moronirz

The part about admitting the problem: I dont the im a pornaholic, and im really not trying to justify anything I just want to put things a little clearer. One of the previous commentors, RMGuy I think, said you dont want to label people an addict because then you might take the wrong approach and then things might or might not get worse. So im just trying to put my thoughts out there for any other poor soul who is going through this. First off, idk if in my original story I mislead you guys or you guys interpreted this wrong or whatever but, I have not been looking at porn for years. In fact, I've been looking at real porn, (videos,many pictures), for about 7 months now. Thats when, I feel I gave up inside, I was Thi king what's the point anymore, what matters. We were kinda unstable then, moving and all, but thats not an excuse. excuse wish I kept fighting, I really do, I hate this thing, life would be so much simpler and smooth, no underlying guilt, I could just move on with my life. But, I think my mind still has that general tone, of not understanding truly why I need to stop, and I believe that my spirit and testimony has weakened. But my point is I haven't been looking st porn for years, because you guys keep saying I do and that makes me an addict. I dont quite understand the trauma part. Pornographic pictures do stick in your mind, I honestly wish I never had a look, and its true they are terrible. They can/will lead to worse and worse things, I agree. Can I stop right now? I believe I can, i do think i have the willpower if you will, to stop without looming back. but like I said, I have to believe it in my brain to stop, I have to feel the Godly pain that you need in order to repent and I really want it so bad, but I dont know hoe to get it, and until then, which I think is soon when I talk to the bishop, ill follow up with your question. And the last part of the first half, i dont think you treat all addicts the same. Should I get the same type of therapy as someone who lost their job or quit school because all they think about is porn and they feel so much guilt that it creates a vicious cycle, should somebody approach me the same way they would approach that guy? I think this is one of the points RMGuy was making. The second half of your Post, I think hit home. It didn't seem to be logic or rezoning, which I feel I can talk about continuously, but about your experience and wisdom you have. I know I have a problem, but not because the spirit has told me with great influence, and thats my fault for not strengthening my testimony, but it's a fact that porn is wrong. That fact, that i just told you, makes me feel me guilty than the porn itself. That i dont feel that bad about looking at it, even tho i know it's wrong, I want wants spirit to guide me, I really do. I wish I asked for help from the start, way back when I first masturbated, and you know I hope parents talk to their children about this, I know I wish my parents talked to me. But then, recently somewhat, I took it up a bunch of notches and I wish I stopped then, because I can't imagine the blessing I and others couldve received. I'm going to do everything in my lower to stop now, not soon, now, because I've done that too many times where soon can be never. Haha, needless to say I dont like your statistic, it does nothing for me. I'm going to stop, i have no doubt in my mind. There is way too much out there for me. I hope im helping someone out there, im putting every single thought I have on here so people can really see the thought process someone like me goes through. I invite more comments and questions.

Well, I appreciate the both of you for you comments, I'm not trying to take sides or anything just gonna tell you my opinion. I think addiction, is a strange word no? What is addiction, I know one of you pointed out we shouldn't use that word unless you are a professional but I guess since this is a comment board we can just give our opinion. True, we shouldn't throw it around, and there are some people on here who take everything people write in here way to serious, but I won't make life changing decisions from blogs. Moving on, the dictionary says Addiction: "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma" I dont think im enslaved, but then again I dont know what that means exactly. Habit forming, ya I think it's a habit. But, I dont think I have any severe trauma. So, I'll let you guys know what my bishop says. But both of you male valid points. But I guess some extra information I forgot to mention in my main story: I haven't got to church much, so I think my spirit has mind of gone numb, and the worst thing that has gone through mu had lately, and this was in the past two months, is that I dont feel truly bad. In my mind, I know this is wrong, but I dont feel it inside, in my heart I guess. I dont know what this means, but I think im not balling and sulking all the time. So maybe an addict has to be so depressed that he can't go on with regular relationships and daily activities. I do. But also, I dont have the reasoning in my heart to stop, so I haven't given this a true attempt to stop, so idk if wanting to stop and not succeeding, puts me with some of the other "addicts" I understand both of your concerns, what do you guys think how with this new info?

@JudoMinja thank you for sharing your story. It does help, to understand what somebody else has gone through and I appreciate it. I know exactly what you mean when you are talking about feeling guilty and becoming in active. I would never call myself inactive, but when I look back, at how much I avoided church and all the excuses I made, to not be around people from church (the very people who could help me be the best person I could be) I realized, I really am in active. I was the definition, and I've been lying to myself to hide it. So what I take out of this, and I think you would agree Judo, please all of you out there struggling, dont lie to yourself. Start out by telling the truth to yourself. Realize that any shame you have now can be relieved through Repentece, and I know you justify by saying you can stop on your own. But it will, and I guarantee you, it will turn out better if you get help from your bishop. Your biggest eorry is dissapointing your parents but they want what's best for you, and maybe, depending on your situation you want have to tell your parents. So thanks for your story, looking forward to others.

I know, a lot of people go through things, especially in our church so knowing that helps someone like me to know that we are all fighting this, day and day out. I'm not justifying anything but I get what you mean.

prodigalsen thanks for having so much hope, that is a very cool way to look at our generation, definitely makes me think. @hawaiifly thats very true, I think being 100% honest is the only way I can go. You know it's harder being a guy in the church because of our duties, but I think it keeps us at a higher standard and makes us better. Girls do too, but I think guys in general having an extra curiousity that gets into trouble @skippy740 thats very true. I might have a lot more control now even from the last couple of days. Reading on these sites has helped me a lot and you guys are helpful too so thanks. BTW I was trying to decide whether to be so, mm right word, truthful or "explicit" in what i was going through but i figured, a lot of us go through this and for any of you guys out there who are, its not weird that you are going through this. It happens to a lot of us and it will make us better people if we fight it and win. So for any of you that need help, your not alone and getting help sooner will be better for YOU in the end, and even now. I wish i got help 5 years ago. So thanks and i look forward to other comments and questions

I haven't personally talked to anybody who has gone through this problem but thanks for telling me that. You are spot on on how the process went, thanks. Its so easier to fall into a trap, but not even realize your in one until it feels too late. So my hope is that those traps are prevented for all of you who haven't been exposed to a disgusting world.

This is my story... Well, Here I go. My problem started because I began to explore my body when it began to change. Ya, Puberty lol. I grew up in a family where we didn't discuss sex or anything related to sex. I think this can have a toll on a boy who is discovering new changes everday it seems like. See needless to say, I eventually "discovered" masturbation. Immedietly, I was guilt ridden. I didn't know it was wrong until about 3 years later, when I was fourteen. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm on wikipedia, all this vast information and I'm curious what they have to say about the church. I see the law of chastitiy, wow, yep thats all bad stuff, I will never do that cuz I want to go to the temple. BOOM! It hit me, Masturbation is against the Law of Chastitiy. I couldn't believe it, this is terrible, I'm going to hell what am i going to do. What do you do when your are frantically worried about something like this? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- INTERNET, because I cant go to my parents and I'm not sure if its serious enought to confess. Unfortunately, the Internet isn't the safest place to research masturbation. I came across the most disgusting things, but I could't find my own answer. I knew I wasnt supposed to look at nasty pictures so I tried to stay away from those, but I was curious, was I the only one going through this, my age my situation or even any boy our there. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I look up masturbation stories, this took to a world of what i think is called Erotica. So I dealt with this problem for some time, I believe this made me feel guiltier. By the way, all this time I felt detached from the church, participating but I felt like my work was wrong because nobody really knew me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I never did look at porn pictures, until I got a phone. A smartphone allows so much secrecey, and now I can look up all those questions that nobody can answer. I was curious, is my penis the right size, shape whatever. Guys, you know what I'm talking about, burning questions. So I look up pictures, and it seems wrong but not that wrong, I mean I have one of those so how bad could it be. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Internet, does in fact have an unlimited amount of pictures from people that are obsesed with their own bodies, guys for some reason love to take pictures of themselves. So I was exposed to all of this pollution to my brain. But, the Internet took it upon itself to go beyond just pictures of privates, It wanted to show privates together. So I was finally exposed to sexual situations. From there, it seemed to have just skyrocketed into a probem compared to my gradual exploration in my earlier years. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Summer, 2011. Im 16, we're moving and staying with relatives. I have nothing to do, nothing. So I look up porn on my phone. It was strange, I actually never used that word in a search inquiry, but I decided thats what I've been doing all along, why lie to myself. From their, ever since I "decided" that it was ok I guess, nothing was wrong to look up. Before, I would never look at actual nasty scenes but now, it's like why not. BTW, I didnt go to church during the summer, for sure this has to do somehting with it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anyway, Im 17, all my promises of stoping have been pathetic. But, I feel a tide turning, I had to tell this to someone. Even to all of you out there, no body I'll ever meet. I can't talk to my parents about anything, hopefully I wont have to. They call me the perfect son wayy to much, weird burden. But, the Bishop set up a meeting this Wed without me knowing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Any of you guys have advice for me? my meeting is tomorrow! What's your story?

Tell her your mormon and this is what will happen in the future. Tell her to just live in the moment and whatever happens, HAPPENS! Experience is better than Ignorance.

Im from the US of A. Love it here, would like to visit Australia but its kinda far, some day!

Alright cool that makes sense, thanks.

I'm new to this, but I've been a member for a while. I'm 17, a guy so if you have some questions from that perspective im here. I cannot figure out how to post new threads, do you???