taralynnsing

Your responses to my post have been so helpful. Whenever I'm at the computer I check for new replies and I have been so comforted especially by the support from other divorced or betrayed women. I am meeting with a lawyer and making other preparations like thinking about getting work and looking for a local handy-man to help me with the house. I feel good about my decision to start this process and then keep listenning to the spirit. I have felt better every time I remind myself that this is just the way it is. I have to train myself to stop wondering what I could do to correct things, because I have tried everything over and over again and my efforts have been wasted and have turned the transition into a slow and painful death. I just try to keep my focus on the future.

Amen. You obviously know the territory. He actually mentioned that I haven't lost weight as one of the reasons he's justified in cheating. He himself is not exactly a greek specimen. Would you please share with me how your divorce went and how everything is working with children and visitation, how long you've been divorced and if there are certain stages you've gone through emotionally. How do you feel about being alone? Some have told me that then you get divorced is when the real misery starts. I don't feel like I have much of a choice but at least I'd like to know what I'm getting into.

Mostly I have benefited from the comments to my situation but I have wondered why a few comments have been a little insensitive. I am going through hell and have a lot of pain to deal with while trying to keep life normal and happy for my children. I think maybe if someone has an opinion critical of me in some way they could share it somewhere else. I certainly don't need to come here and read some statement that requires me to defend my feelings or thoughts. My purpose for posting is to find others who have shared some of what I'm going through so I don't feel so alone. I have talked to my Bishop lots--he's my neighbor and he's on the case, as is every one else in my ward, always asking how I'm doing and how they can help. I have so much support and comfort. I have the gospel and the temple and the Holy Ghost to comfort me. The only thing I don't have is my best friend, lover, and companion of eighteen years. I feel confident and faithful and determined, but I'm also mourning that loss.

Thanks for all the responses. I feel a little overwhelmed about responding to every detail of all of them right now. But I'm glad I got this thread started because I just found out he is physically active again with his mistress and is also working on a new one at the same time. He has been seen kissing in public (a restaurant). The kids and I all did a whole bunch of stuff for him for father's day--I repainted a room because he didn't like the color. I made him dinner and my daughter made him desert. He was just acting so weird about everything. Now I know why. And I REALLY want to divorce him now. I have to figure out if that is still not approved in my prayers. I have prayed already but I'm too emotional to get a clear answer right now. If I have to stay with him it's about to get a lot harder than it already was. It's not really significant now, but I gotta answer the house question. It's number three: OCD. One time he came over and had a melt down because there were some crumbs on the couch (from one muffin eaten by a 3-year-old). I clean every day and the kids all have jobs and I have a cleaning professional coming twice a week and it still isn't good enough. His mom has 8 children and I know that her house wasn't as clean as he is wanting our house to be--he didn't pick up after himself as a kid the way he thinks our kids should. The house he's living in now isn't kept as clean as he wants our house. Now that I know that he's juggling a wife, five kids, and two girlfriends while still going to church and making nice with the Bishop, it's clear that he is very disturbed in just about every way. I know divorce is not easy and is sometimes worse than the bad marriage. I admit that the reason I yearn for divorce is to not have to deal with his garbage any more and I know that's not true because of the children. I also want to divorce because I want a good marriage to a good person. Maybe that's naieve to wish for at this point. The other thing that would be wonderful about being divorced is that I won't have to try to please him anymore and live up to his expectations that can never be met. I also want it because I want to show him that I am worth something and I will not be waiting here while he dates various women around town in a public manner. I can make it on my own. I want to take this control so badly, to claim this freedom, but I know that my understanding and perspective are irrelevant if it is not God's will. He can see the end and knows what would be best. Oh, how I hope I don't have to keep my life subject to his evil ways year after year. When we first got married I told him I would forgive him one time for cheating on me and leave him on the second. I am three times past my promise at this point.

Funky town: you can't decipher my code language, huh? Ok, well what I meant is he has a hard time keeping his thoughts pure when he sees women.

Wow. I hope other people give you their opinions so you have a variety of things to think about, but I would say two things: 1.RUN AWAY before you have lots of children! I have 5 and my husband has cheated and has a "looking" and "thinking" problem and I wish I would have left before the children came. 2. No one's opinion really matters except God's. He will tell you exactly what to do.

I haven't joined a chat group for more than ten years. I joined this morning because I want to read and write about my struggle with others who are going through or have gone through the same thing. I was married in 1992 in the Denver temple to a returned missionary. I have five children aged 1-11. In January I found out that my husband has been having an affair for about two years. I asked him to move out and we've been living seperately since then. I have lots of love and support around me, but a concerning number of people really wish I would just divorce him. I would if I could! My prayers have not been answered that way. I have no problem forgiving him, but what he is doing now is just as hurtful as the affair. He is obsessed about the cleanliness of the house and spends little time focusing on the children when he's visiting because he cannot overlook any messes. He believes that I have wronged him, hurt him, rejected him, and he is waiting for me to convince him that things can be better. He is not ready to move back in because he can't stand the messes and he doesn't think we can get along. I am ready to get along and clean like crazy and forgive him and go on dates and cultivate lost trust and love. But he just can't bring himself to have faith in him, me, or us. He will not initiate the needed church disciplinary council. He is on bad terms with a member of the stake presidency (along with many other ward members who are innocent and wonderful). I am trying to be patient and have faith in the promptings I've been given over and over to stay with him while dealing with single parenthood, some health problems, a special needs baby, and the regular insults added to injuries coming from my husband. I feel like I know what to do and that I can do it. Knowing what to do is not my problem. Just making it from day to day is my problem. Putting up with his coldness and disdain, giving good for evil over and over again, telling him the hard truth from time to time and enduring his anger and defensiveness--that's what I'm struggling with. I think I would benefit from hearing someone else's story. I need girl power. I guess comments and stories from guys is OK too.

Hello, I'm Tara. 38, do a lot of musical stuff, have 5 children, from Wyoming, now in Utah. Good at flossing. Oh wait, I'm not supposed to lie. Scratch that.