sm1487

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  1. In the last two weeks I have visited with my stake president and bishop and have never felt so much love and mercy before. I am on my path to complete repentance now and look forward to holding a recommend again in the future. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I understand now the power of the atonement and the love my savior has for me. To update everyone on what is happening with the girl, her bishop was informed of everything by mine and he called her in for an interview and brought up the allegations of what went on in our relationship and she completely denied them. A few days later she moved out of his ward down to Utah to be with her fiancée which prompted him to flag her membership records so that when her new bishop requests them he will be able to talk with her former bishop and be informed of what has happened so that he will not allow her to obtain a recommend and go to the temple to be married in June. I broke down crying when told she has denied everything because I am saddened by her unwillingness to rely on the power of the atonement to make her clean again and that she is continuing in sin thinking that she can run away from this when it only will come up right before the wedding and hurt her and others like her fiancée and his family even more. There is nothing else I can do though as I have done everything that I can and I am confident that the temple will be kept sacred and she will eventually repent and be made whole again, so please send prayers my ex's way so that she can find the strength to confess, repent and move forward to become clean and pure. I finally feel like I am at peace. Now I just need to rebuild my foundation and make sure this never happens again so that I can marry far above myself and find my future bride and be worthy to take her to the temple and spend the rest of my life trying to catch up to how amazing she will be. I am so excited for what the future holds for me.
  2. I was talking with my roomate the other day and he knows that some things happened and that I broke the law of chastity with her as I told him why I was crying and so upset back in february. This week he told me that after i talked to him in february he decided to contact her new bf over facebook and said in his message that he told him the she had broken the law of chastity with me and was not prepared or ready for a temple wedding and to hold off on the engagement as 3 weeks wasn't enough time to get to know her and that he needed to protect himself. He said he didn't get a reply back from the guy but that the next day he proposed to her anyway and sent out an event invite to their temple wedding in June. She then blocked my friend on facebook while her new fiancee didn't. So i'm pretty shocked and even more concerned. I think she downplayed everything that my friend told him or she said it was all a lie because if he confronted her and she admitted it was true then she would have gone to her bishop. If she truly has gone to her bishop and told him absouletely everything, then he would have definitely contacted mine and brought me in for serious questioning since i am an RM and we live in the same town, but that hasn't happened. I understand when people say that I might be just trying to get back at her and not really trying to protect the Temple, but I have everything to lose here and would have no reason to lie about the details and events that took place if i am 100% positive that i will be disfellowshipped or ex-communicated for our actions. I know what I need to do, i'm absolutely terrified but know it is the only way to be made clean by confessing my sins so that we both can be put on a path of repentance and make it right before it gets so much worse and the consequences multiply for her if she lies and goes through the temple with him. I do love this girl and i was foolish and wrong in not having us go to our bishops when the first sin was committed and could have avoided all this but i was a coward and too scared. I should have recognized my obligation to be with her and marry her after all we had done and should have taken care of this right from the start so none of this would have happened and no more people were affected. The Miracle of Forgiveness says that she and I should have been married because of our repeated sexual actions so as to keep the sin in one family but now I have allowed it to spread into the lives of her new fiancee and his family and I feel horrible. Yes it is up to her fiancee to get to know her and make his own choices, but how is he suppose to make a right choice if she is knowingly manipulating his agency by lying about very serious sins that if known would very likely have resulted in him running the other direction or at least slowing down and making sure she is fully repentant first? LDSJewess your question is very relevant on what would have happened if there was no new guy in the picture and if i would have then come forward to confess or would have kept it to myself. I had planned a date for us which was suppose to happen 2 days after she left me, where we would go to dinner and afterwards I would take her to the temple grounds and finally tell her i loved her and wanted to marry her, but that before we could do that we needed to sit down with ecclesiastical leaders together to confess our sins and see when we would be able to get married in the temple after our repentance process, or if they instead insisted on us to be married civilly as soon as possible. I knew she wanted to get married in the temple this summer but I knew we wouldn't be able to that soon and it might take a whole year and I was afraid to break that news to her. Just a Guy, she is not a scheming harlot or i dont think she is. She is the sweetest, nicest, and kindest girl you could meet, but she did have another side to her in private. My experiences with her does make it sound like i was forced against my will and that it was her fault but no it was mine as well and i let things happen. I will say that she had a sex drive that was out of control and surprisingly way higher than a 24 year old male's though and that 95% of the time she was the one instigating to break the law of chastity and I really would try to say no and stop it, but in no way am i trying to say that i am at less fault or a lesser responsibility, when im the one who has been through the temple and served a mission. I'm not an innocent bystander. Did i feel forced or very pressured by her to do things a lot of the time, yes. Did i say no and try to stop the majority of the time, yes. Did i run like joseph did, no. Now there are consequnces for that. I am not trying to get back at her. I am not a spurned lover. Of course i am upset over all that has happened, who wouldn't be? But rameumpton wrote how it is my responsibility to have this come out to our bishops so that she doesn't face ex-communication if she goes forward with a temple wedding. I dont want this guy to find all this out after the fact and have a potential divorce happen and hurt him and his family. If anything i want this to be taken care of so they can be married in the temple worthily in the future, and if this leads to him not being able to trust her and getting out of a situation that was based on lies from the start, then he will be able to move on and find a righteous girl to take to the temple. If she ends up losing him over this then ya i may look like a horrible person trying to get back at her, but at least she will be able to repent and be clean so that in her future she might be married in the temple worthily as well. Thats what i want, im tired of carrying this burden and want to be worthy again myself so that i can be married to a woman in the future that i know i won't deserve. I just have this conflict inside of me where different scenarios play out such as this comes out and they break up and she leaves the church and i ruin her life, or i say nothing and just fix myself and she gets married in the temple unworthily but is at least happy while i live with the guilt the rest of my life of not letting her bishop help her repent. The selfish part of me would want him to leave her and have her come back to me and then have us get married which would then satisfy the sin staying in one family, or we both are able to repent and she is able to marry him in the temple and i am able to be clean again and find someone else. I'm just afraid of which outcome it will be.
  3. Rameumpton I sent you a message in your inbox if you could read.
  4. This is in response to all the replies so far so it is kind of scattered. The best scenario would be for her to confess to her bishop I agree, but she has already had interviews with two bishops and a stake president to receive ecclesiastical endorsements to attend school and they ask about chastity in the interviews. She passed each one with none of them receiving any promptings and that included her bishop who already helped her 4 years ago when she slept with her ex-fiancee, and her current YSA bishop that I would be going to speak too. I do feel a responsibility to talk to him not only because of what happened between us, but also because she told me about getting raped when she was younger by her older brother and that her mother and I were the only ones she ever told but that they chose not to do anything to get him in trouble because she considered him her best friend and was married now at 21. I think that experience made her sexual very pre-maturely and that never having a father figure growing up has made her want to find comfort and commitment wherever she can get it and be willing to do anything to have it by adapting her actions to match the guy she dates and what she thinks he wants. That makes me personally feel horrible about what she viewed me to want, but makes sense when within days she had adapted to her fiancées high level of spirituality and was acting like a completely different person when we next talked that I can only describe as being almost like she had brain-washed herself. She told me that because she went through the experience of rape and not having a father around that she was more mature and ready for a marriage than other 18 year old girls. That statement scared me because she would say that but then we’d be at her house and she would totally change into this completely different person that was very aggressively sexual. I wouldn’t propose because I didn’t think those issues were fixed or that she was ready or mature enough and that we needed to overcome those temptations and be more respectful before taking that next step. I agree that I should wait and give her time to be able to confess, but maybe I should inform the bishop sooner so that she can go through the repentance process now so that if her fiancée still decides to marry her after she tells him they can’t get married in the temple in June, that it will give her time to only have to postpone it until July and avoid a lot of public embarrassment with invitations already being sent. If I waited until June then she might have to wait until the fall or resort to getting married civilly. I have no idea what a Bishop would suggest with how long it would be before she could go to the temple, but I do love this girl and the last thing I want to do is ruin her life. Yes we broke the law of chastity and did basically everything. I will have to see my Stake President instead of my Bishop and probably will face ex-communication. It’s that serious and that’s why I feel so strongly that her bishop needs to be informed because of the gravity of the situation. 4 days before she left me for him, I was at her work and she was bringing up what we had done in a playful tone asking me if I remembered when we did this and that trying to get me to talk bad with her. I told her what we did was wrong and I only wanted those things to happen when we were married and to stop talking about it. After her shift in my car she tried to move my hands onto her body and was whispering in my ear about what she wanted to do to me and again I said to stop and she got upset and asked where our relationship was going as it had been 4 months and she felt like she was exercising false hope and was ready to be married to me. Then a day before she got into her new relationship we had gone to a devotional that Elder Perry spoke at and then went to lunch and she brought up marriage and about naming our son by my middle name. Obviously I can’t bring up every detail of our relationship but maybe now you can see why I am so depressed and horrified with the situation. She was confiding in this guy about our relationship about me not proposing to her for almost two weeks without me knowing and he swooped in and told her he would give her that commitment because he had no idea what had gone on over the 4 months or even what she was trying to do with me days before they got together. He has the nice active lds family that shes always wanted as hers is completely in-active, and unlike my parents asked no questions and had no problems with her young age and embraced her. My problem has always been that I think I can save a girl from a bad situation and I still feel that way for her and also feel like I need to save him now from this before he kneels across an altar to marry a girl who says she loves him but is willing to hide sins and get married in the temple unworthily. We are our brothers keeper and I have asked religion professors what the scriptures and brethren have said in regards to keeping the temple holy and they say it is a priesthood duty no matter what the circumstance to make sure no one defiles the temple, but then I have others telling me that I should just worry about myself and let it go.
  5. I was dating a girl for 4 months and during that time we broke the law of chastity many times and knew it was wrong as I am 24 and an RM. I told her I wasn't worthy anymore and that we needed to stop. She would agree but then break me down at her house begging me to do things with her and I would give in. She turned 18 in August and in september broke off an engagement to a bf she had during high school and then we met and within a week she was talking about marriage with me but I would tell her she needed to experience more and that I needed to be better and wanted to respect her before getting into a serious relationship. I didn't go out with any other girls but she would go out on dates with others guys but say she only wanted to date me. We slipped up a lot though and kept breaking the law of chastity and we never confessed to a bishop what happened. She kept getting discouraged that I wouldnt get into a relationship with her but I just felt horrible and didnt want her to think that I was getting into a relationship just to be physical with her because I truly did love her. She's the type of girls that is gorgeous and sweet and caring that everyone thinks is the nicest girl in the world, but in private has a different side to her that is very lustful. I wanted her good side and didn't want the other one. In January I got back from Christmas and we kept dating but this time I would say no to her advances in my car or at her house telling her I wanted to respect her. I finally felt ready to tell her that I loved her and to look towards marriage and confessing our sins to the bishop, but she called me up that night and said she wanted to see where things went with this other guy she had been talking to on skype for the past week and a half that i didn't know about. I broke down and couldn't talk to her because I was too hurt. 10 days later though I went to talk to her though and told her that I loved her and to not give up on me, but she told me she was in love with this new guy and had gone down to BYU to meet him for the first time over the weekend and that they were soul mates and she received revelation that he was the only one she was meant to be with and was already planning the wedding with his mother. A week and a half later after Valentine's they were officially engaged after 3 weeks of skype dating and they had announced they would be married in the salt lake temple in June. It's been almost a month now and I havent been able to sleep or eat and don't know what to do. Do i go to her Bishop and tell the truth of all that we did so that she can't get married in the temple and hurt this guy and his family who have no idea about any of this? I mean he just got home from a mission in october and she is suddenly acting all spiritual about the church because his family is very LDS and I don't think she wants this to come out to potentially lose him and the family she has always wanted because she wants to live out her fantasy of marriage so badly. It's deceiving and evil. I'm wondering if i should even try contacting his mother to get her to protect her family and save her son before he kneels across an altar to a girl who is lying and unworthy. I'm going to tell my bishop everything that happened and yes im scared, but im more worried about her covering this up and possibly hurting a good family. I've seen this exact scenario happen before and it tore a family apart and I don't want to see it happen again. Please help, what should I do?
  6. I was dating a girl for 4 months and during that time we broke the law of chastity many times and knew it was wrong as I am 24 and an RM. I told her I wasn't worthy anymore and that we needed to stop. She would agree but then break me down at her house begging me to do things with her and I would give in. She turned 18 in August and in september broke off an engagement to a bf she had during high school and then we met and within a week she was talking about marriage with me but I would tell her she needed to experience more and that I needed to be better and wanted to respect her before getting into a serious relationship. I didn't go out with any other girls but she would go out on dates with others guys but say she only wanted to date me. We slipped up a lot though and kept breaking the law of chastity and we never confessed to a bishop what happened. She kept getting discouraged that I wouldnt get into a relationship with her but I just felt horrible and didnt want her to think that I was getting into a relationship just to be physical with her because I truly did love her. She's the type of girls that is gorgeous and sweet and caring that everyone thinks is the nicest girl in the world, but in private has a different side to her that is very lustful. I wanted her good side and didn't want the other one. In January I got back from Christmas and we kept dating but this time I would say no to her advances in my car or at her house telling her I wanted to respect her. I finally felt ready to tell her that I loved her and to look towards marriage and confessing our sins to the bishop, but she called me up that night and said she wanted to see where things went with this other guy she had been talking to on skype for the past week and a half that i didn't know about. I broke down and couldn't talk to her because I was too hurt. 10 days later though I went to talk to her though and told her that I loved her and to not give up on me, but she told me she was in love with this new guy and had gone down to BYU to meet him for the first time over the weekend and that they were soul mates and she received revelation that he was the only one she was meant to be with and was already planning the wedding with his mother. A week and a half later after Valentine's they were officially engaged after 3 weeks of skype dating and they had announced they would be married in the salt lake temple in June. It's been almost a month now and I havent been able to sleep or eat and don't know what to do. Do i go to her Bishop and tell the truth of all that we did so that she can't get married in the temple and hurt this guy and his family who have no idea about any of this? I mean he just got home from a mission in october and she is suddenly acting all spiritual about the church because his family is very LDS and I don't think she wants this to come out to potentially lose him and the family she has always wanted because she wants to live out her fantasy of marriage so badly. It's deceiving and evil. I'm wondering if i should even try contacting his mother to get her to protect her family and save her son before he kneels across an altar to a girl who is lying and unworthy. I'm going to tell my bishop everything that happened and yes im scared, but im more worried about her covering this up and possibly hurting a good family. I've seen this exact scenario happen before and it tore a family apart and I don't want to see it happen again. Please help, what should I do?