James73

If it was a one time thing that didn't result in physical adultery I think I'd rather not know. That would be something I could get over, so I think I'd rather not have that bump in the road at all. I'd rather not lose confidence in her if she had actually gotten back to a place where I could trust her again.

Thanks for the replies. It truly is becoming my own hell now. I'm confused why though. Why would I feel like everything was ok, more than just in my own head, I was close to the Spirit again and felt its influence in reading scriptures, going to the temple, in guiding my life. I felt like a normal, repented, fully-active member. Why the sudden change? And I guess my other big question is about going to the bishop. When I was younger (early teen) I had to go to my bishop about an issue with seeing some pornography. I felt horrible and all the things he told me about how to repent and how to feel I had already thought of and already felt. I didn't feel any different or any more repentant than the harrowing up of my own soul made me feel. Why will this be any different? What is it about going to the bishop that will get me forgiveness that I can't do on my own? I am planning in going regardless, but since this will likely end my marriage I need to know that there is something I will get out of it more than I can get from my own repentance between me and the Lord.

I messed up. A few years ago. While on a training assignment with the Air Force, a buddy took me to his home town not far from where we were training. A bunch of his friends came to see him and stayed the night at his house. All the couches and floor space was filled with people and I was given the only air mattress. Instead of giving it up to a female friend of his that was spending the night I offered her the other side of the bed. I was an idiot for doing this. I never kissed, or had any form of intercourse with her whatsoever, but I did wake up at one point in the night, aroused and not thinking clearly at all and removed my clothes with the intent of waking her up and starting something. I laid there for a while and finally came to my senses enough to put my clothes back on and go back to sleep. The next night I was back at the training base and the girl called me and told me some things that she wished had happened while I was there which led to an explicit phone conversation. That was the end of my communication with that girl. I was newly endowed and married. I felt that my marriage was going to be over and I was in deep depression. I didnt see anyway i could tell my wife what i had done. And telling a bishop would require telling my wife. I decided that i would gladly bear the burden of guilt for the rest of my life if that spared my wife from living the rest of her's in doubt and insecurity. After weeks and months of prayer I felt different. I felt that so long as I used that experience as a rallying cry against all future temptation and used it to be stronger I could be forgiven, but if I ever did anything like it again I would be held responsible for this sin as well as the new one. I promised the Lord that I would remain pure if he would grant me a change of heart. He did. Of that I am certain. I have spent the last four years staying far from temptation and living a virtuous life. I have used that one time event to drive me toward a higher level of perfection and self discipline. I have felt the spirit in my life again for these four years and have felt forgiven and have acted accordingly with no conflict of conscience. I am a student at byu and after taking some religion classes the point has been made quite specifically that unless you go to a bishop about certain sins you cannot be forgiven. Although I have felt forgiven this whole time, I realize this sin would certainly qualify as something to go to a bishop about. I have begun to doubt what I have felt this while time. I want nothing more than to know I am in good standing with the. Birch and with the Lord, and I do not want my efforts to preserve my marriage here on earth to disqualify me for eternal marriage to my wife. I feel I should go in and seek judgement. I do want to know though what I will likely be facing as far as disciplinary action. Any insight would be appreciated.