it's not going away but there are ways to REDUCE the harm/violence that is done. That's all. See how I used an apostrophe in "That's".....I thought you would like that there VORT. :)

That is your personal choice and right to vote against the "wacky weed"...but I know as most other people do that resistance is futile. My point in my other post is that we had people that made copius amounts of money off of bootlegging during the prohibition. Now that booze is legal, there isnt the element of organized crime & level of violence associated with the distrubution & sales of it. In no means am I saying that there is no more crime & effects of alcohol damaging peoples lives. To use alcohol is someones personal choice, just like it is to use drugs. I beleive the correct term is harm reduction. People are always going to use drugs but to throw people in jail etc over drug violations is ludicrous. The tax money that is wasted is better served elsewhere. Thats what is great about living in a democratic society...the majority rules. There is and always will be a supply and demand for illegal drugs. Its about looking at the issue with a realistic and fact based approach. The war on drugs is a huge waste of momey. The CHOICE to use these substances should be a personal one, not dictated by any government. I firmly beleive in "free agency"...just my opinion

Like I said before....look at the alcohol industry...prime example....enough said!!!! Are the Rockafellas & Kennedy's using there ill gotten wealth to funnel into other illegal enterprises!!

OBVIOUSLY, LMM It wouldn't happen overnight. You are talking about one state. My point being, do you still here about organized crime trafficking in alcohol? Do you still here about people robbing liqour stores etc, sure you do but it is way better now than during prohibition times. It is fine if you want to have your position on it but to snub my opinions shows your true ignorance and besides all of this...it was a hypothetical question by the OP. I'm not saying that legalizing drugs would solve the worlds problems, but it would solve a lot of the organized crime issues that you see today. Cartels are not going to be involved in something they cannot make money off of, therefore crime rate down. Government control, taxes and invest the money that is WASTED on the war on drugs and put it into rehab's and prevention. As far as what'as going on where you live. Another point being, there is still HUGE money involved in marijuana (legal or not) that is why there is still violence etc. Once again just my opinion coupled with what seems to me COMMON sense.

Changed thanks for the post, I would like your opinion on the HIV/AIDS thing! I get what you are saying.....but it hasn`t just been the cheating on my sister, he has been living two lives for 16 years. Pretending to be one thing and in reality living another. If you can read my OP it explains things, this isn`t his first or second chance it is his third. At what point does someone realize HEY this person isn`t going to change he has hoodwinked me for a second time. I will say it again...past behaviour is a good predictor of future behaviour (even if I don`t want it to be)

Couldn't agree with you more AGstacker!!! I would go one further.....legallize all drugs (not joking)..it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the only reason there is a underground criminal element is that there is HUGE MONEY involved in the trafficking/selling of illegal drugs. Take away the money and the criminal element would fall. There isn't going to be anymore people using drugs after making them legal than there is now. It is a supply demand issue. IMO

I'm glad that you have made progress with your situation. Having said that I just wanted to point out that you will probably have days (if not hours) that your emotions are all over the map...second guessing etc. I really can't say this enough...I think getting yourself a PROFESSIONAL counsellor to work through this transition would be very very beneficial for yourself. Peoples opinions/advice that are given on this site (except mine of course lol) do not and should not replace speaking with a professional about your choices and moving forward at the end of the day it is you that needs to be ok with your decision(s) in life. I think that people that are in relationships/marriages that have had infedility in them tend to get manipulated(ABUSED) while in them & when they leave them by the other person and it helps to have a professional to speak with to keep your mind straight. I firmly believe that this is why there are a lot of people that suffer from depression/physc wards throughout ordeals like these. It is not going to be easy but you need to tell yourself (self talk) that your deserve to have contentment & treated right!!!! because guess what you do and you owe it to yourself & everyone that cares about you. Good luck & stay strong

Thanks for your post dove, I am trying to be there for my sister & her 3 kids....and to some extent her husband. She has decided that she wants to try and work things out (obviously don't agree). They are currently going to counselling & 12 step meetings etc together & alone. This has been a really hard thing for me to wrap my head around but (not to diminish what my sister's going through whatsoever). I recently spoke with my brother inlaw first time since I found out all of the details. We talked for over 2 hours....I do not hate him...I just don't think he is going to change despite what he tells everyone and his best efforts...time has already shown me that. We have been invited on a family vacation in a couple of months. So I spoke with him about that and told him that I would respect my sisters decision and that I could be civil to him while I have to be around him for my sisters sake, my parents and the children. My sister is well aware of mine & my wifes feelings about this topic....so it has been and probably will be akward for everyone for a long time. I told him that everyone in the family shouldn't have to suffer because of his actions. The whole situation makes me very sad (yes, even for my brother in law) Not being able to control yourself when there is SO MANY reasons too. It's like now he realizes the gravity of what he has done...but 16 years of hypocrisy. I guess time will tell (already has once before) but at the end of the day it is my sisters life and all can do is try to be there for her. This has put a huge wedge in our family (1 brother & 2 sisters). it has changed the dynamics of the relationships...it is not going to be the same ever. He told me "I really am the person everyone thought that I was....not the other life I was leading" take that for what it is worth. It is just sad that my sister cannot realize she is trying to save something that really never existed (at least for 16 years). I told my parents " If he would have given her HIV/AIDS would they still be supporting my sisters delusion of trying to save the marriage" or would they be saying "Well they have medications that will let your sister live quite a long time & besides he is sorry for what he has done". It is an ATTACK on the core of who someone is and the children, it's unfortunate that it came from her husband. Sorry for rambling.....this is just so messed up.

I couldn't agree with you more. dove good post

I'm sorry but that is so messed up.

First off...I want to tell you that him cheating on you has NOTHING to do with you. I know that is easy to say and that is not how it probably makes you feel but it is the truth. It is something only he can figure out and change. I wish you the best of luck throughout your decisions.

Not to be negative but if he lied for how long the first time and thru counselling and six months after that you found out the hard way! How do you know he isn't hoodwinking you now? The problem is that you don't....I would hope that he is telling you the truth but someone who shows those kinds of qualities...in my opinion should tell someone they can't be trusted!!!IMHO

Definetly not, I currently have a sister that is going thru the same type of thing...however she is knieve enough to think that he is going to change (after 16 years of lies & deception). Does your husband express true remorse? is he willing to go to counselling? if not...talk to a professional counsellor about how you are going to be ok and deal with the lies & basically abuse from someone who is supposed to love you. I dso believe that most people deserve a second chance depending on circumstances. There is a point where a person needs to draw a line and protect themselves & children if there are any. Past behaviour is a good predictor of future behaviour. Check around do some reading...,.MOST people that cheat etc. say sorry, and then sooner or later do it again. If you want a life of hell then stick around for awhile or even years, decades.. there are decent people out there. IMHO

First I would like to say this....The posts that I give my opinion on are in no way being anti-marriage. I think that marriage is very important and should not be taken lightly...however having said that I do think that people that are obviously not looking for the same things in life (and after) shouldn't be together. I believe couples should try to work thru difficulties in marriages & go to counselling and give things a time frame that both people are happy with but.....if it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, and walks like a duck....guess what IT"S A DUCK...wether it wants to be or not is really irrelevant. Im going to steal the quote from someone else post on here "past behaviour is a good predictor of future behaviour". Decide what & how long your are willing to invest (or waste) your life & emotional well being. In the end the decision is personal. Myself I would get out of dodge if the person isn't willing to put the effort in. I have read this quite a bit in other posts "I do still really love my husband", my point I would like to make is that's fine but are you really getting truly loved back. It's a two way street and if someone is not reciprocating the emotions etc back....then you are not really getting loved, he is your husband and your not his mother. Count your small blessings, at least you haven't brought children into the marriage. Best of luck on your decisions

I agree with you 100% Funkytown. Give him the ultimatum, lovingly explain how you feel, give your marriage a time frame that you are willing to live with to see if things are improving. Just my opinion. Life is to short to live miserable.

HI VORT, Of course this person deserves forgiveness. Forgiveness is in order for my sister to deal with the situation....NOT for the person getting it. This person obviously has a HUGE character/personality flaw. Forgiving him is one thing, wanting him to be with my sister & there family is another. It doesn't take long for the other cheek to get sore. What he has done IS the ultimate form of betrayal & disrespect that someone can do to their spouse & family. There is a HUGE difference between someone who has a moment of weakness (we are all human) & expresses true remorse & guilt....and someone who has lied & deceived for over 16 YEARS. That is a no brainer, forgive him.....YES.....stay with this person.....definetly not.....what he has done is borderline sociopathic and if you don't agree with that statement then he is VERY, VERY NARCISSISTIC (that KNOWBODY can argue.)

Hi JMPCS, Thanks for sharing your situation with me...I am very sorry that this is happening to you & your children. I guess in the end, I do realize that it is up to the person involved to make the decision that they feel is right. They are the ones that have to live with their choices & consequences. It would be very, very hard with children being involved especially young ones. Children are pretty resiliant, my youngest boy (6) asked me the other day..."Daddy why can't you and your new wife come live with me and mommy at our house". My x and I have told are children that there are a lot of people in their lives that love them alot. We try to show them with our actions and words that they are loved very much. A side note our marriage break up had nothing to do with infidelity. For myself I love my children very very much, but I do know that my children are in healthier environment now than when my x & I were together. It's not easy facing what a person needs to do. Just my story and my opinion. Whatever you choose to do I wish you the best of luck. I couldn't agree more with the statement Dr. PHil made "past behaviour is a good predictor of future behaviour". At the end of the day it is good to have hope & faith but I think alot of people are not really looking at the reality of the situations they are in and how human behaviour works. The doctor wouldn't have said it if there wasn't alot of merit to it. IFool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me!!!!IMO

"Well about 3 years ago she just decided she doesn't want kids ever" You can disagree yjacket but that's a deal breaker if there ever was one. She says prior to marriage kids ya. Now married NO KIDS EVER.

I have spoken with her about it. She is basically spending all of her time around him (stockholm sydrome comes to mind) because she can't trust him. Has complete control of the finances etc. Is going to make him take lie detector tests whenever she deems its warranted. I get that its fresh and she is probably still in shock. She has actually been diagnosed with PTSD. I just feel that my sister deserves to be with someone that actually will love her the way we all deserve. This guy might want to be good but the last 20 years I have known him tells me that isn't who he is. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. At the end of the day it isn't what your intentions are it's what you do....and he has shown everyone in my family what he does. He says how sorry he is, but he is only sorry he got caught. 16 YEARS of lying and deceiving.