nellyleyva92
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Posts posted by nellyleyva92
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I'm a single adult approaching her 30's. My dating years have not been fun. Finding my eternal partner has been...painful. To say the least.From being cheated on to abusive relationships... What I always wanted in life was to find my eternal companion, get sealed, have children, work with him through life trials and have a Christ-like marriage and family and all that stuff. I had always prayed and lived for it, but as I age, it just seems impossible. All the men I've dated have not only been wrong for me, but they have harmed me in many different ways that I think it's going to take me forever to ever fully recover. Last time I prayed for a good man, I did it humbly and faithfully. I had left an abusive 5 year relationship with one member of the Church for one year. The Lord knows how many times I'd been harmed before, how long I've waited, I've tried, and always did my best to live worthily. 3 months ago, after I prayed humbly for it again, a man came along under the circumstances and time I had prayed for. He seemed perfect! I was the happiest person and thought it had been worth the wait and pain from past experiences...until he showed his true colors shortly afterwards. The relationship not only ended soon, but left me with severe trauma; and self-esteem, mental and spiritual issues. Needless to say I've been asking nonstop: "Why, God?" I'm now both terrified and discouraged about love, dating and marriage. I've stopped believing in love and help from heavenly Father in this important issue. What bothers me the most right now is that if I ever want to marry in the temple, I have to keep dating within the Church and meet people through Church activities, YSA activities or Institute, but it's horrible to see my ex/ex's there, both mine and my boyfriend ex's are there too, and his potential new dates as well, and they all will be there forever as long as we all remain active, which is what we're all supposed to do, right? We all have to date each other! The Church is so small that it makes it impossible to move on. I don't want to grow up taking Sunday School classes with "the one that got away", or knowing that someday one guy who hurt me might be my bishop one day and I'll have private interviews with him, or ask for his help, or that I will have to visit and minister a sister who happens to be the girl who "stole" a boy I loved in the past or a girl he cheated on me with, or...if there are trust issues within the couple, having to feed attractive sister missionaries at home when I know the husband always has had trouble with wandering eyes or let him fulfill a calling that requires him to work with the girls he dated or had a crush on in the past... or any other attractive sister! ... I think I've made my point. It kinda sounds funny, I know. But when there's sin, abuse and trauma involved...it is definitely not fun. If we weren't Church members these situations wouldn't have to happen. The Church creates opportunities for socialization that we normally wouldn't have, and it feels awkward to have to date and marry within this closed environment. Anyone else feels or has felt this way? I know I sound stupid...but I don't know where else to vent and ask for some encouragement. Right now I'm struggling seeing my ex at Church and seeing him hook up with other girls I know. Why do I have to see this? I'm not feeling well to remain 100% active in the Church forever under these circumstances, and at the same time I've given up on eternal love and happiness. My parents are both good members of the Church but terribly unhappy in their marriage, most members of my ward are divorced or unhappy as well, my relationships have been a mess and the Lord doesn't seem to care that much, at least not in my own personal case. He has let me go through heartbreak after heartbreak and I feel very much alone recovering from emotional, physical and spiritual trauma.
I really need some encouragement, I really could use some advice or anything, because I'm completely hopeless in this matter. I know I should come to the Lord for relief and definitely not leave the Church...but it's hard when the things that hurt you happen to be ...IN the Church.
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Hello.
Yesterday I went with my bishop to have an interview about things I did wrong a few weeks ago.
I was expecting to be asked to tell him everything I did in detail, but I wasn’t. I only said a few things, expecting my bishop to ask for more information about every activity I did, but instead, he focused on listening to my testimony and my feelings towards the Savior in my situation.
I know I feel fully repentant of my sins, I have felt sorrow, prayed a lot, said sorry to the person involved and was willing to confess everything in detail, but the bishop didn’t request that, nor went further in wanting to know what else I had done. He determined I was worthy to keep taking the sacrament and going to the temple.
I feel happy about it, but at the same time I wonder if it was wrong not to tell him all the sinful activities I did. It wasn’t because I didn’t Want to, it was just that he didn’t ask for more. Should I go back and tell him absoultely everything to make sure I am really worthy and fully repented?
One of my friends told me some bishops just focus on the testimony and repentance of the person rather than past actions, and to just move on, but I Still feel unsure and I don’t seem to find any in depth information from the Church about this.
I’m grateful in advance for any insights.
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On 17/5/2016 at 4:19 PM, Jane_Doe said:
I am a girl, was LDS and unmarried at the time I was eligible to go on a mission. I always wanted to growing up: the Gospel was so much joy and glue in my life. But when it came time... the Lord unmistakably said "no". I loved the Gospel, but I... it was not for me. I was at a very fragile stage in my life, in deep clinical depression, and I needed to focus on getting myself back in order. So, I went and did as the Lord told me to: which was to stay exactly where I was-- much to family and friends' surprise. 10 years later, I have a rock solid testimony that that was the exact right thing for me to do, and have reaped many blessings from it.
Thank you so much, I always had the desire to preach the Gospel, because I know it is true and every human being needs it, but every time I pray about a full time mission the answer is unclear. There are times when I strongly feel I should definitely do it, and there are times when I feel a mission is definitely not for me. I'm almost 24 (a little too old?) and struggling with deep depression too. I've feely that if I don't serve a mission I would regret it a lot when I'm older, but your experience an testimony help me think maybe I won't regret it at all. I just wish the Lord made mefeel certain about serving or not, but depression makes it hard to feel and discern the Spirit
Thank you for sharing.
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I would like to know what made you go to a mission? How did you know it was right for you? And how old were you when you made that decision? Did you have any challenges to make that decision?
Thank you in advance
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You know, somethings you're innocently surfing the web when a horrible image/ video, etc shows up and makes you feel really bad. It may be something pornographic, child abuse, sex depravation, explicit pictures of dead people, animal or human torture, etc.
I can't easily delete from my mind things that I saw by accident, and I wish I could just forget them because just thinking about them make me depressed about the horrible world where I live, and I suffer knowing people or animals out there are suffering horrible things. That makes me sick and afraid of this world... even confused on why Heavenly Father allow such things to happen. Sometimes the memory of a terrible thing I saw long time ago,s come back to my mind unexpectedly and ruins my day.
How can we forget those horrible images, and keep possitive about this life? And, are there any ways we can avoid them? (without quitting Internet completely)
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Thank you, I did thank him for his kindness and concern when telling me, so far I had not received bad comments, only good ones by LDS members saying that this is the way we should celebrate the Day of the Dead here in Mexico. I hid the picture on my wall anyway.
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Recently I posted on facebook a picture of the temple with my deceased family member's pink and blue cards after we made the the ordinances for them.
I received a message from one of my friend saying that showing those cards was not appropiate.
I searched for an official guideline about this but couldn't find any. In spanish, I found a pdf document by Family Seearch that says we can be examples of doing family history by carrying our cards (pink, blue , and yellow) everywhere with us, so other people can know them and learn their function.
So now I am confused? Is it inappropriate to show my printed cards? Is it ok?
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I just read about the story of Nephi when he broke his bow in 1 Nephi 16.
I found this . I actually loved it! I even used google maps to search the references (Medina, Wadi Taynan, etc) and traced a route (here you go) and well, it seems that Nephi kind of described this route in 1 Nephi 16:13-16
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Great thread, Great quotes, great words. Thanks for sharing, This really touched me. This will help with my seminary class this week ^^ Thank you
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My dad has been working for the Church Institutes here in Mexico for more than 20 years. One of the activities he noticed the YSA enjoyed the most was... A collective Yard sale!
Even the guys who wouldn't go to dances or YSA activities because they didn't like to socialize or whatever reason showed up with their stuff because.... who doesn't want to get rid of old things and earn some money?
lol $_$They had to bring to the Institute/ Meetinghouse the stuff they wanted to sell and invited people from the streets, people from their wards, or even they could buy/sell things among themselves if they wanted to.
The guys had so much fun making signs for the yard sale, dancing with signs on the street to invite people, making teams and compete to see who would sell more/ faster, they socialized , they had the opportunity to explain people what the meetinghouse/Institute was and were able to talk about the Church, they made friends, they earned money.... They loved it!!! They wanted to do it again! and they did! and, it was a sucess again :)
If you like this idea, you could plan it a way it could be not only fun but also spiritual/ service. Who knows, maybe giving away some things for free, giving away Books of Mormon, etc, etc.
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Thanks for your honest thoughts on the situation. I guess it's clear for everyone that the guy doesn't really want to marry her.
It's going to be hard for her to break it off, because she does love the guy,...bah... I doubt she will have the courage to do it, but I will try to convince her to do it anyway. Probably reading your responses will help. Some friends of her still advice her to "fight for their love" and "give it some time"-.- (More time?!?!) She will see I am not the only one who thinks she would leave.
Thank you so much everyone ,I always get wise, honest and down-to-earth opinions in this forum :) My friend will be grateful with your opinions too.
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Wait, where does it say she is having sex with him? If I were her friend, I would suggest she try dating other people especially if she is so young! If he hasn't proposed by now why would he suddenly decide to?
You're right! Probably her mind is telling her the same! but her heart says: You love him, then don' t lose the hope and keep waiting!"
Ahh... love makes people blind.
Besides, here in Oaxaca, Mexico the lack of good options to date is depressing!!!! LOL. I guess that's why many couples here are afraid to break off bad relationships just because they feel they will end up "forever alone".
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I assumed it based on the following (admittedly imprecise) wording:
I don't know what this means, but if it does not mean sex, then since they are not sharing a living space, how else do two people "live almost like a married couple"? Does she mean they go see movies together? Pay bills together? Bicker when they're stressed out? Make dental appointments for each other?
Yes! they actually pay bills together and make dental appointments for each other!!!
I don't think they're having sex! I mean, mmm... how can I explain? They don't live with their parents, they live alone in separate apartments but it's like...they have a marriage already? Because they both provide for their "family"? (They're not a "family" though) What they earn in their jobs is for both's food, their home expenses, their medicines, clothing, school tuitions (!).... she cooks for him, they eat together, they go grocery shopping together, (In summary, they share incomings and expenses), they have their car, they go together in their car to visit each other's families out of state. He always drives her everywhere, (or viceversa if she has to use the car) etc. Crazy! That's why everyone is like "why the heck don't you get married once and for all?" And yeah, she desperately wants him to propose, and start living together, and have kids I guess.
By what he told her, I guess he doesn't really love her, what he saids sounds to me like "I like other women and I would like to date them, but then I remember I have the RESPONSIBILITY to be with you, darn it!! "
I don't know if I have already made my point
hehe sorry I wasn't clear from the beginning! -
Considering that the OP is 20 years old, I'm guessing her friend is the same age. Which means she has probably been with this guy since she was around 14.
Oh no Beefche, she must be like 25, I'm not sure hehe
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Hello everyone. One of my best friends just told me about some trouble she's having with her boyfriend. They've been together for years!!! Probably more than 5 years. I'm sorry this is long.
We just wait for the day they finally will get married because they look happy and comfortable with each other and we all believe they have a healthy relationship. They live almost like a married couple without the living together thing, kids and an actual marriage.
My friend is just telling me his boyfriend is always postponing the proposal, though the always talk about marriage, (mainly because she brings up the topic) he says he's probably going to finally propose months later and that they probably will get married next year. But he's mentioned he's scared about it.
So far, that is kind of normal, but she told me something he told her that is just scary and a huge red flag to me. He told her:
"It's just that sometimes I see beautiful girls and I am natural mal and natural man is enemy to God and I say to myself I have my girlfriend but I don't have nothing to remind me the commitment, like a ring, you see? We better get married and have some babies to remind me I am with you"
Isn't he a potential cheater?!
When she asked him if she could see handsome men too, he said "Now that would be a different thing..." Potential emotional abuser or a controlling husband?
She's now telling me things she's seen lately like texts in his cell phone from friends asking him to buy them alcohol and they would pay later, he hides things from her, he sometimes gets angry when they talk about marriage again, he says he's got no money for wedding dresses but that he buys other unnecessary and expensive stuff, or that they fight when she reminds him to go to the temple instead of hanging out with his friends. But he has told her not to hang out with her friends because "they are friends of the world and bad influences for her." (They're not!)
I can't believe this since he's apparently an outstanding leader in the ward and the stake, he's like the most spiritual guy in the ward and we all have a good opinion him. We used to think they would make a good husband and father, but now I don't know :S
So what do you think? To me he's shown several red flags. But what can I tell her? What advice can I give her? They've been together for what it seems an eternity and she loves him and marrying him has been her hope for years, and this stuff has been coming up just recently.
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I don't believe you've seen the most attractive person. I'm sure you haven't seen me yet! lol jk....but, I'd suggest you to think realistically. She's wonderful but not perfect. She doesn't walk on water, she has made mistakes and still makes them, she has felt self councious at some point in her life...believe me, even the the "most beautiful people on earth" have felt ugly or inadequate some times, (have you seen the celebrity yearbook photos? Gosh, we all had our awkard times! lol) Even the people who seem to be praised by all the world because of their beauty might be disliked by others. For example, I've seen everyone thinks Ryan Gosling in handsome....but he's ugly to me! lol)I'm not saying she's ugly, she must be the most attractive person indeed but through the eyes of others she might be "just fine", not everyone's type who knows. She has some defects, and so do you! And that's normal!
We all are imperfect don't be afraid of messing up... you won't 
and if you do, I'm sure it's not going to be much of a big deal to her. Relax!!! Try not to hero-worship her and don't put you down .... because she might end up believing that indeed she deserves more. You're handsome and you're awesome lol. BELIEVE IT.Good luck!
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Thanks for sharing your experiences! Recognizing the answers and promptings from Heaven is such as gift! I guess I will be asking you suggestions on how to increase my spirituality
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Thanks missionary0204. Indeed, experiences of that kind are rare, and I guess you've had them because God knows you act immediately without hesitation whenever he prompts you to do something.
So they key is to pray non-stop?
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If I really like him... I would go on casual dates with him, and I would consider going steady after he is baptized. That's my personal opinion.
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I love the Lord and try to be a righteous person, however I've found it hard to accept (or recognize) His will and His timing.
I was writing my story but it was so long that I'll sum it up:
Because of my dad's work in the Church we've had to move a lot through the country (14 times in total) and I'm very bad adapting to changes. I feel like I'm always losing the few things I achieve in each change. I lose the friends I barely can make, experiences, goals, possesions, stability. I hate to start over and over again and feel like I can't have a stable life.
But this last change has been the most difficult for me. I finally loved the place where we were!! I was so happy because we finally lived in my favorite state of the country, I even met my first boyfriend, and I finally found a place and a life where I wanted to stay.
But we had to move again only a few months later!!! I lost my friends, my favorite place, and eventually, my boyfriend. I'm tired of so many changes! I hate to lose everything and start over and over again. I don't really like this place, I tried but I don't fit in. Now that I've lost my favorite everything I don't know what I want. We're moving again in a year and a half, I don't know where and for how long.
I want to make my own life in only one place once and for all
But I haven't found an eternal companion I can stay with, and believe me, I've moved to enough places, enough times, just to realize how hard it is to find a guy I can fall in love with, or at least find attractive! (Am I too picky?) and a place where I can live happily ever after. My exboyfriend wasn't the right person anyway
but the only one who has loved me and I liked back, so far. (Not enough for eternal marriage though, but it hurts anyway) Now I'm not only super lonely here, but heartbroken. In the USA I guess it would make sense for me to go to BYU, live on my own, and eventually find an eternal companion. But I'm Mexican, I can't afford BYU, I really want to find a right person for me but since I don't know where I could find him (definitely not here) I don't know if I can expect some special guidance from Heavenly Father to meet him, or to choose a random place, try to live on my own there and try my luck; or to stay with my family and see what happens while I sing "I'll go where you want me to go" I just don't know what the Lord's will is for me, and what I should do to find my own purpose in life, not my parent's. I don't know where to go, what to do, I don't even know what I want now. The life I really liked is in the past and it's over. How can I find my own purpose and my own life? Any suggestions????? Any advice??? thank youP.S. I'm sorry if it looks like I'm wanting you guys to solve my life and give me a perfect solution, or tell me where my future husband is (if he even exists! haha) or plan my life lol, no, but maybe there's a little advice you think that would help me to ,at least, feel better. I guess some of the people here faced this same kind of feelings at some point in their lives.
And sorry for my English, orginally I speak Spanish
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I quote this from a BYU devotional:
"I fear I have been guilty of leaning too heavily on the mind, thinking and analyzing, trying to be very rational and logical. President Harold B. Lee frequently said that “when your heart begins to tell you things that your mind does not, then you are getting the spirit of the Lord” (Harold B. Lee, “When Your Heart Tell You Things Your Mind Does Not Know,” New Era, February 1971, p. 3).
I think of Nephi when he was prompted to kill Laban. It must have been hard to accept the prompting as a prompting from God. It was even against a commandment, yet it was certainly coming from Him!
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You know, ....When my dad was called to be a mission president when I was about to turn 20, I thought it mean Heavenly Father trusted me because I was a virtuous young woman who would close her heart and her eyes to not even look at the missionaries LOL. But man, I have come to a point where I realize that if it was possible, I would be happy if Poligamy was accepted for women so I can marry like 50 missionaries!!!!! hahaha jk jk, but yeah, it is hard not to like some of the missionaries. Being my dad the president I get to see them a lot, and of course, many of them are "appealing to my eye" and got qualities I would love my future husband to have.
Let me tell you a story, when we got off of the plane when we had just arrived to the mission, there was the former president waiting for us with his 2 AP's and boy, the first thing I saw, elder H. was the most handsome thing I had ever seen! LOL. Good start, Super virtuous woman huh? I had a big crush. He was going to finish his mission in one week! And he was so nice and friendly with me, I seriously believed he was the one haha. But I never flirted with him! I promise! I was and still am very respectful to the missionaries and their sacred calling.
Yeah, I wrote him some days after his mission with some words of gratitude for helping my dad and stuff and he didn't answer my e-mail but I thought it was because I wrote to his myldsmail account which he no longer used. Days passed and I started to lose interest. Yeah, the big crush was gone. Anyway, friended him on Facebook months later but without any romantic interest, he accepted my request, and we never chatted or anything. So far he has only liked one status where I say my brother got his mission call, and one image I shared with a quote by pres. Hinckley. Now I look at his pictures and he looks so awkward and by what he posts, I find him boring and a little bit lame. Well he's great but he's not my type.
But wait, my mom also wanted him as her son-in-law when she met him hahaha, more than one year and a half after he's gone from the mission, she's still in contact with him creating opportunities for us to talk and get to know each other better, and yeah he's willing to help me with homeworks, to pick me up at the airport if I ever go to BYU, etc. but I just don't get excited about it. At the time I thought he was the one, the most handsome, fun and spiritual man ever and my heart was filled with joy and desires to become a better person when he was here, but now, he's just one more guy, one that I would never marry.
Now I deal with my secret crush for elder B. lol, eventually stalking his facebook just to find what a talented smart amazing young man he is, but when I remember my experience with elder H. I realize that it's just a temporary feeling. I find many missionaries interesting and atractive but I know they're not for me ,and I am okay with it. Even when I live now in a place where the only atractive guys are the missionaries. I respect them, I never flirt with them, we just shake hands and that's it. I don't know why my dad makes it harder calling the most spiritual and handsome as his AP's lol, but I trust Heavenly Father will bless me with my eternal companion in his due time, and I feel peace to know that the time is not the mission and the right person is not one of the missionaries. I can wait. I will wait and I want to wait. All I can do now is admire them. I still think Heavenly Father trusts me! :) I still think He knows I'm not going to do anything that would ruin the mission of any of His sons :) and I know myself that I will never do it. He will bless me for my efforts
I just know it. Sometimes we can't help the "natural affection" but we can control our actions.Stay respectful to the missionary, you will lose interest, I promise. I promise! I have known a bunch of good missionaries and the feeling does fade! Be patient. It is just a temporary feeling, and then, "if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high".... with a good man who is allowed to date you
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Lol, I quoted the wrong post
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Wow, for your friend's mom this was literal: "...you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong"I don't think I've ever experienced a literal "burning of the bosom," and I suspect that most people haven't, either. We all feel the Spirit in different ways. For me, I know I'm feeling the Spirit when what I think and what I feel come together and align. The scriptures say "I will tell you in your heart and in your mind." That's how it works for me.
When I have a stupor of thought, I've learned to recognize it (typically in hindsight) as being when what I think and want seem like fine and good things (like Anddenex's friend's mom), but I have a different feeling that I can't shake, and it just nags at me. When my heart and mind are uncomfortably at odds, I am experiencing a stupor of thought.
Discouraged about dating, especially within the Church. Just looking for hope.
in General Discussion
Posted · Edited by nellyleyva92
Thank you for reaching out Jane! I'm really considering switching wards because it's painful to see him each Sunday. It sucks to have to do this and to have to wake up earlier, travel a longer distance and pay more for transportation when my meetinghouse is close. The last thing I heard from my bishop is that it was going to be necessary to have a serious meeting with my ex boyfriend for the things he's done, (I don't know if he's done it yet ) but of course none of us will ask him to stop going to Church or leave the ward, and I know the Lord expects us both to remain active despite all that happened. Anyway, thank you for confirming a decision I've been seriously pondering