Hello, I am a recent convert and not sure about a lot of things regarding mormon culture.
Specifically Home and Visiting Teaching.
My problem is best understood after a short introduction.
Yes i am a convert, but also someone who suffers from depression and low self esteem. Through all the crap that has been my life, i have become a fighter. Someone who can be sure of herself and fight her own battles. But lately i have become worn down, as sometimes happens. I have several callings in the church, Visiting teaching(Which is freaking sweet, i have an awesome companion who is showing me the ropes and lovely sisters to visit) and as a YSA leader (Ugh). This being said, i still am lacking knowledge, so maybe i'm obsessing over nothing.
Okay, now to the problem. I feel abandoned by my visiting and home teachers.
I've only seen either pair once or twice, and none at all in the last 2 months. We have a fairly small branch, so its not like they won't see me. I guess the problem is that i'm not thought of.
And this is tearing me up inside. I feel unloved, i know its stupid and creepy and weird, but i feel unwanted. I can't sleep from thinking about it, and sometimes i start to cry and can't seem to stop...(Its the combination of this and family issues). It certainly doesn't help my self-esteem. I mean i know i'm not a perfect and can come off as aggressive, but i don't know if i can fight anymore. I've fought for so much in my life, and i'm still a weak person who isn't worth it.
I'm not sure if this is a battle that i can even win.
Any words of comfort or advice is appreciated.
