Jane_Doe

Want a calling? Want to be involved with something? Then volunteer! I've been a similar boat myself (at church 1-2 a month). Having been through several bishoprics in that time, I've learned that people are not mind readers: if I want to help out, then I need to tell them that, not wait for them to figure it out. So yes, I walk up to the bishop and literally say "Hi, my name is Jane and I would like a calling." At that point the bishop's jaw usually drops to the floor in excitement and goes "of course! We have so many things to do!"

For me, one reason this becomes an issue is when Mom sticks her nose in something which is (frankly) a very personal matter for me, and then *insists* I do what she would do. It feels like a major violation of respect towards me because she is so deeply intruded into a personal matter and tries to deny me the right to make my own choices (via endless lecturing and nagging).

"Spying" emplies that I'm doing something secretive. No, I shall announce to my kids that I'll be monitoring every aspect of their actives, digital and otherwise. Once they get older and wiser, then I don't need to watch. It's called parenting.

Exactly! It might seem counterintuitive but indulging a "tick" behavior actually helps a lot of people concentrate better (myself included). People twiddle with their hair, bounce their knee, knit, or other such thing.

While knitting/croching takes concentration at first, after a few hours of learning it becomes a simple repetitive motion, not requiring thought. Hence, it's quite good for people with fidgety hands. Do you have any simple repetitive things that you like to do Vort? (I don't know your hobbies well enough to say).

Rather than focusing on hitting the "delete" bottom, I would focus on teaching them what appropriate behavior *is*.

I'm going to the spirit of the "law" (or respect) here: do what best enables you to pay attention and learn about the gospel. Admittedly, I make up soduku in church. It's a mindless thumb twiddling thing, and helps me get less distracted by all the craziness going on in the ward. If you're going to read hymns on your phone, go for it. On the flip side, I don't believe checking Facebook is conducive to gospel learning.

In my mind re-purpose = it has another use now (or at least in the next 6 months). Re-purpose does *not* mean "oh, but it might useful someday in some magical unknown way". If I held onto things which might be useful someday then I'd be buried in junk!

I believe in repurposing, so I don't throw much out, but instead focus on not letting much more junk come into my house in the first place.

It's so pretty! (And the alterations will be super easy). So glad this is working out for you!

Ok, majority of I'm going to say has already been said here (and Parakeet hit a home run), but I'm going to add my voice to the chorus because I've been in your friend's shoes. 1) Above all else you will NOT force her to do anything. You will NOT tell anyone without her consent (exceptions being made if she starts doing something really dangerous). She is the one in charge here. 2) She came to you as a friend, so your position as EQP is 100% irrelevant. 3) She needs you as her friend. Be there for her 300%. 4) Whatever happened: it was not a her fault. Yes, maybe she did make some mistakes, but that doesn't change the fact that what he did was WRONG and she was not responsible for it. She will probably need to be told this 1,000 times. 5) If possible, I would encourage her to seek counseling and medical attention. 6) If she's willing to come forward with this man's identity, that would be a good thing. This is to protect other people from his atrocity, and possibly to bring justice. However if she's still unwilling to name the man, then that's her choice. 7) Healing from this type of thing takes a long time, quite possibly years. Don't except her to be better by springtime.

My mother gets into the laundry because she walks into the room I'm staying (while I'm gone), opens up the closed suitcases, and takes them from there. Many times I've explained to her that she doesn't need to do this, and that it upsets me when she does. But she never seems to listen, and says "It's no big deal, I was going to do laundry anyways", and does it the minute I turn my back. The stuff in the suitcase is clothes for our trip and I intend to wash rewash when I get home (we live in different states). I've tried being understanding: I have a daughter myself and understand wanting to be involved. Being involved is partially her love language, so are constant unwanted gifts, and advice (yes, I know this is totally a emotional-first-world-problem). While my mom is very loving, she is also co-dependent and has literally has no idea what do when not uber-stressing about helping someone else. I am 30 years old, married, have a kid, MS degree, finically independent, and even own my house-- I can't think of any more external mark of adulthood I could display. I try work with my mom do need my space to be an adult (the laundry one of many examples). And I just can't seem to get it.... LiteratePara, thanks for the book recommendation, I'll be sure to check it out.

Ok, I give up! I'm totally out of ideas I'll have to use the advice board.... I am an emotional 1st-world problem: too large of a too loving family. My mother in particularly, always wants to be involved, always wants to help with things, always wants to have us come over, and doesn't take "no" for an answer. By golly mother, I can do my own laundry! But she insists upon re-washing all my clothes and getting them all mixed up with hers and everyone else's... I've tried setting up boundaries. I've tried telling her "no", but she doesn't listen and/or gets all hurt. The latest battle was her being upset because when we're only staying at her house 3 of the 4 nights we're in town-- the other night being spent with the other TWO branches of family we have in town. I tried explaining it to her but she goes "I just don't understand why you don't stay." So, I ask you guys, particularly those with grown children, do you have any advise on how to handle this situation? And thanks for letting me rant.

I'm a big believer in blooming when you're ready. Listen to your feelings on things. Don't rush (or delay) if you don't feel it's right (and what God tells you is right). God's opinion on this is the most important, not your folks. A couple of myths: "If I don't get sealed to my husband I won't be sealed to my parents". False: the sealing to your parents is completely separate from the sealing to your husband (or lack there of). "If I don't get married in the temple right away my marriage is guaranteed to fail". TOTALLY false. Other random thoughts: 1) Hypothetical situation: If he's been a member for 3 months, and you get engaged in 3 months (6 months of dating), and you plan a wedding 6 months out (a short engagement). 3+3+6 = 12. It's really not that long. 2) Planning a marriage is much more important that planning a wedding. Take your time with that. 3) Listen to what Anatess said above.

I 100% agree with your assessment of the situation up until the LinkedIn part. Do you need to forgive this man? Yes, for you own sake (which is why God tells us to forgive). Holding a grudge and is like drinking a poison: it only hurts you and the other person doesn't even notice. Do you need to accept his LinkedIn invite? Nope, you never have to accept anyone's invite.

Lilic-- *hug*. It'll be alright, no need to worry. You're not in trouble for getting an email about tithing settlement. Tithing settlement is a thing every bishop does very year. It's at the end of the year (November-December), when you meet with your bishop and he just asks you if everything up to date with tithing. You say "yes" or "no", and he says "ok". Entire thing takes 2 minutes (ok, maybe 10 with small talk and him asking how you're doing). If you miss it life, the earth continues to spin. What tithing settlement is not: a police court. The bishop is there to help you, not condemn you. If you've had a hard year, I'd suggest talking to him and let him help you. And no, he's not going to take your recommend away for being bankrupt.

But I love kale! I think.... life always has unique surprise. .....that laundry can be done tomorrow. .... that smiles are fabulous.

I love giving people gifts: picking out just the right thing to make them smile. But I don't care for receiving material gifts myself. I'm honestly very happy with everything I have and don't feel like I need anything else (and my house has enough stuff).

When I'm talking to a person, I consciously try to use the same dictionary they do. Therefore, when I chatting with my Evangelical in-laws Young Women's becomes "youth group", sacrament becomes "communion", and sacrament meeting becomes "worship service". That's not to say the concepts are identical (truthfully they vary even from Evangelical church to Evangelical church), but I feel that communication of the big picture goes smoother without defining every little word. If it becomes important to define the difference in terminology (like between a Mormon Sacrament Meeting vs an Evangelical worship service), then we can talk about it then. I don't hide from the fine differences, but it's not always the time to talk about them.

I'm with PC on this one. Rather than saying explaining things to "other religions", I find it's more helpful to think of them just being individual people, because there is such a spectrum of beliefs.

Ultimately it is their responsibility to work it out. If you want to / are able to help, then you can. But if you don't want to then by no means do you have to.

I'm going through a similar thing myself. Similar to what ClassyLady said, forcing it is the worse thing you can do. What I found works best is I offer a time to hang out (when it works for my schedule), and friends will either take me up on it or not. If they do, then awesome!! If not, then I don't let it bother me or act like I have a "hang out quota". That way there's always an open door, but I'm not going to get burned. Yeah, some of my friendships have drifted this way, but some... it's kind of funny how we can chat once every few months and still giggle like school girls.

Seconding what Anatess said, if you let us know what particularly struck you, we could more specifically help. Lacking specifics, I'll hit the generics. In LDS culture we tend to idolize prophets as being perfect, which isn't correct. Prophets are *fallible* men that God talks to. God doesn't instant make them perfect-- far from it. In addition to the examples PolarVortex provided, we have examples like: Noah getting super drunk and dancing around naked in front of his entire family David killing another man to steal his wife Balam being so bribed by the world's riches his donkey had to lecture him to get him back in touch with God. I don't know how in line with the Lord's will Joseph Smith's actions were. Truthfully, I"m not his Judge, so it doesn't really matter to me. Either way I know that he was a fallible human being whom God talked to. I know he was a prophet because I know that the Book of Mormon was divinely inspired, cause that's what God told me. If something has shakened your faith, I would start at Square 1: what is it, is it in solid state, or are there questions? Good. Now let's move on the Square 2, and check that one out. Carry on to each line upon line. Don't try to eat an elephant in one big gulp.

In addition to this, a good Mormon reference is one of our Articles of Faith: 2 We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression. In other words: I am punished for my sins, not for Adam’s. You got the idea down. A simple modern day example would be: I’m not responsible for my mom being a meth addict, but I still have to deal with the consequences. (Sorry for the extreme example, I couldn’t think of anything more mellow). Amen!

Lots of post Intra, I shall try to cover them all (let me know if I miss one of your points). No, but I can totally see where'd you get that impression. Let's break down the Isaiah passage -- [Lucifer says] ‘I will ascend into heaven," . This is not a sin: we all want to go to Heaven and our Father wants us to too. "I will exalt my throne above the stars of God;" This is where the sin comes in: Lucifer wants to usurp the God's throne and to be *higher* than God. This is simple blasphemy, for even after the millennium the Father will still be our God. To me this does not say that babies commit acts of sin, let alone in-uter babies (that just doesn't make sense). Rather, I read this as the writer saying he is "sinful", which is an additive about how we all have the inclination to sin, and have since birth. This is the reason we need to be born again the the Lord, like it says in Corinthians. This idea is stated really well in the Book of Mormon: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord" (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 3:19) The Folk Prophet covered this one really well.