elizabeththomas

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  1. Look, I KNOW my husband is as much to blame. But my anger is channeling towards HER because I am trying to save my marriage. I BEGGED and BEGGED to move. I BEGGED to change wards and he will not. So do I end my marriage or threaten to leave with the kids if he doesn't do one of these things for me (and probably have him resent ME for the rest of our lives) or I just take it and deal with it and PRAY that they will end up moving sometime in the near future. To forgive her doesn't mean I need to be nice to her and be her friend again. But you can research online and find that with an affair, comes TRAUMA...and it is double the trauma, not only from my husband, but the betrayal of a close friend and I am having trouble healing from this when there are triggers (reminders) around every corner and the biggest one of all is at church every Sunday ( a place where I should be able to not think about her and find peace). And so all I'm saying is that I am STRUGGLING with moving forward with the reminders there all the time.
  2. I realize that this probably happens more than I can see...but those people are hard to find because most likely if the marriage is to work, they are staying under the radar, like I am. That's the thing. The first day I found out the other woman said she would move if needed. but then she talked to the bishop and he said what you said...not to make a big decision while the emotions are still high. So, it's been 8 months and I feel like everything has settled and I am STILL having a terrible time of it. So I have tried talking to my husband about moving, but it's a big fat NO, not even "let's think about it". So not only am I resentful towards my husband for doing what he did and making stay here with the reminders every day, but I am resentful towards the bishop for not just letting them go when they were going to!! We are doing counseling and we are working on our marriage and I think WE will be ok. But I, on the other hand am not. I refuse to think that I should have to live in this ward for the rest of my life, alongside the woman who seduced my husband and wanted to run away with him. Let her seek forgiveness and move on with her life...people make mistakes...that is fine. But should I have to have her in my face for the rest of my life? All I want is to have distance
  3. I feel for you here. I very much dislike when people can't just be honest about their feelings. While I do feel like she should have been honest with you from the beginning, I also think you are on the right track in getting the hint and letting her go. I know that is a lot easier said than done. I went to a therapist once and he suggested a help for the anger. He said to write your letter in all your anger...get everything out. But then say a prayer, burn the letter and give it to God. You could even shred it, put it in a balloon and watch it float to heaven. It's ok to have the feelings you have, but it's your decision on whether you will let them eat you alive or not. I'm not saying I'm good at this...I am actually really struggling with this right now. Anyway, good luck!
  4. I am REALLY struggling to find anyone out there that has experienced this and want to know what you did about it. 8 months ago, it was revealed to me that my husband had a 1 month emotional affair that began to cross into the physical when they ended it. But they claim that they "fell in love" and he basically stayed for the kids. The woman he had this affair with has been one of my closest friends in the ward for THREE years and her husband has been one of my husbands closest friends. Our kids have played, our families have been friends for 3 years. I can see the back of their house out of my back windows. It has already been made clear that we will never be friends again and that our kids will never play again. I want NO contact with them at all. Both of us are working on our marriages, etc, but we both are unable to move at the moment. We planned to live in this house until we grew old. After 8 months, we are going to be ok...my husband came out of whatever dark cloud he was in and admits the whole thing was so stupid and he loves me. I am triggered EVERY SUNDAY when I see her or her family at church. The trauma of it all has been too much and I can't even focus on anything spiritual while I'm there. I can tell I'm falling apart. My husband doesn't think moving is the answer and I wanted to CHANGE WARDS, but he said he'd rather stop going to church than go through the awkwardness of telling people we are new in the ward, but don't live in their boundaries. But I feel so strongly that if I could be separated completely from them then I could start to heal easier. No one in the ward knows except the bishop and it drives me mad that I can't tell my other friends what is wrong with me and what SHE did to me!!!!!!! I want to get out of here, but I am stuck!! What would you do???? [Moderator removed link]