magicmormon

This is unfortunately true. I wish it wasn't, but that is why this problem is spreading like a plague. I try to warn others before it becomes a problem, but usually it's too late. You don't realize it's a problem till you try to stop.

I get it. Your marriage is more important to you than having your needs met. You've settled for less. Thank you for your advice, hopefully I dont have to settle for less. If I am put in that situation it may be my best alternative. Btw, i too am disgusted by pornography. It is filthy, ugly, and sickening. If i wasnt addicted i'd be nowhere near it ever.

This was the first thing I read this morning. It was nice to wake up and read something inspirational. Btw, my wife still hasnt filed for divorce. I thought for sure that she would file within this last week. It was a perfect time for her to do it if she wanted. I am trying to come up with ways to woo her in the most difficult circumstances. Instead of cutting her off financially, I want to pay all the bills and send a check for as much as i can afford so that she and my daughter have more than enough for thier needs. I make sure to be cordial and humble around my mother in law. I go on walks with her when i get an oppotunity to see my daughter. I share my insights, spiritual thoughts, and I express to her what I wish would happen. I cant and dont ask her to convey any messages to my wife, but I am aware that my wife will learn much of what i express to her mother. Hopefully she shares nice things about me, she is in a position to cripple and destroy my relationship completely if she desired. I can only remain patient and take life one step at a time. Does anyone have any ideas about what else I could do to woo her without breaking the law?

My sponsor talked about Alma the younger the other night. I'm not sure I want to go through what he went through. Instead of being racked with his sins piece by piece over a length of time , he experienced all the pain at once. It must have been a terribly awful thing to experience before he was forgiven. We all pay a price, but it is just a small reminder the pain we caused our savior and what he felt for us during the atonement. I am only beginning to understand that pain through longsuffering. My relationship with my savior needs work.

I see nothing wrong with having a healthy sexual desire. God put it there for a reason, I won't be asking him to neuter me in any way. Misusing that desire by consuming pornography and masturbating are the problem. I ask God to change my desires to his desires. Maybe that's what you meant by giving up your sexual desires and I was just reading to much into it. Anyways, it is a process that is painful and slow, but where there is great effort, there are great rewards. Anything worth doing in life isn't easy.

Your focus is a little narrow. the marriage is not over, she hasn't yet filed divorce papers. I am not supposed to divorce her. I agree, my daughter needs her father. I believe I should be allowed back into my home. I don't expect it to happen soon or even at all. I can still cling to hope. These are the people and things I care about and I want to earn that trust again. For now I am just focused on changing what I can change and accepting the things I cannot. As for killing my desire for sex. I'm not sure that is wise. Abstinence is not sobriety. Sex wasn't what's wrong with me. My desire to lust is the problem. I have a 12 step program that will guide me to overcome that. God will remove that desire from my heart as I become more and more committed to doing his will. I have already begun to have a change of heart, but it may be years or even th rest of my life before that desire completely vanishes. Getting to a point where I am maintaining sobriety is my goal. It's all about choosing to remain humble, thankful, and reliant on God. It's a life long process for all of us.

Amen.

Badwolf, just curious, but you got your PhD in psychology focusing on spousal abuse from where?... All joking aside what is the difference between a true abuser and someone who has just reacted poorly in a few situations? They are both going to make the scenario seem downplayed. They are both going to deny being abusive. The only difference is one of them is telling the truth. While the other is in denial. Either way the atonement can and will solve the problem, not divorce. Thanks for your comments and your right about one thing, I'm not going to listen to them. you are welcome to move along now that you've wasted your breath here.

True. But it only takes one to turn a marriage around. If one person changes, the dynamics of the marriage change and that can be the starting point.

I used to say I'd leave if my marriage ever became loveless or sexless. But I've found that I can endure a lot more pain than that with gods help. Without him, I am very weak. It is remarkable how much we can withstand if our hearts and desires are to do gods will. he currently wants me to stay in my marriage despite the hardship, so I stay. I have changed a lot in the last 2 months, but there is still a long way to go. I think heavenly father would have most of us stay where many of us assume it is better to leave. we assume marriage is supposed to be sunshine and happiness, but forget that it is also for our eternal perfection. It challenges us is in ways we never could comprehend when we clasped hands at the altar. It is one of lives biggest challenges and blessings. In my opinion, divorce should be used in the most extreme cases only. Everywhere else forgiveness,, repentance, patience, and the atonement is the solution

I want to say, i dont expect my wife to stay by my side. I can only hope she will. I will always be thankful for her influence in my life. She has always inspired me to be a better man. As far as your thoughts on abuse... I agree with you. People make mistakes and it doesnt mean they are automatically abusive. Which is why i say im not an abusive person. I never did anything to purposely hurt my wife. Ive reacted poorly in tough situations in the past and im feeling the consequences now.

Im so sorry for your loss. Good to hear you are remarried and enjoying those blessings again.

You mentioned you've been where i am. How did things work out for you?

Thats great advice. I plan on taking it.

i agree that it didnt send a positive message and i also agree she assumed it would eventually become physical. You have to remember that i didnt repeat the behavior and she spent two more months in the house with me. she had claimed to have forgiven me for that offense, but appararantly she couldnt let it go so easily. I can understand if she did this initially. But it hurt alot to be blindsided and betrayed two months later. Sorry if i dont always sound repentant. I still have a lot of painful emotions and tender feelings concerning this order of protection and some of the posts are blindly judgemental instead of sympathetic, encouraging, and uplifting. I will explain what i can as i see it. Ive done much wrong, but ive also done much right. I could start a whole new thread about the wonderful things ive done for my wife. This thread has been mostly negative, so i suppose i shouldnt be so annoyed by several negative comments. We reap what we sow. I am in a sinking boat of my own making. the only one that can save me is God and that is true for anyone. Control over your life is an illusion satan uses to keep us from relying on God. I have learned by sad experience that Gods ways are not my ways. Relying on him to take care of my needs is not easy.