photogirl
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I understand that. But it's not affecting my life really. It's only slight sadness. I'll be okay. I've been praying and reading about how to stay happy.
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I'm not on any medication, but I've been struggling with depression ever since our daughter is born. [And I don't want to take medication for it.] I had a bout of depression before I met my husband, but it was situational and as soon as that situation disappeared, my depression resolved it's self.
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I know no one can change him unless he wants to change. I know that I can talk until I'm blue in the face and he won't change. I just wanted to hear some suggestions for things that I could try to help him. That's all. Also, we live with his parents. We sleep on the floor in the living room. So, we don't really have control over the television or the couch. [not making excuses, but it's a little challenging to go and do anything or have alone time when you live with inlaws.] I never said I was without fault though. I'm sure I've got something to do with it. Sometimes it's harder to see faults with yourself.
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I'm not the one with nothing to talk about. I have a million and ONE things I would love to talk about with my husband. But it's hard for me to strike up a conversation about anything with him when I don't feel as though he listens or wants to talk and that's why the other day I asked why he never talked to me anymore. And after hearing, we have nothing to talk about, I felt a little troubled and sad. I certainly didn't want to talk to him then! [i have some anger issues and if I'm upset I say really horrid things so try no to have conversations if I'm upset.] And no, not all of my conversations are about my daughter, but geez louise! She's our daughter! Since when is it okay for a wife/mother not allowed to talk about her child with her husband. That's just silly. And Bini, yes I've considered date nights, but we don't have a babysitter. At all. So we'd have to take out daughter, which is what I'd prefer, but sometimes I'd love a little time to ourselves. And I have lots of hobbies. I read, write, walk, I'm a photographer, I play with my daughter, I'm a young women's leader, I am a co-captain of a new Young Parent Group that meets every month. I'm not without fault in this situation, but I don't feel as though I'm the one lacking.
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We dated for 3 months and were engaged for 3 months. So not very long, but I knew him before we dated for 6-8 months before hand. So not very long, but I KNEW I was supposed to marry him.
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Okay. I'm not that sensitive to rejection. But when it happens every day from someone you love it has an effect. [and since when is it okay to be repeatedly rejected by your spouse?] I moved to a town that is basically off the map for him. I don't make friends here because I'm really selective with who are my friends. Call me snooty, but I don't make friends just so I have something to do. And also, 90% of the population here are over 60 or do drugs constantly. Not exactly a large choice of friends. [i do have friends that live 2 hours away, but I really don't want to speak unkindly of my husband. He really is a great person. I do not think it wise to speak of his faults to his mother or my family or to people who are biased.] Counseling is not a passive way to get him to pay me more attention. This is not a pity party. My husband does not talk to me at all. About anything. That's not a marriage. We are strangers. I didn't come here for people to feel sorry for me. I came here for advice on what to do because I have run out of options. And he doesn't know I've been crying. I don't make a spectacle of myself.
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I will look it up. Thank you.
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I've sent VERY clear messages and he says, there is nothing more I can do for you. This is not first time thing. This has been going on for quite a while. I've tried many things. I've tried sitting down and telling him how I feel and how I see things [i.e. he spends too much time with other things, rather than with his family, etc] and he gets defensive and starts pointing fingers at me. [which I take FULL responsibility for my actions and I even begin conversations by saying I don't do this, I don't do that etc.] We've never been cutesy, etc. I'm not a very romantic person and never have been. I don't like cutesy stuff. He doesn't have to be 'in love' with me, but I would like if he would love me as his partner and mother to his child and to show that love.
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He doesn't have ADD. It's more of a selfish problem. And I really don't want my marriage to be like this, so no, no welcome to marriage life. I want more.
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Well when I asked if he'd go with me a few months ago he looked stunned and said, well I thought we were fine. But he agreed to go with me if I wanted him to. We just never have been. But it makes me feel like I'm being delusional about our relationship if he really thinks we are fine.
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I know you said hopefully he'll do the same back, but my husband is not a very considerate person. He's very vain and self centered. He's told me the entire time I've known him that he is the best looking person ever and that there is no way that I'm better looking than he is. I know, in a way he is only joking, but he's probably told me a grand total of 10 times that he thinks I'm pretty, but then he adds, not prettier than he is. I know I'm making him sound like a complete loser, but he's really not. When he's doing the right things, he's very kind and compassionate and everyone loves him, but when he puts his band and other agendas over the church and his family, he tends to be a bit of a jerk. I'm not entirely saying no to your idea and I may even try it, but it's hard when I realize he may never reciprocate the kindness. [and yes I'm aware we're supposed to be kind without expecting someone else to be kind to you. But you have to understand he's basically my best friend and the only person whom I am comfortable talking to about anything. So it's hard to be best friends with someone who had nothing to say to you and won't show the same respect you show them]
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I've been unhappy because I don't have any family or friends that I can speak with on a regular basis. I have one friend but she is not a member and she would not understand the WHOLE deal just parts. So I can't really go to her for advice or comfort. I moved to his town when we got married and I don't know anyone here. But I don't need a lot of social interaction. I'm a bit socially awkward. I've sat down with him several times since I've been feeling sad and down, and sometimes I feel as though we've made progress, but then the next day I'm down again because it seems he's forgotten everything we've talked about. I've thought about talking to my bishop and I even mention marriage counseling a few months ago, but we've/I've done neither. It's hard for me to talk about it because it makes me really upset and I hate crying in front of people. But obviously, it needs to be done. We're not on the same page and he's more interested in getting gigs for his band or promoting it online all day than sitting down and talking about us. I just wanted some advice on what I could do to make it better. Because I don't know what else I can do from what I've been doing everyday.
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Quite frequently when my husband says things of this caliber. It's devastating to have your only friend to tell you that he has nothing to say to you. I said, I should have been taking care of her, but he was there taking care of her before he left for work, so it's not that extreme. He can take care of her for a few hours. It's not avoiding conversation. He says he has nothing to talk about with me. He says he already knows everything so there's nothing more to say. And no, there's not really a possibility of hearing his side of the story. Sorry my info isn't enough for some guidance. ETA: I don't lie in bed all the time. This is the first time. It's been a really long time that I've been sad, so I'm SUPER upset about it and I am at a loss. I don't really know what else I can do to make it better.
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My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years and we have a beautiful little girl. Yesterday, I asked my husband why he doesn't talk/text me anymore when we first got together/married [not the first time I've asked either]. He responded by saying, we have nothing to talk about. I am devastated. I couldn't get out of bed until 2pm [and yes I know I should be taking care of our child, but he didn't have to go to work until 3]. I can't even think about what he said without crying. I am not a cryer. I haven't been happy for some time now, and now to hear this, I don't know what to do. We are planning on getting sealed in December [which has been a long time coming, but it's hard to get him to church, we've both been members for our entire lives] but now, I'm thinking we're not even friends so what is the point of getting sealed? We hardly talk. He comes home from his job and gets on the computer or the phone with one of his bandmates or friends who play Star Wars mini's and that's that. Then we go to bed. I try to talk to him and start conversations but he answers with yes, no, maybe, i don't know, I guess, uh huh, etc. Or just one sentence that ends the conversation. What should I do?!