brianhess226

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  1. I wish it was a matter of patience. With circumstances as they are and the rate things are going, It could take decades before I overcome my past. At 50, it'd be too late to start a career or begin having children of my own. God will always forgive, but the world will never.
  2. I am fully active in the church and I have built a strong testimony. Somehow I feel I'll never be worthy of a celestial existence regardless of all my righteous efforts or sincerest desires. I have struggled with a turbulent past. When growing up I dealt with being raised in a broken home, poverty, depression and a feeling of nonacceptance (In the church or outside the church). When I became older I never felt worthy of serving a mission and started living on my own. Life in general was new and exciting but I had fell away from the teachings of the gospel and spent 10 years inactive and participating in things that the Lord would never approve of. Since then I have repented and invested my efforts on the right path in a expedient manner. I have been honoring my priesthood and soon I am expected receive the Melchizedek Priesthood and be able to have my personal Temple Endowment. I really never thought I could get to where I am now. I consider the strength the Lord has given me to turn my life around the ultimate blessing. Still, I believe certain privileges are out of my grasp. One of those is a celestial marriage. It seems there's so much residual from my past that makes all my attempts on finding a eternal companion hopeless. I agree having standards and the ability to support a family are essential to consider but my history has exhibited only poor examples of both. I never served a mission, I have a (unresolved) criminal background, I have no higher education, and I have very little money. As I am working on improving spiritually, I am also working on improving myself temporally. However my greatest fear is by the time I resolve every issue from my past, the opportunity on finding a compatible and committed spouse and creating a loving family will have passed by.