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Everything posted by pianist87

  1. I have the same difficulty. I don't like socializing very much and it doesn't help that I don't have much in common with other people. I've managed to make 2 really good friends that I usually stick by, but they too get into other groups of women and get chatty. It's definitely a struggle. Is there anyone else that seems to keep to themselves that you can befriend?
  2. I still exercise on Sundays. This may be the wrong choice, but my parents never had any issues with me exercising on Sundays as long as it doesn't interfere with church. Do you live by family you can visit?
  3. This has to be a slow process so you avoid headaches. If you started out with 3-4 cups per day, how about drinking no more than 3 cups for a few weeks. Then after that decrease to 2 for a few weeks, etc.
  4. Of course you need to ask all of these things. You need to make sure you're on the same page about major things like number of kids, sexual history and illnesses. You don't need to go overboard though, there is no perfect spouse out there. But in general it's just best to stay away from people who have severe mental issues, physical disabilities or have been through any sexual abuse. I've been sexually abused and the mental issues that come with it are detrimental to a marriage, even after counseling. Just something to think about!
  5. Your husband isn't listening to you. I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND GUILT YOU INTO GETTING PREGNANT. That would be a tragedy! You are so young, you have only been married 1.5 years for heaven's sake. Children CAN be put off. There is nothing wrong with this. So you experience life, you build up a career and do all you can because once children come, it's OVER for you. Life will never be the same, so I beg you not to let your husband talk you into this.
  6. I completely agree. I've been married for 6 years and marriage is not what it's cracked up to be. If I could go back and redo the last 7 years, I would have dated my husband MUCH longer than I did (5 months) and put off marriage altogether. I've never been interested in being married but I succumbed to his pressure to do so. Do I love him? Yes. Do I enjoy being married to him? No. No, no, no. I'm extremely independent and having someone around me all the time is stifling for me. We've been in counseling a few times, all without much success. But alas, I've made a commitment and it just wouldn't be right to leave him. I'll have to find some way to endure. The sad part is, there isn't any major issues in our marriage, just general incompatibility. There are very few things we agree on and fight constantly. It's gotten to the point where we don't even want to be around each other. Of course I would have better known our incompatibility had I gotten to know him better. Regrets? I've had a few. You're doing the right thing, my friend. Marriage is NOT for everyone. It's hard, it's annoying and physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting.
  7. Hello everyone, Without going into a very long story, my husband and I have been having problems off and on for the last 6 years. We've been unhappy more than we've been happy but my husband has always been willing to do whatever it takes to make things work because he believes we are soul mates. I, however am not so sure. While I do think we belong together, I'm so tired of being married and I'm thinking about asking for a separation. I have some major reservations before I take this step though, and I was wondering if anyone out there has been through a separation? We cannot afford for either one of us to move out and we don't have any family or close friends who would be willing to have one of us stay with them for who knows how long. Plus I'm nervous this could open up a can of worms that will make everything worse. Any experiences from anyone would be greatly helpful. Our first counseling session is next week, but I thought coming here would be beneficial. Thanks everyone.
  8. Hello all! What a lovely forum I've stumbled upon :) My issue lies with garments and the fact that I strongly dislike wearing them. This isn't because of my choices in clothing or anything, they are just ridiculously uncomfortable. I've tried different sizes, fabrics, cuts but I can't find anything that feels good. I also live in Phoenix where the summers here last for about 6 months and the temperature is frequently in the 110 range. What makes it worse is that I spend the majority of time at ASU and walking around that enormous campus during the summer while wearing garments is just torture. Any thoughts or advice?
  9. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with waiting to have children. Having a baby is an enormous responsibility and it's not a decision to make without thinking and praying about it. I applaud you for thinking logically about this decision because it is SO hard to finish school, especially grad school, with children. I've had about a dozen friends of mine drop out of college because they "just couldn't wait" a couple years to have kids. This is also a decision that needs fasting and praying over as well, but ultimately the decision is purely yours. I fully believe with all my heart that if some couples are in certain situations like trying to get through school, issues with poverty etc, then putting off chidren is smart. My husband and I have been married for 5-1/2 years and we do not have children. This makes us the oddballs out in church and in our respective families, but not having children any time soon is the best decision for us right now. Like you, we are both working on our degrees and having a child doesn't make any sense. There are some people who call this selfish, some people who think that if you put off having children then you'll never get around to it. Well don't listen to any of that nonsense. What right do people have dishing out this so called advice? They don't know your lives, they don't know your goals so let this decision always come from you. Good luck!
  10. Well at least you know your thoughts are selfish. On the other hand I sympathize with you because I've been feeling similarly about my husband. He's not overweight like your wife, but I don't find myself attracted to him at all. I can 100% agree with you on everything you said about going to church and how you want to stop. I feel the same way!! I always have and while I'm not losing faith in the church, a part of me just wants my 3 hours back. Anyway, as far as your wife's excuses go, you can try to be more helpful. If she's tired, maybe you need to do more around the house and try taking some responsibilities off of her back, etc. Have you brought up any of this to your wife? If she's resolved to stick to these excuses, then sadly things won't change until she wants to. It's unfortunate that when it comes to issues like this, spouses rarely have any control and the amount of support just isn't good enough. Your bishop sounds ridiculous or just inexperienced. In any case, you'll need a referral from him to see a counselor at LDS services and depending on your finances, this will be free or you will pay a portion of the cost. Good luck to you, and since it seems we have similar emotions, message me if you'd like to talk.