viannqueen3

I'm hardly the social butterfly but have found a few good ways to meet friends... YOU be the one to orchestrate activities to meet people initially. Invite people over to your house for dinner or for a BBQ. I met of my closest friends this way. Sometimes we just plan on a "girls night" at a local restaurant... invite a few people you know and invite several more that you'd like to get to know better. If you have children orchestrating play groups can be a good way also meeting people... we meet up at McD's for playgroups, local parks. Eventually if you do this enough you'll start finding other like minded people that will start inviting you along and you won't always to be the one doing the inviting.

Little Things Mean a Lot in American Fork have a pretty big selection. We found my 11 month old daughter at the time a dress there that fit. Some of the sizes are deceiving though. She was in the 90th percentile for weight and she still fit into a 0-3month dress. Some dresses can be pricy there if you aren't getting them from the clearance rack (though I've noticed larger sizes are usually on clearance).

I was in NO way shape or form ready to get married straight out of high school. I had a friend that was engaged and soon married after her first semester at college and the vast majority of my friends thought she was crazy. It really wasn't until I was a junior in college that I was more open to the idea and I did marry at 21. Now that seems still so young to me but it was the norm I grew up with. I wish I would have embraced that time in college and enjoy having a boyfriend instead of always being worried about the marriage thing. I agree with whoever said to wait until a later time (not on the first date) to ask them out on a second date unless you can tell they are really, really into you. And make sure your going to school or doing something productive in your life. For me it didn't matter how fun, exciting and good looking they were... if they weren't trying to better their life and get an education or job training for a career that was a deal breaker for me.

I was a lot that way as an older teenager (minus the anxiety of doing housework in front of others). In college I did outgrow it more, but I'm still not as forthcoming socially as my siblings. I tend to get anxiety like this when I'm in small homes where there isn't a lot of room to have your own space. I'm pretty shy and quiet in social settings though unless I'm with very close friends. If it's becoming a problem regarding chores and such just let them know that your willing to do them when you aren't around everyone, when you are alone etc. I think most parents don't care how they get done, just that they are done. Good luck to you.

Yes I think sheltered is a good term for it too. I have some family members I would consider orthodox/sheltered mormons and they do happen to live in a very, very rural area of central utah (town of 200 people). The church is their entire life and he is a paid employee at the temple so it consumes his work life too. Pretty much every conversation with them references to the church, what they are doing at church, callings, whats happening at the temple where he works, promptings they've had etc. Coke/ Pepsi is still banned. They are retiring a few years early even though they really can't afford it because they really, really want to go on a mission right now. They've always struggled financially so this recent turn of events has surprised us. Another event that recently happened that in my mind puts him in this category. He is typically a very anxious guy and recently went on a flight that had a 50 minute layover. He was sweating bullets over this and doesn't fly much. He retold this story about how he'd been praying that he wouldn't miss his next flight and when he talked to the attendant she let him get off the flight quickly and he made his flight and he gave us this big story about what a big blessing that was/ spiritual experience it was for him. I'm glad he made his flight and all but I don't think most people consider making a connecting flight a spiritual experience. *Stepping off my snarking soapbox.*

I was married at 21. We dated for three months and were married about six months after we started dating seriously. I knew very early on that this relationship was different. It's worked out well for us and we've been married for twelve years now. I have never regretted getting married young but we also both spent the first years of our marriage working on our college degrees and I worked for several years in a professional type career before we had children. This is just my experience, but I think I would have regretted getting married so young if we had just started having children right away. I was 26 when we finally had our first child and it was perfect. Based on your past I'd also take into consideration if your marriage would survive if your doubts in the church returned.

A headstone is different. I'd donate towards a headstone way before I'd gift towards a honeymoon. I know its becoming more and more common for wedding parties to use the cash for an extravagant honeymoon. That really hasn't been the case within the LDS people I know, mainly because we were all getting married in our early twenties. I do think it's in poor taste to deliver the message the way she did. Planning for a honeymoon is part of the budget BEFORE gifts. If you can't afford it, you change your plans.

I like that this forum has a decent mix of various religious views. I only wish church meetings were the same. Might make things a bit more lively and interesting.

My 5 year old daughter is the same way and has been since she was that age also. 95% of the time she won't entertain herself, but will instead pester me or my husband to the point where we blow a gasket. She will do this all.day.long. Doesn't matter if she's had a fun day of playing with us or when we've been spending a lot of one on one time with her. TV or movies doesn't hold her attention for very long either. She constantly craves social interaction- so much so that she pretty much refuses to do anything by herself. It's exhausting. One thing you could try is to have him do an hour or 1/2 hour of "quiet time" in his room everyday. He can take a nap or is allowed to play quietly in his room. But they aren't allowed out of the room until their time is up. Other than that I don't have any ideas- just wanted to let you know that your not alone and it's not something my daughter has grown out of. Preschool was a lifesaver for me. My son isn't this way. He will play for hours by himself in the backyard and the contrast is very apparent that for us it's just a personality issue and has nothing to do how we are parenting them.

Location is the number one factor in our move. While the home we are in now has appreciated in value, it hasn't gone up in value at the rate of other nicer homes in the area that we could have bought at the time and didn't. That's been frustrating. It's also a busier street than I want for young children. I feel like if we bought the new home and decided in a couple of years it just wasn't working out the market in that area has been in demand enough that we could sell it and be okay (assuming there isn't another housing bubble at that time). The new location is minutes from the interstate, yet behind an older neighborhood in a secluded area next to open space (a wetland/ park reserve of some sort) so it can't be built out past where it is. We would also be at the bottom of the price range of homes. I think its priced a bit high, but the location is amazing. We are currently twenty minutes from the interstate and way out west... so the commute is a bit long. I've talked to some neighbors that have had pretty good luck renting out their homes. My biggest worry is it being destroyed. We are going to give it a try and just really make sure we screen the potential renters really well.

Thanks for your thoughts (though I'm not sure I understand the past few posts!) Skippy pretty much nailed it- my husband is afraid the current tax structure will change by time we are in our 70's. I asked my husband about the 401K and he really just wants to drain it and eat the penalty fee. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But if we did it would allow us to put a nearly 20% down payment on the new home and that's significant, while allowing us to rent out the current place. For what it's worth for years we were very much on team "term insurance" and then we finally got around to purchasing life insurance my husband found a whole life policy that was structured in a way that was very appealing to him (cousin is a financial planner). I really don't understand it well, but there is enough of a cash surrender value (I think it's called that) that we could cover the mortgage for 10 months or so if he lost his job. His job has been very steady over the past ten years and has been in high demand so I'm not terribly concerned about that. Though if he were to switch jobs we'd likely be moving out of state. I think he wants to leave that cash surrender value alone as a backup in case we ever need it. Our tentative plan is that landlording duties would largely fall upon me. I figure that it would be a good job for me until my kids are old enough that I can start working full time professionally again. I'm not really afraid of maintenance and upkeep. Just in the past two weeks I've installed an undermount sink, installed light fixtures, wired outlets, switches, and I'm no stranger to a chop saw/ skill saw etc. I'm very much the handyman in this house. I'm just a very non confrontational person so laying down the law with missed payments, starting the eviction process or other various renter issues isn't my strong suite. Then there is all the extra insurance, tenant turnover, upkeep on the home. I just think the first few years will be tight but it could be really good long term for us? So much to think about.

Question for you (long)... My husband and I are in our early 30's. Nine years ago we bought our first home in a starter neighborhood. We purchased a home far under what we were approved for at the time and worked hard over the years throwing our savings towards it and have paid it off outright. We were DINKS for awhile which obviously helped. Our only "debt" we have is a small loan we took against our 401K to pay for finishing the basement/ SUV which will be done in four years. We are trying to decide to build a new home or not. We'd be moving closer to my husbands work and cutting his commute in half, but the area of town is much more expensive land wise. For a new home which is slightly larger on a 1/3rd acre would be cost about double of what our current home is worth. We know real estate can be risky but the markets have held pretty steady where we live. We both have excellent credit. I just have to brag- We opened an account at a different bank a year or two ago and the banker told my husband that his credit score was the highest he had seen at his bank so far (true story). My husband refuses to move unless it's to this specific area of town and on a 1/3 acre. I know that's a huge jump in house price but we always feel like we are playing catch up with house values. It just seems like we could stay where we are at and save... but the cost of building and land just grows faster than one can save. Our safest option is to sell our current home. But we've always liked the idea of owning a rental and having another means of generating income. We have toyed the idea of moving and keeping this home as a rental. But there are obvious rinks that go along with that option. My concern is that in order to get a down payment on a new place we would need to either sell our home or raid our 401K. Now before you all tell me I'm crazy for touching our 401K hear me out. My husband is very distrustful of 401Ks as saving vehicles. He's watched as the markets crashed with our parents 401K savings and he's convinced that the rules will change by time we'd be in our 70's. He's always wanted to drain the 401K and put it towards a rental property as he just feels that real estate can be a safer long term investment. We also have a whole life insurance policy that has a cash value aspect towards it and my husband is more trustful as that as a retirement savings vehicle. Both of my grandparents have had rentals in their retirement to supplement income and it's worked out fairly well for them, though of course you have to deal with the occasional terrible tenant/ evictions etc. What do you think? Option1: Sell the house, leave the 401K alone and move (very comfortable monthly payment for us, but no rental) Option 2: Keep our current house as a rental income, access the 401K for our down payment (monthly payment would be roughly half of our take home pay... tight but we could do it for a short term... we'd really need that rental income to make it a comfortable payment though) . If things don't work out we could just sell one of the homes. Option 3: Stay put. Which is fine for the moment but we aren't content here indefinitely. We bought this house thinking we'd be here five years and we are double that. Thoughts are appreciated.

Honestly getting my college degree was the best thing I ever did for myself. Being a mother has been incredibly fulfilling also but remember that you are young and have many years ahead of you to have children. I spent the first six years of our marriage (married at 21) having infertility and our first born was adopted at infancy when I was 26. Those were difficult years but now that I'm in my early 30's I wonder what my rush was. You can also have a baby and still go to school. Also take into consideration that not everyone just gets pregnant the first year they go off birth control. It's not uncommon to to have miscarriages, take a year or two to get pregnant etc. My suggestion (and take it for what it's worth from an internet stranger) is to spend two more years going to school and then start trying. That way you are almost done with school if you do get pregnant right away. And if it takes a couple of years to have a successful pregnancy you should be done with school by then and still be under the ripe ol' age of 25.

(LDS SAHM chiming in, who has not been on a mission) I agree with you Martain. Getting a college degree in a field that is employable was the best thing I ever did for myself. However if your daughter is wishy washy on her college plans/career choice a mission might be an okay plan vs spinning her wheels switching majors multiple times. Raising children and using your education is tricky. I worked in my career for four years and was making a salary close to many of the bread winners in our neighborhood. However once I had my second child it pretty much sealed my decision to be a SAHM. The cost of putting two young children into daycare, taxes and a healthy commute ate too much into my take home pay to make it worth it working outside the home. I think you might have better leverage if you encourage her to go on a mission after her junior year in college, or at age 21 which used to be the norm. Most women I knew that were 3/4ths of the way done with their education were able to finish up when they got back from a mission whether there were children in the mix or not.

Definitely phobia- I hate it.

I wish we would have been more picky in choosing a home. We bought our home because the prices was great and the house was in good condition. The cons were that it was in a starter neighborhood and the house has few upgrades whatsoever. We've spent a lot of money over the years just upgrading the house to a decent level (replacing crappy carpet, two tone paint, deck). It really wasn't special or anything and I wasn't excited about it. We had a "5 year plan" so I figured I could live in anything for five years. We've now been here 9 years and will probably be here another 5. If I had to do it all over again I'd go into the mindset of buying something we'd be happy with for 15 years. Prices have skyrocketed so much it's hard to justify moving. We have 1600 finished sq.ft, unfinished basement (3200 total) and .23 acres. To build a new home on a 1/3 acre, with 4000 sq ft (2000 finished) would cost us double what we paid for our home nine years ago. Back when we bought I wish when we bought we would have just spent that extra 50K to get something that we really loved and would be more content long term.

Don't let the guilt get to you. There are occupations out there that require working on Sunday. My BIL is a registered nurse and having to work on holidays, sundays and weekends is just a fact of life for that type of career. And every time I've had to take a sick child into the hospital or instacare over a weekend I'm glad that there are medical personal available to help. Talk to your leaders, attend when you can and I'm sure they will understand.

I'm sorry Thrushcross for what you are going through. There is a family in our ward that is originally from Turkey and they were Muslim prior to their conversion. Their story is fascinating but I've also heard it was very difficult regarding their family, having family members disown them etc. I feel for you and are so sorry you are having to deal with this. If you want me to try to put you in touch with them I probably could... I know you aren't the first to have to go through this. I'll pray for you also.

**This post is from my husband who hijacked my account** Before I went through the temple, my stake president told me in an interview to remember as you go through that you should consider yourself to be Adam and Eve. I've found that helpful. Also, as you've heard and experienced before, the teaching in the temple is largely symbolic. A good preparation for this kind of teaching is the other ordinances, like the sacrament: it represents the body and blood of Jesus but it is not literally the body and blood of Jesus. It should point you to the real thing, but is not actually the real thing. In one way, I see the temple being like a compass. It is real and exciting to receive your own personal Liahona, but just because you have a Liahona, it doesn't mean that you are at the promised land. It is intended to help you get there, if you learn how to use and follow it. The symbols are real and point you to "real thing" but it is not actually the "real thing" (i.e. an obvious example is that when you enter the Celestial room, you have not really entered the Celestial Kingdom, but only a symbol of it). Don't assume that because you possess the compass, that it is equivalent to receiving the destination. Even if you see other people content to have their "compass" and don't do much with it, don't let that discourage you from using your own compass to try to actually experience the real thing. If you are true and faithful, the day will come when you will receive the real thing that is symbolized there. It is an earthly form of a heavenly gift.

I think Skippy said it well. I'm not trying to rile you up Pam but that story attributed by President Kimball has always irked me for some reason. I mean- can't they give a better explanation for making a temple marriage a priority than using fear tactics? I would bet that it's entirely possible that this poor young couple that died tragically soon probably had their temple work done after their passing. No that's not ideal but neither is tragically passing away on your wedding day. But we all make mistakes, we all need repentance. Seems awfully judgmental for this poor couple that were at least trying to do something right and get married. Sorry for the tangent. I've been to some very nice ring exchanges after a temple ceremony. I've also been to some very lovely sealings where the bride and groom were married at least a year previously. I know that's not the norm but I've appreciated the simplicity of the sealing ordinance without all the worry and fluff of wedding rituals going on that same day. I would take up the matter prayerfully.

The maternity tops were gigantic on me. I'm 5'4", 116 lbs pre-pregnancy and was 145-ish at delivery. The maternity tops truly only fit me correctly maybe the last two months of pregnancy. I first bought a size 32 (waaaaay too big). The size 30 fit better but still annoying because there is just more fabric all around and garment hemlines were peaking out of clothing I normally wear with no problems. If we have another pregnancy I'll probably buy a size 28 next time to try out. As far as bottoms go I've mentioned this in another thread but I've had to resort to wearing mens bottoms on occasion. The thin waistbands on the womens bottoms cuts into my skin and drives me crazy. There is one mens boxer type that has a really thick, 1- 1/2 inch cotton waist band that is soft. I just used a size bigger than I normally wear and wore them really low on my waist. I *really* wish they would design a womens bottom type that has a thick waistband.

My kids are young (5, 3 and 3 months) and this is our routine. We first sing a primary song and then have a prayer. Then we do a 3-5 minute lesson. That's what their attention span will handle at the moment. It's not something we plan ahead- usually the topic comes from problems we've been having in the home that day. So if the kids have have not listened to mom and dad very well lately the topic might talk about listening and honoring your father and mother. If the older two have been fighting with each other the topic is about being kind. We often role play during the lesson. We finish with another song and closing prayer. Then we spend about 10-20 minutes just playing with the kids- ring around the rosie, london bridge is falling down, once there was a snowman etc. My husband will also rough house with them and give them rides on his back and that sort of thing. My kids LOVE it. If I had to incorporate a 10 year old into our family routine I'd probably have them look up a scripture or two that would pertain to the topic. Or have them speak 1-2 minutes about the topic. Our FHE's at this point are never planned ahead to I think it will be more tricky adjusting a lesson due to the age gap.

In a word yes you WILL get comments by members. Though if people know that you are investigating or a recent convert they will hopefully be gentle in the approach. But expect it and let it roll off your back. Yes, some members have tattoos. Our home teacher that we've had for the past year has tats on his arms and legs and I never knew until I saw him with a tee shirt at a ward bbq. I'm not sure if he's embarrassed by them but I'm sure he's worried that members will judge him for it and so generally he keeps them covered. I know other members that have them but generally they are small or indiscreet so it hasn't been an issue for them. I think a lot of people cover them voluntarily but I would be aware that you could possibly be asked to do so if they are highly visable. The culture of the church can be very interesting in regards to a variety of things- beards, length of dress hems, number of earrings etc and having tattoos definitely falls into there. My husband, who has been clean shaven in our ward for the past 10 years showed up one week with a beard. At first it was a fun novelty but after week three I think people thought it might be there to stay. My husband works closely with the bishop and he apparently made some off hand comment to my husband about it in a passive aggressive way. And this was over a BEARD. I wish it wasn't that way but when you grow up in the LDS church many members get very accustom to the corporate dress standard of the church and any deviation tends to make people take notice. Check out this blog if you have some time. She's a recent convert with tattoo sleeves and makes for an interesting read. { In The Head of A l F o x }: "Tattooed Mormon"

I agree with going over everything ahead of time and probably including the items you don't want to talk about. Better to hear it from you first than their friends. Trust me in that they are going to hear about it whether you like it or not. Friends, even the TV and radio- you can't get away from it nowadays.

Ultimately it really is your decision and I agree with praying about it. For next time though I'd suggest pulling tithing and savings first from your paycheck and then making gifting decisions from what is left. If you are having to pull monies from your saving account you've probably gifted too much, even though I'm sure it's appreciated.