Gwen

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Everything posted by Gwen

  1. I agree with others to honor your mother. There are things you can do to study and learn on your own (though yes it is hard). We have had teens in similar situations to yourself here that had to wait until 18 to get baptized. As for what you can do now to progress or help her. A very painful lesson I recently learned (it was revers, parent to child but principle is the same) is that some things are in Heavenly Father's hands. Your mom was/is heavenly father's child before she was a child or a mother. He loves her as much as he loves you. He desires for her to return to him as much as he desires you to return to him. You are not responsible for your mom's testimony, that is between her and heavenly father. When we hit that point that we can do nothing, we have no control/power/influence over a situation that is when it's time to hand it over to heavenly father. He loves her and will take care of her. You keep being you, keep being a good example and above all else unconditionally love her as your mother. Pray for her and let heavenly father know you are putting this path (your joining the church, her hardened heart) into his hands. It may take a long time (2 very painful yrs for us) but he will open doors, he can soften hearts. Trust him. This could prove to be one of the biggest testimony building experiences either of you could ever have.
  2. A lot of ppl can be called President. Not to confuse you but you have..... Stake pres. Branch pres. Mission pres. El quorum pres. Temple pres. Prophet/president of the church There are probably more I'm not thinking of. lol See here for more information. How the Church Is Organized Back to your question. lol Once a person has been in one of those callings ppl tend to keep calling them "president" out of habit more than anything. If he told you to call him Richie then that is what you should call him. If talking about him in a discussion or in a formal setting (like introduction in a meeting) and he is no longer in one of those callings then "Bro. Richie" or "Bro. last name" are both appropriate and show respect. If he is currently in one of those callings then calling him "president" is a good idea. It is NOT disrespectful to call someone by the name THEY request to be called. In fact I find it rude not to. The only time I have changed what someone asked me to call them was with my kids. If an adult says for my kids to call them by their first name I will ask if it's ok to have them call them "Mr/Ms first name". It's a matter of manners I'm trying to teach my kids and I've never had anyone say no to that request. But I will call them by their first name as they requested. If someone has not given it to you yet request a copy of "True to the Faith - a gospel reference". It is a small book that defines commonly used church phrases and referenced doctrines. It was intended to help new members get a handle on the unique language that we sometimes use without realizing it's a foreign term to others. True to the Faith: A Gospel Reference - store.lds.org on the right side it has "other options" and you can download or read online. There may be another way to get to it but that was the first I found. lol
  3. What about an OB that turns away a woman because of her weight as "high risk"? Is that discrimination or safety regulations?
  4. Gwen

    Napping!

    The feelings of guilt can become overwhelming. There is always something you "should" be doing; dishes, laundry, showering, grocery shopping, the list goes on forever. It's a very difficult balancing act, especially if you were used to getting "everything" done before baby. Do you have a good baby sling, one you can wear the baby while napping and have your hands free? It will still limit what you can do but at least something can get done. I recently learned there has been research done on the make up of breast milk. There are 3 kinds of animals (milk). Follow animals. Those are the ones that walk as soon as they are born and follow mom everywhere. Nest animals, the ones that mom leaves alone all day (wolves) and comes back to feed. Then there are carry animals, the ones that carry their babies everywhere they go. Ppl milk, nutrient wise, falls into the carry animal category. Our babies are meant to be with us. They are designed to have that constant comfort and attention. It's logical that they would sleep better being carried than laying down. My first 2 I did a lot of sitting and holding, my others were all carried in a sling of some kind. The proclamation on the family, reading what it really says not what we think it says.... the mother is responsible for nurturing her children. That's it. Not housekeeper, maid, cook, etc. Those things are important and someone has to do them but the primary responsibility is to the child. Infants need more attention than older kids. There is a time and season for everything, right now is your time to nurture that baby. My kids aren't grown yet so I can't say for final "product" but I feel that the more secure an infant is the better everything else will be as they grow. If you can give that nurturing now (first 2 yrs, yes that's a long time) then they will be more independant and better adjusted as older kids. Personally I think it's worth it to put that time in now. So far I think it's working. lol I know that doesn't really "help" right now. I'm trying very hard not to give the "I'm more experienced than you" annoying as heck answer....... "This is such a short time, it seems like forever now but it goes so fast." lol I'm not going to say to enjoy it because I know those long days and nights that just aren't fun, but know it is worth it. Oh and yes you have full permission to make me eat my words come Nov when I'm complaining. lol You know the adventure movies where ppl go through some horrible experience and then look back at the end and say "Now that I know I can live through it, that was fun. Let's do it again."? That's parenting, especially with infants. lol
  5. Gwen

    Napping!

    Sleep is a hard one. Every baby is soooo different. I do recall phases with some of mine where they would only nap if I was holding them. They would get so tired and fussy which would exhaust me to the point that I would just sit and hold them. My husband would come home asking what I did and I'm like "I showered, dressed, kept the kids alive and fed, baby napped." That was a successful day for me because honestly there were days I didn't get the showered or dressed in. lol I know it doesn't help but sometimes you just have to sit and hold them.
  6. So I have a friend on fb that posted an article about the scouts physical policy and BMI as a requirement to participate in strenuous activities. Boy Scouts' Jamboree should include those barred due to BMI restrictions, experts say | Fox News Then I had another friend post this one about emergency medical transport. Too fat to rescue? More heavy patients denied air ambulances - NBC News.com Both are covered in angry comments about discrimination and how horrible these groups are for their "fat hate". Both as I can see it are not about fat hate but about safety measures. If it's not safe for someone unhealthy to participate in a strenuous activity it's not safe. If BMI were the only scout check then I might agree it's not accurate and unfair but it's a small part of an overall physical from a dr. The dr can still clear the person to participate despite BMI. If a small aircraft can't fly safely with someone that is 600lbs on board then it just can't. I would be more upset if they tried to transport me and the aircraft couldn't get off the ground or worse they crashed due to lack of control and I died. How embarrassing would that be? I don't see "fat hate" in these two stories. Have we as a society become so illogical that we see basic safety regulations as hatred? Am I missing something here? When does it become hatred instead of logic?
  7. My daughter got her scriptures Sat! It took her a min. to process it but she was soooo excited. :)
  8. I have felt that way. My dad was very critical of everyone around him. Though he never "attacked" me I listened to him criticize every driver on the road. He never called me names but I heard him call other's names. He didn't really pick me apart too bad but he would pick my mom apart in front of me. I became terrified of that wrath, when would it turn on me? I was very self conscious around him, I did not tell him my thoughts and feelings and kept him very cut out of my life. To this day I will not drive with him behind me, if we are both going the same place he has to leave first.
  9. I would prepare myself for the possibility of being declined even if the stake pres sends in the paperwork. As was stated, in the past being a father was an automatic disqualification. Your responsibilities right now are to your child, both as a father and financially. If you are not paying your legally obligated financial support to your child you are not eligible for a temple recommend. That is a standard question asked. You do not have to go into all your situation here but a rhetorical questions to think about..... Why don't you take care of your child? Is there a valid reason for not visiting? Do you pay child support? If not, then why? In the church family is very important, a child is entitled to be raised by a father and mother. You can not be a father or financially support if you are not there or can not earn money. A mission would prevent you from filling both those rolls. I married a man that had been divorced and had a child. If he had not been active in regular visits (which he did have to fight for) and current on his financial support that would have been a deal breaker. I can deal with his past mistakes and support him being a father but I could never support him in not stepping up to the plate on that, if he would abandon one child where does that leave my future children? I'm sure I'm not the only lds woman that thinks this way. Just something to think about. There may always be exceptions to the rules and when it comes to missionary service a lot has changed over the yrs. If the stake pres feels good it doesn't hurt to ask but be prepared just in case they say no. Don't let a no be destroy your testimony.
  10. I didn't give you my life story. You are not worthy of my life story/spiritual experiences. I did answer your question. I said I didn't have a magic story, which it seems is all you are interested in..... hummmm I gave you what was necessary to understand a concept... I know you specifically asked for no details, similar to what I did, but after your responses to others who said what I did much more plainly you still did not seem to understand. So instead of giving you what you asked for I gave you what you clearly needed. So lol you're welcome. However, you still seem to not be getting it or still looking for proof the world is flat. There is handling problems effectively and then there is something more. I've heard non-lds women talk about something called "mother's grace". This is a grace period given to them in which they know and do things there is no way they could have known to know or do. A period when they have a connection to the other realm for the physical safety of their child. A period where they have such a strong connection with god both day and night. And then when the child is out of immediate danger it's gone, the temporary "grace period" is up. As LDS we believe that through our covenants we can have the gift of the holy ghost, which is basically exactly like this grace period only it doesn't have to end. What a blessing that is. It's not something that can be prove, or should be. It's not something you would understand if you haven't felt it. It's very personal between that person and god for the edifying of that person's faith. I can't prove it to you any more than I can prove there is a benefit to wearing the garments. If you want proof and want to know for yourself then you need to take that up with god. And since your question is asked and answered and you still have attitude rather than appreciation for the time ppl took to answer your question I'd like to call troll...... but I'll leave that up to the mods.
  11. The problem, as has already been explained, is in the question. You are asking us to prove to you, through personal experience, something that is not a doctrinal claim of the church to begin with. You may as well come here and ask us to share personal experience to prove the earth is flat. We don't believe the earth is flat so it's gonna be kinda hard to give you what you are asking for. Just because something can happen does not mean it will. Are there stories out there for what you are asking? yup. Does that mean everyone will always have that experience? nope. None of that changes anything doctrinal. Just like there are stories of ppl that were inspired to change hotels and the one they were in burns down. Does that mean everyone will be spared a building fire? nope, I was in a house fire as a kid and no revelation to jump ship came to me or my parents beforehand. However, we did all get out safely and I consider that a protection (and I wasn't endowed yet ). When I think of physical protection that comes from keeping covenants it's not connected to the garments themselves but to having the gift of the holy ghost as a blessing of keeping covenants. We make a covenant to wear the garment to remind us. If we keep our covenants then the HG will be with us. That does not mean bad things don't happen. I have found in my life bad things have happened, but I was able to be of sound mind and process in a very unique way to the situation and come out the other end just fine. I do consider this a blessing from the HG. I consider it a blessing from keeping my covenants. I consider that ability to think calmly a physical safety. Wearing my garments is a covenant I've made..... one could draw a very broad conclusion that this safety comes from wearing the garments. Do I have the magic story you are looking for? nope.
  12. I would say just keep at it and give it more time. Never show anger or frustration about it, the stress will take you backwards. It sounds like if she is telling you, sitting (and nothing), putting diaper back on and then going it's an issue with learning to relax. That just needs more time to learn how to go. It might help to get her more comfortable with sitting there by sitting at other times and doing something relaxing/distracting. My daughter had a "potty book", a special book we only read on the potty. She would sit and I would read it to her, sometimes she'd go sometimes not. But the reading helped to relax her and over time she became comfortable sitting there. She would get excited when she would go and we'd go overboard with the excitement. lol Only mom's know what it means to be truly excited about a BM. My sis and I let our kids call and tell their aunt the awesome news and then we get excited all over again. lol There is a lot more to a BM than most ppl realize, we've been doing it so long it seems simple. When learning you have to recognize the signals from your body, resist them until you get to the toilet and then reverse all of that to a full relaxing and then pushing to complete the task. That's a lot to ask of a child. lol Give her time she is still young (most of mine were 3 before fully potty training).
  13. If they were sealed to the first spouse and keeping covenants then I'm not sure I see where it matters if they marry lds or not. Either way it would a civil marriage - until death - the sealing to the first spouse would be intact. Now if the spouse were to later join the church and want an eternal marriage then there could be an issue. More so an issue for a widow marrying outside the church than a widower.
  14. Nothing you say discounts my statement. Could the victim had made better choices? yup. They should not have been at the party drinking. They should not have been dressed provocatively in the wrong part of town after dark. Whatever the circumstances, the victim could have made better choices. All that said they did not ask for and it does not excuse an attack. Even though they make dumb choices the attack is not their fault. The person choosing to attack them is at fault and focusing on other factors excuses their choices and puts blame on the victim. Men will be punished for their own sins and not adam's transgression. The abused may carry the fault of being in the wrong place, the fault of drinking too much/at all, the fault of dressing immodestly and not respecting their body (that is why we dress modestly, it's not about others). None of those things make the person deserving of being sexually assaulted. The person that assaulted them is to blame. Plain and simple. What about the guy in the military that had the audacity to be alone in the showers and gets attacked? What did he do to "ask for it"? How is he at fault? What about the ym that was jumped in the back of the bus on the way to an athletic event and sodomized with pencils? How dare he sit at the back of the bus. How dare he want to be part of an athletic team. Yes his choices totally make him partly at fault. You may want to see a difference from the woman that is walking down the street at night in a mini skirt and the ym on the bus but in reality it's not. Some made better choices than others but none of them "asked" to be sexually assaulted. Comparing to animals is foolish. Where much is given much is required. We are a higher intelligence. We are expected to be smarter than a dog and to behave better as well. You might be able to make that comparison if you are talking about someone choosing to be alone with someone they know just got out of prison for sexaul assault. Then yes they made the choice to get bit, that does not remove the consequences from the person doing the biting.
  15. Every situation is different and yet there is something that remains the same..... it's about power and it's NEVER the victims fault. Are there better choices the victim could have made? Probably, we could all make better choices. That does not make forced sexual assault their fault. Let me repeat that, Just because the victim could have made better choices does not make the attack their fault. In the military, in athletic groups, etc where rape (particularly sodomy) take place it is about power. Taking the military for example..... a commanding officer orders an attack on another. That person keeps quiet and "takes it like man". What does he now know about this group of men? They are not more combat ready. They are obedient to him without question. They will do anything for him no matter how unethical. He owns them. So now when he gets on the battlefield and he orders something disgusting like killing women and children or someone that has surrendered he knows they will do it, keep their mouths shut about it and even if needs be take the fall. POWER. If one of the men say no or report the attack then what does he know about them? They have integrity and strength that goes beyond "orders". When things happen in battle they might say no, they will stand up and won't keep their secrets. If you are power hungry which do you want? So make it the victims fault, tell them that their failure to follow orders makes them less and untrustworthy in combat and discharge them as failures in their training. Tell them that reporting it makes them whiners and weak, unfit for battle. Now I understand that in the military the soldiers need to be able to follow orders no matter what. They need to be able to deny their own fears and desire to run away from and run into danger. I know that often times the commanding officer may have info everyone else does not have and "following without question" might be called for. But ppl are smart. We all know the difference in "risk your life to save the person" or "we won't go in to save that person" (even if we don't understand the order) is very very different from "kill that child" or "rape your fellow soldier". You can be capable of the first without doing the second. I would like to make a disclaimer that I do not believe the portrays most of our military. I do think this type of situation is the exception and not the rule. I support and respect our military. However, sometimes these things do happen. Removing the stigma of talking about it is a step closer in solving the problem. Allowing ppl to be who they are without secrets is a step closer to talking about it. Like I said in my last post the power is in the secret, we must remove the secrets. That is one of the ways in which this does make our military safer, it's a step.
  16. I thought this was some cool info and wanted to share for the other moms. 5 Cool Things No One Ever Told You About Nighttime Breastfeeding | Breastfeed Chicago
  17. This has really been bothering me. It's taken awhile to put my finger exactly on what it was about it that was making me sick. Then I realized what it was. We are still blaming the abused instead of the abuser. Reporting a crime, especially sexaul assault, is not defeat. That is not the easy road. Admitting something bad happened to you and telling someone, facing your accuser, demanding justice.... that takes courage, integrity and strength. All of which you need on the battlefield. The person that isn't handling having been sexually assaulted in a healthy way is one that won't tell. The one that will stand up to the abuser knowing they are in an environment that will see it as a weakness is the strong one, the one who is ready for battle because they will be true no matter the consequences. Removing don't ask don't tell wasn't about making ppl proclaim from the rooftops their sexauality, just that they couldn't be discharged for telling. That's a huge difference. It sounds from what you are saying that don't ask don't tell went way beyond sexual preference. Don't ask if there is sexaul assault taking place and don't tell, if you do you are a failure. That is totally the wrong message. When sexual assault is taken seriously and they stop blaming the victim then something can be done about it. When it's reported and proven they need to make it very clear on no uncertain terms that the person with the integrity, strength and courage to stand up to their attacker (no matter their rank) is the one that is compat ready. The one that became so hardened that they became so power hungry that they would gain it at any cost, the one that became lacking impulse control to the point that they would force sexual acts upon another person, the one that is still so immature that they don't know how to handle their emotions in such a difficult situation that they would seek this kind of release.... those are the ones that failed their training and need to be discharged. Those are the ones I do not want on the battlefield defending my rights. Those are the ones that go off the orders and humiliate and degrade our country. Those are the ones that need to be identified as failures, not the ones that are strong enough to stand up to them. We can't make our military safer if we don't face the hard risks and realities of putting ppl in the situation of battle. We must ask and we must tell. The power is in the secret, take away the secret and then things can be handled in a mature and healthy way.
  18. I agree that though it may not be impossible I'm not sure I see an issue with the situation she described (not too different than my own). Part of the family goes to help get things ready and they save only what is needed for their immediate family. I'm assuming that because they are there working ahead of time they are around and not showing up putting books down and then going home again or putting things out at wed night activities to sit there until Sun. That would be rude in my opinion.
  19. So Soul pretty much answered everything but..... I don't think it's a rising need for power so much as the current way of expressing that power. Hazing in the military (and school groups) has always been an issue, sometimes to the point of ppl dying. My personal theory on why this kind is on the rise is because it's being talked about. The "macho" use it as soul described. Particularly among the young who don't really understand. The irony being if you "do something gay" to someone doesn't that also "make you gay". The very thing they are using as an insult to debase another they are technically labeling themselves with. There is a knowledge without understanding so it becomes a fear and insult. On the positive side it's "on the rise" because it's being talked about. Because it has become an open discussion there is a greater reporting of it which makes it appear to be on the rise. There isn't the same fear and need to hide it as in the past. I do think this happened in the past it's not a new discovery. I don't understand the need to separate the motives and impact of sexual assault on men from women. We accept that most sexual assault against women is about power and control in the most damaging way. We accept that getting women to report it is such a huge issue due to victim blame, shame, fear and depending on how non violent the assault was they may have even felt some physically pleasurable stimulus from it making them think it was their fault or they somehow willingly participated. Why would men be any different? The assaults happen for the same reasons. Getting them to report is even harder due to the anti-gay stigma. It is the worst kind of assault one can do to a person due to the sacredness of the act, it's a physical, spiritual and emotional abuse. I think with the rise in sexuality in our culture as a whole you will see more of this (toward men and women). We are losing the respect and sanctity for sex and it's become a game and a tool for manipulation.... a power tool.
  20. He doesn't have to take a backseat roll to the church. Family home evening doesn't always have to be spiritual. It is a time to bond as a family, however that works best for you. If he has some kind of faith then prayers in the home shouldn't be too big of an issue. It's ok if he prays differently, it's his expression of faith within your family. That's great. As your son grows there will be so many things your husband can do without being a member. After turning 8 there is the faith in god program. You can incorporate some of those things into FHE and dad can help with the things that are not priesthood related. If your son chooses to do scouts he can hold leadership positions and do projects and campouts with him. Your husband can participate in wed. night YM's activities. Participating in these things and being made to feel welcome and most importantly bonding with your son will present opportunities to feel the spirit and will help to bring him to the gospel. Focus on what he can do.
  21. You may not have the priesthood in your home but that does not mean your husband does not have spiritual guidance to offer. Some of the best counsel I've been given has come from non members. As your son grows he is capable of understanding that you were married before the church. You chose your husband and you love and honor that choice. He will understand and appreciate that commitment and example. He can love the gospel and both of his parents.
  22. This would be my first question. I just read an article about how sodomy assaults are on the rise in the public school systems. Most are done among athletes that would probably freak if you suggested they were gay. It's just the new "fad" in bullying and hazing. It's not about sex or being gay, it's about power (which most accept as the case in female assault).
  23. This afternoon when I checked the mail to find a set of absolutely perfect condition blue scriptures sent to me by Leah. She took a chance to reach out into the "real world" and help someone that she only knows through words typed here. With all the crazies out there I do respect and appreciate that. I couldn't be filled with more excitement and gratitude right now. Though I've thanked her privately I want to shout it out here as well. lol