JosephP

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Everything posted by JosephP

  1. No, all my highlights, notes, etc remained in tact after removing the old scriptures, rebooting and then reinstalling all the scriptures and study guides.
  2. I use the iPhone app and prefer it to the printed version. I feel bad because my printed scriptures were a gift and it seems somehow thoughtless to leave them unused on the shelf for month after month. Nothing can compare with having access to the scriptures anytime/anywhere. Now if only I could access them through a voice question to Siri!:)
  3. I'll go with that as a good way to look at it. I was also wondering if any authorities had ever addressed it or even speculated on it.
  4. Anyone have any opinion or sources on if sleep and dreaming continue after we are resurrected. I know there is little purpose to speculating on these kind of "mechanics of heaven" questions, but it's a curiosity.
  5. My take on this is from a historical perspective. In every historical event there is evidence that seems to contradict the generally accepted understanding of the event. When there are no contradictions most historians assume the record has been doctored to make everything fall in line with the official version of events. The fact that there are contradictions in church history is very comforting to me, as someone with an above average knowledge of history. Perhaps a better place to put your doubts and wonderingly is trying to imagine another explanation for the existence of the Book of Mormon. Every alternate explanation is not only full of far more contradictions, but contain complete fabrications and logical fallacies. But a testimony is not based on intellectual understanding alone. Pray about it, read it, and most importantly live its precepts. From the witness of the Holy Spirit you'll gain a testimony that is unshaken by a comment in a journal almost two centuries ago. Besides, can we really fault Joseph for being amazed at the success of the church and the loyalty of the members? Is it really so disturbing to know he felt a bit too much pride in seeing what his role as God's instrument had accomplished? Of all his other admitted human faults, this one seems pretty understandable.
  6. I spent thanksgiving with a large family where I only knew the host and hostess. It was awkward but I made the best of it. It was better than being alone.
  7. Good response, right on target. Sadly I just don't have any "suck it up" left in me. That's what's so different. I know all the right things I should be doing, but my prayers are unfeeling mumblings, my scripture reading is just my mind drifting while waiting for the last verse to finally get there. In still glad to be of service, but not a lot of people call me and last summer I embarrassed myself telling people I was available if they needed anything. At some point you just have to admit that all you're doing isn't working, and trying to convince myself to do more of the same failed behavior isn't convincing me.
  8. I am considering that, but to me antidepressants are bottled apathy. If I'm hoping for anything it's to get angry enough to motivate myself to improve. I'm not sure the dulling effect of drugs will do more than make the pain more tolerable. I'm still working, laughing with coworkers, and all the things required of me. It's the inner peace, the spirituality and hope that's been shattered. I don't think there's a pill for that. Thanks for the suggestion.
  9. I did not mean to sound like I think this will fix anything, quite the opposite. It's consciously giving into despair. I make no pretense of it, I've lost hope, not found a better way.
  10. Yes it is different for men than women, just as it is different for singles with children and siblings than those of us completely alone. I understand the hesitation to befriend single men and I certainly don't blame anyone. But that understanding doesn't help with the endless day after day of isolation.
  11. Yeah, I understand Duty, I come from a background where duty first was reality. But so is honor, and I feel dishonest in parroting back lessons of love and togetherness to my home teaching families from a heart filled with anger and bitterness. In fact it was knowing that I was scheduled to meet with a home teaching family after church Sunday that made me realize I can't keep pretending I feel the love. I sent a substitute. Like I said, its not my testimony. You want an inspiring talk on the restoration, I can do that. Speak on happy loving families, the words would choke in my throat right now.
  12. I don't imagine my situation will be permanent. There's some hope left I guess, I can believe that some day it will change.
  13. Thanks, your response was 100% related to what I'm experiencing. It's what I needed to hear. I don't imagine my situation is permanent. But right now I just can't see past the pain.
  14. Yup, no doubt I agreed with you for a long time. I've been Mr. Smiling Single Adult Rep, "let's all take personal responsibility and get involved" for two years now. After my life entered a new phase of misery I'm just done pretending the happy "in God's time" attitude. . I can assure you, the loss of hope isn't a choice, nor is it victim mentality. If my situation is offensive to you, perhaps its due to your lack of understanding, or my inability to explain. I appreciate you're attempt to help, but from my perspective you're off the mark. I've got a background in behavior modification and have tried all the standard self help routines.
  15. That would be the ideal. There are some couples my own age I associate with, but no young families with kids. This year the handful of people I know didn't attend the party. It was an especially creepy feeling standing by myself for fifteen minutes before asking someone if I could join them. I simply won't do that again. Of course this isn't about social interaction. It's about feeling real pain and isolation during talks and lessons. Last Sunday I simply hid out on my iPhone during church. Felt like a real hypocrite, that's when I knew I can't keep doing this.
  16. I've done that, works fairly well until you realize you've become the creepy guy trying to find someone to sit next to a the Christmas party. It's become easier to just not go. I felt humiliatingly ignored at this years party. I'm not sure why so many people think that after years of trying to reach out, to fit in, the failure rests with me that I'm not fellowshipped.
  17. Not taking the sacrament is an major issue for me to be sure. I'm not sure what other covenant you're referring to. I don't think I can fully express how painful the experience is, to dismiss it as feeling lonely leads me to believe I haven't adequately expressed what it is like.
  18. I've asked to be released from my callings and plan not to attend meetings. I know the church is true, that God is God and all the rest. It's just that in my loneliness I can't keep sitting there listening to talks and lessons about loving families, supporting your spouse, and all of that. I despise being a single adult in a family church. Way too old for YSA. Most other SA I know have children, siblings, etc. who are members. I'm alone in this and I'm tired of being the outsider both inside the church and out. I'm tired of being rejected by women I meet for being LDS, and I've exhausted the local area of single sisters. My last long distance relationship was a disaster and I won't ever attempt that again. I know all about "in God's time" but it falls like empty platitudes on me now. I'm hurt, angry and simply unwilling to listen to happy families telling happy family stories. It mocks my pain and isolation. Again, its not about losing faith, it is simply the complete absence of any hope. I know it appears I am giving up, but inside it feels like I've just been beaten down.
  19. Show her you're the man of her dreams by trusting her word, serving The Lord without distractions or expectation of reward. Then come back with faith and hope that she will be receptive to your invitation to begin anew your relationship with her, just as she asked. That's the man she said she's looking for, and thinks you can be. Go be that man with all sincerity and faithfulness.
  20. Try saying random words when they hum their random notes, and when they ask you what you're doing you can explain you're singing along.
  21. Going Wednesday with one of my home teachers.
  22. Welcome. The best way to get to know everyone I to jump right in.
  23. This brought to mind a quote from a straight talking member of my bishopric in ward council a couple of months ago, "If you haven't been home taught, you're half the problem!" When was the last time you invited your home teachers?
  24. In reply to Anatess and you, Yes I was being tongue in cheek. I'm very grateful for the invitation. I love and respect the couple that invited me. But there is still, of course, that sadness of not having my own family to have Thanksgiving with. Since the break of my engagement this feeling has been heightened and this holiday really accents it. I'm not a gloomy guy, in fact the more I'm hurt the more jovial I attempt to appear. I don't think anyone is responsible for my entertainment or my happiness. I'm very grateful to be spending thanksgiving with good friends.