Dear Ulder or anyone else in a similar Position,
Unlike most I can be quite emphatic to your plight. The church is not an easy environment. As a convert I learned that in a 60 mph vs solid concrete wall - way. The church is a wonderful place if : You are married, with kids ( cream on top), Say yes and amen to anything that comes out of Salt Lake and managed from the start to butter up. I am not saying this as an accusation but it is a fact. As a convert I neither was born into the church nor was I in time to be on a mission. On top I happen to have the misfortune to do as I say and say as I do with the proper portion of directness and a massive lack of conceitedness. Anyhow, I don´t think you are doing wrong because you have a free agency. If you need to discover life outside the church, I do think it might be a healthy experience if you keep carrying the Lord in your heart. The experiences will actually help you to become something the Lord wants you to be, a happy person with a charitable heart towards to needy. And one can not love his neighbor without loving himself. As for the socials skills, I get you as well. Surrounding yourself with church people all day long talking about the same thing over and over will turn you into major retard. A nice one,albeit but still a retard. I know at this point writing this people will be outraged. But one can not carry the Lords good message towards the people when once is too busy committing social incest. So yes, in that regard you obtain skills and can at your leisure chose to be learn about people and if you have the courage even invite them to the gospel.
As for dating in the church, I have never met a group of people handicapping themselves so severely like the people of this church. People objectify and exalt Return Missionaries and a fair number indeed, can be actually pigs, looking for their trophy wife that is expected to turn into a baby factory. The whole concept is a fallacy that you are deemed worthy as a companion only AFTER you went on a mission. Never mind that there is worthy fulltime missionaries at home being good members and subjects unto the Lord, which fall through the cracks. You also will never receive love or understanding if you haven´t gone because it is expected. It turned from a conviction of faith into a rite of passage where one might even get a new car as a reward from the family ( exaggerating here a bit ). Fact is, yes it is easier to date outside because you play rules that are universally known. In the church you play with rules not revealed to you and you draw the short end in any case no matter how hard you try, you may never be enough to project status or the potential to become the the future bishop of your ward if you lack sufficient vitamin c ( connection).
I myself as a convert went from very fun lifestyle to the even paced lifestyle I desperately needed. However, I am convinced that converts bring qualities and experiences to the church that are sorely needed but there are places where you are a member second class, at least what some "church nobility" inborn - pioneer super mormons would have you believe. The Lords does not care for status or sanctimonious airs, he cares about that you are happy and loved. And you are loved. I would like for you to remember that. Dating in the church is a soul crushing experience if you happen to be an outsider and in some instances one ought rather pet a rabid shark than step out on to field where you get measured by what you aren´t and not by what you are.
For any critics out there, I would like to remind you that I have a covenant with the Lord and not its people. I also happen to contribute whatever I can give to the Lords cause and received a tremendous blessing in form of my wife. All that mess I had to wade through makes me appreciate her sharing her life with me on a daily basis. We distinct between cultural mormons and faithful mormons. We are the latter kind because the former kind is too busy being something else.
Some people tend to forget that there is also the bible and not just the book of mormon. But it tends to still hold good classics. This is my recommendation of what kind of woman you might want to look for, while it is also acknowledging praise to our sisters.
Proverbs 31: 10 - 31
I can invite you only to exercise your good judgement and agency and let the Lord guide your hands. You should disregard judgement that aims to stifle you in your quest for happiness while taking heed to good advise. First and foremost you are a child of god and again: You are loved! No matter what everyone else thinks of you.
I will end this lengthy post in the hope that I may have consoled you a bit and encourage you to make your own mark and find your own place in the world around you. Fortune passes everywhere if you but grasp it. My dear brother, from the bottom of the heart, I pray that the Lord will give you what you need but not what you want. There is a difference in that.
My wife and I give our love to you and wish you to be well.
