augustbringsyou

some of you have commented on my previous post, but I want to keep this a separate so that maybe someone else can benefit for it to. I'm having a very difficult time letting go of anger and resentment in my life. Sometimes, because of the things I have been going through lately that anger and resentment has translated into feelings of anger towards Heavenly Father. I've been told my entire life that He has a plan for us, and then I get angry because I'm trying to figure out why would such a plan be so hurtful. Then I remind myself that everyone has free will and free agency, and sometimes that affects others-which is what I'm going through. I have so many emotions right now. Hurt, fear, anger. I don't know how to fully let go of those things to reach that point of forgiveness and acceptance. Sometimes, I don't feel I'm ever going to reach that point of acceptance. I know these are feelings that everyone goes through at times, so I wanted to ask-how do you cope? What scriptures do you reference to help cope with these feelings and keep that peaceful feeling? What do you do to reach that point?

actually, stores get reimbursed for coupons. Also, a lot of those on extreme couponing choose to donate. You dont' have to get all 15 boxes of pasta-or you could-and plan your meals for a month, or keep 5 for yourself and save the other 10 for a needy family in your ward, or take it to the local food shelter. A lot of items can be kept for food storage too.

Thank you all for your responses. One of the things my therapist has encouraged me to do is to try and talk more openly about what has happened. I know that this may seem like a cop out in many ways, but im still taking baby steps. When my daughter was first taken, and I finally found the strength to remove myself from my bed, I did nothing but research on other possible explanations. I emailed every other cause I could think of to my attorney (yes, i do have one). He got a medical expert to look ever everything and this expert said he could find no other possible explanation. However, my daughter suffered no neck injury, made a very quick recovery, and suffers no trauma now. To me, things still dont seem to add up. My husband was able to give a detailed account of what he believes happened to police. Apparently it was enough to provide all the explanations thats everyone needed, and that was what led to him taking a plea of 5 years probation. The timeline suggested that this happened while we were visiting his family from NC in MD. However, he said that something else could have happened in NC, which resulted him being convicted in two seperate states. My husband and I are not living together right now. My first priority is getting my daughter home, and that is impossible as long as him and I are together. Saying that breaks my heart, and im not sure where the road will lead us, but for the time being it just simply cannot be. I was cleared of any wrong doing-and I am going leaving to go home to my family regardless if I am able to take my daughter with me next week after court. I may be having to make a long journey each week from Alabama to North Carolina to see her, but thats just what I'll have to do. Since I have been cleared of wrong doing, have good results from therapy and reports from my visitations, I am not worried about losing this child-but I must admit that is one reason why I am so desperate to have this baby back home instead of here. I appreciate all of the support some of you have given me. Please continue to keep my family in your prayers.

Well, regardless we are all created in God's image and we are all brothers and sisters. Those are the things that we should focus on.

Thank you. In all honesty I wasn't sure what I was expecting, I think I just needed to pour out my thoughts to something, and this was easier than doing to face to face. Part of the problem is that going through this, I isolated myself from many of those who would have been willing to help, or offer support and prayer. It's hard. Some of those I've told this to have been so heartbroken that they no longer talk to me, not because they feel I am responsible, but because they are so afraid to upset me further. As far as the ward goes, I think part of the problem is that its so large here. I'm from pretty much the middle of no where, from a place where there aren't a whole lot of members and so its just a small branch. Everyone there is really close. Its just not like that here. And, I have a hard time asking for help. My bishop did offer to help me with counseling through family services, but when he told me what it would cost I just simply could not afford it. I am in a form of counseling, but I suppose the problem is that the only thing that can possibly help me is for this to be over. I don't even know what to ask for at this point. I think that might be part of the problem. I asked for visiting teachers, just to have someone to talk to, or maybe even make a few new friends-something that can distract me from this awful situation for a few moments each month and no one ever got back to me. I did speak to my relief society president. Occasionally she will email me and tell me she is thinking about me. She took me to see the bishop to get a blessing when I really needed it. She is a sweet woman. However, I dont know how to reach out to people without sounding needy-desperate. My bishop once told me would ask around and see if he could help me find transportation and then never got back to me. Honestly I think ive just been lost in the midst of people. I've been trying really hard not to let it affect my feelings on the church, sometimes its hard though. Ive never known anyone to go through something like this. I hate talking about it because I dont want anyone thinking im just wanting sympathy. I know some of this is pride, and im trying hard to overcome it. Thank you both for your words, i know it may not seem like much to either of you-but really just the fact that you took the time out to respond to such a long and heartbreaking post without passing judgement is comforting.

This is my first post. I've been living with quite a great deal of grief over the past few months and I really feel as if I've had no where else to turn. Looking for any support I could muster I found myself here. Last June I was very blessed to be given the gift of my beautiful daughter. She was perfect. Everything that I could ever imagine had come true. There are no words to express how badly I had wanted to become a mother, and luckily it came very easily for me. After 2 months of discussions on "should we start trying now?" my husband and I found out we were expecting. When my daughter was 2 months old my husband and I traveled to Maryland to visit his family. Everything was fine. The day before we left, while I was resting, my husband and mother-in-law brought my daughter upstairs to me where I was sleeping saying that she had some massive crying fit. I was able to soothe her, but she was not herself that day, and threw up a few times. The day we arrived home from our trip I noticed something very wrong. My daughter's leg had a very odd twitch. We rushed to the emergency room. She was transferred to a different hospital where tests were run. They found retinal eye hemorrhages, 2 broken ribs, and minimal bleeding on her brain (the cause of the seizures) all associated with what is known as Shaken Baby Syndrome. There are no words to describe what hearing such a thing did to me. Since neither myself or my husband, or anyone else for that matter, could provide any explanation for her injuries my daughter was taken from me at 2 months and placed in foster care. The next few months saw meetings with DSS, and interrogations by detectives. In October, because I was the primary caregiver of my daughter, I was charged with child abuse and arrested. Soon after my husband came forward and said that he believed that he was responsible. There are no words for that feeling either. While he was in jail he was convinced by his lawyer and parents (neither he or his family are members) to recant his confession. After several months of court dates, my charges were officially dropped. My husband took a plea and was sentenced to probation. Naturally, while still married, we are not currently together. On July 8th we go to court. Im hoping that the judge will allow me to bring my daughter back home (Alabama). DSS doesn't want this to happen as they worry for the rights that her father might have. However, because of all of this-and having spent so long not being able to leave the state, I've been living in a hotel. Because charges were placed on me I was suspended from my job, and was left without a car. I reached out to my local ward here many times, not for monetary things like food orders, even though I probably should have asked, but more to the missionaries and my bishop for blessings of peace and comfort and strength as there have been many times where I never thought i would find the strength to get out of bed. I was new to the ward, so no one knew me. Me reaching out was solely out of faith, because i knew anyone upon hearing such a story would judge me....at least thats how i saw it in my head. After a few months it seems the members of my ward forgot about me. I have no car, so i haven't been able to attend meetings-even though I want nothing more than to do so. I want nothing more than to partake in sacrament, and because of my lack of attendance (not lack of faith) I feel that maybe I do not deserve to ask of more help, or didn't know how. Shortly before my husband's arrest I found out that I was pregnant again. Not planned. It was by no means planned. However, looking back now I feel that this was a gift from Heavenly Father in many ways. This pregnancy has been in many ways the only thing keeping me from ending my life, and I think maybe its Heavenly Father's way of giving me a chance to experience all of the things I have missed with my daughter. Very few people know that I am expecting a second child. I haven't told any members at church. It's pride, fear, not knowing anyone-not wanting to explain this situation to everyone. How could I? What could anyone do for me? How could anyone possibly help? I can't even find a way to church, so how could I even expect help? Not only that, but the bishop quit returning my calls some time ago. The hardest part of all of this is that I have been completely isolated from everyone. My family is home in Alabama. Luckily, I have several friends in my branch from home that check on me, that do know of the situation. I was unable to travel out of state until my charges were dropped, and since my daughter is still in placement, leaving here permanently isn't an option. So I sit in this hotel room-trying to convince myself that things will be okay, trying to hold on to faith, and finding it harder and harder to do so. Ive done everything that has been asked of me by DSS. Upon returning home for a visit in almost a year I even found a place that agreed to hire me. My parents have opened their home to me and my children to live. And if I am able to return home, eventually my life will be able to get back on track. If i have to stay here...I have nothing. I am so scared that I'll never be able to have my daughter. That that will be taken from me. If that happens, i have no idea how I can go on. As I said, my charges were dropped. Ive been clearned, legally, of any wrong doing. I'm hoping now that upon court I can be reunited with my daughter and return home and continue the life that was meant for us. However, my faith is wavering now-my courage is wavering, and I've never felt more alone. I don't know what else to do. What if it isn't enough? I've never been perfect. I've been trying to figure out what I've done that has caused Heavenly Father to punish me so, even though my family constantly reminds me that He does not work that way. I just have felt so disconnected from the church, and I keep praying for anything...and thats how I found my way here. I know it doesn't make sense. I know all of this sounds like some awful Lifetime movie. I don't know what advice or support i expect to gain from here...I just...I didn't know where else to go...