nellyleyva92

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  1. Like
    nellyleyva92 reacted to cat123 in Discouraged about dating, especially within the Church. Just looking for hope.   
    I would suggest a change in your strategy.  
    One thing that this world unfortunately lies to young women about is that they can have it all, school, job, career, love, etc.  Except this is a fairy tale and not reality.  Why?  Because as you are finding out, women don't have as much time as men to get things together IF they want to have children.  High risk pregnancies start age 35, plus the increase in birth defects.  If you get married at 30, space kids out 2 years apart + a little bit of solo time at the beginning you are looking at max 2 kids before things get problematic.  This is true because they don't take donor eggs after age 30 for example and the longer a woman waits the harder it is to actually conceive.
    So what do women do-unfortunately, the same thing you did which is have one or two serious long-term relationships.  Why be in a relationship for 5 years?  That is way, way too long without a marriage commitment. In addition, that is quite honestly a long time to be in a relationship without sexual relations.  I'm not saying you've had them; just that most relationships do not last that long without sexual relations.  Most men aren't going to be in a long-term relationship like that without sex.  If the woman says no to sex-the man has a choice, either marry her or move on.  For a man to be in a non-sexual serious relationship for 5 years . . . quite honestly I can't imagine a single man being in that type of a non-sexual relationship.  That does not compute with from what you've said is an abusive relationship.
    So you were in a 5-year relationship + 1 year off, that's 6 years. So you basically wasted half a decade on one man.  That's not his fault-that's yours, and the fault of a bad culture teaching bad values.  You shouldn't be in a relationship longer than year without really good understanding of whether that relationship is going to end up in marriage or not.  If you figure a year for a serious relationship, a few months of fudge room on either side-you are looking at having a max of 7-8 serious relationships prior to age 30, and that's if everything goes right.  More likely than not, you are looking at maybe 4-5 serious relationships prior to age 30.  This is because some should fizzle out in 2-3 months, but you might have several short relationships in between the serious ones.
    That said, the past is the past-all you can really do is learn from it and not repeat the same mistakes again.  That's why I suggest a change in strategy.  What change?  Well first I'd suggest be more active in the process.  Active in identifying what are the main qualifications that you want in a husband. Prioritize you list and be specific.  If you want him to be a romantic-then write down what things would qualify a man for being a romantic (roses, poems, singing, etc.).  If you want him to be a good provider-then write down things that would qualify him as being a good provider.  This might be, "I want him to have a good job in these fields, I want him to be out of school and employed".  If you want him to be a good father, then write down how you will know he would be a good father.  This might be "I want to see him interact with younger siblings, or children".
    You need to IDENTIFY specific traits and qualities that you can measure concretely. As in, I know he will be a good father because I've seen him interact with younger siblings and he enjoys roughhousing with them.  Rather than just having this fluffy "I love him", you need to know exactly why you do-and you can identify those things b/c love is action.  It's easy to say the words "I love you/him/her", but unless it's backed up by something concrete it's just words which have no real meaning.
    If you have a concrete idea of what it means to be a good husband, what it means to be a good father, what it means to be a good provider, then it becomes very easy to discriminate and you won't get trapped into a 5-year long relationship which blows half you dating lifespan!
    On the opposite end of things, why would your dream guy want to even marry you?  What qualities and characteristics do you bring to the table? How can you help HIM in a marriage?  Would you be able to properly care for newborns and teach them the Gospel? A mother's influence on her children cannot be overstated.  The greatest influence happens until age 5-after that it's largely correcting the mistakes you made as a parent from 0-5! Do you willingly do things you know you shouldn't do?  Do you have strong morals to teach your children well? Do you take care of yourself, physically, mentally, spiritually?
    If your dream guy came along, how would you make yourself stand out among all the other women who might want him!  Unfortunately, in today's world too many women give up their chastity in an effort to make themselves stand out to the guy they want . . . and that leads nowhere.
    So, change your strategy, identify what you want, identify what your spouse would want in you, change yourself to make it happen and then put yourself in situations where you can find that guy.
  2. Like
    nellyleyva92 reacted to Manners Matter in Discouraged about dating, especially within the Church. Just looking for hope.   
    I'm sorry for your struggles.
    - Try online dating (but ask lots of questions). 
    - Stop … oh what's the word … creating scenarios in your head that may not even be true or happen. 
    - Put your thoughts and energy toward what you WANT not what you don't ('what you feed, grows'). Find some positive affirmations to repeat if that helps.
    - Make sure you're in the right frame of mind and the type of person you want to meet before getting serious with anyone. 
    - Check your library for 'It's Just My Nature' by Carol Tuttle. Trust me on this one.
    I'll pop back in if anything else comes to mind but hope this helps. {hugs}
  3. Like
    nellyleyva92 reacted to Jane_Doe in Discouraged about dating, especially within the Church. Just looking for hope.   
    Ok, my encouragement is below.  Warning: my encouragement isn't to pretend that life is only rainbows.  Thunderstorms happens before the rainbow, and the below does indeed talk about the storm too.  This also was something I have been meaning to write for a while.
     
     
    “You promised you’d keep me safe!” my daughter cried, laying on the pavement in tears, her bike tangled in between her 5-year-old legs.  I had spent the last 4 months encouraging her riding her “big kid” training-wheels bike --  much to her terror.  We had spent many nights with me literally holding her up, and her screaming in fear.  After many many encouraging talks, she was finally ok with me letting go and walking beside her.
    And then she fell down.  
    In the middle of a flat drive way.  At a speed of 30 ft a minute.  She didn’t even have a scraped knee.  But none of that mattered to her as she sobbed “Mommy, you promised you’d keep me safe!”
    As I helped her up and gave her big calming hugs… amongst all of the “it’s ok” mommy-pats on the back, I was admittedly was a little…well of course she was ok.  She was always safe.  Yes, the fall was scary, and it stung, but she was ok and safe.  I was always right here.  And we were going to figure this big kid bike out, and I know that she’ll love it.  This was just a little bump in the much bigger picture I could see.
    My mind then flash back to my last big scare—so keenly feeling the anniversary of my last miscarriage.  I had miscarried before, but this was worse, as things went very badly.  I remember the ambulance lights, EMTs rushing, the look of fear on their faces as I won’t stop bleeding.  The near-death experience was a nightmare came true, and… it terrified me, haunting terrors, and may deep deep scars. 
    I had cried “You promised you’d keep me safe!” many times the months afterwards, writhing in pain and loss.  Cried it to my Parents in Heaven.  And I had needed many many hugs, from the divine and people on earth.  I was still SO scared.  Scared what would happen is I wasn’t physically here for my family, including the 5 year old I was currently trying to comfort.  Was I safe?  Could I keep her safe?
    And then, from Heaven, came the giant pat on the back for me.  Yes, I was safe.  Even when things sting horribly, terrify me, and worse thing I can imagine happen.  These was all bumps in the much bigger picture He could see.  I was safe.  She was safe.  I am safe.
     
    Nellyleyva92,  I can't know all the details about the storms you've been through.  I can't remotely pretend to know the big picture God sees for you.  But I can say that God too, keeps you safe.  
  4. Love
    nellyleyva92 reacted to Vort in Bishop didn’t ask for details or more information about my sins   
    God grants forgiveness, not the bishop, and God knows what you have done. The bishop might feel he needs more insight into the situation behind a particular sinful act; in this case, your bishop apparently didn't see the need for that. So be it. Your true repentance will not be less effective because the bishop didn't ask you some things.
    If you're still feeling bad about this, go back to your bishop and tell him that you were prepared to tell him everything, but he didn't ask. Tell him you feel uneasy about that, and offer to spill your guts. If he continues to refuse to ask, accept that as the righteous judgment of Israel's common judge.
  5. Like
    nellyleyva92 reacted to Anddenex in Bishop didn’t ask for details or more information about my sins   
    First, you made the right decision to speak with your bishop. I will add some thoughts for you to think about, while providing another witness on what others have shared.
    Second, bishops are in a peculiar situation when it comes people repenting of sins and confession. I have read posts where people are berating a bishop for asking too much detail. With exclamation points of, "How dare a bishop ask for more detail"! Even on this forum. Maybe he doesn't want to be that bishop, which may lead to necessary details and events being left out for full repentance to be achieved.
    Third, if the sins you feel you needed to share are different from the sin expressed to the bishop (unrelated and separate events), then yes I would recommend talking with your bishop again. Let me provide an example so I am clear. If someone were to have sex, break the law of chastity, and they met with their bishop and said they had sex, pre-marital and didn't tell the bishop about the petting and necking and are feeling bad. Well, I think the bishop understands that when a person has sex typically petting and necking are involved. So, they are related and the bishop doesn't need to go into detail. It is covered.
    Now, if a person said they had sex. The bishop didn't ask about any other events. The person is now feeling bad because the bishop didn't probe further and the individual didn't mention the other person they had sex with also. Then yes, these are unrelated events. They are separate, and do have impact on decisions of worthiness and outcomes.
    Finally, if you are unsure, as others have shared, you can always go back and talk with your bishop again. The point of the repentance process is to become once again "one" with Christ via his atonement.
  6. Love
    nellyleyva92 reacted to MarginOfError in Bishop didn’t ask for details or more information about my sins   
    When someone confesses that they've sinned, and can demonstrate an understanding of what their sins are, I don't personally find a need to pursue extensive questioning. If this was a first time, one-off occurrence, then do as your bishop counsels you, continue your repentance, and get on with life.  
    Don't let doubts about your experience with your confession not being what you expected it to be cause you to miss out on the joy of repentance.
  7. Like
    nellyleyva92 got a reaction from Lillyann Launiu in How can I forget the ugly things I see on Internet by accident?   
    You know, somethings you're innocently surfing the web when a horrible image/ video, etc shows up and makes you feel really bad. It may be something pornographic, child abuse, sex depravation, explicit pictures of dead people, animal or human torture, etc.
    I can't easily delete from my mind things that I saw by accident, and I wish I could just forget them because just thinking about them make me depressed about the horrible world where I live, and I suffer knowing people or animals out there are suffering horrible things. That makes me sick and afraid of this world... even confused on why Heavenly Father allow such things to happen. Sometimes the memory of a terrible thing I saw long time ago,s come back to my mind unexpectedly and ruins my day.
    How can we forget those horrible images, and keep possitive about this life? And, are there any ways we can avoid them? (without quitting Internet completely)
  8. Like
    nellyleyva92 got a reaction from Sunday21 in Returned Sister Missionaries: How did you make the decision?   
    Thank you so much, I always had the desire to preach the Gospel, because I know it is true and every human being needs it, but every time I pray about a full time mission the answer is unclear. There are times when I strongly feel I should definitely do it, and there are times when I feel a mission is definitely not for me. I'm almost 24 (a little too old?) and struggling with deep depression too. I've feely that if I don't serve a mission I would regret it a lot when I'm older, but your experience an testimony help me think maybe I won't regret it at all. I just wish the Lord made mefeel certain about serving or not, but depression makes it hard to feel and discern the Spirit  
    Thank you for sharing.
  9. Like
    nellyleyva92 got a reaction from Sunday21 in Returned Sister Missionaries: How did you make the decision?   
    Thank you so much, I always had the desire to preach the Gospel, because I know it is true and every human being needs it, but every time I pray about a full time mission the answer is unclear. There are times when I strongly feel I should definitely do it, and there are times when I feel a mission is definitely not for me. I'm almost 24 (a little too old?) and struggling with deep depression too. I've feely that if I don't serve a mission I would regret it a lot when I'm older, but your experience an testimony help me think maybe I won't regret it at all. I just wish the Lord made mefeel certain about serving or not, but depression makes it hard to feel and discern the Spirit  
    Thank you for sharing.
  10. Like
    nellyleyva92 reacted to classylady in Returned Sister Missionaries: How did you make the decision?   
    I had always wanted to go on a mission. Then the desire left when I was around 17 years of age. I went through a slightly inactive stage during my teens where I wasn't attending my meetings, but I still read my scriptures and said my prayers. At the age of 19, I received my Patriarchal Blessing. In it, I was told that if I would strengthen my testimony and would live as the Lord would have me live, that I could preach the gospel, that I would do much good, and many would join the church because of my teaching and example. At that time I was hoping that maybe it meant I would serve a mission with my husband (and it could still mean that). About two years later, right before I turned 21 my Bishop called me into his office and asked how I felt about serving a mission. As soon as he asked me that question, I just knew I was supposed to serve. We turned in my papers, and I had my call within two months. I left for the mission field one month after my 21st birthday.
    It was the best decision of my life! I still cherish my mission experiences and the people I met and grew to love. I'm still in contact with many of my mission companions and some of the Elders. I love the country I served in--Germany. I try to go back whenever I can. I love the German people! My testimony and love for my Savior was strengthened by my service. I'm so grateful I accepted the call to serve.
  11. Like
    nellyleyva92 reacted to tesuji in How can I forget the ugly things I see on Internet by accident?   
    OpenDNS is also a great way to filter out sleaze. It's free:
    https://www.opendns.com/home-internet-security/
  12. Like
    nellyleyva92 reacted to cdowis in How can I forget the ugly things I see on Internet by accident?   
    Something that helps me.
    I have AdBlocker, and it has a cool feature.  You right click on the image and you can permanently block that image from showing on your computer, so you can go back to that page and it isn't there anymore.  Amazing, but I found that somehow it also erases it from my memory -- as if it never existed.  I go to that page and it is just a blank space.
    It's a psychological thing.