blue36

Yes, really. I know its hard to believe, but I really thought if I just could make him feel secure enough, he'd stop. I realize now that is impossible.

You are right, you are only hearing my side. And what is a perfect wife? I can't look in the mirror and see one, for sure. In that vein, I never expected my husband to be perfect. The only thing I ever wanted was to be treated like a person. To be married to my best friend. Friends don't treat each other this way. To his credit, he admits his problem but seems unwilling or unable to change at this time. To address some other questions: We joined the church together after marriage. When we met, he was older, handsome, seemed responsible, strong, manly. He seemed to know what he wanted - confident. Very attractive to a young lady. Eleven, we have talked and talked about this, but haven't really talked about HOW to make each other happy - so that is an interesting take on it. I'd be closer to happy if he just cut out the controlling behaviors. Thanks for the suggestions about talking to the Bishop - do a lot of people do that? Like I said, I am a convert and still pretty clueless on how some things in the church work. Morning STar. You made me laugh. Thanks. I love your sense of humor.

As you can see from my post, I have my own man troubles and I'm no expert. But, for what it's worth, maybe HF sent him as an example of what kind of man you should wait for?

We have so many issues it's not even funny. My main complaint is over our 10+ year marriage, husband has constantly accused me of having affairs - I have had NONE, no online flirtations, and irl I am actually very shy and I don't flirt at all. Not in front of him and not behind his back. If I am gone to the store for an hour or two, I will get at least 5-6 calls as well as text messages from him. His first question is always, "Where are you?" or "What are you doing?" He also tracks my cell phone by GPS. He used to "make" me take one of the kids with me if I went anywhere. I get called during playdates with other women and children and he will get upset when I don't want to be rude to my company and talk on the phone to him. We went on a little family trip. I took my daughter to the bathroom and she had to go #2. We were gone 20 minutes and when we came back, he was throwing eye daggers at me and acting mad. Finally, when I pressured him to tell me what was up, I was accused of "playing him for a fool" and having an affair with someone we knew that was there at the same time we were. I used to try to reassure him and avoid doing things that made him nervous (like having friends) - but felt my resentment grow to the point that I no longer care. Now I just tell him off. I'm seriously ticked off at him. My anger was only compounded when I found evidence of him flirting with women online (I have no evidence it went further than that. Although there was a secret email address he refused to give me the password for) I thought he wouldn't cheat because he was paranoid about ME cheating. Boy was I dumb. My husband is also an addicted gambler - he's pawned things and borrowed money, and the kids and I have gone without so he can gamble. I have very little desire to have sexual relations with this man - I am literally grossed out by him. He watches porn and says degrading things to me during the act. He's taken naked pictures of me without my knowledge or permission. When I found them and confronted him (after deleting), he didn't say so much as a sorry. Just half hearted excuses. I am NOT a prude, either! I have willingly given him pictures, just without my face in them. I honestly don't know what to do. I' have no family where we live, and I'm a stay at home mom. If it weren't for the kids, I would have left last year when the online flirting stuff came up. We are both converts and thank goodness I have not been sealed to this man. I think I can muddle through for "time only," but NOT "eternity!" Some days, it seems things are better and will be better, then he does something and it brings back every bad feeling I've had over the years. It's been one of those days. I am tired of pretending. I don't know how to get past the anger. Can I? Should I? He went to one counseling appointment by himself to appease me and never went back.