My brother, too, has a very serious addiction (drug) problem. I totally understand what is going on here and I know both sides of it.
Some quick points for you:
Gambling problems affect the brain just as drug addictions do. a gambling addict and a drug addict behave and think the same way. If your wife's brother had a drug problem, obviously your wife would not be lending him money. but because it is gambling and not drugs, sometimes the line is more difficult to draw.
Addiction not only affects the addict, but everyone who cares about them.
1. Unfortunately, your wife is absolutely enabling her brother's addiction. Your wife's relationship with her brother and his addiction is what you would call "codependent".
. ( I suggest reading some books on codependent behavior to learn more about it and your wife's . difficulties. Just as there are a bajillion books on addiction recovery, it seems like there are even . . more on codependency.)
2.. Your brother-in-law's addiction can (and obviously is) have a negative and draining affect on your relationship with your wife. Again, this has to do with the codependency issue. You guys must learn to set boundaries to protect your new little family and you must communicate. Marriage counseling is wonderful!! The Church provides excellent marriage counsel.
( e.g., I think you and your wife should communicate more about finances and possibly learn to approach it in a different way. Especially when you guys are young and in debt!! Your wife should not be "informing" you of her decision but discussing her desires with you and you guys should work together.)
Most importantly****5. Your wife sounds like a very loving and compassionate woman. But it doesn't change the fact that she is most likely struggling with codependency. I struggled with codependency, and then, for years I struggled with having a mother who was codependent. At first, I would help my brother out in anyway and then I realized that I was enabling his addiction. My mom however was in denial of this, and with the best intentions, she would try to help my brother in anyway she could. This went on for years and it killed me. Because my mom did not realize that she was literally protecting and financing my brother's addiction. Pray for your wife's heart and mind to be opened to understanding. Pray to know how to help her. And seriously, buy some books on codependency for you and your wife to read. Be patient with your wife. Pray, pray, pray.
No one can fix a person's addiction. Loved ones can support and encourage recovery, but an addict must find the desire, determination, and commitment within themselves to recover.
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This is the Serenity prayer said at Alcoholics Anonymous "God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference." It applies to addicts and codependents alike.