Kat27

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  1. Thank you for that number I have saved it in my contacts. Birmingham is not close by at all, but I will speak with my bishop this Sunday and if needs be I can still call the number and they will surely refer me to a more appropriate location. :)
  2. Thank you Windseeker, I will see what forms of counselling are available to me. I have spoken to my fiancé and he is super supportive which is so much more than I could ask for. We both struggle with similar issues and we are both on the same page which makes it easier to help each other, not saying it's going to be easy though - far from it. I know not to be ashamed or embarrassed with the right sort of people that are trying to help me and that not everyone needs to know my business. :)
  3. I DID IT!!! I text him this morning when I had time so I can get everything off of my mind finally. This was something I wanted to talk about previously, I just never thought it was really a problem until now. I suppose it being in the back of my head for 7 months should've been a good sign! Thanks so much for your support :) xx
  4. This is EXACTLY how I feel when I'm in these moods. I just can't do anything about it myself just yet. I will keep trying. Satan will do everything to stop me from being happy, even the stupid little things that make me mad he'll tempt me with. I actually tried seeing a counsellor once, a regular one. He charged me what I could afford as I'm usually poor which was nice and he did try to help me, but I just couldn't get the words out once again. I never told him what my problem really was and just spoke about other problems in my life because I was too ashamed about self harm and sexual promiscuity. Maybe the fact that he wasn't a member of the church and the Lord couldn't be a part of our conversation or maybe it was because he's a man. I don't know, I just can't get the words out, but I will try and speak with my fiancé tonight about it all in DETAIL and not leave any parts out like I have done before so he knows what I'm dealing with 100%. He always tells me I'm not crazy though. Which makes me laugh, because I certainly feel crazy at times. I feel so much happier today.
  5. Yes - for the most part. He is aware and I have told him about these things, we've just never been able to have a proper conversation about it. The best advice he gave me was "to get professional help" which is absolutely useless to someone who just wants to "talk" and have him understand it's something that's a part of me that I need help with and not have to find a solution asap like most men think - or so he tells me men think that way!
  6. That's what I'm scared to find out, but I know it will help me in the long run and control my inner beast.
  7. Thanks Vort, I've always been able to function normally and sex has never been an issue until now, I think about sex more than the average non church member man! Or at least I used to, now I'm getting much better at it because I know it's wrong to think about sex so much or at all. I know I'm a bit of a drama queen, I know it's not the worst thing in the world that I have done or could do, I just need to learn how to deal with it all. I will look for help, I just don't want to be a crazy pill popper.
  8. That's such a good point, this is where I'm confused as to whether the thoughts and feelings I have are actually normal. As I've grown up I've always been a very sexually active girl, I remember masturbating when I was about 5 years old and I knew it was something private that I shouldn't tell people about at that age, then as I grew into a teenager sex was normal 2-3 times a week until I joined the church. Now having gone cold turkey after over 15 years of such sexual behaviour I feel like I'm literally going insane and actually don't know what is a normal sexual desire! The self harm comes from this confusion and anger. I will persevere!
  9. Thank you so much Letrell for sharing that story with me. I can just imagine the horror on my face if I dared to go to the temple without resolving anything. I will text my bishop asap to arrange an appointment, it's how we roll. I think the reason why I feel so ashamed is because I've done so well in the past 7 months and it feels like I'm trying to prove myself to everyone and to bishop that I'm OK, I can handle myself, but I just can't any more and I need to come to terms with it and have him help me once more.
  10. Hi I still haven't figured out how to reply to everyone individually. Here goes, Thank you Roseslipper I feel so loved by everyone as this is something I am really struggling with. I know what I should do now, I just dislike waiting around for things to happen. Patience is something I must learn! As for counselling, I just don't know how to even go about that. All things will work out I'm sure, as long as I do something about it.
  11. I am Kat and I'm 23. I've been active in the church for 7 months now, despite a few slip ups. I've sworn in anger here and there, I've masturbated out of anger and frustration at least 4 times after my repentance and re-activity (went cold turkey on the sex for that to work of course) and I'm an avid self-harmer/anger management wannabe. I assume I have a problem/addiction because it does affect everyday life. I feel like such a pervert, these thoughts I get in my head to do with sex or having sex with my future husband. I do it way too much and I don't know if it's normal or not. I feel like I'm going crazy and every time I get a sexual urge I get really angry, I hit myself, cut myself, the works. When none of that pain works, I masturbate with means to hurt myself down there too. It just makes me SO mad! This happens every 1-2 months. I've repented through prayer, been happy and fine for 5 weeks, then BAM. Depression hits. Getting married soon has sort of awoken and heightened those senses once more that I thought I had long suppressed. Simply going cold turkey and never speaking of sex again isn't the way forward if I am to have sex again once I'm married. I was actually worried at one point that I wasn't sexually attracted to my fiancé. Longer story made shorter, I feel like I'm going insane, for real. Sex is everywhere and me getting married and getting to have sex is amazing, but it's also really worrying if I become a sex addict. I live in the UK, so the recovery program isn't as big here that I'm aware of. I fear that if I go to Bishop now, do the whole repentance thing again I won't be able to attend my temple prep classes in order to be sealed in the temple after our civil marriage (as is done in the UK). There is just too much pressure on everything and I'm going to lose it sometime soon. I feel it's enough to pray and to repent that way, even though I fall down every so often I don't feel horrible enough to speak with Bishop. I really don't know what to do. I feel like smashing my head through a table. If I feel that it's not worth talking to Bishop, does that mean I feel that it's not an important sin to repent of or that I'm trying to justify it in some way? The answer I'm looking for is that I can overcome this myself and with the help of my future husband and we can come up with ways of keeping a chaste mind even after we're married.
  12. I'm Kat, in the UK. I'm a convert of about 9 years now, but only really just starting to become active. My life has turned around for the better. I still have some hard times and just want to talk to people that are perhaps a bit more experienced and can possibly give me advice in life. My close friends are not in church and only my mum is a member. I don't always get to talk with her though I'm looking forward to speaking with new people :)