gr82bok

Thank you for your comments insights. I appreciate them. You are right, I do not trust him. I think he has gotten extremely skilled at hiding everything since I have caught him a couple of years ago in an "email /text affair" and he said it was all done. Then other circumstances that all had convenient excuses or reasons behind. I think he is addicted to porn, but I have no evidence. I just don't want my insecurities (if that is what it is) to tear us apart even further. I am so sorry you are dealing with issues with your wife and I pray that all will work out well for you both. Thank you for your help.

How can I know if my husband is cheating? addicted to porn / sex? if he constantly denies and hides everything? I have brought up the subject several times and he always has very "answers". There are so many symptoms like no interest in sex or intimacy (he says things just don't work anymore) yet I found a prescription filled for viagara (he says he tried with me... but it would not work) He really doesn't have much time other than his commute and time at work that is "unaccounted for". I have noticed less willingness to serve and go to church or the temple and more "moody" lately too. (he says its stress at work) I want to believe him... yet I feel driven to find out the truth and then get on with whatever is going to happen next. Is it dishonest for me to put a small recorder in his car? a tracking software on his phone? I do not want to misjudge and invent problems... but I need to know. Has anyone else ever dealt with similar feelings? Am I going crazy? Suggestions?

I guess I really already knew the answers to my questions. I have prayed and know it is only myself that I can change. I dont know who to talk to about this... I will not talk to anyone who knows my husband in the family, our friends or even church leaders. He is highly respected and thought well of. He is a good man... he just had decided he is not happy in our marraige and I struggle to understand. We worked together in the yard, had dinner out and went to church on Sunday... other than that... he slept and is good at avoiding any additional interaction with me. I guess I am beginining to see it is coming to an end and I want to make our last monthes together as pleasant as I can... and do not want to ever ever hurt our children. They are grown and think so highly of thier father... sometimes I wish I could just dissapear and they would never have to go thru the pain of our divorce. I am looking for coping strategies to get thru this emotional time... I am already praying, reading scriptures, fasting and attending the temple. I dont think he will file for divorce... he is "ok" just being a roommate with his meals cooked, laundry done and a dinner companion occassionaly. I am the one who is heartbroken and sees the end in our future. Any coping suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

All very true words... and things I need to decide. Will things change? Can enough prayer and faith make it happen? No matter what he has his free agency and i can never change him. Unfortunately it is making me so miserable and "crazy". I want to talk thru our problems... he wants to ignore them and act as nothing is wrong. I find myself lashing out at him and saying things that are all true but probably need to be left alone. I am not the person i want to be and am acting irrationally and childish. He keeps claiming there is nothing going on and nothing is wrong with our marraige and when i remind him of what the issues are he says i am crazy that none of "those things" really happened. -- yet i have copies of the phone /text records; dated examples / picture of him at her house etc. etc. etc.... He will barely ever kiss me, never intimate, no more calls or texts during the day (unless in response to one of mine). We are going downhill..... and i guess its time to face up to the reality! How do i act more maturely and not lash out???

I appreciate your words of counsel... I will continue to pray for guidance and seek my Heavenly Father to help find what He would guide me to do. In the meantime, I find it so hard to get thru the day and constantly wonder where we stand. I am tempted to put a recorder in his car to see if I can learn more... but then i know that is not the right thing to do. I need to be honest to expect him to be honest... but its killing me not knowing if he loves me at all anymore. Thanks again!

Thank you for your comments. I know for sure he did have an emotional affair... but I thought we were beyond that and had grown closer together till lately. This weekend, i did exaxtly what you had suggested and ask him for some clarification on our relationship. He surprized me by saying I had never been a "loving" companion and that I should be fine with a sexless relationship. He claims he has not interest in sex at all anymore... yet, I asked him to see his phone and while looking thru it came across a downloaded porn video. I guess the pieces of the puzzle just keep falling into place. I moved downstairs and told him when he was ready to act like a husband, I would move back into our room. I think he is is happy to have the bed to himself so probably a self defeating act on my part. Again, thank you for your comments.

I am seeking advice on how to save my marriage from further deterioration. I have been married to my husband for 33 years and still love him. But he seems to have just given up on our marriage. About a 1 year ago he developed a close friendship with a younger coworker in his office and they exchanged text, pictures and many phone calls. I thought something was wrong and started investigating and found phone records of the calls and texts which led me to "snoop" on his phone and found very revealing pictures of his friend. I confronted him and he said it was all over and that he had stopped the relationship. I thought things were worked out with us and we were on a good path to a stronger marriage. About 6 months later I suddenly had a whim to check his email account and found an email that he had forwarded from work to his personal email with her telling him to leave her alone and she did not have the same feelings he did. A month ago, I went to drop something off at a friend’s and drove by a house with a car that looked just like his... I was positive it couldn’t be his in the middle of the afternoon... but did a quick search and was shocked to find it was her house (I did not know she lived there) When I confronted him about this... he said her car was in the shop and he had been taking her back and forth to work and her son got ill and he brought her home early to get him from the babysitter and they were just talking. I have seen invites from her to lunch which he claims are just business discussions. He claims he has lost all interest in any form of intimacy and other than a hello / goodnight kiss... we are not intimate at all. He claims he loves me and doesn’t want a divorce... but I feel things are never going to improve and that he must be still involved (at least in his heart if not physically) with his friend. Any advice on how to save my marriage? Is there any hope?