Jeffmk

The last time I went to Church, there were more people than were present a few years ago. This is despite another ward opening, and our members being split. It was incredibly crowded, so much in fact that the pews were all taken, then the regular chairs which normally no one sad in were taken, they actually had to place about four rows of folding chairs beyond the cushioned chairs. In fact, I am accustomed to having Missionaries wit with me when I go to church, it seems as though their hands are full. Mind you, this is Florida.. perhaps it is different in other places, but it seems to me that at the very least here, it is growing significantly.

I can't really comment on what makes me stay, as I have been inactive more than active since my baptism. I can comment on what keeps me coming back though. The only time I felt the holy ghost, really the only time I felt there was something at a level I would consider astonishing was when I prayed if the Book of Mormon was true. I simply can not ignore that experience, it has been the only time I had felt as though I had direct revelation with something far beyond myself or other people that was sentient. I only wish I could hold on to such a feeling forever. I may as well consider myself incredibly lucky, I don't think many people get to feel that in their lifetimes. If they did, everyone would be a Mormon :) I know for certain, that this one unique experience in my life will always be with me though. It will always lead me back to the LDS church. Such an experience transcends any other I have had, and while it is hard to hold on to at times, when life gets hard I always come back to it. I don't have anything else to go on dude, I wish there was. I have sought spirituality elsewhere and have come up void. It is not quite enough to have made me stay, but it was enough to keep me coming back.

I don't see how free agency could exist without free will. I'm really new to the concepts of open theism, but if they are what I think they are then it comes down to this: God ultimately does not know what choices we will make. I believe, God may know all of the possible choices we may make, He will have set limitations as far as what we can choose to do, He can also know the ultimate conclusion of mankind. But when it comes to choice he doesn't know.

I have hard enough of a time speaking inside of groups, being the center of focus would likely place me into a full blown anxiety attack. No seriously, this past semester just having my name called out for attendance, and having to say the simple word "here" would often choke me up, leave me perspiring, and my heart racing. I tell you what happens when I have to give a speech, my mind loses any ability to form thoughts outside of extreme fear, my voice starts to quiver, my eyes start to swell, I sweat profusely, I shake, and eventually start to lose all my strength. Sometimes the fear becomes overwhelming, and I pass out. It really sucks, even the thought of going in front of a group of people freaks me out. You guys are brave, I have no clue how you do it.

I'd like to buy a vowel, please.

Congrats

See, that is a job I would like. Before I got laid off, I spent most of my time doing IT support for a call center.. I actually miss it a lot. I'm in college for computer programming, but honestly I don't think anyone is going to be interested in a 40 year old graduate

Night elf hunter, level 85. I gave up when the Pandas took over, those pesky pandas.. I just don't trust them.

Good point BadWolf, I wouldn't really consider those as addictive things. I spend most of my time researching a bunch of things, I will never have a use for - or engaging in conversation that really sets me in a bad mood (yahoo answers.. my how I hate thee) or playing MMORPGs for hours upon hours (I gave that up a few months ago though). To be honest, since I wrote this question I have been laying here in my bed, reading stuff off of the internet. I've been at it now, for 14 hours - almost straight. Outside of applying to a few jobs, none of it was really productive in any way. I'm surprised I'm not huge, from lack of activity. With that said, my kids and wife went out roller skating earlier after they get out of school. Usually, I stop when they get home, to help with their homework and hang out. If I didn't have kids or a wife, I could see myself doing this every day.

I can totally respect that, my problem is that I definitely push aside obligations, such as right now I should be doing the laundry and moping the floor. Yet, here I am responding to you, lol. I'm also on facebook, youtube, researching about how people clear out hair clogs in bath drains, looking at jobs at Employ Florida, reading about LDS stuff, doing a search on my sailboat model, looking at internet addiction, etc, etc.. I'm hopeless, lol.

While trying to follow the WoW, it is becoming apparent to me there is a strong theme based around addiction. I easily spend ten hours or more online every day. I'm sure the mods here, see my IP repeated a million times in their logs, lol. I'm thinking of assigning myself a five hour limit on the computer, outside of job searches, and homework. Do any of you also feel you may have an internet addiction problem?

The LDS version of Chuck Norris has come to pass, this is just to cool.

We recently purchased a Roku as well, so far the thing is great. We have a ton of channels on it, including BYUTV. Netflix is one of my main go to places, but the lack of parental controls for Netflix is disappointing.

Taking my wife out the 27th, our 11th year anniversary. We can't afford much, but we are going to see Air Supply for free There is always something going on around here, which is good. We'll have to take advantage of these things more often.

Looking around the ward, everyone seems to be dressed in slacks with a sports jacket. At least that is what I think they are called, lol. I'm more of a jeans and button up shirt sort of guy so very inexperienced in this area. Where can I get inexpensive pants and jacket, preferably machine washable? I'm on a shoe string budget here, and my current outfit is from goodwill, it requires dry cleaning and that is out of my budget unfortunately.

I'll probably be doing that next semester, right now I am still in an introductory to programming class. They are using raptor, which is about the easiest thing out there. Thanks for the suggestions though, my brain is just mush right now from my current course load, and my kids. I've got all sorts of things to do right now though, none of them I really want to do.. but enough to keep me busy for the night.

I've been playing Skyrim, for the first time. It is pretty cool, haven't tried league of legends though. I'm in college right now, no more classes, please

;)You people scare me!

Do any of you have suggestions for a movie, website, scripture, etc that is spiritually uplifting? I have netflix, and amazon prime.

Thanks Milluw, I've decided to give it up. I will be performing alcohol abuse tonight, as I pour my last nine beers down the drain.. bleh. I had decided I would have one last drinking session, and could only stomach three of them a few nights ago. I look at it this way, it will leave a better impression on my kids, save us money, and keeping with the covenants. Thanks for all of the advice.

Well I did it, despite several times thinking of not going. I couldn't get to sleep until around 6:30am, and got to the Church at 9:45am. I tell you, social anxiety is such a pain.. it makes you envision the worst happening in every social encounter, I know how crazy that sounds but that is what happens. What is trivial for most people, becomes a nightmare for people like me. The thing that kept me pushing, was my kids. I want them to grow up with guidance, a set of morals and beliefs to keep them out of trouble. So, I arrived and it went really well actually. My five year old was bored to tears, my seven year old loved it. Which is opposite of how it started, my five year old was excited and my seven year old didn't want to do it at all. We weren't met by much fanfare, a few people recognized us. Two awesome members sat next to us, they usually see my wife at her job so they have kept up with the family. I saw a few familiar faces, saw that our old Bishop has been replaced, a few new members, and the place was much more packed than I remember it being. I only stayed for the sacrament, as my five year old was getting a bit impatient. Unfortunately, trying to keep my kids entertained distracted me from most of the sacrament. But it was still nice. Thanks for all of the advice to everyone here. Just one question, I didn't partake of the Sacrament because I'm still hooked on nicotine. I did give my kids it though, is that acceptable?

Well, tomorrow is the big day, unless I chicken out. It would be so much easier if my wife was able to go with me. I'm gonna feel a bit out of place, wearing cheap clothes, and trying to keep my five and seven year old patient for the hour. aaahhhrrg.. nervous like all heck right now. Wish me luck, if you're interested I'll post how it went tomorrow.

My blog is more so like a journal, with lousy grammar I hardly get any traffic on it, but I do share it with my family. Which reminds me, I have to update the videos and photos of our latest camping trip.

Home made root beer, with some homemade vanilla ice cream. Sounds pretty good.

I do have the cheap beer, while waiting for my homebrew to finish. I do a agree, spiritually beer can definitely awaken people. I can see why it is excluded from the WoW, as it brings upon a prideful nature, well at least it does for me. Giving up this hobby is difficult, it is a very enjoyable, but I can go on without it. Without alcohol is fine also. I will not give it up to be a member in good standing though, I want to be close to God, to experience such a life. I don't think I will ever be a member in good standing, I don't think I will ever fit in with the people of the church. I will try, but I know I am socially awkward, and that makes others feel uncomfortable around me. I know that my presence in church will likely be unwelcome by many, but tolerated. I have sought out God many times in my past. The only time I received confirmation, to an extent that would leave me wanting.. is when I prayed on the BoM. If I could capture that feeling, even just once in a while I would be happy to give up alcohol forever. Even if it means that I never go to temple, or church. I would gladly give it up.