tallulahmarie

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  1. wow, i am in awe of your responses. i honestly can't believe so many of you had something to say to me! so, thank you very much. as for the responses themselves, i see a lot of value in what has been said and i find i understand where many of them are coming from. i think my major concern for myself can be summed up from a combination of a few of your comments, specifically that, i lack the desire to change my current situation, but i'm not sure why i feel that way. i'm not sure why i've never been interested in dating (or jeez, even interested in men in general). i'm also not sure why marriage makes be bristle just a little. is it something inherent to my personality or is it something that i've developed over time, through experiences? i have no clue! it feels so ingrained in me that i can't imagine not thinking/feeling this way, but maybe it's a coping mechanism, who knows? certainly not me... anyway, i thank you for all your kind words and advice and personal stories. it's very comforting to know i'm not completely out in left field all on my own.
  2. hi lds forum, this is my first post, however, i have lurked on these boards a few times, trying to get a feel for the place. and you all seem very nice, so i decided to throw my situation and out there and see what comes back! so, i'm 27-years-old, i'm a woman, i'm unmarried and i'm an active/active-ish LDS woman. i attend a very small singles branch in city and state where there are very few mormons. we're the only singles branch in the state actually. i'm also a full time student getting my doctorate in nursing. i work as a pedi nurse practitioner and i LOVE my job/school, although i'm graduating in may and i could not be more excited about finishing this degree! so my life is mostly work and school, school and work and then more school, with a bit more work. all of my own choosing, of course. also of my own choosing is that i do not attend church regularly, i attend whenever possible, but i work most weekends (bummer) so i don't have a fantastically close relationship with my branch leadership, although they seem like very kind and caring men and women. what i'm trying to say is that i do have a testimony of this church and i follow it's tenants and believe in them, but i don't have time to go to ward FHE. which makes it difficult for me to discuss my problems with people in my branch. and i'm really struggling with the whole concept of dating and marriage and unfortunately my roommates/close friends are not LDS and don't understand my specific quandaries and i'm not comfortable taking this to my branch leadership as of right now. but there it is: i don't date. i never really have. i use school as an excuse not to date (it's sort of accurate, but i could make time if i wanted to). i'm unsure whether or not i want to date in the first place. i am very conflicted about marriage and it's place in my life. i can see the happiness it has brought my LDS friends and family members (ok, not total happiness of course, but a different type of happiness perhaps) and i really believe that marriage has been a beautiful experience for many of them, but i still don't find it all that appealing personally. i'm not comfortable thinking of myself as a future 'wife'. and here's the thing: i don't even really long for romantic connection, not really. i mean, sure it might be nice at some point, i guess, if i had the time, but i would never seek it out. which is crazy to me even though i'm the one saying it, because i generally LOVE people! my entire life/career is built around people and caring for them! and i have friends! i make friends easily! i have very close friends who are important and meaningful to me! did i mention that i love/get along well with my family? i do! they're awesome and supportive and great! and i love my job! everything i have ever wanted, career/education wise, i have gone after and worked hard for and attained, but i find that i cannot muster even a fraction of that fire when it comes to locking down an eternal companion. what's up with that? but what makes it worse is that i want kids. i really want kids. i know part of this is biological, i know part of this is because i take care of kids ALL DAY long, i know that, but i also know that even before i started doing what i'm doing, i wanted kids. i want to be a mother very badly. even my patriarchal blessing talks about me being surrounding by children my whole life, both my own and others too-which makes sense given my job! but it's sort of tricky to get kids without a husband, especially as an active LDS woman. so what do i do? i've prayed about this, maybe not with burning intensity, but i have prayed that i will be open to what is supposed to happen in my life. but i'm a firm believer in putting in all your own leg work, taking action, being proactive and then asking Heavenly Father to fill in the little bit that remains. and i haven't been proactive about these feelings at all! i'm just conflicted. very conflicted. i would love to hear what, if anything, you all have to say. i don't think i'm looking for true resolution. i'm not looking for a hard and fast answer, just a dialogue. i'm tired of not saying these feelings out loud.