Anon16

Hi all, My boyfriend and I are considering getting married in a year or so. We've just been discussing it, no firm plans or commitments yet. I'm 17, turning 18 in September, he is 20, turning 21 next year. We are both college students so the age thing is not an issue-I'm not in high school dating an older man-I graduated early last year. We have been going out for 5 months. Not a terribly long time, and I'm not going to make any cliche comments saying that we feel like we've known each other for a really long time. We are realizing though, that we like/love each other enough that maybe we could and would like to spend eternity with the other person. I've had worthiness issues in the past that I have discussed with him and my bishop-will that be a concern? I'm still struggling with some of them, and am planning to ask my Bishop of time periods of how long before I can get a temple recommend so I can know for whenever/ifever it works out. What should we be taking into consideration? What are some things we should be discussing? How do I know if it is right? Thank you

I asked for that and they said no. That I needed to be with fellow students. It was of course the opposite at home!

Hi! I'm 16 and attending YSA. I'll be 17 in a month, but I'm still younger then a lot of people attending. I'm going to college(not byu) that has high standards so that isn't as much of a problem. Hopefully. It's a fairly small ward-just 150. What are the guidelines when dealing with your bishop. Is it any different then a family ward? Any tips for me as a newbie to it? I went today and really enjoyed it, first time I've gotten something out of sacrament in several months. It was more interesting. Thanks!

Hi! I am attending college this fall and today was my first time at a ySA ward. I'm 16,17 in a month. What are some things I should keep in mind? I don't feel ready for a calling and will need to ponder anything that I am asked, other than visiting teacher. The nice thing is that my new bishop's daughter did what I am doing a few years ago, so I think he has a general understanding. The difference though is she was local. I'm not going to say exact locations because of things I've posted in the past but I am across country. I got to skip 2 grades because I was home schooled. I'm nervous about it because I know that I'm not as experienced and I'm not on their level spiritually. Also, for those of you who have read my previous posts, you may remember that I've had to work with my bishop for a year. He said he was going to talk to my new bishop. How long is that going to take? I'd like to just get it over with. My current bishop did 5 minute interviews which I had today and when he asked if the was anything preventing me from serving I said that potentially but I was hping not that I'd worked with my bishop for a year and he'd be calling him. He said we'd visit at that point. Should I do anything, or just let it go. I could see my previous bishop forgetting and my new bishop is new and is very overwhelmed(he also teaches here) it is literally his second week being a bishop. I'm just scared that I'll slip through the cracks. I'm not to the point of being over it of completely repented, forsaked, etc. I'd like to at least know my bishop a little bit if there is a problem. I also need to get a blessing, don't have a home teacher yet. Who should I talk to?

I am currently a young women and I can honestly say that yes, they do make a big deal about it and that is the general attitude in most women. I know one girl who turned 18 yesterday who said she wouldn't consider someone who isn't a RM. For myself, there are 2 things that have influenced me with this. Both of my parents are converts. Neither went on a mission. They have their challenges though. My mom dated a RM that ended up being a child molester. Thankfully she didn't marry him.As stated above, RM's are not perfect. The other reason is my current bishop. He is a wonderful man, but he is not a RM. For me, I am not immediately going to turn down someone that isn't a RM. I try to be open minded.

Yes, I do agree-3 weeks isn't enough to make that much of a difference. It is going very fast for me, and I don't always realize how much time I have left. But I feel like he is maybe beating himself up of not making more of a difference and has given up. I don't know but you do bring up a good point. As far as the girls, it is a situation in which my friend is gone for the summer and the other girls my age are also gone. I like the beehives, but there is a experience level difference in some areas. Generally I get to class first, so that isn't really an option. I know about the age thing and I am nervous about it but I'm going to work at it. I'm just hoping I'm not a social outcast.

Recently I have been struggling with the social aspect of church. Overall I am fine with the doctrine, that isn't the problem. I am leaving for college(church) in 3 weeks. I am 16, 17 in 2 months. I have found myself being dragged down by attending my meetings-especially Wednesday activities. For whatever reason, I find that I am always very upset in some way after them. As far as church, nobody in my Sunday school class that comes on a regular basis will sit with me. The class is mostly boys, but the 2 girls I am not good friends with. I am good friends with the girl who doesn't come often. Currently I am the only laurel for a few weeks going to the Wednesday activities. It is literally me and the beehives. I have no issue with that, they are all very nice, but there is a big age difference and they are all friends. I have, if you've seen my other posts had to work with my bishop on a couple of things for the past year. I feel like he is really starting to dislike me and doesn't want to help me-like he has given up almost. He said that hefelt like his job had changed to helping me to hold on until I left, that nothing of real progress could be made. The last meeting I had with him, I thought it was a waste. I'm struggling but I am making some progress. In some ways he makes it worse. So, any suggestions on how I can change so I enjoy church? It isn't all me. It has sort of been like this all my life, but not as bad as it is right now. I could see part of it being my transitioning into being a college student but it makes it very hard to want to go to church. I think I am really starting to hate it.

Call the office of the seventy. My dad had a similar situation and that is what worked.

No, that was asking how bad cutting was in relation to sin. This is asking if it merits a discussion with the bishop/what is his role in this.

Hi, I have been trying to learn more about the gospel, and am reading as many books as I can get my hands on. The subjects I'm focusing on are the atonement, recognizing the spirit and collections of inspirational stories. I'm currently reading Divine signatures, and the infinite atonement. I've been considering the continuous atonement - is that good? Thanks

I'm on and off those 24 days. I try tolimit every other day. There have been times I've gone longer though.just 24 since I started. I'm very honest with him, that isn't the problem. More that other topics come up. Yes, he has suggested counseling and I did go for a few months. Can't call today. It's not an urgent enough problem. Ik'm not suicidal right now. I've had enough contact with him about other things.

I haven't been cutting very long. Forgot to say that. Is a recent thing, 24 days.

I have been working with my bishop for over a year on another problem,(go into more details on my other thread) He feels that there are a lot of distractions in our meetings. I agree, but want to understand what that means. I don't want to burden him unnecessarily, so what would that constitute? I've talked about my family some - he knows us pretty well. I've been feeling very strongly that I need to talk to him about my struggling with cutting and suicidal thoughts. Is this something I should tell him, or is it not really his place? Am I completely out of whack as it relates to the spirit and an just deluding myself? There is a lot of me that doesn't mind seeing him. I like him, he is very decent. But, I don't like being on informal probation and I don't like still struggling with this. I'm trying to make more progress. I'm trying to understand what is causing me to act this way. I don't want to depend on the arm of flesh too much, so I want to understand what his role is. Thanks

I have read that you need to pray before starting a fast. Is it the same as a normal prayer, essentially letting heavenly Father know you are fasting and why, or is there something some format I'm not getting? I want to fast properly but am not sure how. Thank you

I would say the one you feel correct about that you know for yourself,f.

What is the best way to gain one? My bishop talks about it, but I don't completely understand. I read my Scriptures on a daily basis, as well as pray frequently, and I attend my meeting. I don't have the spark though,but I'm not sure how to get it. Honestly, I want to have one. Until I do, and also have a testimony of the atonement, I'm always going to be second rate. For myself, I'm not sure what I can do. Are there any books I should be reading, or things I should be praying for in particular?

Ok, that makes sense. I've learned a valuable lesson in this, in which I thank you. I was more trying to understand what reasons there could be, as I wasn't completely sure.

I'm not speculating about this, and I'm sorry if it came out as such. I'm more wondering about the why, not the who.If I ever found myself in a situation whwhere I'd need too. They are either teachers or deacons, can't remember which. Christ would most likely be in the office, trying to help.

I normally don't either. It just struck me as odd, for I can understand why a couple would be in there,but not two young men. Yes, perhaps. But at that point wouldn't they be over it?

Actually, I don't know thats the case. While it could be, at least one sees the bishop regularly. They were also in there a while

Last Wednesday, as I was waiting for a recommend interview, I noticed that two young men came out of the bishops office. This struck me as being a little odd, what would be the reason for two young men in the bishops office? This is just kind of a random question, but I wondered. Thank you

From my opinion of it, if you feel you shouldn't take it, then don't. But the fact is that you have been working with your bishop, and he didn't feel you needed to stop taking it. I would ask him briefly, about it. I have been told that if you are worthy, it doesn't make a lot of difference if you miss it for a few weeks. So either way, I don't think it'll be an issue. My sticking point on this though is that your bishop never told you not to. They notice, and they will ask. My mom once sat behind my Bishop, and he thought she had not taken the sacrament and came in late as a result. He asked her, if everything was ok. If someone passes on the sacrament, and its not a person they are aware of, they do all them on it. So, you may end up in his office sooner then you think.

I am still working with my bishop. Still struggling. I told a friend who told her mom who told the bishop. I was very upset and not in control of myself. My bishop now has said that he wants to meet with me, and wants the stake president there. I got the feeling when the stake president was at my ward last week aand had a conversation with me, that my bishop had been talking to him. Just college related stuff, but neither I nor my parents said anything to him. I feel really betrayed at this point. I'm not sure what to do. I told my bishop that i didn't want to meet for a while and would,d not contact him further. What should I do? Will I be disfellowshipped?

Well, my saga continues a bit. I'm still struggling. I'm not pestering my bishop like I was, and I have that resolved as it relates to him, myself and my Dad. I appreciate all of the advice I received. It helped a lot. I'm really getting upset as myself. Now, before I go on, let me say one thing. I don't want people posting about how masturbation isn't bad. I really really don't need that right now, and it is not helpful at all. In a lot of ways, I really struggle with self control just in general, not just this. I put things off, or I don't do things, and I'm very good at justifying enough so I do it, but not enough that I don't feel bad about it. I'm still screwing up on this. I've stopped reading for the most part bad literature. But I'm looking at pictures instead which is not good. When I last met with my bishop, a week or so ago, and I told him about my slip up, I'd thought I'd done really well because I'd not completely slipped up. I realized though, talking to him that I had. A day later, I did actually completely slip up, because I figured, well, if I've slipped up already, whats the point? I was also struggling with depression and it was the only thing that made me feel "good". And it did, and that scared me. My depression was just gone. I was in a wonderful mood, and wrote a very cheerful blog post on ldsar. And, a big part of me just wants to use masturbation for that. But I realize I can't. I realize that until I conquer this, I'm not going anywhere. I won't be able to go to a church college, and I'll never amount to much because I never conquered myself. I struggle with feelings of never being good enough, and never actually being able to complete something. I'm seeing a counselor on Wed, and I'm hoping it will help. I need something to replace this addiction, habit, whatever you want to call it. I just don't know what I can do. I have quite a few good hobbies, but it's not a replacement for something that can instantly "make me feel better" or what not. My replacement, or cure? Cutting, or self harm, or whatever. If I can't feel pleasure, why not pain? Certainly distracting enough. I've not done a lot, just 2 cuts, and not deep enough to scar. It's on my hand, so apparently I want to be noticed I started looking at things tonight again, and that really really troubled me. I just want to screw up, slip up or whatever. I'm going, ok, what's the point. I'm not dedicated to quitting, and until I am, I'm not going to get anywhere, so why bother. On the other hand, I realize that the more I let the natural (wo)man free, and run wild on this, the harder it will be. Not sure what to do. I need something that will replace this. A good coping method. Something that will work when I need something to pick me up. I seem to just pick bad options. I need your input on what I can do to replace this, because right now I'm just heading back for my next "high" or what not. I figure I've done it 600days or so, if I calculated it right with the 3 3/4s years(started in feb 08) and during most of that time I binged. A lot.

Choose The Sun, Actually, we never discuss my problem much, but more the repentance process, and questions related to that, or meeting times, or things like that. I'm really working on not depending on him as much as I have. The only time we have discussed it was when I told him, and he started working with me. He tried to get an understanding of if it was stress, etc. I reported to him on a daily basis for months, then weekly, and now not really, though I do let him know if I have an issue(no details whatsoever) And, it's not. I talked about suicide 1 time, he got concerned and we had an email conversation about it. I am seeing a counselor starting next week. And my Dad, I think the best way to put it is that he has backed off a bit, and I'm not having as much contact with the Bishop as I did before. I'd not considered there being issues with him doing this, and I want to get all of your opinions. I think in a lot of ways he learned on me.