sunny1

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  1. Alucar, I'm not asking for him to sit and hold my hand and tell me how much he loves me. I'm asking him to talk to me about the important stuff like retirement, plans, goals, my estranged daughter. I handle all the big things. Where does he come in with just a paycheck. I can do that too. I was a single mom for 6 years and it was easier than this. His porn addiciton he says he has gotten over it. Who knows. It's between him and his maker. He lied to me for years and for 15 years i found stuff on the computer and when i confronted him he lied to my face. I could of left him many times but i stuck with it for the kids mostly. He went to the bishop and the additcion recovery program. He is a good father eventhough he could have exposed our kids to his trash many times how good does that make him? Boys will be boys is what his parents said. How about men being MEN!! In all the sense of the word. Prieshood holders on the outside and porn addicts on the inside! Men need to grow up. How about Women when do we get to be understood and given what we need? Men want to be understood then they need to understand women too. Equal partners is the term. I don't want teenager for a husband. I'm teaching my son to be open and express himself otherwise im worried he will not know how to be intimate with his wife when he gets married. If i can do the cooking, cleaning, budgeting, landscaping and run our house then he can step up and help me handle the big things when needed.Or i will do it all and have one less teenager to worry about. He refuses to leave. I'm not asking him to stay.
  2. I don't agree with your problem with labeling. We are all different and a we all have challenges and weaknesses. For instance I'm extraverted, passionate, and impatient. Our daughter Amber is on the Autism Spectrum and very high functioning. I knew she was different almost at birth. She had trouble with noise and she wanted to be near me all the time. She had meltdowns everyday and could not ask for what she needed. Everyone in both our families said she was spoiled and she just needed a good spanking which i don't do. I almost fell for it but my motherly instincts toldme there was something missing. I insisted to her doctor who said she was fine to start some testing. She was finally diagnosed at the age of 3. She didn't speak till she was 4 and i continued to find ways to help her. Her teachers when given all the information about her and her diagnosis understood and knew what to do to help her while she was there. We worked together to help her grow. One of her teachers didn't get the information until a week after school started. She labeled her disrespectful because she shut down when she got overwhelmed. Without that label she would have been a problem child and put in a group where she didn't belong. like so many who never got a proper label to help others understand them, so you see labels are helpfull so that we are not wrongly labeled by society. The Autism spectru is very varied and everyone struggles in different ways to assimilate to our "normal" world. Were are all wierd or excentric in some way or another. If we read labels properly it helps us to act accordingly and not judge. I might seem i am judging my husband but he is very hard to be married to. He makes me feel like a stranger in my own home and room. He shares very little about himself and gets angry when his words are confusing to others mostly me. I feel alone not because i want constant attention. I feel alone because he is distant in another world not connecting to me and this hurts. Unfortunatly his parents didn't know enough about this to help him and just labled him wierd. He dated one person before me and we got marred when he was 28. I love him as a person but i can't make love to someone who doesn't share and makes me feel unwanted in my own home. He is very hard to get close to. My daughter still stuggles with her issues but i continually work with her to share her feelings because this is the only way we get close to people. She doesn't have many friends and she spends alot of time alone. She knows she is differnt but she also knows we are all different. She is exceptional and her musical gifts are incredible. This is why i don't mind lables because the world will label us anyway. Knowledge is power and the more we know about eachother the better we can understand how to relate one to antother properly. If i had known all this before i married my husband, I'm not sure i would have married him but i did and we are working things out the best way we know how. Thanks for your advice
  3. Andrae J, Clicky clack is so right. I grew up in a marriage like this one. My father an abusive alcoholic made our lives miserable and i still suffer from his actions. Staying in a marriage like this is hurting you and your child. Heavenly father give us the knowlege we need and we have to act. My mother never left our father and we resent her. Most of us have big problems with our relationships. Out of 6 children two are alcoholics one is in prison and non of us are in good relationships. We learn from our parents. Please save yourself all this pain by making a hard choice of leaving and living a gospel filled life with your child. God will bless you. Your husband is probably from an abusive family too. It is a viciouse cycle. I pray you will find the courage to leave and do what is right for you and your child. Believe me i left my family when i was 14 because i felt like i would die there and im so glad i did. I don't have a great marriage but my husband is a good provider and he is not abusive we are working on some communication issues but we are both willing to do our part. Marriage is a partnership and not all one sided. So sorry for your pain. God bless you and please leave soon.
  4. This is what i had been doing for 17 years and I'm tired. I will do what it takes to make our marriage better or i will do what it takes to make myself happy. I have been giving to others all my life including my siblings. I think its time for a little of what makes me happy. I give to others on a regular basis my cup is not running over its empty. All this self sacrifice that is ecouraged is great but you have to take care of yourself to be able to give. I deserve it and so does he and our children. If your happy being selfless then good for you:) Hope you continued happiness! I can't believe how hateful some people can be. This is one of the things i dislike about mormonism the most bitter hateful women. We are all here to change and progress not stay the same. And the more selfless you are the more bitter and judgemental it gets. I know i have caught myself doing the same thing its sad:(
  5. Well he says he wants to change. He went to the Bishop and told him about his porn addiction he has overcome and although he is sleeping on the couch becaouse im not ready to have him back in our room we both want more out of our relationship. Our kids are teeagers right now and in five years we will be alone all the time. If we don't feel close now and work on getting closer we will not want to be be together then. I feel good about that. I don't want to be a single mom although i am ready to go either way. I prefer to work on our marriage and we will see what happens. I just don't believe in settling for an ok marriage. I want it to be amazing for the both of us:)!!
  6. I believe we all come to this world to change. We learn to talk, walk, read and so forth. I didn't marry my husband the way he is now. He was the most attentive person i had ever met. He would go to 3 stores to find ice cream just because i said i felt like having it not because i asked him too. He brought me water and made sure my feet were elevated when I nursed our children. He would drop me off at the front of the store if it was raining and walk in the rain for me. This is what i am used to. He has never been communicative and doesn't have any friends who he spends time with. I think that we are all constantly changing either for the better or worse in this case i believe we are going the wrong way. Since we are not close like we used to. I didn't ask for your opinion i asked if anyone knew of a good thearpist in Virgina. I do believe he might have some degree of Austism since he stuggles to show emotion and runs at the mention of anything emotional. If i can't count on him to be my partner when it gets messy and we need to work together to keep our family on the right path then id rathre be alone this way i don't expect anything from him and i know im on my own. We both made the same promises when we got married. I have kept mine thus far he has failed he hasn't. I'm not perfect but I am a team player. This realtionship will either evolve into an even more amazing partnership or not. Its in the choices we are both making. He says he loves me and it's not that i don't believe him its that he fails to share himself with me if he doesn't know how to do that this is a problem. I am one of those women who cooks, cleans, does the budget, mows the grass and anything else that needs done. I am very self reliant although i expect him to do his part. Sometimes i think he is emotionally like a teeager. I am the one moving things forward here. He becomes very complacent with where we are and im all about progress in every way. I'm grateful for this opportunity to grow. With him or without him that is the question. I don't think you are therapist although i do value you opinion thatst all it is. Happy for your happy marriage hope it continues to fulfill your life. I want to grow and make mine amazing or be alone to find my own happines.
  7. He is active duty and a diagnosis would probably hurt his career. I always have known that he's differnt mostly in a good way. He's dependablle. He has never communicated well and it didn't matter as much early in our relationship. I think i have been emotionally carrying our marriage for the most part. Now i just resent him and his lack of empathy is hurtful. When I'm sick he doesn't think im sick enough. Thank goodness I'm hardly ever sick. I just feel alone most of the time and now i don't even want him in our bedroom. Is there a way to get some help anyway with out the diagnosis?
  8. I don't agree. Some women don't mind just hanging around and waiting to be included in their own relationship. I'm not that kind of woman. He also had a pornography addiction which almost tore our relationship apart and he has lied to me on several occasions. I don't lie and i nee to be able to trust my partner. I think i still resent that about him. We used to do everything together and he always looked to be where i was. Neither of us do this now. Id rather be alone than be begging for attention which i don't ever do. If you like being second best good for you. I signed up for working together and feeling close to my eternal partner. I know some women don't mind it that their husbands put ther needs second best and that works for you. I also don't suck it up unless it is something that is not changable. I feel sorry for women who act like men and that brings your relationship together. Happy for you. I want more and i will find a way to get it:)
  9. Hi, My husband and I have been married for 17 years now and we have been struggling for a while. I am an emotional person and I need to feel connected to the person i am married. I have been feeling very alone and am now getting resentful about my husbands inability to share emotions. He is a good provider and is good at getting things done, well most of them. Anyway i don't feel close to him and asked him to move out recently. I don't want him in our bedroom and i am angry at him. He is a good provider and is a good father although i wonder if the kids feel the same way. I want to work things out but i don't want to be the onlyone doing the work. He went to the Bishop recently and i wil be going in to see him soon. I want to work things out but we need counseling. I think he might be on the Autism spectrum. Our daughter is and she is alot like him. He is not very impathetic and doesn't like to talk about feelings in general. We would like to find a good couselor here in Virgina ( the hampton roads area) He is still living here but i am agry with him. I have said very bad things to him. I feel like i have been handling all the emotional problems alone for 17 years. My daughter from a previous marriage is having a hard time and wont call me and leaves me these disturbing texts every now and then. He acts like there is nothing to worry about or talk about. I feel alone all the time when he is around. I don't feel alone with our two teenagers around they are the reason i am still married to him. Can anyone help us find some answeres.